The Wedding Agreement (15 page)

But nothing about putting that dress on had seemed funny to her. Especially not with Nina telling her how pretty she was going to look walking down the aisle. She wondered if Lauren recognized the emotion in Cass' eyes. When she'd looked at herself in the mirror at the bridal shop, it was like she was staring into a future she'd never imagined but wanted anyway. Though wanting something didn't make it good for you. She clenched the steering wheel, wishing Nina weren't there so she could scream. What the hell was happening to her?

She was thankful when they pulled up outside of Tessa's, if only for the chance to get some space. The car ride had seemed exceptionally confining, and she needed to move around. She opened her door and then Nina's, grabbing her bag out of the trunk before heading up the driveway to the house.

Tessa must have been waiting for them because she opened the door before they even got to it. Nina sprinted up the path when she saw her. “Mommy, I want to show you my dress!” she yelled, holding up the bag from the bridal shop.

“Okay, honey. Pete's in the kitchen. Why don't you show it to him first and then I'll be right in. I just need to talk to Cass for a minute.”

Pete waved hello from down the hall, and Cass waved back to him. Nina gave him a hug and then immediately began pulling the plastic off the dress.

“Guess the shopping trip was a success?” Tessa asked with a genuine smile.

“Yeah, we had a fun girls' day.”

“Well, thanks for taking her. I think it's important that she gets to spend some time with just the two of you.” Tessa put her hands into her pockets. “It was a little weird for me at first, I guess. But you seem to really care about her, and I can't let myself feel anything but thankful for that.”

Cass swallowed the lump in her throat. She was sure her voice would come out shaky, but somehow she was able to steady it. “I do care about her,” Cass said. “And I'm sure I don't need to tell you how much Alex cares about her too.” Tessa opened her mouth to speak, but Cass continued before Tessa had the chance to say anything. “He's really trying, you know.” Cass thought she could see a bit of empathy in Tessa's eyes. “You should see them together. They're quite a pair.” Cass shifted from one foot to the other. “They'd both really benefit from spending those eight weeks together. I know the decision is yours, and that I shouldn't even be interfering. But . . . just think about it?”

Tessa nodded. “I will.”

“Thank you. Say good-bye to Nina for me?”

Tessa smiled slightly. “Of course.”

And with that, Cass nodded farewell and headed for her car, hoping like hell all of this wasn't for nothing.

Sentiment

Fear wasn't something Cass handled well. It made her quieter, more reticent. Her family had definitely noticed, if their inquiring glances throughout dinner had been any indication. But they hadn't asked, probably knowing her well enough to understand that she wouldn't share until she was ready.

She watched her sisters run around their parents' backyard, playing with their families. There were varying sizes of balls, bubble makers, dolls, and action figures littering the green grass. There were also giggling children running from their smiling parents.
Nina and Alex would fit right in here.
As much as she was trying to avoid thoughts of her pseudo-family-to-be, since they were the cause of her racing mind, she couldn't stop herself from picturing both of them here. Alex would get along great with her brothers-in-law, and Nina would have a blast playing with all of the kids. She'd thought the same thing last
time she was here—how well Alex and Nina would fit in. But this was the first time she'd ever wished she could have brought someone—or in this case, two someones—to dinner at her parents'. And the wish was stifling. As much as Cass loved her sisters and their families, watching them was making her feel like she was drowning. So she got up and wandered into the house.

She should've known she'd end up in the kitchen. It was where her mom was. Despite feeling like she couldn't be more different from the woman who'd brought her into this world, Cass had always been drawn to her when she'd had a problem or just a general feeling of unease about life. Gloria Mullen had never failed to right Cass' world when it'd been flipped upside down over the years, and she'd often been able to do it without uttering a single word. Just her presence—and her love—was enough.

Her mom was standing over the sink, cleaning the dinner dishes. She often forced her family out of her kitchen, declaring that cleaning soothed her, when all the rest of them did was mess up her perfectly ordered cabinets.

Cass slid onto a stool at the kitchen island and watched her mom for a second. “Doesn't doing all of this get exhausting?”

Her mom started slightly, clearly not realizing Cass had come in. She turned just her head as her hands kept working. “All of what?”

Cass gestured around at the dishes, pots, pans, silverware, and leftover food that surrounded them. “All of this. Doesn't it get old, having all of us over? Cooking for us and cleaning up afterward? You should let Rachel or Amy host the family dinner once
in a while. Their houses are big enough, and I know they've offered.”

“I like doing it.” Her mom answered like it was the only logical explanation.

But it wasn't. Not to Cass. “But why?” Cass wasn't trying to question her mom's priorities. She genuinely needed to know.

