The Wildest Heart (28 page)

“Little brother, I have every right to do as I please, an' you better start remembering that. Bought her for a perfectly good Henry rifle an' several rounds of ammunition, didn't I, Rowena? An' if I hadn't, she'd be in some crib in Mexico by now, or dead. Better be grateful I brought her here instead, brother, or I might just change my mind an' enter the goddamn sweepstakes myself!”

“If I am supposed to be the prize in the sweepstakes you talk about, you'd better forget it, Lucas Cord! You are the last man on earth I'd consider!”

“Rather have Shannon, wouldn't you? But as far as he's concerned you're dead—or worse. So you'd better start looking around for a substitute. Might do better with a younger man, even if he ain't half owner of the almighty SD!”

I heard my own sucked-in breath of rage in the silence that followed.

“
Man,
you say? Are we talking about
men
?
Being hardly one yourself, how would you know? Taking a woman by force is more your style, isn't it?”

“You sorry that I didn't take you by force? Maybe that's what's turned you into a damned shrew.”

Elena's voice cut across his angry speech like a knife blade.

“That is enough! Lucas, have you forgotten your manners?”

And then Ramon, his voice choked with anger. “It is always Lucas who forgets himself, as usual. He was insulting… it is clear he is not used to civilized company! I ask your forgiveness, Lady Rowena, for my brother's manners.”

“Are you tryin' to tell me that being civilized means you've gotta act the hypocrite, little brother?” I hated the drawling, sarcastic manner in which Lucas addressed his own brother, leaning back in his chair with one eyebrow slightly arched. And if I had been Ramon, I would have hit him!

I thought, for a moment, that Ramon would do just that. He stood at the table, gripping its edge so hard that his knuckles looked white. “You dare call
me
the hypocrite, Lucas? You of all people!”

His voice was heavy with a significance that was lost on me, but for some reason I saw that Lucas had become angry, his narrowed eyes taking on the familiar cat-gleam I had learned to recognize.

It was only Elena's warning, “Lucas!” that stopped him from some violent, irresponsible action.

I saw him take a deep breath, and noticed that the corners of his mouth had whitened. There was a tension here that I did not understand, and as furious as I was, it made me curious.

“Ramon—you will sit down and try to remember that you, at least, were brought up as a gentleman!” Elena said sharply. She added in a more controlled voice, “I am sure that Rowena is quite able to fight her own battles. Is that not so?”

Since she had addressed me, I shrugged, putting a feigned lightness in my voice.

“So far I have been quite capable of doing so.” I looked into Ramon's upset face and smiled. “It was kind of you to come to my defense, but unnecessary. I have become quite used to your brother's ill-mannered ways!”

“I apologize to you for him,” Ramon said quietly, and for the moment the incident was ended. It had, however, made me aware that a kind of tension did exist between the three brothers, and that in some way my presence here had brought it out into the open. Had it always been there? Was it because both Julio and Ramon were jealous of Lucas, who was so obviously his mother's favorite?

I told myself that I would find out. For all that a polite pretense existed that I was a guest, all of us knew better. I had been brought here to this valley for a purpose, and furthermore, in a moment of weakness, I had promised an old man that I would try to keep an open mind while I heard the other side of the old story that had already affected so many lives, my own included.

My grandfather had taught me that there were always two sides to every argument. Surely there could be no harm in exercising some patience, in watching and listening? How long ago it seemed now since Mr. Bragg had given me that advice; and every time I thought of Mr. Bragg I felt my hatred and mistrust almost choke me. And Elena Kordes—how much did she know of her son's activities?

I suppose I must have looked thoughtful, for the next moment I heard Ramon, who was seated beside me, murmur in a low voice: “If you only knew how angry and unhappy it makes me to find what my brother has been up to
this
time! If he's treated you badly…”

I made an impatient movement of my shoulders. “Why speak of it? This is not the first time I've been forced to make the best of circumstances. Believe me, I'm not as weak as I may look!”

