The Wedding Wager (McMaster the Disaster) (3 page)

Jake rolled his eyes. “When are you going to stop calling me that already? It’s embarrassing.”

“Probably never,” I said, leaning in for a kiss, feeling lighter than I had in weeks. “We’ll just head back to the city and Mom will go her way and Mattie will go his. Easy peasy.”

“Okay,” he said, slowly, “just… make sure it doesn’t go on too long. Frankly I’m a little afraid of both of them.”

I laughed uneasily, because I had to admit, I was a little afraid of both of them too.

CHAPTER 3

I eased my feet into the warm water and turned on the jets. Jennifer eased her feet into her own footbath and we both leaned back in unison, sighing.

“What a day.”

Jen let out a sort of noise of agreement. “So what are you going to do?” she asked.

“I am not going to worry about it. I’m sure it will all work itself out.”

Jen opened one eye, raising her eyebrow. “Really? You think Mattie, whose favorite thing in the world is to plan events, or your mother, whose favorite thing in the world is controlling things, will just somehow become worked out all on their own?” She shook her head and chuckled a little, leaning her head back again. “I sometimes wish I had your level of delusion. Life would be so much less stressful.”

I reached into my bath and flicked a few drops of water on her.

“I am not delusional,” I said. “I have just learned that these things tend to have a way of working themselves out.”

She snorted. “Yeah, okay.”

I turned on the soothing sounds clock radio, easing deeper into the couch and deeper into my relaxation.

Until, that is, the door burst open and Mattie came flying through. “Have you seen these?” He asked, waving a pile of papers in front of him.

I groaned. I was so over reading the tabloids. Honestly, you could only see so many lies about yourself until even you almost started believing them.

“You are everywhere girl.”

“So is it good or bad this time?” Jen asked.

But of course, I knew the answer. It was always bad, even when it seemed good.

“Both!” Mattie said excitedly, tossing a few of them my way and a few over to Jen.

“Ooh la la,” Jen said, checking the front cover of the top one on her pile. “You are lookin’ smokin’ on this one,” she said, and I dared a peek.

Thankfully, I did look pretty good. The picture was taken last month when Jake and I attended the premiere of the latest Clint Eastwood movie. Clint was currently courting Jake for his next big project. Jake looked unbelievable in his tux, and I was looking rather red carpet worthy in a black evening gown covered in beads that shone like glitter in front of the camera.

I knew, however, that if I looked that good on the cover of one, I was going to look the same ratio of bad on the next. It was what they did. Back and forth from praising you to trashing you in the blink of an eye. They probably would have been happy with just the trashing, but they had to keep the interest of their readers somehow, and you couldn’t very well rip something to shreds if you hadn’t already painted the scenario into a picture of perfection. Oh how they love to see the mighty (much mightier than a person could possibly be in real life) fall.

Mattie flopped onto the couch beside me, adjusting his thick, black-rimmed glasses. Seriously, he looked like he’d just popped the lenses out of those 3D monstrosities they hand out at the movies. Somehow though, he actually pulled it off.

“Check this one,” he said, waving it in my face as I cringed away. “They’re taking bets on when the wedding’s gonna be.”

I sighed. “What else is new?”

Jen laughed over on her couch. “Oh my God, this one is having a shoe poll.” She flipped to the page in question. “Which designer will the bride choose? Will it be a Choo-tiful wedding after all?”

I opened my eyes just to roll them.

“Not if I have anything to say about it,” Mattie piped in from the peanut gallery.

I closed my eyes quickly again and prayed that his comment would slip by without me having to acknowledge it.

Of course, a lovely awkward silence just had to follow.

“Oh good Lord,” Jen finally said after what felt like a millennia. “This one has four experts giving their opinion on when the divorce will be finalized.”

“What divorce?” I said, only half paying attention.

“Your divorce.”

I shot up, grabbing the paper out of her hand. “They’re talking about my divorce? I haven’t even planned the wedding yet!”

“We haven’t even planned the wedding yet,” Mattie said, gently pulling the paper out of my hand and folding it up neatly into four so the headlines were obscured by a mostly naked couple making out in the middle of a forest. The background was all washed out in muted rose tones and a pink perfume bottle with the word ‘lust’ splashed across it took center stage. But it was still really hard to stop staring at the couple.

