The Wild Road (29 page)

“Frederick called,” he said, heart aching, knowing she was trembling from something other than the cold. “Ed finally woke up.”

“Two weeks was a long time. Any permanent damage?”

“No,” Lannes said. “He was worried about his cat.”

She smiled, but only briefly. Her face was small and pale beneath her chunky blue hat.

“I’m scared,” she said.

“I know,” he replied.

“I think I miss Runa.” Lethe smiled weakly. “She knew what she was doing, even if it wasn’t nice.”

“I behaved like her,” Lannes rumbled. “Years ago, after I was free from the witch. I had lost nothing but my pride and my freedom, but once I had those back, I still behaved as though I was in a cage. I can’t imagine all that time I wasted.”

They stopped in front of a glistening building, shining with glass and stone. It was old, expensive. Lannes had memorized the address from a piece of paper crumpled in his fist. Both of them stopped, staring at the doors. A man in uniform huddled just inside, staring back at them.

Her family lived there. Alice’s family. Lethe’s family. Good, normal, fabulously wealthy people. Not a psychotic amongst them, or so Charlie and Will and all the resources of Dirk & Steele had confirmed. The witches, the sisters who had hurt him, and others, were dead. As far as anyone knew.

I was terrified of becoming like them. And of knowing I would be murdered, Lethe whispered inside his head. That’s the only reason I can think of for destroying my memories. To give myself a new beginning. A chance to start over.

“And here you are,” he said, hating himself. “I can’t go with you. I can’t take the risk that some of them will be able to see through the illusion.”

“You know I understand,” she told him. “And I don’t have to go, either. In fact-”

Lannes shook his head, close to tears, and kissed her palms. “If you don’t go to them, they will always hunt you. If you go to them, you may find freedom. They’re not…all bad. Not that we’ve found.”

Her face crumpled. “How will I know? I don’t remember them, Lannes. What if they try to keep me?”

“Then call for me,” he whispered, pressing her hands over his heart. “And I’ll come for you. No matter where you are or how long it takes. I’ll find you.”

Lethe closed her eyes, leaning into his body. “I’ve never been away from you.”

“You may like it,” he said. “Enjoy yourself here. See if you enjoy being Alice. You have family. Don’t take it for granted.” Then he pulled away from her, dying a little on the inside. She pressed her lips together, mouth firming into a stubborn smile, and nodded.

She turned and walked into the apartment building. Lannes waited, hoping she would come back out again. But she did not.

He crossed the street to Central Park.

A forest in the city. He thought of the Sidhe queen and smiled to himself as he found a tall tree and climbed it. He whispered words, and his body shimmered. Less than invisibility, more than a shadow. It was a dangerous risk, but he had no choice.

He leapt into the sky, catching a draft, and flew upward, circling until he felt Lethe’s heart. He focused on it, following her inside the building until he felt her slow in front of one apartment in particular.

There was a balcony. He landed softly on it, peering through large windows. It was a cold home, he thought: all modern sophistication, sleek and gray, with touches of red like splashes of blood. No clutter, few photographs.

But he saw a wall full of books and a grand piano that a child was playing, and when Lethe entered the apartment, the smiles and tears that greeted her were genuine. A tall blond woman dressed in sleek black collapsed on the couch, sobbing. Lethe stared at her, helpless. She looked so alone, Lannes almost rapped on the glass. He wanted to go to her, he wanted to touch her and stand with her in that lonely crowd.

Lethe looked past those faces, directly at him. He was deep in shadow, and invisible. He knew she could not see him through the glass, but their link flared white-hot, and he felt warmth shimmer through him like the sun and the stars. The loneliness in her eyes almost killed him.

And then he stopped seeing her eyes as a tall handsome man swept between them and wrapped Lethe in his arms.

The man kissed her. He kissed her so hard he swept her backwards, and everyone in the room cheered. Lannes wanted to rip out his own heart-and throw that human man off the building.

Lannes did not wait to see what happened next. He turned away, gripping the balcony behind him so hard chunks of stone cracked beneath his claws. Memories danced-what felt like a lifetime of memories-from the first moment he had met her, bloody and defiant, until now, and everything, every joy and sorrow in between. He loved her. He wanted her to be happy. He wanted her to have a chance at every happiness.

It feels as though all I’ve ever known is you, she had said to him during the long drive here, and though she had said those words with love-love, that he had felt in her mind, in her heart, burning up their bond-he wondered if that was fair to her. He was not human. And though he could wear a human mask, he would never be human. He could not give her children. He could not age with her. He was not…normal.

She doesn’t care, you fool, whispered a small voice in his heart. And it’s not as though she’s normal, either.

But it was different. She needed to have the choice, the opportunity to see what she had left behind. Lannes would not be responsible for putting her in a cage, no matter how much he wanted her at his side. He’d realized as she’d joined him in the Sidhe queen’s condemnation of stone: No one should be caged. Not even in a cage of love. He wanted her to be free.

He threw himself off the balcony, plunging six stories before his wings snapped open.

The next morning, he was back in Maine.

His brother pulled up the crab nets, the muscles of his long arms straining. “Just so you know, you’re a wreck.”

“Thanks,” Lannes replied, “for nothing.”

“Whatever,” said Charlie. “The others are worried.”

That, Lannes thought, was precisely the problem. Too many family members who did not know how to mind their own business.

“I think,” he said carefully, “that I am doing quite well, considering.”

Charlie dragged two massive nets out of the water and dropped them heavily on the dock. Crabs shuffled inside, waving their pincers. Lannes could tell from looking that a good handful would have to be thrown back for size, but the rest were destined for the big pot in the kitchen.

Charlie’s wings swayed in the wind. “You should call her.”

Lannes replied, “I know.”

“We can handle her family.”