He said fervently, “You are magnificent! When I think of all that you must have undergone these past weeks…”

“Your brother Julio and his wife were very kind,” I said pointedly. “And so was your grandfather.” I hoped that Lucas Cord had overheard, but when I shot him a fleeting glance through the screen of my lashes, I found his attention fixed on his mother, who was laughing at something he had said.

Later that night, in my room, I finally had some time to collect my thoughts and impressions of the day.

Luz and I had connecting rooms which were separated by a low archway, instead of a door. She apologized in a small, rather sullen voice for the lack of privacy, but I could not help wondering if I had been deliberately put here so that she could watch me.

“If it grows too hot at night, you can step through the window here—you will see where the roof of the gallery below gives just enough room to stand and catch some coolness.”

She made as if to close the shutters she had just opened, and it was at that moment that the smell of cigar smoke drifted up to us.

I heard Lucas Cord's husky voice, with an almost desperately yearning note in it.

“You know why I do not come more often! My God—do you think I'm made of steel? There are times…”

“And there are such times for me too! Do you think I enjoy feeling myself a prisoner here?”

“Jesus Montoya comes to see you. That ring on your finger is new, ain't it? He just give it to you for old times sake?
Christ,
Elena! I can't stay away, and every time I come back here I…”

“Remember when you promised to kill dragons for me? You were a child then, and more Apache than Julio is. And I saw your eyes on me… you did not want to like me, did you? And I did not want to like you. But I knew at that moment that we would ask you to come with us, and that you would come.”

I have never heard such stark unhappiness in any man's voice, either before or since.

“Once I had seen you, you were my medicine dream. You were… but I haven't killed your dragon for you yet, have I?”

“I think you will, in the end. And then you will see…”

Elena's soft voice floated up to us, and I turned away at the same moment that Luz closed the shutters, very gently, but with a controlled kind of force.

Our eyes met, and her face was haggard, her lips compressed.

“So now you know why Lucas and I are not married. Why he will never marry any woman! Did you think that he brought you here for himself?”

“He brought me here for Ramon. Perhaps also out of some idea of revenge. I was engaged to marry Todd Shannon, or didn't anyone think to tell you?”

Luz's small face seemed to crumple. “They told me nothing! But they never do. I only thought… I
know
that Lucas has other women, but that is when he is away from the valley. Here… but what does it matter? He took me from Montoya, and said he wanted me as his woman, but he treats me as if I were a little sister! And
she
—she laughs, and encourages us to be together. ‘Why don't you take Luz out riding with you? You and Luz…' she says. ‘You are young, you ought to have fun… take her to Mexico with you…' She is so sure of him, you see! And then he brought
you
…”

Suddenly I wished that I hadn't heard that curiously revealing naked dialogue under the window nor Luz's unashamedly honest confession of the frustration that made her so wretched.

I had been so determined to remain a spectator; now I found myself angry, for her sake.

“If they have not told you anything else, at least you must have guessed that I am not exactly here of my own accord,” I said dryly. I suddenly remembered Julio's sardonic, subtly sneering words. “Such devotion between mother and son!”

What we had heard could have been a conversation between lovers. Was that why there was so much tension in this house, and so many undercurrents?

I felt sorry for Luz, who had been foolish enough to fall in love with a man who loved his mother too much to have room in his affections for any other woman.

“Are you going to marry Ramon, then?”

Luz looked at me curiously, although I thought there was a trace of tears in her eyes.

“Quite frankly, I would rather choose the man I am to marry! But you may be sure I have no designs on Lucas Cord. I'm sorry, Luz, but I can neither like nor trust him. In fact, I think I have conceived a tremendous dislike for him! Even Julio is more of a gentleman.”

Contrarily, she sprang to Lucas's defense. “You don't know Lucas then! I know what people say of him, but he is kind. It is not his fault that Elena has him bewitched. Julio is married, and Ramon—oh, Ramon is kind too, but he is not as much of a man as his brother is! It was Lucas who found this place and brought them all here. It is he who provides all that we need.”

I faced her squarely.

