The Vampire (THE VAMPIRE Book 1) (76 page)

“What? Why would you ask him that…?” He was surprised and a little embarrassed.

She shrugged. “I told him that besides being my brother, you’re someone who is very important to me. And that you have been going through a rough time lately and you were dealing with a lot of stuff right now.”

Jason winced but she seemed not to notice.

“He looked a little worried and he asked me, ‘What has your brother said?’

“I really wasn’t sure what he meant, so I said you really don’t like to talk about your problems or your personal stuff much. And you won’t even discuss him or even talk about your job hardly at all.”

They were both silent for several moments.
Well, good so far,
Jason thought. Though embarrassed at what she had said to Augere he was also touched that Carrie took advantage of her stolen time with Augere to advocate for him.

“Please tell me you didn’t just knock on his door though, did you? In the middle of the night?”

Carrie frowned. “Of course not. I woke up feeling hungry; I ate some more of the cheesecake and then I wanted a root beer. Then I decided to take another look at that beautiful library and see if maybe I could find some more books about the Salem witches so I went in—and he really scared the hell out of me!”

“Why? What happened?” His body tensed again.

“It was really dark in there. I stood in the doorway, where there was just a little light from the hall, and I didn’t know where the light switch was, so I waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. I thought I noticed some quick movement across the room—it really scared me for a second. I almost turned and got out of there. But I waited a few more moments and then I decided to go in—it was still so dark I almost tripped over a chair or something, and then all of a sudden, someone had hold of my arm. I almost screamed…!” She seemed to be reflecting on that now. “He caught me!” The quizzical look on her face made him nervous. “And it was so quick! How he just happened to be right next to me!

“I said, ‘Damn, you really startled me! Where is the light?’ He was—gone for a second—and then he lit a candle, which seemed a little odd, instead of turning on the light. And I said, ‘I thought you were supposed to be away this weekend…I didn’t mean to bother you—what are you doing in here in the dark?’”

Her bluntness, so typical of Carrie, made him wince again. He tried to picture the scenario: and he got it—Augere must have lit the candle to keep the light dim so she would not get such a good look at him…

“He said he was checking on something. He had a book open on that desk. I think maybe he was trying to read in the dark!…or maybe he just wanted to make me think he was…which is kind of odd and doesn’t make sense either. So I said what are you reading, and then I went and looked at the cover: It was some book about the history of blood disorders and diseases I think. And I said, ‘Oh, you’re not sick are you?’ and he said, ‘No.’ And then I said, ‘Are you trying to bore yourself to sleep then?’ and he laughed and said ‘Something like that.’ So then I convinced him to come to the kitchen with me. It was 6:00 a.m. by then, and I knew I would not be able to get back to sleep. I sensed he didn’t really want to come with me, but I just had to talk to him.”

Jason shakily took a sip of his coffee.

“I asked him if he had a girlfriend.”

Jason choked a little. “Carrie…” He groaned as he shook his head.

“And he said no, that his ‘lifestyle did not leave him that option.’ He has this different way of speaking… anyway I wasn’t sure just what he meant by that—”

Jason attempted another sip.

“—so then I asked if he was gay.” She had to pause while Jason finished choking again.

“Carrie…you didn’t!” His voice came out as a croaking sound.

“He looked a little confused.” She nodded. “And after a few moments, he said, ‘Happy?’ And then I was confused so I said, well, I mean do you like boys more than girls? He seemed to think it over for a few moments, and then he said with a shrug ‘It is all the same.’ So the jury is still out on that,” she said, raising an eyebrow, “but it sounds like there is at least a 50/50 chance for me.”

He picked up meanings in Augere’s responses she could not have, and then some, both of which chilled him, but then he almost wanted to laugh too. He dwelled on her last comment.
Oh, great. That’s where her thoughts are going. Perfect. Just when I thought things could not get worse or more complicated
.

