The Weight of Words (The WORDS Series) (30 page)

“I wish I could say the same.” He leaned forward and lowered his voice. “Where I
really
want you is upstairs in one of the best suites with a king-sized bed and a Jacuzzi.”

“Just say the word.” I looked at him steadily.

He leaned back and exhaled heavily before returning my look with an equally unwavering gaze of his own. “As much as it’s killing me, you know we can’t do that. I’m sorry.”

“I guess I can’t complain, can I? I knew what I was getting myself into.”

He stroked my thumb gently, staring wistfully at my hand. The waitress walked over with a tray, and he straightened up, pulling his hand back calmly. After pouring us each a glass of the wine and placing our waters on the table, she took our orders.

Relieved of our menus, Daniel picked up his glass, tilted it, and swirled the wine around a few times.

“You’re not going to take a swig and spit it in the plant, I hope?” I asked him.

He put his glass down and laughed. “I’m actually trying to think of what we can toast to. It seems inappropriate to be happy today.”

“It has been a sad day—a sad week. It’s important to keep things in perspective, though,” I reminded him. “In situations like this, the best thing you can do is honor the person’s memory and make the most of each day.”

“You’re right,” he said, smiling at me pensively. “So, what do
you
think we should drink to?”

“To May?” I suggested.

“Hmm, what’s happening in May again?” he asked, feigning confusion.

“Absolutely nothing if you don’t smarten the fuck up,” I said, tapping his shin under the table.

“Ah, yes, it’s suddenly all coming back to me. May…
Venus and Adonis
. Tell me, Aubrey, would you say you’re anything like Venus in your, um,
passionate tendencies?”

“Are you asking me if I’d pull you off a horse to seduce you?”

“I suppose that’s my question. Would you?”

“You’ll have to wait until May to find out,” I said with a wink.

He pulled out his phone. “Memo to self,” he said, as he typed into it. “Horseback riding with Aubrey on May first. There.” He re-pocketed his phone with a smile.

I laughed. “You’re adorable.”

“Oh, I know,” he said, smirking. “I’m also dying to try this wine, so what the hell are we drinking to?”

I picked up my glass. “To Venus,” I said decisively.

He clinked his glass against mine. “I’ll definitely drink to Venus.”

It was delicious. Among many other things, he obviously knew a thing or two about good wines. Which reminded me…

“Can I ask you something kind of personal?”

“That’s a loaded question,” he said.

“It’s nothing major. I was just wondering about your family—how well-off you seem to be…” That sounded awful, even to my own ears.

Oddly enough, he didn’t seem upset. He held his hands out. “What do you want to know?”

What
did
I want to know?

“I—I’m not sure. I’m a little intimidated by the house, the private school education, the music lessons, the traveling…”

He leaned forward and took my hand in his. “Money isn’t important to me, Aubrey.”

“That’s easy for you to say because you have plenty,” I countered.

“Fair enough, but I don’t define myself according to financial criteria, and I don’t judge others by their bank accounts. I honestly couldn’t care less about money. But like you say, we’re comfortable, and I allow myself to enjoy the luxuries money affords.”

“Such as?”

“Eating in nice restaurants, going to concerts and enjoying the theater, living in an upscale condo, and splurging on clothes, which might be hard for you to believe, given my horrendous wardrobe over the past few weeks.”

“You have made a bit of a, well, transformation. Were all of your decent clothes lost in the move or something?”

“No.” He chuckled. “It’s kind of silly—my mother suggested I might try to, um, blend in a bit better on campus.”

“Then why the makeover?” I asked, gesturing to his suit.

“Well, the suit was for the memorial.”

“But you got your hair cut on Tuesday, and you’ve been looking mighty fine all week.”

“I don’t know. I went out for a coffee with Jeremy and Penny on Monday afternoon. I think it’s the first time Penny’s seen me on campus. She told me I looked like I’d been ‘shagging in an airing cupboard,’” he said, drawing quotation marks in the air.

“I can imagine Penny saying something like that.”

“She wasn’t joking. She told me it was a small wonder I didn’t have a trail of starry-eyed freshmen following me around. Apparently my efforts to look sloppy and unappealing weren’t working. And my unfortunate grooming habits didn’t deter you, right?”

“No,” I conceded. “I wanted to take you home and give your hair a good wash. Maybe take off all your clothes—so I could iron them, of course. It’s fair to say your mom’s plan backfired.”

“I can’t say I’m disappointed. I feel so much more comfortable when I’m not dressed like a homeless person. Anyway, that answers your questions about the wardrobe. Do you have any other concerns? About the money, I mean?”

I shook my head stupidly. I didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t trying to make me feel like a dolt, but I did anyway.

“So, do you support yourself with the money from being a TA? Or do your parents still look after you?”

“Neither, really. When Jeremy, Brad, and I turned twenty-one, we all received trust fund money from our grandfather’s estate,” he said matter-of-factly. “He was a wise investor, and he taught my grandmother a lot. She helped us plan our investments. I recently bought the condo, and Penny and Brad have bought a house. It should be ready any day now. Jeremy still lives at home, but he’s starting to do well with his freelance work, so I don’t imagine he’ll stay there much longer. Anything else?”

“No.” I grimaced. “I’m sorry; I shouldn’t have asked. It’s really none of my business, but after seeing your parents’ house—I don’t know, I felt so out of my league.”

He frowned. “I hope no one said or did anything to make you feel that way. We don’t intend to be pretentious or snobby. My mother would die if she thought we were coming across that way.”

“No, not at all. My upbringing was so different, that’s all.”

