THE WAR BRIDE CLUB (23 page)

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Being in Lauren’s kitchen was like being in her eldest sister’s back in London. It was clean and tidy, but tiny. And well loved.
 

      She got the same feeling about her new friend. Her husband seemed to dote on her.
 

      “The lads seem to be getting on well.”

      Lauren looked at her as if she was speaking another language. “The who?”

      Madeline laughed. “Lads. That’s we call men back home.”

      “You and your funny sayings.”

      “Believe me, there’s plenty more where that came from,” Madeline told her.
 

      Sam, Lauren’s husband, burst through the kitchen door then and made a beeline for the fridge.
 

      “Two more beers for the boys.”

      He dropped a kiss to his wife’s cheek before reaching into the refrigerator for the drinks. Lauren watched him, and Madeline watched them. Saw the way they looked at one another. Laughed along with them when Sam nibbled at Lauren’s neck, before pressing the cold bottles against the bare skin of her arms to make her squeal.

      Madeline hated to admit it, but it made her jealous. She and Roy had been getting on fine together, been companionable ever since he’d got the promotion, but it was nothing like this.
And she doubted it ever would be.
 

      “Let’s get this food on the table so we can sit down.”

      Madeline helped her carry the plates, straight from the warming drawer, then the main dish. She’d only tasted meat loaf once before, and this looked great.
 

      The men were seated as soon as the aroma wafted into the sitting room.
 

      Roy sat next to her and she smiled at him. Really smiled.
 

      Maybe she needed to make more of an effort. Seeing Lauren and Sam together had made her want that, too.

      “Need to make the most of nice quiet dinners like these before children come along and take over, huh?”

      Madeline smiled at Sam’s words. It was so true.
 

      “You two want children, then?” she asked.
 

      “Whenever the good Lord decides we’re ready.” Lauren looked embarrassed at the topic but Madeline noticed how Sam’s hand brushed her own when she spoke. “We’ve been hoping for a while now.”

      “I suppose Madeline’s told you our good news?” asked Roy.

      She turned wild eyes on him. It was inappropriate given Lauren’s words, and it was supposed to be a secret!

      “Roy, I don’t think we need to…”

      “You’re pregnant?” Sam had a huge smile on his face. “That’s great news.”

      She appreciated that Lauren had kept it to herself, but Roy?
 

      “Honey, who else have you told?” Madeline asked.
 

      “No one, but we’re with friends here. What’s the problem?”

      Lauren looked sympathetic, but she could tell that Roy genuinely couldn’t see what the problem was. Madeline wasn’t going to cause a scene. Not here.
 

      “It’s fine, I’m just not sure about telling everybody yet. You know, until I’m a little further along.” She hesitated. “Until my boss knows at least.”

      “So Roy, tell us about your family’s farm?” Sam asked.
 

      Lauren threw her an apologetic glance. Madeline wasn’t sure what for. The whole pregnancy discussion or bringing up the farm? At least the subject had been changed.
 

      “We have mostly crops. Run some cattle there too.”

      “Sounds nice.”

      She watched Roy as he nodded. “It is. Great place.”

      “Roy, Madeline tells me you’re enjoying your job,” Lauren interrupted.
 

      Sam smiled at his wife, but he wasn’t about to let her change the topic. “Honey, Roy was just telling me about his farm.”

      Madeline started to feel clammy. Her palms, the back of her neck, even her face. Just talking about the place, as if it were some pretty, happy ranch, made her feel sick. As if it was in fact the fairy tale she’d been promised.
 

      “You visit there often?”

      She heard Sam’s question despite the ringing in her ears.
 

      “Ah, no.” She didn’t look up when she felt Roy’s gaze over her. Watching her. She concentrated on pushing meat on to her fork and then forcing it to her mouth. “Not since we moved into town.”

      “I have thought about moving back there once the baby is born. Great place to grow up,” Roy said, like it was something they’d talked about before, something they both wanted.
 

      Madeline almost spat her mouthful out on to the table. Her entire body went cold.
 

      Move back there? There wasn’t a chance.
No! Over her dead body would she take a child back to that awful place.
 

      She started to cough, like she was choking.
 

      “Are you okay? Do you want a glass of water?” Lauren looked concerned.

      Madeline rose, unable to look at Roy, and hurried into the kitchen. Lauren was hot on her heels.
 

      “It’s okay. Here, have this.”

      Lauren passed her the water. She drank it down, quickly.
 

      “I need to go to the bathroom. Where is it?” Madeline asked.
 

      She held the kitchen bench for strength, wanting nothing more than to double over. This couldn’t be happening. She must have misheard him.
 

      “I’m sure he didn’t mean it, Mads. It was just conversation. You know, him thinking out loud.”

      Madeline knew better. Last weekend he’d gone to visit them, without her. He must have told them they were expecting. Now they wanted the baby. Not her, she knew that already. But the baby. They wanted her baby!
 

      “Bathroom?” Now she was in danger of fainting.

      “Down the hall, first door on your right.”