“He really seemed to like the way I look.” She began talking in that rapid way she had when she got excited about something. She smiled, looking pleased, as she rambled on. “He complimented my hair and jewelry. And he liked the Poe shirt, like I said. He was looking at me so intently, as he kind of leaned toward me, and he was so gentle when he reached out and touched—” She paused to take a breath and a quick sip of her coffee, as Jason tensely waited. “—my bracelets—almost like he was afraid they would break just from handling them.” She got a faraway look in her eyes. “That’s what I mean—he is just so—different somehow… and I can’t quite define it…” She reflected some more. “So tentative, like there is a shyness there almost. It is really very sweet and touching. Charming.”

She got up and poured them both more coffee.

“I told him the moment I saw him I thought he had a really gothic vibe to him. But then I had to explain what I meant—I mean, about goth aesthetics, all of it. Like he just didn’t know! But how weird is that? How could someone be gothicly inclined and not know it?” She laughed. “He seemed really interested in everything I told him—about the scene: the clothing, the music, magazines, all of it. I asked him: didn’t you notice Jason and I have that in common too?”

Jason was really curious to know the answer to that.

“He just kind of shrugged. And, well, I didn’t know what that was supposed to mean.”

Jason didn’t know either.

“Then I said to him, ‘What is up with that pitch black room you came out of? It’s like you were in a dark cave or something!’ And he laughed. He just has the nicest laugh! The sound of it… there’s something so unique about it… But then he didn’t say anything about why it was so dark.”

Jason just let her go on. He was too fascinated and surprised to do otherwise.

“He said to me, ‘You are very close to your brother. You share a lot with him.’ And I raved about the great time we were having in Boston; I told him all the places we went and the things we did and saw and what you bought me. And I thought maybe it was boring to him, but his expression—he just seemed so interested. He was looking into my eyes so deeply that I truly felt it really mattered to him and he really wanted to hear all I had to say. But then this look came into his eyes…” Carrie paused, and her own eyes suddenly began tearing up. “I’ve never seen—or rather felt—such a sadness. And there was this strange feeling suddenly—like he could just fade from my sight! Isn’t that totally weird? I know it sounds crazy.” She practically whispered this and suddenly seemed a little distant, as if recalling the strange sensation. “I felt like I wanted to take hold of his hand and make him stay…I did reach for his hand!—I remember. And he seemed to withdraw a little…like he did not want to be touched. And that sadness just made me want to cry. He kept looking deeply into my eyes and I just felt this aura of despair around him, coming from him.

“I said to him, “Please tell me what you are feeling.’ He hesitated. I felt like he did not want to tell me. But then, he did.

“He said he had lost all of his family. That was just how he said it: lost them. I wondered how, but I was hesitant to ask. And I started to think: what if I lost everyone I really cared about? What if I lost you, Jason? I just couldn’t bear it. And this was the first time I had ever thought anything like that in my life. He looked at me then, and he nodded. Like he just knew exactly what I was feeling, what I was thinking. That’s when my tears started.

“And then I thought about the two of us last night, all the fun we were having. Laughing so hard; I know we got pretty loud. And I started to think that he had to have heard us. He was here, in the house. We had more than enough food. And yet we didn’t even think to invite him; we didn’t include him. And we should have.” Carrie’s cheeks were damp with tears now. She wasn’t looking at Jason; she was recalling their time together last night.

Jason thought about that. She had a point. Augere probably could have heard them. And maybe he had even had felt left out, somewhat. There was really no way of knowing.
He is always so withdrawn and distant…and anyway he was supposed to have been gone…

“Carrie, he was supposed to have left. And anyway, I don’t think he would have felt comfortable with—”

She was shaking her head. “No. We should have at least invited him. Why didn’t we? Why didn’t we even think to see if he might be here? We didn’t even check…”

Jason took a long drink of his coffee instead of responding. He knew the real reason. In a normal situation she would have been right. He had no answer he could share with her.

“I actually worried that he was uncomfortable when I started crying, but I couldn’t stop, not for a while. It seemed he didn’t really know what to say. He just looked at me and his expression stayed the same…kind of calm I guess. I was afraid he would just leave, because of me being so emotional, and so I tried to turn attention away from myself.

“I asked him if he would please tell me his thoughts.”

