The Wedding Affair (Rebel Hearts series Book 1) (24 page)

“Yes, of course. But the way a man feels about women is especially telling of his character in general. If he chases after everything he sees, helpless women and even servants, then he does not place much value on the one he has rightfully married.”

The duke’s gaze landed on Sally and remained there a long moment.

Felix snorted. “I have had little time for socializing. The admiral prefers to keep the
Selfridge
at sea and away from England.”

“Yes, I had noticed my son has kept your ship far from shore, despite discussing otherwise with him on several occasions, much more so than any other frigate of your line.” A corner of the duke’s mouth lifted in a half smile. “Sally, note that the captain’s loyalty to king and country is unquestioned, as is his faithfulness.”

Sally started but made hasty notations on the page. Felix kept silent. The duke was fishing for a flaw in his character. Examining his personal life in the hope of shaking out some deep, dark secret. He had none that the duke likely did not already know about, but that book and all it contained would be open for public scrutiny if the duke chose to share the details with others. Who knew what they were really writing about him?

An interruption took the duke from the room, leaving Sally alone with him. He thrust out his hand. “Show me what you have written.”

Sally was slow to comply, but eventually she stood and passed the journal to him. He was surprised to find it an accurate account of the interview today, so he flicked back to the beginning. Brief and to the point, and very close to what he remembered. He tossed it back in her general direction, reluctantly impressed that she caught the journal before it hit the floor. Felix could not even look at her and examined the high shine on his boots instead.

“What is wrong?” she whispered, sliding into the chair by his side.

“Nothing, my lady.”

“You do not seem very happy today.”

“I am not. I would much prefer your aunt to take notes, but I am in no position to argue with Rutherford. Don’t you have a new betrothed somewhere to entertain?”

“He has gone shooting with Uncle George.” She sat back a little. “Why would you not want me to know how good and kind a man you are to a woman in need?”

“So you can laugh about my old-fashioned notions with Ellicott? I would rather a ball to the chest. Kill me now and be done with it, madam.”

“I would never laugh at you. You are an honorable man.”

“And what are you? A woman of similar character?” He checked behind them to ensure they were still alone. “You told him about Thursday night.”

She blushed, her hand coming up to cup her own cheek. “I spent what remained of Thursday night, after I had left you, tossing on the chaise in my sister’s room because of our argument. My sister and I talked for a while, but I could not get to sleep. I did not tell him of your illness. I have not told him anything about you at all still.”

He shook his head. “Why would you lose sleep over what I said to you?”

“Because I do not understand why I am still drawn to you when I have agreed to marry Ellicott,” she whispered and then dropped her gaze.

His ears buzzed as if a sudden gale had sprung up.

Sally stared at her hands, twisting an obscenely large ring on her finger. He had not seen the piece before, so he concluded the earl had given it to her recently to mark their marriage. “Are you having second thoughts about marrying him?”

She swallowed. “Did you enjoy your visit to Lofton Downs?”

“Why would you think I had gone there? Oh, for heaven’s sake! Do you really believe I would take up with another woman just because we disagreed?” He scowled at her. “I went to the tavern to see how Captain Jennings was getting on. We drank the day and most of the night away. The duke’s grooms fetched me back at some ungodly hour this morning. I have no intention of taking up with your friend.”

“Oh, I thought…”

“Yes, I can see what you thought. Your friend was quite the flirt the other night, but you know me, or you should.” Felix could not stop grinning as Sally’s startled gaze lifted to his. At the same time, she slipped her ring on and off her finger. He leaned closer to whisper, “I am not interested in Lady Duckworth for more than friendship, and then only because she means so much to you.”

Sally bit her lip. “I am terrible to have doubts, but I do not seem able to stop. I catch myself staring at you in case you are gone the next moment. When you were fevered I was so frightened, then you left suddenly, and I did not know what to think. I cannot stop myself from imagining the worst.”

“I am still the same man at heart that you knew six years ago.” He leaned across the space between them and pressed his lips to her cheek briefly. “I am only capable of thinking of one woman, and that has always been you.”

He sobered. Declaring himself would do him little good. Sally was still engaged to be married, still not free to be with him openly, but her confusion gave him hope. If she could be jealous of a little flirting aimed at him, then that meant she might still have stronger feelings for him she’d not yet revealed. He might yet have time to convince her to cry off.

But then what? Ask her to wait forever or marry her by special license against her family’s wishes, only to abandon her to wait for a return that might never come if he were killed in the next battle? That was not the life for her. She belonged among her family where she would be loved and kept safe from harm.

Could he even marry Sally and return to war without breaking her heart again?

He rubbed a hand over his face, conflicted in a way he had never expected. Yes, he wanted Sally with a desperate ache that never went away. But he did not want to leave her behind, disappointed, lonely, and wondering if he lived. She could not come with him.

“Say something.” Sally whispered.

“I think doubt is natural.” He paused. “But you have a chance for a home and love with Ellicott. It was never my intention to make trouble for you.”

“I know.” She smiled. “But trouble seems to follow wherever you go.”

He took in her expression. “Steady on, sweetheart. Trouble seems to follow you too.”

She pressed her fingers to her temple. “I had hoped to have grown out of my impulsive nature by now. However, it seems I am doomed to make the same mistakes. Perhaps in another year I will have grown out of my rash temper.”

“Do not.” He smiled, losing the last of his anger. “It is one of your most endearing qualities. You are unexpected and bold and entirely too delicious not to kiss as often as can be managed.”

