The Weight of Words (The WORDS Series) (24 page)

“No, don’t apologize. You go ahead and spend as much time with Penny as is humanly possible. Seriously,” I added, blushing wildly.

“Mm-hmm,” he said. “I see…” He looked quite pleased with himself.

“Listen, I do have to go.” I was cursing my fate and wishing I didn’t give a rat’s ass about my stupid GPA. “We’ll meet over in front of Pratt at three, okay? But can you do me a favor?”

“Of course. Name it.”

Oh, the way he said that—like he’d give me the moon if I wanted it. Too bad all I wanted was a snack. “Can you bring me a muffin or something? I’ll be starving by then.”

“Starbucks?” he asked, one eyebrow raised.

“Mmm, yes, please. A chai latte and maybe a piece of poppy seed loaf?”

“Done,” he said. “I’ll kill a couple of hours at Chapters. See you around three.”

He gazed at me and sighed heavily before taking his leave. I reluctantly headed inside.

I was well-prepared for the lecture and should have been interested and fully engaged, but I wasn’t. I’d never fidgeted so much during a class in my life. Would three o’clock never arrive?

After close to two hours of restless tedium, I gathered up my belongings, bounded up the stairs to the main floor, and crashed out of Old Vic’s front doors in time to see Daniel rounding the corner at Charles Street and taking the path between Burwash dining hall and the men’s residences. He was carrying a take-out tray with two cups in it.

I crossed my arms and leaned against one of Vic’s stone pillars. When he caught sight of me standing there, he stopped and stared back at me. Finally, he continued down the opposite path toward the library, looking at me every few seconds. I made my way down the path in front of Old Vic, and we met on the stone walkway that led to the doors of the library.

“For you,
mademoiselle
,” he said, handing me a brown paper bag and one of the Starbucks cups.

“Thanks. How much do I owe you?”

“Don’t be absurd.”

“Well, I didn’t want to be presumptuous.”

“You’re silly,” he replied, leading me to one of the benches in front of the library.

We sat while I nibbled on the lemon poppy seed loaf and sipped on the chai latte. He drank his coffee, his arm along the back of the bench behind me. I leaned into him and felt the slight pressure of his arm across my back.

“Is this okay?” I asked him. Were we pushing the envelope?

“We’re sitting on a bench drinking coffee, Aubrey. I certainly hope there aren’t rules against this, or I’ve been committing infractions left and right with numerous students over the last three weeks. So how was your class?” he asked.

“Fucking excruciating,” I replied, my mouth still full of a cakey blob of poppy seed loaf.

Daniel laughed. “You’re a linguistic phenomenon, you know that?”

I gestured toward his grin. “You might want to rein that in a little, sunshine. Major infraction. Dead giveaway.”

“You’re right.” He quickly adopted a serious expression, but slyly winked at me all the same. As I finished off the last of my snack, I pulled my cell phone out.

“Before we go in, I should call Matt and let him know I’m not going to be home for a bit.” Daniel looked at my phone, a strange glint in his eyes. “He’s very protective. He worries,” I explained.

I reached Matt’s voice mail and left a message: “Hey, cowboy. I’m at the library doing some research, so don’t worry about me, okay? I’ll talk to you later. Text me if you want.”

I switched the tone to vibrate and stowed my phone in the front pocket of my hoodie before throwing away my cup and paper bag. I gestured to the library doors, but Daniel didn’t move.

“Can we stay out here for a minute?” he said.

“Sure.” I dropped on the bench beside him again.

“There’s actually something pretty important I need to talk to you about. It’s got nothing to do with this.” He gestured in the air between us, as he’d done the day before at the museum. “I’ve been trying to sort something out in my head all day. I wasn’t sure if I should tell you or wait until Professor Brown announces it to the class. My instinct is that you’d rather know in advance. As much as I wanted to see you, my initial reason for tracking you down today was a little less romantic, I’m afraid.”

A quiver of dread ran through my stomach. “You had a class prior to your French lecture, right?” he asked.

“Yes, children’s lit.”

“You were walking back from St. Mike’s. Is that where your class was?”

“Yes…”

“What was it like over there today? Did you hear anything out of the ordinary?”

What a strange question. But now that he’d asked it, I’d definitely noticed a strange tone at St. Mike’s today. “It was quiet, I guess. The people I did see were pretty miserable,” I admitted.

“Well, it’s not surprising that they didn’t look too happy. They’re probably all reeling,” he said. He rested his arm on the back of the bench behind me again. “I received a call from Martin last night—Professor Brown. He’d left a message to let me know something terrible had happened. It turns out one of your peers has been killed in an awful car accident.”

He was looking at me intently, observing my reaction.

“Oh my God.” I brought my hands up to cover my mouth. “Who was it?” I asked, bracing myself for his answer. All I could see was Julie’s Facebook page with her friends’ repeated queries. The implications of my inability to get hold of her suddenly gained greater significance. But Julie lived in residence at Trinity, not at St. Mike’s.

“It was Mary,” he said. “Mary Langford, from your tutorial group.”

I gasped, relief and horror mingling in my mind. Julie was all right. But Mary? Poor, lovely, sweet Mary…

“How?” I asked. “What happened?”

“Apparently she was out for the evening with a friend over the break. On their way home on a two-lane road in Guelph, an oncoming car crossed the median. The collision was head-on. Mary was killed instantly. I gather the driver of the other car had been under the influence.”

Mary was gone in an instant because of someone else’s carelessness. Just like that. I was stunned.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I hate to be the one to tell you.”

“No, no, I’m glad you did. I’d rather hear now than in class tomorrow.”

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah. It’s—God, it’s so awful. She was such a nice girl.”