They were just so… mostly naked and making out.

I squinted, thinking the girl looked familiar for some reason. It only took a minute to realize it was Istranka, and it looked like she was adjusting just fine to her new life in America. I couldn’t help but smile, remembering of the seemingly innocent girl who’d been so self-conscious at the party the other night, because the girl on that paper did not look self-conscious in the least.

“Josie! Are you even listening?”

I turned my gaze from Istranka and her model boy.

“Huh? Yeah, I’m listening, what did you say?”

He rolled his eyes dramatically. “I said we haven’t even planned the wedding yet, right?”

I glanced around the room. Jen was avoiding my gaze at all costs.

“Um, yeah, exactly. We haven’t planned the wedding yet.”

Mattie sat back, pleased. “I’m just glad I don’t have to be there when you break the news to your mother that there is no way you are ever going to be caught dead in a traditional, stuffy wedding like that ridiculous formal event of hers. I mean, can you even imagine? A movie star and a glitterati getting married in a place that pretentious? The paparazzi would have a field day. Oh my God, they’d probably call you a princess.” He shook his head like it was the most ridiculous thing he could imagine. “My trendy warehouse in the up-and-coming industrial turned residential area is going to be so much better. I mean seriously, where’s the flair in an old castle?”

I grinned through my teeth and nodded. The truth was, my mother’s castle idea did have my heart fluttering when I’d first seen it. She really did have an eye for the extravagant. I also couldn’t figure out what was wrong with princesses. I mean, not the Disney kind or anything, but the real life ones like Diana or Grace were just a little bit awesome, in my humble opinion.

Of course, Mattie’s warehouse was a lot cooler and would fit more people, but I actually thought it might end up being a little too big, though Mattie insisted the acoustics would be to die for.

I picked up another magazine, hoping to change the subject, anything would be better than the wedding. Except of course, the stupid tabloids were all talking about the wedding. They were guessing what our first song was going to be, possibilities for bridesmaids, if I was going to hold my own bridesmaid lotto (not on your life!), what flavor of cake we would have.

Anything they could think of.

Everything they could think of.

I threw one of them across the room. Wasn’t planning a wedding supposed to be fun? I mean, did every bride have the same problem? A problem mother, perhaps. But a problem wanna be event planner slash designer slash stylist? Probably not so much.

Mattie and Jen looked at me like I had lost my mind.

“So, I gotta get going,” Mattie said. “Maybe I should take these with me.”

I waved him off. “Don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine. Just a little stressed, that’s all.”

I nodded knowingly. “You gonna go call you Mom? I completely understand. She is going to pitch a fit,” he said. “Later y’all.”

And with that he was gone.

I slumped into the couch.

“You’re seriously going to tell your mother that Mattie’s going to plan the wedding?”

“Are you nuts?” I asked. “Of course not. I told you, these things have a way of working themselves out.”

Jen’s mouth dropped open. “You just basically told Mattie he had the go ahead, and you’re not going to tell your mother anything different?”

“It’ll be fine,” I said. “Besides, I have other stuff to worry about right now.”

Her mouth was still in its ultra-opened state. “Like what?”

I grabbed my laptop. “Well, I’ve been home for two months now. I should probably start thinking about finding a job.”

She crinkled her brow. “But what about Jake? Why would you need a job?”

“Um… because I still have to pay rent until I get married. Not to mention I still want to have a job. I mean, what the heck would I do with myself all day if I didn’t have a job?”

She shrugged. “Watch Ellen?”

I gave her a look. I mean, I liked Ellen as much as the next person, but I could seriously not see myself holed up in one of Jake’s houses, sitting on the couch and eating bonbons all day. “Would you be able to live with yourself if you didn’t have a job or any sort of identity of your own?”

She seemed to consider this for a moment. “I guess I see what you’re saying, but, the thing is, this is kind of your opportunity to do whatever you want now.”

“Not until the wedding,” I said. “I only have enough left over from the ghostwriting job to get me through another month or two.”