She laughed at last and grasped his arm. Warmth flowed into him, and he leaned in to deliver a kiss. Unfortunately, the doors creaked open behind them at that moment, and he jerked back in his seat even as Sally bounced out of her chair to stand.

“Excellent,” Rutherford exclaimed as he returned. “Now that problem is taken care of, where were we? Ah yes, I want to hear how you managed to lose your masthead and still win the day.”

“I would like to know that too,” Sally agreed, her eyes shining with unguarded interest. She took her seat and reopened the journal. “My brothers do not believe you did it without help.”

The duke groaned loudly as he sat.

“Well, we did. My officers have christened it the Hastings Maneuver,” Felix said as he stood. “Would you care for a drink, Your Grace?”

“Better make it a double.” The duke wrung his hands. “My old bones are aching like the very devil today. A shot or two of whiskey might help ease the pain.”

Felix slipped the duke his glass, and when he sat he changed chairs so he could be nearer to Sally while they talked about his past.

Chapter Twenty-Six

S
ally sank into the empty space beside Felix. “How are you enjoying your stay at Newberry Park, Captain?”

“Quite well indeed,” he replied companionably. In a softer voice, he added, “I gather we are still pretending not to know each other as well as we do.”

“I think that would be best for the present. I hope you do not mind.” Sally glanced across the room to where her future mother-in-law sat and her intended stood. The two people she most wanted to avoid tonight were never far enough away. She had so much to say to Felix and could not help but feel time was running out. “My grandfather has asked me to present a proposal. He wishes to offer you a position at Newberry Park.”

His brow rose. “I am already in the service of my country. What more could he want from me?”

Nerves beset her as she answered. “He wishes you to make your home at Newberry Park after the war.”

Felix’s eyes widened and he glanced around. Grandfather was noticeably absent from the family tonight. “Does he now? Hmm. I thought he was up to something but could not put my finger on his scheme at first.”

“What do you mean?”

“It has become all too clear that your father did not summon me to Newberry Park. I am here only because the duke wishes to see me. At first I thought he meant to punish me with news of your engagement, but that must not be it after all. That enquiry into my character is quite the charade though. What position does he mean to offer?”

“Estate manager. The position comes with living quarters, the estate manager’s office for yourself—all within the great house—and a goodly sum of money and respect.”

“I see.” He sat back, crossing one leg over the other. He was informally dressed tonight in dark coat and trousers and quite handsome out of his naval uniform. “Managing the estate is your role, is it not?”

“It has been until now, but once I marry I cannot be around enough to do any good. My grandfather has not advertised the vacancy and has told no one else of this offer as far as I know.”

“Newberry would be the poorer for your absence. You have done so well. I know your mother is very proud of you, and of Louisa too.” He glanced around. “But I do not truly need the income of the position. I am wealthy enough to live how I like. There is much that could be done at Newberry, particularly hiring new staff to ease the pressure on the old, and I could help with that I suppose. When Maitland returns, he will undoubtedly want to do things his way.”

“You have considered what Newberry needs already?”

“Only in passing. I could not help but notice a great many things need to improve. For example, your sister and cousins should not be hauling baskets of fruit about. If there were more able-bodied gardeners in service, they would never have to.”

Sally shifted uncomfortably.

“How do you think I should answer him? Should I take it or not?”

“I could not say.” She swallowed. “Mother says you do not have a home.”

“I do not yet. For the past few years, whenever I was able to come ashore, I have stayed at the Fladong’s Hotel in London. It has been good enough for a bachelor.”

“But one day you will want to have a family.”

“I already wanted that,” he said quietly, and her heart skipped a beat. “With you, in fact. But that does not seem likely anymore, does it?”

Her eyes stung. He had said he wanted her, but she had not realized just how deep his intentions ran. If she had not been engaged when Felix had first come to Newberry, would she have said yes to Ellicott straight away? Would Felix have offered for her hand again?

So far they had managed to patch up their differences, but she was a long way from trusting her heart to him.

“I think you should consider it,” Sally murmured. “You are liked by everyone here.”

His hand twitched toward her. She stared as it came to rest on the cushion beside her, and the compulsion to take it overwhelmed her momentarily. Everything would have been so easy if she had married him. No family but a brother. No home of his own. She could have gone on as she was, managing the estate alongside Felix, visiting her sister in the middle of the night when she was troubled. Felix was an easy man by and large and had never been demanding of her time and attention. He understood her devotion to her family better than anyone.

She took a deep breath and glanced across the room. Ellicott was talking again, remarking on the features of the new home she would live in with him. A place she should yearn to see. But she could not imagine herself as his wife and living anywhere but here at Newberry with Felix.

Felix hissed suddenly and she glanced at him quickly. He lifted Horace from his legs, leaving tiny claw marks in the black fabric of his breeches. “Even your cats seem to like me. Perhaps a little too much.”

Sally removed Horace from his grip and their hands brushed around the cat’s middle before he pulled away. “It is good to know they like you. I have to leave them behind now.”

“That seems unfair.”

“Ellicott has dogs, so it will be safer for them. I could not bear to place them in harm’s way.” She hugged Horace a moment, then let him leap from her arms. “So how long do you think you might remain ashore this time?”

“I have still no idea, but I am not anxious to return to my ship. Not anymore.” His gaze warmed, and a sensuous smile curved his lips, making her think of how warmly he regarded her when she’d been strewn across his bed.

When he flicked his tongue over his lips, she could not keep her eyes from him. “You are not wishing to go back?”