How simple she made it seem! Just “tell me your thoughts…”

“He said, ‘Things are very different for me. They are few and distant who have truly been able to understand.’ That was just how he said it. Then he was quiet. I just felt like there was a lot more he wanted to say to me. And I wanted him to. But I started to feel like I was trying to open a wound he was trying to heal. So we just sat there, silent, for a while. The pain in his beautiful eyes was heart breaking. I was just crying quietly then. I’m not even sure why; something about him just got to me and made me sad, brought out all the tears and emotion.

“I thought he wasn’t going to say any more, but then he started speaking so softly it was almost like he didn’t mean for me to hear it. Yet every word he spoke was so clear.

“He told me he had had an older sister, Amandine, who had died when he was very young and he doesn’t remember her well. But he thinks he feels her presence sometimes; he feels like she tries to guide him and help him.

“He said he was closest to his younger sister, Delphine, and especially after his mother and grandmother died. He had to be seeing her in his mind then because a pained look came over his face. ‘She was one of the last people who truly knew me as I was.’ I wasn’t sure what he meant. I wanted to ask him and I was almost afraid to, but I had to know: did she die also?

“‘He said it was December, and he was fifteen and she was eleven. He said they were always inseparable; he protected her. They shared a lot of interests despite their ages. She seemed to know quite a few things a child her age couldn’t know and he said he thought she displayed ‘uncommon wisdom for someone so young.’ Carrie paused, trying to recall Augere’s exact words. He said she got really ill, but she got better for a time, and all seemed to be good again. But then she became even more ill. Their mother had already died the year before and their grandmother soon after that. He said he held his sister’s hand while she was dying. He remembers that she clung to her life for days. ‘She wondered why—she had asked me why she had to go and not stay with all of us. She said she could not bear to be apart from me. And she would find a way to stay or to keep me with her always.’

Tears welled again in Carrie’s eyes at the fresh recollection of Augere’s words, words he apparently had spoken with little outward emotion that she could recall. It seemed to her that only the sadness in his eyes conveyed the depth of his feeling. “And I just wanted to wrap my arms around him. But I didn’t think I could possibly be able to comfort him; that he was just unable to be comforted.”

“You know,” she said, as her fresh tears finally started to subside, “I found out he is much older than he looks. But you probably already knew that.”

“Oh?” Jason gave her an inquisitive look, wondering what Augere had said.

She nodded. “He’s twenty-three—so that would have been like—eight years ago. So of course, it’s no wonder he still feels the pain of that loss.”

Eight years—give or take 200 or more,
Jason thought.
And a very long time indeed to carry such grief and sadness
.

“He said he is trying very hard to let go. No one seems to realize how hard it is for him.” She looked into Jason’s eyes. “You have to be patient and try to understand him. And what he is going through.”

This took Jason by surprise. He had not expected to be so disarmed by both of them.

She seemed to have learned significant things about Augere in just a short time. Things he did not doubt were true. Again he felt a twinge of envy. If anyone could draw him out, Carrie would be the one. And these were personal things helpful for him to know; the kinds of things he wondered about.

“I’ve never met anyone like him,” she said with fresh awe. “I don’t think anyone else like him even exists.”

Jason needed to keep his guard up. She could be close to the truth now. Too dangerously close to opening the forbidden door.

“Just being next to him,” she began to recall, “makes you feel like you are getting a little drunk from him; a feeling weird and pleasant at the same time; as if you are drinking wine too quickly and you know you are getting too intoxicated but you just do not want to stop because you feel so good and mellow…light headed and drifting, just listening to that velvet soft voice…”

“And just how would you know how it feels to be drinking wine, to the point of being intoxicated?” Jason asked in a parentally stern voice.

Carrie blushed and dropped her gaze. She shrugged one shoulder. “Just sayin.” She took a big sip of coffee.

Then she sighed with a far off look in her eyes. “When he looks into your eyes and he talks to you—it is with such an intensity and with so much personal attention—he is so focused on you—it makes you feel like there is no one and nothing else but you, in the room, or in the entire world, that matters more to him.”