The Way We Roll (11 page)

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Authors: Stephanie Perry Moore

BOOK: The Way We Roll
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Taking a deep breath, I asked, “Does she know what y'all just did?”
Then this bigger, very mean-looking, unkept soror came over. “Oh, that's that paper girl y'all were talking about?”
Dena whispered to her, “Keisha, be cool.”
“Yeah, I'm the one whose mom is the National President,so let me just say y'all keep hittin' people, and I'm gonna rat on this line. Nobody will cross.”
Nobody was moving, and they looked like they thought I was bluffing. I pulled out my cell phone and started dialingmy mom.
“Okay, y'all get away. Get out of here. She could call the adviser on us.”
When the line dispersed, Tammie came over to me and said, “She wasn't supposed to get hit. Torian just said a few things out of line.”
Torian said, “I told them not to hit anybody else. Look at the girl who stands two people in front of you. She has a black eye.”
Sally was her name. When the big sisters piled out, Sally came over to me. Actually, all the hazed sisters huddled around me. I just knew they were going to go off on me for threatening to expose them. But I appreciated their surprising response when Sally cupped Torian's face and said, “Thanks for caring more about yourself. They are taking this thing too far.”
“Why don't you just walk away?” I asked her.
“I guess I'm not strong enough. I wish I had some of your spirit.”
“Well, go. Everybody, go home. Don't fool with them anymore tonight. We'll figure this whole thing out.”
 
As though the night couldn't get any crazier, I was finallyhome resting when Kade called. “I'm at your front door. Let me in, please. I don't want that crazy neighbor of yours calling the cops.”
“She's not that bad. You okay?”
“I need to talk to you. Please. I gotta get back to school.”
“All right, all right. I'll be right there.” When I let him in, his eyes looked swollen. “You been crying or something? It's not your leg. Did you get hurt again at practice?” I was getting all beside myself with worry because he wouldn't open up and talk to me. He had driven all the way to chat, but he wasn't saying anything. What was going on? “You wanna break up or something?”
“Why would you say that?”
“You're all distant and everything, I mean, what else am I supposed to suspect?”
“It's Sharon, okay?”
“You wanna get back with Sharon?”
“No. Just listen for a second. Please, Malloy.”
“Well, talk to me, Kade. You come over here, and you're all worked up, and you think I'm not gonna be upset, when I clearly see you're distraught. What is going on with Sharon?”
“You must not have seen her lately.”
“No, I told you I don't participate in all that undergroundstuff. Plus, word is she's sick. She hasn't been around in a while.”
Putting his head against the wall, he mumbled, “She's sick, all right. She's ruining my life, that's what she's doing.”
I touched his back. “How can she threaten you? What's going on?”
Kade turned to me with the saddest eyes I'd ever seen. “Malloy, I'm sorry, but Sharon's five months pregnant.”
10
BREAK
“
G
et out!” I screamed at the top of my lungs, “Get out now, Kade! Go!”
My pillow was on my bed, and all I could easily grab, pick up, and throw at him was that limp object. I wished I had something heavier. I couldn't believe what he had just told me. Sharon pregnant? This was horrible. Were they even still involved? Had I still been sitting in the fool's chair all these months? I hadn't given him any in months, and he hadn't been pressing me. Was she satisfying him?
Coming toward me to try to convince me otherwise, he said, “No, no, you don't understand.”
“What do you mean, I don't understand?” I huffed.
“I told you she's five months pregnant, Malloy. Think back. I haven't been with her since then.”
I sat on the bed and actually started calculating it all. No way could I take his word for it. I hadn't seen Sharon around any of our legitimate pledge experiences, so that would at least account for why I didn't know she had a bulging tummy. Everyone else said she had been missing in action from the underground activities. Maybe this was why.
“So she's just telling you now?” I looked up. “I mean, if you're saying you haven't been with her, are you sure you're the dad?”
“Honestly, Malloy, I can't be sure of anything. But she's telling me I am, and she and I already agreed I'm getting a paternity test done. I wish she'd gotten rid of the baby, but five months ... Now there's nothing I can do. We were together the week before I met you at that convention. I know I don't love her—even then it was just for sex. I know I don't want to have a future with her, but she sees dollar signs. When I cut it off, I guess she just decided she was just going to keep us connected in her own way and waited until it was too late to tell me. Gosh, I can't stand her.”
I really couldn't stand her either for so many reasons, but now she was potentially carrying the child of a guy I really cared about, maybe even loved. I was scared to even think that. Now at least I knew why I couldn't let myself get so involved, and take things to the next level. Perfect timing, too. Just when my feelings were about to go there, go to that next level, go to that place where he'd have my heart totally, there I sat before him completely broken.
Now It seemed Kade wasn't even the one who had intentionallyhurt me. I was beyond upset with myself. This was why I had to keep my heart in check and not get too close to him.
My dad had hurt me long ago by walking out on not just my mom but on me as well. My heart had been crushed, I had vowed never to get myself in a situation where I would feel like that again, but here I was.
Though I was tough and considered slightly hard, I did have a heart. And I knew I had to do what was right. I couldn't let Kade feel obligated to whatever we had. So I looked at him, a guy who clearly looked torn apart himself.Seeing the despair in his brow, I knew it wasn't easy for him to tell me all this, but he had. It was his reality. It was something we had to deal with. So I turned his cheek toward me and said, “You have to leave.”
“I thought we just got past all that. I didn't mean for this to happen. This wasn't what I set out for.”
Cupping his face with my hand so he knew I was sincere,I said, “No no, I understand all that, Kade, I do, but you're going to be a dad. You talked about that the first time I ever had a conversation with you. You told me you wanted to be a better father than the father you had, regardlessof the circumstances and how it came about. No, this might not be ideal, but you're going to be a dad. Take care of this child. Make a family. Go be with Sharon. Work it out.”
The tough football player, one of the best in college athletics,stood before me with tears in his eyes. He got down on both knees and placed his head on my waist. All I could do was rub his head and bend down and hold him. And though this was hurting me as much as I could clearly see it was hurting him, it was the right thing to do. If I was wrong, I had to be wrong doing something right.
“We got to cut this off. Please don't make this harder. Please leave.” I went over to the door, and Kade grudginglyleft.
 