Her mom seemed to sense it. She dried her hands on a dish towel and sat down on a stool across from Cass, giving her daughter her full attention. “Because I like taking care of my family. It makes me feel good. I know it doesn't seem like it, but my motives are more selfish than they appear. I like to feel needed. To know I can still take care of you sometimes, even if you can take care of yourselves.”

Cass let out a sigh and looked down at her clasped hands.

“Let me help, Cass. Tell me what's going on.”

Cass loved how her mom was able to read between her lines—to know when one of her daughters needed her help. But Cass still wasn't sure how to answer. Part of her wanted to stew with her own thoughts for a while—try to sort through what she was feeling. But another part of her knew that her mom could help her navigate the murky waters that were submerging her mind. Understanding her mom would be the first step in understanding why she felt like her entire life was crumbling. Or maybe it was just changing. Cass decided to just come out with it. “Do you feel like you missed out on anything by having a family?” Cass glanced up at her mom to gauge her reaction.

Gloria didn't look offended or confused by the question, but rather contemplative. She seemed to mull over the question for a few seconds before answering. “Yes.”

Cass' head jerked back slightly. She definitely hadn't been expecting
that
reply. Even though Cass had wanted an honest answer, she had also thought she
knew
what the answer would be.

Gloria smiled. “Of course I missed out on things, Cass. Every choice we make causes us to miss out on the things that we would've experienced had we chosen a different path. When your father and I were raising you girls, we didn't have any weekend getaways or late nights closing down the bars. I didn't go on girls' weekends or go on shopping sprees for things I didn't need. So yes, I missed out on things. But if you're asking if I
regret
anything about the choice I made, then my answer is no. If my choices had been different, I would've missed out on a lot more.” Gloria reached across the island and laid her hand over Cass'. “Why don't you tell me why you're asking?”

Cass sighed. She hadn't told her mom about Alex or the wedding, and she didn't really want to now. That wasn't the conversation she needed to have. So she decided to keep that whole story for another time. “I've been . . . reevaluating.”

When Cass didn't continue, her mom asked, “Reevaluating what?”

Cass looked at her mom again and shrugged. “Everything.”

Concern etched itself on her mom's face. “What's going on, Cass?”

“That's just it. I don't really know. It's just . . . I've spent my life having a very clear picture of who I wanted to be: successful, independent, career driven. And I
am
that person. I'm who I always told myself I wanted to be, but . . . now . . . I don't know.” Cass plopped her head down on her hands in frustration.

“Cass, do you think I'm not those things that you mentioned?” Gloria's voice wasn't angry, but full of genuine curiosity.

How do I answer that?
Cass didn't want to hurt her mom's feelings, but the truth was, no, she didn't think her mom was those things.

Thankfully her mom saved her from having to answer. “I have raised three beautiful, intelligent, and happy daughters. I've been married to the man of my dreams for almost thirty-six years. We have a beautiful house that I turned into a home. What about that doesn't scream success? And I did most of those things on my own. Your father worked six days a week for a lot of your childhood to support us financially, but I supported all of you emotionally. I managed this house, handled things in the way I saw fit. I've never been dependent on anyone to make those things happen. And while I didn't leave the house every day to go to work, my job was still important. You girls were my career, Cass. That was the life I chose for myself. And I was always driven to succeed at being your mom.”

Cass felt her eyes burn. She'd never thought of her mom's life that way. That she didn't get saddled with a family; she'd
chosen
one. Cass swiped at a falling tear. “I feel like an asshole.”

Gloria laughed. “Why?”

“Because I never gave you enough credit. I always thought you were just coping with the hand you were dealt, when really you were the one dealing all the cards.”

“You and I have lived very different lives on the surface. You wanted the high-profile job, wanted to make your own money and blaze your own path
through life. But ultimately, the dedication to achieve our goals has been the same. You and me? We're not as different as you might think, honey.”

Cass took a shuddering breath. “But you're happy with your life? You look back on it, and what you see makes you happy?”

Gloria smiled. “Being a stay-at-home mom definitely came with days where I wasn't the happiest. You girls were rough teenagers.” Both of them chuckled. “But yes. I look back on my life and I'm happy with what I've built. I wouldn't have had it any other way.” Gloria patted Cass' hand. “I thought you liked your job.”

“I do. I love it. I'm good at it, and it makes me feel important. But . . .”

“But what?”

Cass looked into her mother's eyes—eyes she'd never before realized were much like her own. “But I don't know if it's enough anymore. I think I could be happier.”

