Authors: Bilinda Ni Siodacain
His voice became quieter and quieter until it trailed off. I knew what he was thinking about, but I had forgiven him for that a long time ago. I never blamed him for it anyway; it had been an accident, my fault really. I knew the risks only too well and luckily for us, I could look after myself. Stopping on the path, I pulled him around to face me.
“
Don’t you dare go there,” I warned him, watching the guilt and the pain flow through his eyes.
“
You didn’t hurt me and I trust you, you know I do. I trust you with my life, Sam. And anyway I can look after myself, remember?”
I said the last with a knowing smirk and he laughed. He still had the haunted look in his eyes but it had started to lessen. I wondered if he would ever forgive himself for that night. The night he had nearly attacked me, could have killed me, but he didn’t.
It was two years ago now but still he blamed himself for it. I should have seen the signs, with him being a vampire and all, but it wasn’t long after we met. He didn’t want to leave my side and I wasn’t going to insist so we did everything together except hunt. The only place I ever hunted was in a supermarket for a packet of sausages so hunting with Sam never really occurred to me. I did know he was getting hungry but I didn’t have enough experience to understand just how hungry he was and how much he was depriving himself just so he could spend time with me.
His eyes had darkened and he was finding it harder and harder to keep his fangs from coming down. In the end it was such a simple thing that set it off.
My lips were chapped from the cold, they always dried out and became chapped in the winter time and this one was no exception. However when your boyfriend is a vampire you should have enough sense to remember to buy Vaseline for them but I was so wrapped up in everything Sam related that I forgot. Sitting on the couch together that evening, we were watching some stupid film that neither of us was that interested in when my lip split. I have a nervous habit and I chew my lips near constantly so the combination of cold weather and my bad habit meant I put both of us in a very bad position.
Sam could smell the coppery tang of blood that beaded on my lips. He hadn’t fed in so long and I never realised how much time actually passed since he fed. Turning my face to his, he looked at the small drop of blood as it welled up. I tried to get up to get a tissue to stop it. I knew enough about vampires to not want to tease him, but he held me in place as his eyes darkened completely. They were so black his pupil disappeared into the circle of the iris where his green colouring should have been. Fear gnawed at me and I could tell from the way he looked at me that something was very wrong. He leaned in over me and kissed me. It wasn’t anything like the type of kiss Sam normally gave me; there was no love, just pure hunger.
He sucked at the cut on my lip drawing the blood and it was then I felt the sharp tips of his fangs as he nipped me. The cut deepened and he pulled away. For the first and only time, I saw the predator that Sam truly was. Like some sort of beautiful avenging angel, all alabaster skin and black eyes, his lips which normally have a slight reddish tint to them were now painted a ruby red from the blood on my mouth. I tried to tell him but he wasn’t listening anymore; he needed blood and I was it.
Closing in on me, I tried to get away from him but he was faster. I felt his breath as it fanned across my neck above the spot where my frightened pulse jumped against my skin. It practically begged to be released. His fangs grazed my neck and I did the only thing then that I knew I could. I had to stop him from biting me. I knew he’d never forgive himself if he did it. I felt my power flow through my body, up through my arms and into Sam’s body where my hands were pressed against his chest.
I watched helplessly as he flung himself away from me, writhing on the floor. He looked as though he was dying but I knew it only felt that way.
I can make people feel death; slow, painful, agonizing death. It flows from my hands into their bodies but it’s not real and it only lasts for a few seconds usually, although it does depend on how long I touch the person.
After that night, Sam never went more than a day without feeding on something small at least. Small animals can sustain him but he needs human blood to be truly satisfied and every so often he raids the blood banks and takes some packets to keep himself under control. He gave up attacking humans a long time ago.
I kissed him again to remind him and also to insure that he did realise how much I loved and trusted him. He sighed against my mouth.
“
Jade, we’ll never get home if we keep stopping like this,” he said, feigning impatience.
“
Fine, fine!” I answered, overly dramatising the exasperation in my voice as I smiled at him.
“
Let’s get going!”
Slipping my hand back around his waist we walked home. Neither of us needed to say anything, we were just happy in the silence of each other.
Chapter Two
Later that evening I watched Sam getting ready to go on the hunt. Well, breaking into a blood bank wasn’t exactly a hunt but it was as close as he was willing to get to one.
I prepared dinner to keep myself busy. I had a bad feeling about tonight for some reason. I always worried about him going out like this. I didn’t want him to get caught, people tended to not take so kindly to that type of behaviour, as though attacking and drinking blood directly from humans was any better.
There was always some kind of report on the news about some new victim or other. Everyone seemed to accept the idea that vampires needed to feed but it was always the same story ‘not in my backyard’. They never said on the news what happened to vampires that went on killing sprees.
There had been one vampire. He had gone by the name Tristan, no last name; he was supposed to have been old and very powerful. He went nuts one day and massacred families in their homes. When the police did eventually catch up to him, they had counted over one hundred and twenty three victims – and they were just the ones they had found. He hadn’t really fed on them, just simply killed them for the thrill because he could and he knew they couldn’t stop him. A vampire serial killer.
They put him in prison, but vampires are far more powerful than the authorities could ever have anticipated. Even if he hadn’t had the ability to cloud minds (which all vampires have but some are better at it than others), this vampire could basically reduce people to a zombie state. They enjoyed and welcomed the death he brought.
That was the last time they had tried to imprison a vampire. Shortly after that, the vampire council sent representatives to set up a vampire council branch here. Nobody really knows how rogue vampires are dealt with; they never release information on it and the problems just seem to disappear.