She rolled her eyes. “Don’t you think if you just asked Jake for the money, he’d be more than happy to tide you over until the wedding.”

“Oh yeah, that would be fun. ‘Hey honey, could you just go ahead and pay my rent while I wait for you to marry me?’ I don’t think I’m quite that desperate yet.”

Jen made a face. “I guess that would be a tad humiliating.”

I nodded. “Exactly,” I said, typing in my job search.

“So… another copywriting job?” she asked.

I shrugged. “If I have to, I guess. I’d rather find something a little more interesting, but I don’t know if there’s anything out there. Especially for someone like me.”

“You are a bit of a spotlight hog,” Jen said, gesturing to the papers. “Hey,” she said, brightening. “You do have all that disguise experience from the Prince Leo job, maybe you could go incognito.” She giggled, turning her attention back to the tabloid she was holding.

“Har, har,” I said, although I couldn’t help but give the idea just a moment’s thought. I mean, I didn’t have to do a full-fledged top-to-bottom disguise, but a little change in hair color or a hat or something might not be such a bad idea. Of course, most people would probably recognize my name in an instant. McMaster isn’t all that common, not to mention no one could seem to say it anymore without adding the lovely ‘the Disaster’ to the end of it.

I broadened my search to include anything in the telecommuting realm. At least when people saw my name then, I could just lie and say it was a different Josie McMaster, right?

But the choices were few and far between.

“Aargh,” I yelled, making Jen jump. “There’s nothing in here.”

“Don’t worry, you’ll find something. And even if you don’t it’s not like you can’t just go to Jake.” She shrugged.

SHRUGGED!

As if I would be okay with taking handouts. Say what you want about my mother, but at least she raised her daughters to be self-sufficient. You know, mostly. I tried not to think about the whole Bridesmaid Lotto thing where I agreed to participate just for a trip to Europe. Of course, it was a dream trip, but still.

I guess we all had our weaknesses.

But I was not going to live my life being somebody else’s burden.

What I really wanted to say to Jen was to stuff it, but instead I exited as gracefully as possible with a simple, “I think I need a walk.”

CHAPTER 4

I put on my biggest pair of sunglasses and stormed out of the apartment building, pausing only to smile as I passed by the few paparazzi who always seemed to be hanging around. Of course I hated having to be all nicey-nice to the evil jerks all the time, but they held the power to either make me look fabulous or set me up for disaster. It was an odd dynamic, all the photogs looking all greasy and wearing clothes that had seen the better part of last decade, and they had the power to trash you if you didn’t look glamorous or beautiful enough.

What a world.

I strode toward the park hoping to find some privacy. I glanced back, noticing the photographers following at a less-than-comforting distance.

I sighed. I couldn’t really get any time alone at home with Jen being around every second of the day, not that I usually minded, but when you couldn’t even sneak off for caffeine and some peace outside of your house, it could really be a bit inconvenient at times.

I ducked into the coffee shop and grabbed a Peppermint Mocha and headed back out to the park, pretending all the way that a somewhat creepy group of lurkers wasn’t following me, which was harder than it looked since every person around seemed to be noticing the whole spectacle.

Finally, I found an empty bench and sat down, leaning my head back and sipping my mocha. It was actually pretty relaxing, kids laughing and playing in the background, people generally having fun all around me. Until, that is, I felt someone sit down beside me.

“Hey,” the person said.

I opened one eye and peeked over. It was the one female of the bunch, a girl who looked about five years younger than me. I took a deep breath. “Hey.”

“Look, I’m sorry to bother you, I know I’m like, totally breaking the whole paparazzi code or whatever, but I just wanted to see if you’re okay. You’re not looking too… happy. Like, not yourself or something.”

I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, not yet sure if I should even be talking to her. She was, after all, kind of the enemy. “I’m fine,” was all I said.

“Yeah, I don’t think so. I mean something is obviously on your mind.”

“Well I certainly can’t talk to you about it now, can I?” I said, hating how harsh the words came out. She was right, I definitely wasn’t feeling like myself today. It kind of sucked that I had to rely on the slimy lurkers of the paparazzi to basically tell me what I was feeling now.