      She ran. Just made the bathroom before she started vomiting, over and over, into the toilet.
 

      She wasn’t going back there.
She couldn’t.
 

      “It was just an idea, Madeline.”

      She was on the verge of hysteria. After managing to get through the rest of dinner, making small talk, and then finally leaving, they were back home.
 

      “It is not an idea, Roy. Because for it to be an idea there would actually have to be a possibility of it happening.”

      He sighed and pulled back the blankets, before getting into bed.
 

      “Would it be that bad, really?”

      “Do you not remember how they treated me? What it was like for me there? Do you not recall why and how we left?”

      He sat up, propped by the pillows. She stood, bewildered, in the center of the room.
 

      “It would be different if we had a child.”

      “Different?” Now she was feeling like a nut case. “Different because they’d not only have me to be awful to but a child too? I’d be stuck in tht house day after day, Roy. Absolutely not.”

      He sighed. Right now, she didn’t know how serious he was.
Whether it was just him testing the waters or if he actually intended on pushing the point.
 

      “How are we going to get on once you stop working? It’s not exactly cheap living here, and we need to get more furniture, things for the baby…”

      “We’ll cope, Roy. Lots of couples have to do without. We’ll be just the same as them.”

      He shook his head. “I just don’t see why we can’t give it another go. That’s all I’m saying.”

      “So long as we’re married, we won’t be living in that house again. Ever.”

      His reaction was to lie down as if to go to sleep. “I’m tired, we can talk about this another day.”

      She wasn’t even remotely sleepy.
 

      “Aren’t you coming to bed?” he asked.
 

      “No.”
 

      Madeline went to the kitchen, flicked the switch on, and picked up her pen. She needed to write to her family. She had tried so hard not to burden them with her problems, even thrown letters out she had penned before making it to the store to post them.
 

      But tonight she needed to talk to someone. And she was alone. She should have searched for Betty, Alice and June as soon as they’d moved into town. At least then she’d have friends to confide in. Why had they not all realized how hard it would be to get in touch? They should have named somewhere to meet, set a date, instead of all these months passing without contact.
 

      Madeline started to write to her mother.
About her fears for the future. About her mixed feelings for her husband. About her concern for her job, money, and her unborn baby.
 

      But mostly she described why she missed them. Why she would do anything to be back home, as part of her family, instead of on the other side of the world. This time she didn’t try to gloss over what was wrong.
 

      She remembered the way her father had looked at her when she’d been torn about accepting Roy’s offer of marriage. The kindness in his eyes when he’d promised to bring her home if it was that bad in America. She didn’t want to tell him, not yet, that it was worse than the most hideous nightmare a child could have, or more correctly, that it would be if she had to move back to the farm.
 

      But she did tell them that she missed them. That she would do anything to come home.
 

      She’d wait until after the baby was born. See what happened then. See if Roy insisted on going back to the farm.
 

      Just when they’d been getting on, when things had seemed okay, it was like he’d thrown a grenade at her.
 

      If she couldn’t stand it any longer, if he forced her to move, she was going to run. She was going to send a telegram to her father and beg him to help her.
 

      Not yet. But she would do it if she had to.
 

      “I hope Sam didn’t upset you last night.” Lauren looked worried.
 

      Madeline tried to be brave, when all she wanted was to curl up into a ball and cry. She didn’t trust her own voice, so she just attempted to smile.
 

      “Oh, I’m sorry!” Lauren put her arm around her. “I knew it upset you. I should have told him off then and there.”

      “It wasn’t Sam’s fault. It was Roy.” She started to cry. Just tiny tears that couldn’t be stopped. “I just can’t believe he actually suggested us going back there.”

      She’d told Lauren bits and pieces about what it had been like for her on the farm. Not the complete truth, but enough for her to paint a fairly vivid picture.
 

      It had been… a long, long time since she’d let anybody see her cry. Since she’d been this honest about her feelings.
 

      “It’ll be all right, I promise.” Lauren still had an arm slung over her shoulders. “Once the baby comes you’ll be just fine. You’ll see.”

      She hoped so.
 

      But something told her she was going to need to a lot more than hope to get through what her future held.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

JUNE sucked in a deep breath and focused on the bathroom ceiling. She was not going to cry.
 

      Each month that passed without her getting pregnant was a heartache like she’d never known before. It made her feel so incapable, so pathetic. So barren. It hadn’t been long, but still.
She was ready to be a mom.
 

      She forced the thoughts from her mind as she listened to Eddie’s cheerful whistle. The clop of his shoes up the staircase made her feel better, but she knew he’d be disappointed too.
 

      “Where are you darling?”

      June cleared her throat and flushed the toilet.
 

      “Just a moment.”

      He continued to whistle the tune. When she opened the door and walked to their bedroom, he was sitting on the bed, waiting.
 

      “Ready to go?”

      June smiled, but when her eyes met his she lost control. A sob escaped from her mouth, her body shaking. Eddie was by her side in less than a heartbeat.
 

      “June, sweetheart.” He pulled her tight into his arms, rocking her back and forth. “June, what is it?”