It was now time for the Beta Gamma Pi Eagle Weekend.This was the overnight experience the line had with the alumnae sorors. This step in our ritual existed so the line could bond. I was so on the outs with everyone, I had no expectations that being one with the group was at all possible. But because this was a legit activity, and none of the Alpha chapter Betas would be there, I was in.
When I opened my door to look for my ride, Sirena came over and said, “You got your bags packed. Where are you going?”
“Just something with a sorority.”
“I can't believe you're still fooling with those girls. Y'all are going away overnight? What are you all going to be doing?”
Squinting, I teased, “Girl, you are not my mama. Why are you getting all in my business?”
“I'm just asking,” she said.
Loni and Torian told me Sirena was clingy. I tried not to see it because she was really cool and could mix up a mean jambalaya. I did need her to step back, stay in her place, and not get all up in my space. But I knew her, and the only way to ask this was to say, “Could you watch out for the place?” I needed to give her something to feel part of so she'd back off.
“Oh, yeah, I got that covered. I'll watch this place like a lion watches his prey,” she said with her hard stance.
“Let's go, girl!” Tori shouted from her car window as she honked.
My mom had called and told me the Eagle Weekend was going to be something I would cherish because it was a time where we would all feel very close to one another. I had doubts, but as the three of us followed the map and drove for forty-five minute to a secluded day spa, I smiled because I loved getting pampered.
Torian, Loni, and I were isolated in the sorority. I really didn't care, but I could tell Torian especially wanted to make sure this was her weekend to blend in with our other line sisters. For the first part of the day, we introduced ourselves and met all the older alumnae ladies, but I was just going through the motions.
Eventually, it was spa time. I was in heaven. I needed the deep-tissue massage as a diversion from my woes. It had been five days since I'd kicked Kade out of my place. The two of us hadn't spoken since. And honestly I was hurting.
After dinner, it was time for our line to have confession time. I thought the girls in our line were a bunch of self-centeredchicks that didn't know nothing about nothing, so I showed up in my pj's, ready to put on my headphones to listen to music. Astonishingly when we conducted the truth exercise, I was amazed at how deeply these girls had really connected to one another.
Cassie, the number three on our line, got up and said, “I just don't know how I would have made it without you girls. My grandmother's funeral was so hard for me to take. We didn't expect the cancer to take her so soon. If you guys hadn't been there, I don't know how I would have made it.” Seeing the other seven of them break down in tears let me know their connection was superstrong.
Then Trencia, a full-figured girl, got up and said, “What Johnny did to me ...” I started thinking,
What Johnny did to her? Now what happened?
“The whole rape ordealwas just way too much to bear. I wanted to brush it under the rug and pretend he didn't exist, blame myself, but you guys wouldn't let me. You all made sure I reported the incident, got myself checked and tested. I am so excitedabout the love we share. It's hard, but I know date rape is real.”
Mulani, the cutest dark-skinned sister I'd ever seen, said, “And when my family was looking for a donor for my little cousin's dying body, y'all supported me when I wanted to get tested. As I went through the testing, I was scared, and some of you guys came to the hospital with me, and others took class notes I missed that day. It turned out mine wasn't a match. But I love y'all for having my back, and there's nothing I wouldn't do to make us closer. I just appreciateyou guys.”
There were more stories that were just as impactful; I couldn't believe I hadn't experienced all that with them. I was on line with these girls but completely separated from everything they had shared. In some ways, I wished I could have been there for them. I had thought it was all about the hazing, all just about the mental strife, but there was much more. It clearly was about sisterhood on a level I wanted, longed for, and needed. I had been distant for far too long.
Moved, I stood up and said, “All right, I know y'all have issues with me because I haven't gone through all the stuff you guys have gone through. But now that the alumnae ladies have gone to bed, I'm just going to keep it real. I really appreciate hearing all you have shared. I know you all have already bonded, but y'all don't need to go through anything extra with those crazy girls. Unify and tell them no more. I just felt I had to say that.”
Cassie came over to me and said, “I don't really want to go through anything else, but we're in so deep, and they won't back down. We need help. You get special privileges because your mom is National President. We don't have that same nest to fall back on. You got to help us.”
I got several looks that were different from the hard ones I'd gotten the night we became Pis. The girls looked tired and worn out. Like they truly hated they were being mentally and physically beat down.
Seeing uncertainty on my face, Cassie said, “You got to find a way to break us from all this.”
“I'll try,” I said, as we all hugged.
So much more bonding and talking went on that night that for the first time in a while, I was a happy to be a part of their group. Life was hard, but having people there to help you weather the storm was a blessing.
 
