The Widow and the Orphan (12 page)

Pepper rubbed her eyes and stared out the window of the hospital room, watching the sun come up in myriad oranges and reds and yellows. Gabe’s breathing was still a tiny bit labored, but not nearly as bad as it had been. The antibiotics were doing their job.

Gabe had a roaring case of pneumonia, but every doctor treating him was confident that the antibiotics would grab hold and kick the infection racing through his body.

Pepper lowered herself into the chair next to the bed, and propped her elbow on the arm to cradle her head. She let her eyes close for just a moment, wishing she could sleep, but too afraid to let herself. Sleep only brought dreams. Nightmares, actually, and she couldn’t take another one on top of the reality she was in.

“Pepper.”

Gabe’s hoarse whisper was barely louder than the humming monitor he was attached to, but it brought Pepper right out of her almost doze.

“I’m here.” She lunged out of the chair and was next to him in an instant.

“I’m thirsty.”

Pepper reached for the cup of ice chips and gently placed some in his mouth. After he’d sucked on them till they were gone, he spoke.

“What happened?”

“You went and got yourself pneumonia, big guy.”

Gabe grimaced. “I want to go home.”

Pepper smiled and kissed him on the forehead. “That’s not gonna happen today.”

Gabe lifted his head off the pillow to argue, but that was the most strength he could muster.

“Just rest, babe.”

* * * * *

“I mean it,” Gabe insisted. “I wish to go home.
Now
.”

Pepper hid her snicker behind her hand as she watched her fiancé argue with his oncologist.
That didn’t take long
. Only another twenty-four hours later and Gabe was just about back to his normal self. He’d always been such an easy going, laid back guy since the day they met. But after his diagnosis, he had started to get a bit on the obstinate side. He wanted what he wanted when he wanted it, and there was no discussion to be had. It wasn’t like he was being a child and demanding an extra dessert without eating his vegetables first. Gabe simply didn’t want to be bothered with taking steps to do something right. He instinctively knew his time could be growing short and he didn’t want to wait or be stuck in the hospital. It made Pepper love him that much more.

“And you will go home. As soon as I think you’re strong enough,” Dr. Agnone replied, arms crossed in front of him, a calm and tolerant look on his face. His thick black hair, graying at the temples, was combed back and reminded Pepper a little bit of what Elvis might have looked like had he lived and been a cancer doc. He even seemed to have a build slightly similar to the King.
Wonder if he’s hiding a gold jumpsuit under his clothes
?

“I would much rather have your permission, but I am quite capable of getting up and leaving on my own.” Gabe threatened and pouted at the same time and now he
did
look like a little kid who wasn’t getting his way.

“Babe, don’t give the doctor any shit. He’s just looking out for you.” Pepper waggled a finger in his direction and Gabe glowered at her.

“You stay out of this.”

Pepper didn’t bother to hide her amusement. “Ha! Make me.”

Gabe eyed the doctor and Pepper, and finally gave up, slumping in the bed and letting out a low growl. “May I at least have something more substantial to eat? I’m
starving
.”

Dr. Agnone’s laughter started low in his chest and gained momentum as it came out of his nose and mouth. “That’s the best news I’ve heard since you got here. Yes, I will make sure that there are no restrictions on your diet.” Putting his hand out, the doctor waited patiently until Gabe finally smirked and shook hands. “I’ll see you next time, Gabe.”

Pepper walked the doctor to the door, then followed him into the hallway. “Tell me the truth, Doc. How serious is this?”

Dr. Agnone sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Very. As you know, it’s stage four and it’s not going to go away. Given the fact that he’s already started suffering side effects does not bode well.”

Pepper gritted her teeth and nodded. Her brain knew all of this. Her heart wasn’t ready for it. “But there’s still hope, right?”

“There’s always hope.” Dr. Agnone took her hand and squeezed it. “
Always
.”

“Do you think he’ll really be able to go home tomorrow?”

“I don’t see why not.” Dr. Agnone scratched his head. “If he’s going to fight hard, that’s fine. He needs to take it easy while he’s having the chemo. Otherwise, pneumonia or some other stupid infection will kill him instead of the cancer. Is he still working full time?”

“For the most part,” Pepper admitted. “He works more from home than he did before, but that doesn’t mean much.”

“I know he won’t listen to me, so I’m going to rely on you to get through to him. There are ways to fight and win and there are ways to fight and lose. I don’t want to see him hurry in the wrong direction.”

Pepper smiled sadly and then shook hands with Dr. Agnone. “I hear ya. I will work on him.”

When she went back in, he was pursing his lips and his eyes were flashing with indignation. “You needn’t step out of the room to talk about me.”

Pepper grinned and sat down on the bed beside him. “You bet I do. Otherwise, I’d start laughing at all the funny faces you make when I’m trying to have a serious conversation.”

Gabe rolled his eyes, then shook his head. He took Pepper’s hands in his and looked directly at her. “It was just a temporary mishap. I’m going to be just fine. I got myself too worn down.”

“Exactly,” Pepper agreed. “That’s just what Doc said. You need to slow down and take it easy. Let your body get strong so it can fight.”

Gabe squeezed her fingers. “I refuse to lay around like a bump on a log. I may have cancer, but I still have a company to run and a wedding to plan. A life to live. I’m not about to give in and let it control what I do.”

Pepper’s heart filled with love and pride for Gabe. She wanted to borrow some of that positivity and strength from him. She could tell by the look on his face that he believed every single word he was saying, but she didn’t know how to believe it herself.

“I get that, babe. I really do. But Doc knows more about this stuff than we do. I think we need to take his advice. I’m not saying give up, give in, don’t fight; but maybe, just take a little more time to do things. Go a little slower, that’s all.”