I thought back to the tutorial sessions, remembering how she’d gradually been coming out of her shell. The funny little story she’d told about her uncle rushed back, and tears welled up in my eyes. And she had two little sisters. I covered my face with my hands.

“Aubrey?” Daniel’s gentle voice was too much. I couldn’t stifle the sob bubbling in my throat. “Damn it.” He placed his hand on my back.

“It’s okay, please don’t,” I whispered, flinching away from his touch. I wanted him to touch me, to hold me, but my own needs were overshadowed by my fear of us being seen. Sitting on a bench together was one thing, hugging was something else entirely.

He retrieved his hand and leaned forward, linking his fingers, elbows planted firmly on his knees. “This is so wrong. It shouldn’t be a crime for me to comfort you.” His voice was tight and weary. “Listen, Aubrey, now might not be the best time for this, but I have a confession to make,” he said with a sigh.

“What is it?” I turned to look at him.

“When I got home yesterday, Professor Brown’s message was waiting for me on my answering machine. He said it was a young lady from class, but he didn’t mention Mary’s name. I thought it might be you. It was snowing; you might have gone out for a walk and been hit by a car. Anything was possible. I didn’t know how to get hold of you, so I drove back here. A couple of girls let me in. I wandered up and down your hallway, and then I heard Matt calling your name. I stood outside your apartment door, listening to you and Matt talking. I had to make sure you were all right. I thought I’d go crazy waiting for Martin to call me back with the details of the accident, but I didn’t need to stand there for as long as I did. I’m sorry I invaded your privacy.”

“You don’t have to apologize for being worried about me.”

“I know, but I felt like I was trespassing on your space. I could hear you talking through the door.” Daniel clenched his fists and cracked his knuckles. “You’d made Matt dinner. He’d just had a shower,” he said, a muscle in his jaw twitching. “He’d forgotten to take his towel into the bathroom and was calling out to you to bring him one. You were both laughing. You called him ‘sweet cheeks,’” he said, shaking his head ruefully.

“Oh, Daniel, don’t take any of those nicknames seriously. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s no different than you calling Penny ‘love.’” Okay, here was my chance. If it was confessional time, I certainly had some things to own up to. “I understand how you’d misinterpret my relationship with Matt, though. I did the exact same thing with you and Penny,” I admitted, biting tentatively on my thumbnail.

“Penny’s engaged to Brad. You’ve known that all along,” he said.

“That’s not exactly true.”

He leaned back on the bench. “What do you mean?”

I took a deep breath. “After the first lecture, I left the class and was walking behind you when you got a call from Penny. I heard you call her ‘love,’ and I assumed she was your girlfriend. When you said you’d be taking her out for Valentine’s Day, I was convinced of it. Then when I saw the two of you at Canoe, well, I can’t even tell you how jealous I was. I didn’t recognize myself.”

Daniel cocked an eyebrow.

“I wanted to inflict bodily harm on her. With the heel of my shoe. Through her eyeball.”

Although he could have taken great offence to this affront to his dear friend, he just laughed.

“Last night I wanted to knock your door down. I would have happily found Matt a towel and then smothered him with it,” he admitted.

“So, we’re even?” I asked.

“It would seem so,” he said. “God, I can’t believe you thought I was with Penny. I mean, there’s no way. She scares the shit out of me.” He laughed again. “And she’s definitely not my type. Way too high maintenance.”

I smiled and then looked down at my hands with a sigh. It didn’t seem right to be smiling and laughing.

“Poor Mary,” I said.

“I can’t stop thinking about her family,” Daniel said. “I can’t even fathom what they’re going through.”

“Life is fragile, isn’t it?”

“It certainly is. I’ve been thinking the same thing non-stop all day.”

I nodded quietly, shivering. The raw emotions and the cooling late afternoon air chilled me to my bones.

“We should go inside,” he said. “You’re freezing.”

We grabbed our bags and entered the library together, finding an empty table near the stacks in the corner of the reading room where we sat side by side, facing one of the large windows. I pulled books and papers out of my bag and spread them in front of us.

“Wait, you know I have absolutely no desire to discuss your independent study, right?” he said.

“I don’t give a rat’s ass about my independent study,” I confessed. “This is all for appearances.”

“Ah.” He chuckled as he draped his jacket on the back of the chair. “You’re a master at the art of nefarious activities, I see.”

“I’m actually kind of making things up as I go along.” I shrugged awkwardly.

Was I trying too hard? The news of Mary’s tragic end had settled like a fine dust between us. I struggled to focus on Daniel and live entirely in the moment. If Mary’s unfortunate fate had made anything clear, it was that life was way too short.

Suddenly Daniel frowned and asked, “Aubrey, why do you call Matt ‘cowboy’? It’s a strange nickname.”

“I don’t know. I’m a bit of an endearment junkie, I’m afraid, sailor.” I winked at him and he laughed.

“Hey, now, you can’t call
me
‘sailor.’ I’ve called dibs on ‘sailor’ because of that potty mouth of yours.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I’m sure you hold your own nicely on that score.”

“Okay, so if Matt’s the cowboy and I’m the sailor, we just need a police officer, a construction worker, and an Indian Chief, and we can start a Village People tribute band,” he said with a smile.

“You don’t know how happy it makes me to hear you say that!” I said, laughing loudly, suddenly aware of the stares of people sitting nearby.

“What?” he asked. “You have a burning desire to found a boy band?”

“No, I’m just so relieved. You’re
funny!”
I said, still chortling.

A man at a nearby table expelled a sharp, “Shh.”

Yeah, whatever, buddy. You shush me again, and you’ll be eating some archives. I’m in serious need of some giggles over here.

“You’re only realizing I’m funny
now?”
Daniel looked hurt.

“Well, not exactly. I knew you were witty and sardonic, and you’re kickass with innuendo, but just plain
funny
really floats my boat.”