On Sunday evening, the Eagle Weekend was over. Torian, Loni, and I hated to leave, but an hour later, we were back at my place. We sat in the car and just talked about everythingwe had experienced that weekend.
“That was so moving, y'all,” Torian said.
“Yeah, I'm glad to know everybody a little bit more,” Loni confessed.
Torian said, “So, you know, Malloy, we really got to try to stop this underground stuff. You've got to catch them in the act or something. We have to figure out some kind of way where they don't have to go through any of that.”
“How am I supposed to catch them? I'm not following anyone.” I looked at her like she was crazy.
Torian sighed like she really wanted me to hear her out. “Cassie said she would give me a call, she'd give me a text, she'd do something to let me know when they were doing underground stuff. When I get the word I just want to know you're going to be down. You're the only one who can make sure the hazng will stop and we can all still be Betas.”
“I don't know if I can do anything like that.”
“You've got more of a chance than we do,” Torian said as Loni nodded.
I went inside and found five messages, none from Kade. Not that I expected him to go back on what I had forced him to do. But I did miss him so. The messages were all from Sirena, saying the house was cool, saying she was checking on me, wondering why I hadn't come back, hopingI'd come over for tea. She needed a life, and I couldn't call her now to check in, I was too tired. The weekend had been too draining. I had given so much that when my phone rang, I ignored it and drifted off to sleep.
 
“These girls better not be doing anything,” I said out loud to myself as I picked up the ringing phone hours later. “Hello?”
“Girl, we're coming to get you.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Cassie just texted us. They're out.”
Frustrated, I said, “It's two in the morning.”
“I know. They're driving the big sisters around, and they're doing something with the University of SoutheasternArkansas girls.”
Mad that the Betas couldn't leave well enough I alone, I said, “Are you serious?”
“Yes. They want you to take some pictures and send it to your mom.”
“All right, I'll be ready.”
When we got in the car we drove to where Cassie had said they would be. It was an abandoned warehouse I'd never seen in my two years in the college town. There were over ten cars haphazardly parked around it.
At three ten in the morning, I eased up from the backseatand said, “This is crazy. I'm tired of spying. They are too grown to be putting up with stuff they don't want to do.”
“Yeah, but you know it's just not that easy to tell them to stop. Malloy, you know nobody wants to be branded like the three of us are,” Torian reminded.
“The three of us are smart. How about that?” I said to the two of them as I tapped them on the shoulders.
“Wait, I'm getting a text,” Torian said as she reached for her ringing mobile. “Cassie says Keisha—I guess she got in trouble last year for doing so much on the line—has been drinking.”

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