“Well, then, if you are in love with him, why won't you do something about it? Why do you let him continue to walk all over you? And see you as a sister? Elena Kordes is an attractive woman, and she's strong, but
you
are not his mother, and if you set yourself to it…”

“You do not understand!” She turned away from me, and flung herself across her bed. “How could you? You have not been here long enough!”

“Perhaps
you
have been here too long,” I answered her coolly. “Sometimes it takes an outsider to see things as they really are, you know! Do you expect to get what you want without making any attempt to achieve it? I've been only here a few hours, it's true, but already I've learned that you are infatuated with Lucas, that Ramon is already on the verge of becoming infatuated with
me,
and that Lucas Cord has eyes for nobody but his mother.” She turned her head to look at me, her eyes startled, and I continued thoughtfully. “The only person here who remains something of an enigma is Julio, but I daresay I will come to understand him soon enough.”

“How can you stand here and speak so calmly of all this?” Luz demanded, and I noticed that she was about to cry. “I watched you tonight, and I could not help noticing how easy you find it to talk, even if most of us are strangers to you! The only time you became angry was when Lucas said…” she bit her lip and continued in a quieter voice, “I thought that perhaps it was Lucas you might have preferred, and you were angry because he ignored you.”

“I have many reasons for being angry with Lucas, but his
ignoring
me is not one of them! In fact, it would make my enforced stay here much more pleasant if I did not have to see him at all!” I bit back other words that sprang to my lips. There was no point in antagonizing Luz, after all. It might be much more convenient if I could persuade her to be my friend, or at least to confide in me. There might come a time when I would need help, for I was already determined that I would leave this valley without being forced into any marriage, no matter what devious methods I might be forced to resort to.

Luz had sat up, and continued to stare at me wonderingly. “You are so very different from the way I had imagined you would be. I think you have been used to doing as you please.”

I shrugged. “I have always had an independent nature, I fear. A fact which many people have deplored. But I hope that I am also realistic. And so should you learn to be, if you mean to get what you want.”

“All I want is to be married to Lucas! And to leave here with him. I would not care where he took me. Or even… well, there are times when I would not care if he married me or not, as long as I knew he wanted me!”

It was obvious that Luz needed someone to talk to, and I think she would have confided all her unhappiness to me at that moment, if I had let her. But I knew that I must be careful, and so I was evasive for the moment, yawning elaborately, as if the subject of Lucas bored me.

“Sometimes the best way to make a man notice you is by changing. By being a little more reserved—or better still, making him jealous! But after all, it's none of my business, I suppose. I have always made it a point never to interfere in other people's affairs.”

“Oh, well, I suppose you
are
sleepy!” Luz's voice was wistful as she watched me cross the room and begin to comb out my hair before the one mirror we were supposed to share. “Will you talk with me again tomorrow? I am usually up early, to help with the breakfast, but after that…” her voice brightened. “Perhaps they will let us go riding together, if you would enjoy that. I could show you the rest of the valley. It is quite beautiful, you know. And I would very much like it if you would tell me something of the big cities I have heard so much about, and the people who live in them. Ramon has told me a little, of course, but he is only a man; he does not understand what a woman would like to know.”

I smiled at her in the mirror. “It's a bargain, then. And if you'll wake me early enough, I will even help you with the breakfast. Since I am here, I suppose I might as well make myself useful!”

I suppose I should have been ashamed of myself. I was planning to use Luz and Ramon too, if I had to. The two people who were the most friendly toward me. And yet I continued to rationalize as I lay in bed that night, and even afterwards, when I had been in the valley long enough to understand the reasons for the strange undercurrents I had sensed on that first night.

I reminded myself constantly that I was merely a disinterested observer. That the lives and loves and hates of these people here were not my concern. I had only one objective, and that was to regain my cherished independence and freedom. But why did I have to remind myself of this so often? Whether I liked it or not I was here, a virtual prisoner in a secret valley that was ringed by mountains that were all but unscalable. And whether I liked it or not, I was thrown too much into the company of those who lived here to be completely indifferent to the dark, secret emotions that swirled beneath a seemingly normal surface. Because this was no ordinary household, any more than Elena Kordes, who ruled it, was an ordinary woman.