He thought about the man who had kissed Lethe, something he had not yet shared with his brother. His heart ached. “Maybe you won’t have to.”

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”

Lannes glared, but his brother had knelt and was sorting through the doomed crustaceans, tossing some in a battered bucket-the sides of which had been crudely painted with rainbows and daisies. A little girl’s touch. A human’s touch. Odd, in this place of gargoyles.

Lannes pulled his feet out of the icy ocean. “You’re trying to goad me.”

Charlie grinned, ready to respond, but someone whistled at the end of the dock. Both brothers looked up.

Two human women stood by the rocky shore. One of them-Agatha-was tall and dark, with curvy hips and long wavy hair. The other woman was also tall, but pale and blond. Lannes stared, stunned that he had not felt her coming.

“Dude,” Charlie said, “I’m out of here.”

Lannes hardly noticed his brother’s departure. He had eyes only for Lethe. She smiled briefly at Charlie, shook his hands, even-but then she was there, in front of him, and he could not breathe.

“You left,” she said, quietly. “You really left. I went back to the hotel, and you had checked out.”

He had been a coward in some ways. “I stayed long enough to make certain you would be all right, but I didn’t want you to feel obligated to see me again.”

Lethe folded her arms over her chest. “You ran. You saw that man hugging me and you dodged so fast I saw tracks in the sky.”

“I saw him kissing you,” he muttered, skin growing hot.

She stood very still, holding his gaze. “I wasn’t kissing back. He caught me by surprise.”

Lannes nodded, digging a claw into the wood block. “And?”

“And he was a boyfriend, I guess. Tennis player. Doctor. Voted most likely to succeed in his college yearbook.” She smiled wryly. “Those were the first three things he told me when he found out I had amnesia.”

“Ah.” Lannes felt rather ill. “Accomplished. I suppose handsome should be added to the list.”

“I suppose.” She walked toward him, slowly. Lannes held steady, his heart hammering. She was so very beautiful, and he was so very relieved to see her that he could have sunk down on his knees and stayed there.

“I called Will,” she said. “He told me how to get here.”

“I wanted you to have freedom,” he replied. “To make your new life without…me hanging around your neck.”

“After all we went through?” Lethe asked him, smiling gently. She stopped in front of him, very close. “I have to ask you something. I have to ask if you still want me.”

It was hard to breathe. “You shouldn’t have to ask. You know what I feel.”

Her gaze searched his face, and there was a pain in her eyes that mirrored his own enough that he reached up and slid his knuckle along the soft skin of her jaw. She closed her eyes, leaning in to his touch, and he bent down and kissed her mouth.

Lethe leaned into him, shuddering. “I wished you could have been there. I couldn’t stop thinking of you. It was awful. Not in any magical weird way. That subject didn’t even come up. It’s just… I don’t know them. My own parents, my friends. I think… I think I must have been some kind socialite before. They expected me to be a certain way, and I wasn’t like that. Not anymore. It disappointed them a little.”

“They’ll learn to accept you.”

“Maybe.” Lethe kissed his throat. “They want me to live with them. They want to take care of me until my memory returns.”

His gut tightened. “That’s kind of them.”

Lethe laughed quietly. “Tell me how you really feel.”

How he really felt? He hardly believed there were words for that.

Lannes held her waist and picked her up. She wrapped her legs around his hips with an ease that stole his breath.

His wings arched, spreading around them. Lannes, his body growing hot and hard, pushed closer to her.

“Tell me,” Lethe said.

“I want you here,” he rasped. “I want you with me. I want to care for you and love you and have you with me every moment, every day, for as long as we live. I want to be the one to protect you. Not them, not anyone else, ever. And all those…handsome doctors and tennis players and men who know their wine can just… go away. Because I might not be as handsome as them, and I may not even be as human as them, but they will never believe in you the way I do, and they will never know you as I do, and they will never, never, come within a breath of loving you as much as I do. Never, Lethe. And if ever there should be a man who loves you more, then I bow to him. Because you deserve nothing less.”

She stared at him, eyes red rimmed, glistening with unshed tears. He felt rather weepy himself.

“I would have settled for some help unloading my bags from the car,” she whispered. “Because, you know, I was going to move in whether you wanted me or not. But what you just said was…”

“Better than luggage?” Lannes asked.

“Yes,” she said simply, tears finally spilling free. “Yes, Lannes. I think maybe you’re better than anything I could have imagined. And I’m glad I don’t have my memories. I hope I never do. Because when I look back, fifty years from now, I want all my memories to begin with you.”

“It won’t be easy,” he rumbled. “There’s so much against us.”

Lethe stood back from him, and pulled a pocketknife from her pocket. He stared, startled, as she unfolded the blade.

“I learned something by accident,” she said. “Yesterday.”

“Um,” he said, and then bit back a shout as she dug the blade into her hand. Blood welled. She paled, hissing. He grabbed her wrist, but she said, “Wait,” and though he wanted to shake her, and though it terrified him, he did as she said.

And the cut, right before his eyes, healed.

“We did something in those woods. I don’t know what,” she whispered. “Or…maybe the Sidhe queen did it? Either way…maybe there are some things we won’t have to worry about.”

An image flashed from her mind; Lethe, gray and wrinkled, in a wheelchair, ancient-looking, and him, still as he was. Fear tightened his stomach. He had thought of this, too, and it was his nightmare.

“I would never leave you,” he whispered. “You know that.”

Lethe held up her healed hand, cheeks flushed. “Maybe it won’t be a concern.”

He closed his eyes, dragging her near. “We’ll figure it out, one way or the other. We’ve handled worse.”

“To hell and back,” she told him. “I’ll fight for you with my last breath.”

“And I’ll love you with mine,” he said, and wrapped her in his wings.