Gabe eyed her suspiciously. “I get the distinct impression you’re trying to say something. Out with it. What’s on your mind?”

Pepper took a deep breath and nodded, her blonde hair bouncing nervously about her face. “I’ve been thinking we should postpone the wedding–”

“No!” Gabe immediately protested, throwing his hands up and shaking his head firmly from side to side.

“Hear me out–”

“I will not consider it. We will be married.”

“Fine!” Pepper grabbed his face with her hands and forced him to look at her again. “I can see trying to talk you out of marrying me isn’t going to work.”

Gabe’s mouth fell open with shock. “Wait one moment.
You’re
the one who talked
me
out of letting
you
go!”

Pepper’s eyes began to water and she sniffed loudly. “I know, I know! I don’t want to leave you. I just thought, I mean, people might think…” She faltered, unable to say the words that had been circling around her brain for the last few weeks, like vultures over a carcass.

“Think what?” Gabe urged. “
What
?”

“I don’t want people to think I’m a gold digger, just hanging around waiting for you to die,” she whispered, finally, unable to face him as the tears spilled out of her eyes and onto the bedsheet.

“Oh, darling.” He pulled her into his embrace and kissed her over and over on the forehead and temple. “No one could ever think that.”

Pepper wanted to argue with him. There had been tabloid stories and all kinds of trash written about them since his diagnosis had gone public. The one and only time Viv had gone with them for a chemo session, some scum of the earth paparazzi had taken pictures of Gabe, looking gaunt and tired as he exited the hospital. One of the rags had even gone so far as to compare Pepper to Anna Nicole Smith and that old guy she married. She continued to sniff and leak tears onto his hospital gown.

“Pepper, my love, you mustn’t believe everything you read.”

Dammit, it’s like he can read my mind
.

“Don’t you think I’ve seen that garbage too?” He forced her head up so he could lock his blue eyes with hers.

“I-I guess I didn’t think you did.”

“Bah, it’s impossible to avoid. Unless you choose to. And that’s precisely what I’ve done. I ignore that rubbish and laugh it off. If any of those scab reporters knew even the slightest thing about us, they would know you could never be like that. You love me for me. I know it and I believe it.”

Pepper’s bottom lip quivered as she tried to smile. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be, love,” he said into her ear, as he planted another kiss on the lobe. “I understand why you might be feeling this way.”

“Well, shit, then explain it to me,” Pepper growled. “I’ve never been this wimpy in my whole life. What the hell is wrong with me?”

Gabe chuckled and pressed his forehead against hers. She liked how cool his skin felt after thinking she could have fried an egg on it yesterday.

“You’ve never been engaged to a man diagnosed with cancer before. Perhaps this situation has given you a reason to show your more vulnerable side, yeah?”

Pepper rolled her eyes. “Maybe. But I hate it.”

“And I do not. Knowing you are as frightened as I am gives me a purpose. It helps me to be strong for you and not self-centered. If I didn’t have you in my life, I probably would have just crawled into bed and died when the doctor gave me the news.”

Pepper gasped at the very thought.

“Everything happens for a reason, love. You’re my reason for fighting.”

Pepper drew in a deep breath and gave him the most beguiling smile she could. It was an awful lot of pressure to live up to being whatever he needed, but she was going to make damn sure she did.

* * * * *

Riding home from the hospital, Pepper took the slowest, least congested route she could find. The last thing she wanted was to get stuck in traffic. Pre-cancer, or PC as she often referred to it, she and Gabe would get wound up in the car, hollering at drivers and verbally bashing the poor driving skills they observed. It was kind of a game, a fun sport, to pass the time on the frequently clogged LA roads. But now their AC (after-cancer) life needed to be more about calm, peacefulness and healing.

“For the love of God, woman, would you
drive
this car?” Gabe huffed after she took a right hand turn at about two miles per hour.

Pepper turned to give him a surprised look, but found herself consumed with giggles instead. She gave the gas pedal a little punch and the car zoomed forward, approaching the actual speed limit. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be. Stop being so careful. Be normal.” Gabe raised a contemptuous eyebrow.

“Okay, okay!”

“Shall we resume our other argument now that you’re going to operate this vehicle like an ordinary driver?” He sipped some juice from the cup he held in his right hand and wound his left in a circular motion.

“I didn’t think we were arguing. I was just making my case for a simpler wedding.”

“M-m-m.”

“Let’s keep it small and simple, a judge over to the house, or maybe someone can get ordained on the internet. Viv and Will can be there with the baby. Aiden, some of our other closer friends, but that’s it. No big lavish affair. No crazy party.”

“Just get it done and over with, yeah?” Gabe muttered, his eyes narrowing.

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Oh, please, that’s precisely what you mean. I won’t have it.”

Pepper sighed and waited for more. She knew she was about to lose another argument, even though she hadn’t wanted it to be a fight. A big fancy wedding and all the arrangements was too much to take on, when she was trying to take care of him, work part time, and not lose her shit. She wished he could see that, but if she said anything Gabe would only say that
he
would do everything which was not what she wanted at all. Not to mention, it would take months and months to get everything booked and arranged. Did they even have that much time? In Gabe’s mind, of course they did. He didn’t think he was going to die. He was confident he was going to beat the piss out of his cancer. But Pepper knew better. Or thought she did, what with everything she’d been reading on pancreatic cancer. Sure, Gabe could load up on all the chemo he wanted, but in reality, it was one of the worst cancers he could have.
God, I’m depressing
, she thought sadly, wishing for the zillionth time she had the hope and optimism that Gabe seemed to possess.