I had sensed her strength from the beginning, and the power she wielded over her sons—even Julio, who always sounded sullen or sarcastic when he addressed her.

Luz was afraid of Elena but I was not. I think we had taken each other's measure when we had our first conversation. And yet, perhaps for that very reason, Elena seemed to make a point of seeking my company. We talked of books and plays and the opera—even of the latest fashions. Perhaps she meant to impress me with her education and her knowledge of the outside world, for indeed, she was an intelligent and well-informed woman. We talked of my father, and the kind of man he had been, and even, on a few occasions, of Todd Shannon. But here I would always become reticent, and shrug my shoulders, even when she suggested subtly that he had a way with women when it suited him, and was obsessed only with the thought of owning all of the land he considered rightfully his.

“Your father thought otherwise,” she told me once. “He had a sense of justice. Men like Todd Shannon are pirates, taking what they want by any means.
My
husband had more right to those lands that Shannon now calls his, and yet the law of the Anglo saw only that he was a Spaniard, a member of a conquered race.”

“And I am sure that the Spaniards took this same land from the Indians when they came to New Mexico,” I responded evenly.

“You're clever with words, and with logic.” I had half-expected her to get angry, but she only raised an arched eyebrow at me. “And still, this same logic must tell you that it is only right that one of
my
sons should inherit at least part of their father's inheritance.
Your
father realized that. And that is why we planned together that you would marry one of my sons.” She smiled when I shrugged. “Surely you possess too much common sense to believe in
love
?
I do not think you could have loved Todd Shannon; you have hardly the look or the manner of a heartbroken woman!”

“As you just pointed out, I am practical. But I cannot say that I like the idea of being forced into a choice of husband.”

Our eyes met, and she smiled again. “But if you have no other
practical
choice? I have noticed that you spend a lot of time in Ramon's company. He is in love with you, and you will find him easy to manage, I think.”

“Just as you find all of your sons easy to manage?” I saw her eyes narrow, and I stretched deliberately. “I don't know—perhaps I need a challenge. Like you, I have had things my way for most of my life. And there's no hurry, is there?”

“I think you are more like me than I care for you to be,” she said softly, “but as you say, there is no hurry.”

There was no hurry indeed. Ostensibly I was not even a prisoner. I went out riding whenever I pleased, and I had the use of Ramon's library and Elena's surprisingly extensive wardrobe. I was a guest, and yet this was almost a polite fiction, for I had soon discovered that in spite of the size of the
estancia
there were only two servants who lived in the house itself, and they were both old. Fernando was a sullen, crusty old man who was devoted to Elena and followed only her orders. Paquita was going deaf, and even older, with a habit of talking to herself as she moved slowly around the big kitchen. There was a man of about fifty and his wife, who grew vegetables and corn and helped, at the time of the roundup, with the cattle, and not more than about five
vaqueros,
who had their own quarters.

Luz, I discovered, did most of the dusting and bedmaking within the house itself, as well as helping with the cooking and serving of the only formal meal, which was dinner. Without my quite realizing what was happening, I found myself helping her, in spite of Ramon's protests.

The men usually ate breakfast before we did, and had their noon meal outdoors. To my relief, the only time I encountered Lucas was at dinner, and since that first night, we hardly spoke two words with each other, until the day that I encountered Julio in the kitchen.

I think it must have been about five days after I had arrived, and during that time he had ridden out with Lucas and the other men very early each morning, not to return until just before sunset. I had heard them talking of cattle that had to be branded, fences that needed mending. It reminded me of the short time when I had been
patrona
of the SD, when Todd lay wounded in Silver City… and when I thought about Todd I wondered what he thought now. Did he believe me dead? Was he searching for me? And Mark, who had turned out to be my true friend. At such times I felt my hate for Lucas Cord renewed, as well as my determination to leave here as soon as I could contrive it.