Before I could continue, our food arrived. The waitress placed our dishes in front of us and refilled our wine. Daniel leaned over to take a look at my salad. “That looks good. Is that mango?”

“Yes, I love mango. That smells incredible too,” I said, checking out his stir fry. I speared a piece of mango, dipped it in the tandoori dressing, and popped it in my mouth. “Oh, that’s divine.” I licked my lips.

“Divine? I’d say that’s an understatement,” Daniel said, staring at my mouth.

I smiled devilishly. “You need to try this.” I stabbed another mango slice, but I had a twinge of discomfort as I remembered how Matt and I had fed each other at Canoe.

“I’d love to,” he said. “But do me a favor? Lose the fork.”

He parted his lips expectantly as I reached across the table to pop the piece of fruit in his open mouth. Before I could pull my hand away, he gently pulled my fingers toward his lips and, after a taking a quick glance over my shoulder, slowly licked the juice from them. When he pulled my fingers into a V and slipped his tongue up and down my index finger, I damn near passed out.

He smiled and released my hand, which would be of no use to me ever again. How could I possibly type, write, do dishes, or complete any other mundane daily task with these fingers, which had just been gloriously serviced by Daniel’s hot tongue?

“You really don’t play fair,” I said, my voice breaking as I touched my fingers to my lips.

“I don’t recall ever claiming I’d play fair,” he replied.

“No, I suppose you didn’t.” I thought back to Wednesday’s texting session in the Hart House reading room:
I want you so badly I can taste it,
and
It tastes like the sweetest velvet
.

I took a sip of my wine. “Is it my imagination, or are you inordinately fond of the letter V?” He raised an eyebrow. “Or perhaps your fascination is with
words
that start with V. Venus, velvet…” I gazed at the fingers he’d just licked.

He looked at my fingers as well, lips parted slightly and tongue darting between his teeth. “
Velvet
…yes, you’re absolutely right.” His eyes were smoldering. “I adore velvet. It’s one of my favorite things in the world.”

I squirmed in my seat, uncrossing and re-crossing my legs. “Okay, I think we need to change the subject…”

“As much as I’m enjoying this one, you may be right.” Daniel chuckled.

We turned our attention back to our food, and he quizzed me about my family and upbringing, my hometown and high school. The heat in my face gradually lessened as I talked about my life back in Oakville. I feared I was boring him with my rather run-of-the-mill history, but he listened intently, asking questions the whole time.

I returned the favor, pressing for more information about his family but stopping short of asking him for the details of Penny and Brad’s wedding. Might there be a chance that I’d be able to go as Daniel’s date? I was afraid to broach the topic. It certainly wasn’t my place to say anything, but that didn’t stop my imagination from running wild. I tried to imagine possible venues. Wherever it occurred, the wedding was bound to be an epic event. Gwen was probably an extraordinary wedding planner.

We spent a good two hours at lunch, talking, laughing, and flirting shamelessly. After we polished off our meals and wine, we each enjoyed a leisurely cup of cappuccino and shared a plate of biscotti. By three o’clock, Daniel was looking at his watch and lamenting the fact that he had other commitments. As our time together drew to a close, I reflected that even though we still weren’t able to “go public,” the afternoon had been pretty wonderful.

After paying the bill, Daniel stood up and held my coat for me. He tenderly pulled my ponytail out from under my collar—a small gesture, but one that tugged at my heart with its sweet simplicity. His attentiveness was unparalleled. As we left the restaurant, he looked around, always heedful of his surroundings.

“My car really is down in the underground parking lot,” he said as we crossed the lobby. “Do you want me to drive you to Charles Street? Let you out at Bay maybe?”

“That would be great.”

We emerged into the underground lot. It was virtually deserted, just a few cars parked here and there. Daniel’s BMW was behind a pillar on the other side of the lot. As we walked, he placed his hand on my lower back. How I wished he could do that all the time.

“I really do appreciate this. I don’t think I’d make it back to Jackman with both of my feet intact if I had to walk all the way.”

“Not comfortable?” he asked, looking at my shoes.

“They’re killing me,” I said.

“That’s unfortunate. I was considering asking you not to take them off ever again. They’re incredibly sexy.”

After looking around cautiously, he led me behind the pillar and stepped toward me, effectively trapping me against the passenger side door of his car. He clasped both of my hands and brought one of them up to his lips, brushing my knuckles with a gentle kiss. My breath caught in my throat. He leaned toward me, his hips pushing me back into the car door.

Oh my God, what was he doing? There was
nothing
cautious or guarded in his movements. My pulse raced, and I closed my eyes, dropping my head back. He let go of one of my hands and gently pulled my hair free of my ponytail, slipping the elastic hair tie into my pocket before pulling my hair around my face.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he breathed.

“Daniel, what are you doing?” I asked, licking my lips nervously.

“Do you want me to stop? Should I take you home right now?”

Did he really want an answer? Because there was no way in hell I was prepared to tell him to stop.

“Tell me, Aubrey, is that what you want?” he prodded.

Apparently he
did
want an answer. “Of course that’s not what I want, Daniel. What I want is something you’re not able to give me right now. I’m not blaming you, I’m really not, but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.”

“I’m sorry.” He raked a hand through his hair in frustration. “I know it’s not right to do this to you, telling you that we can’t be together and then turning around and pawing at you like a horny teenager.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” I said. “I understand. If you’re feeling anything like I am right now, your brain is telling you one thing, but your body is telling you something
entirely
different.” I took his hand and placed it on my cheek, pressing it there with my palm.

“That’s it in a nutshell. I’m at a loss. What do
you
think I should do?” he asked, lightly trailing his fingers across my cheek.