“The only thing I've ever wanted for all of my girls was for you all to be the happiest you could be. So if there's more you need to do to make that happen, then do it.” Her mom stood and came around the island to hug her daughter. “It doesn't need to be all or nothing, Cass. You can be successful at work
and
have a successful personal life too. If anyone can balance the two, it's you.”

Cass smiled at the incredible, brave, strong woman who'd raised her. “I think I can too.”

*   *   *

Alex turned on his computer and opened Skype. Tessa had texted him earlier that Nina had something she wanted to show him, and would he be available to visit with her via the Internet when he got home
from work? He couldn't wait to see what had Nina so excited, so he texted Tessa as soon as he'd walked in the door and set up the call. He put in Tessa's name, and the call connected quickly. “Hi, Tess. What's going on?”

“Hey. She wanted to do a big reveal, so she asked me to answer the call. You ready to see her?” Tessa was smiling and her eyes kept darting off the screen, presumably to where Nina was waiting.

“I'm ready.”

“Then let me introduce you to your flower girl.” Tessa moved out of the shot, and she was instantly replaced by a very excited Nina. “Back up so he can see you,” Tessa instructed.

Nina moved back, and Alex took in the sight before him: she had put on her flower girl dress and was spinning so he could see all of it.

Alex was momentarily speechless. She looked like an angel. He cleared his throat, hoping to unlock the words that were stuck there.

Meanwhile, Nina had stopped spinning and was grinning widely at the webcam. “Do you like it, Daddy?”

“Yeah, baby.” Alex was thankful his voice was working, though he sounded raspier than normal. “You look beautiful. I've never seen a prettier flower girl.” Alex was torn between the happiness of seeing his little girl so excited and the despair that he would eventually have to destroy that excitement.
I should've said we weren't having a flower girl.

Nina hopped with joy. “Wait until you see Cass. She's going to be the prettiest bride ever.”

Alex smiled, but he knew it didn't fully reach his eyes. “I'm sure she will be. So I'm guessing you had a good time dress shopping with the girls?”

“The best time ever.” Nina continued to relay the day to him, and Alex did his best to listen intently, though his thoughts were all over the place.

“Doesn't she look adorable?” Tessa's voice filled the room as Nina bounded off to change. “I'm going to have to hide that dress so she doesn't try to wear it every day.”

“She looks gorgeous in it,” was all Alex could reply.

Tessa smiled. “While I have you on here, I wanted to talk to you about a couple of things.”

Oh God.
Alex's brain was still all reeling from seeing Nina in her flower-girl dress, from picturing what Cass would look like in a wedding gown, and from trying to understand why he was so disappointed by the fact that he'd never actually get to see either of them wear their dresses in person. He wasn't in a place to have a serious conversation with Tessa, but what could he say? “Sure. Shoot.”

“When Cass dropped Nina off after they went dress shopping . . . I haven't seen Nina that elated in a long time. I mean, she's usually a pretty happy kid, but there was an added spark in her that day. Cass brings that out in her, I think. They seem to really enjoy spending time together.”

Alex wasn't sure if Tessa thought that was a good or a bad thing. “Yeah, they get along really well.”

“I'm glad. I'm not saying it's not hard sometimes. No mother wants another woman to play such a big role in their child's life, but Cass seems good about not overstepping and trying not to undermine my place as Nina's mother. I really appreciate that.” Tessa bit her lip, and Alex could see her arms move as though she were fiddling with her hands. “It made me think that
maybe I wasn't always as fair to you as you and Cass have been to me.”

Alex sat back in his chair. This wasn't where he thought this conversation was going to go.

“I introduced Pete as a father figure almost immediately after you and I split. And I did that while also fighting to limit your time with Nina. I . . . I want to apologize to you for that. It was wrong and could have really hurt your relationship with Nina. I was so consumed by my own anger at you, at how I felt neglected for the years leading up to the divorce, that I used Nina to hurt you.” Tessa shut her eyes and released a deep breath. “That was wrong, Alex. On so many levels. You're a great dad, but I made being one difficult for you. And now you have Cass and you're settling down, and Nina is over-the-moon in love with you. I don't want to punish you anymore. I called my parents this morning and told them that you'd take Nina while Pete and I are away. Assuming, of course, you still want that. I guess I should've asked you first. But I figured you did, so—”

“Tess,” Alex interrupted. “You're rambling.” They both laughed. “I'd love to have Nina. And thank you . . . for everything else you said. I think . . .” Alex rubbed a hand over his face. “I think we both did things to one another that we wish we could take back. But we're in a good place now, and for Nina and for ourselves, I'd really like to let the past go and move forward from here.”

“I'd like that too.”

Alex smiled broadly. “Good. And I mean it—thanks for letting me have the time with Nina. It means the world to me.”