The vampires are all terrified of their council. Sam won’t even talk about them; he’s afraid that if I know too much about them that they’ll come looking for us.
I stirred the pasta that I was cooking in the pot and added a stock cube to the water. I watched it bubble, nervously chewing my lip as I became lost in my own thoughts. I didn’t hear Sam come up behind me and only noticed he had when his arms slid around my waist and he laid his head on my shoulder. I sighed, releasing the breath I hadn’t noticed I’d been holding onto.
“
You’ll be careful won’t you?” I asked, trying to hide my mounting concern about something he did regularly; I just couldn’t fathom my feeling of fear.
“
I’m always careful,” he replied laughingly, “and anyway if I have any problems I’ll just put them under my gaze; you know how good I am at that.”
As he was talking he had turned me around to face him. I tried not to look into his eyes. I knew he was messing with me, trying to reassure me, but I didn’t want to be reassured. I knew enough about my own powers not to completely disregard a feeling I had, especially one this insistent.
“
But Sam, I have a feeling something terrible is going to happen but I don’t know what and it’s worse than any other time you were going out looking for food. I know you need to eat but maybe you shouldn’t go tonight...?” Faltering, I came to a stop as he pulled away from me and leaned against the sink.
“
Jade, I have to go; I’m not risking you again. Would you really want me to take that risk; I could turn on you. How could I live with myself if I hurt you- or worse…” He stopped then and turned to face me, spreading his hands palms up away from his body,
“
I love you too much to let your fears stop me from what I have to do so we can be together.”
He looked at me; his eyes held no power in them but I still felt drawn to him. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his body, burying my face against his chest. I tried to hide the fact that I had started to cry. Silently the tears ran down my cheeks to soak into his grey cotton shirt, leaving behind a darkened stain that oddly reminded me of a blood stain.
“
I know that, but I just need you to come back to me and I feel as though tonight everything is going to change, we’re going to change…”
Placing his fingers under my chin, he tilted my face upwards to look at him. He brushed away the salty trails that covered my face and looked at me; his eyes had a fierce and intense quality to them that I had only ever been given glimpses of.
“
How I feel about you won’t ever change; my love for you is eternal. I won’t ever love or want anyone the way I love and want you. We belong together, and if it ever happens, then death can’t even keep us apart. I will always find you no matter what. I burn for you.”
With that he bent his head to mine and kissed me. Our lips met and it felt as though a fire consumed him; he kissed me like he never had before. It felt wonderful and exquisite but I also felt as though part of my soul was being ripped from my body.
I opened my eyes and he was gone. Touching my fingers to my lips; I almost expected them to be burned. The kiss felt like an expression of our connection but to me it had a fatalistic feel to it, as though our goodbye was of a more permanent nature than just Sam going hunting.
I turned back to the cooker and my dinner preparations as I mulled over where the feeling might be coming from. As we said goodbye the pasta had boiled dry. Sighing, I added more water to it and tried to salvage what little there was left that wasn’t stuck to the bottom of the pot. I took the tin of soup from the cupboard and added it to the drained pasta.
I knew Sam would never willingly give me up but that thought alone couldn’t stop the fear from gripping my stomach and twisting it into a knot. I tried to relax and take some calming deep breaths. Sam wouldn’t be gone long, just a few hours. I’d watch some telly and check my emails, maybe go to bed early; anything just to help me pass the time.
Putting my dried pasta and soup into a bowl, I sat down on the sofa and flicked on the TV. News and sport occupied most of the channels so I put on a soap opera. I sat and watched but didn’t take in what was happening; I just needed something mindless that didn’t require any real thought so I could be with my own thoughts.
I sat like this for what felt like an age. My food had long since gone cold; I couldn’t eat it, the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach was too great. I dragged myself into the kitchen and forced myself to clean up.
I’ve always found washing up to be a very mundane task and this time was no different. I was glad to be doing something, anything at all to keep myself somewhat occupied. As I plunged the dishes into the soapy water and scrubbed the food off their surface, I thought about Sam and what he’d be doing now. He’d probably be back soon, it never took him long when he was on a mission like tonight. He knew how worried I was so I knew he’d hurry back to me just so he could tell me I had nothing to be worried about in the first place.
He liked doing that. He told me often enough that I read too many fairy stories and my imagination was far too overactive for my own good. I smiled at that; ever since I was a small girl, I had always wanted to be either Cinderella or Rapunzel. I was fascinated by their lives and adored the idea of being rescued by a handsome prince and living as a princess.
The more I thought about it, Sam was probably right; I was just afraid that because I was happy, I was terrified that something would happen to ruin it. Happiness didn’t last, that only happened in the fairytales. But I deserved to be happy, didn’t I? I deserved my fairytale ending and I wouldn’t let silly fears stop me from having it. Smiling, I picked up the drying towel and started stacking the washed dishes into a neat pile.
I was glad I had figured out where my fear was coming from. I didn’t want to jinx it but I couldn’t let it rule me either; I just needed to get on with things and not let them hold me back and as long as I had Sam by my side, I realised I could tackle anything that life wanted to throw at me.
I knew Sam wasn’t the only thing keeping me together. I’m quite a strong person and I had coped and managed before we met, but it was nice to know you had somebody completely on your side. That no matter what happened this person loved you, flaws and all. They were there beside you shouldering some of life’s difficulties and helping you to make the best decisions for you. They wanted only the best for you and you wanted the same thing for them. It was a lovely feeling of security and I allowed it to wrap around me. I savoured my realisation as I finished tidying up.
I sat back down on the couch. I felt lighter somehow I couldn’t wait to tell Sam. I still had an unexplainable feeling of fear but it had diminished under my musings on why I had it in the first place.