The Vampire Queen (2 page)

‘But I like our home,’ Finn whined.

Jake stretched his legs taller and taller until he was arched like a rainbow in the clouds.

‘Finn, house hunting is wild!’ he called down from the sky. ‘You gotta try it.’

‘Really?’ Finn asked.

‘Yeah, man. It is so nuts,’ Jake said, putting his front paws back down on the ground so he covered Finn like a giant awning.

‘Okay, I’m convinced,’ said Finn. ‘Let’s roll.’

‘Sweet,’ Jake cheered. ‘Things are going to start going our way!’

Just as the friends began walking down a hill, the clouds parted and the sun appeared.

‘See?’ Jake said. ‘What’d I tell ya?’

Finn and Jake set out to find a new home. They knocked on the door of a small stone house. A blob-like monster appeared, and the two friends ran off screaming.

They crept into a giant shell on the beach. It seemed cosy and warm inside – just the place where they could make a new home. But then a frog popped out of nowhere and barfed out a tiger. It was definitely not the place for Finn and Jake to live.

After a long day, Finn and Jake stopped at a rock and put down their things. They picked up some sticks and built a lean-to to protect them for the night. But the rock turned out to be a strange, bird-like creature and the friends were on the move once again.

They raced down rivers and plodded through the snowy tundra. It seemed like they would never find the perfect place to live because they already had the perfect place to live – the treehouse. If only that mean vampire Marceline hadn’t taken it from them!

‘This is weak,’ Finn complained as he floated on an ice floe with Jake. ‘I don’t even like any of these places. I wanna go home!’

‘Finn, let me tell you a little something about what home really means,’ Jake said as he picked up his violin and began to play a melody.

‘Home isn’t a place,’ he sang. ‘Home is anywhere where people care about you.’

‘Yeah, I guess I’d rather be out here, wrapped in your ear,’ Finn chimed in, trying to create rhymes as he sang, ‘than be in some awesome house, all by my … souse.’

‘I’d rather be dancing with some babes,’ Jake admitted.

‘Shut up, dude!’ Finn laughed.

Finn and Jake laughed as the ice floated into a dark cave. At first, the inside of the cave looked gross – probably not a place for a new home. The walls were covered in bats, but when they flew out, the cave was spotless and sparkling.

‘Whoa, bro,’ Finn gasped.

‘Whoa!’ Jake agreed.

‘Want to just live in here?’ Finn asked.

‘Yes,’ Jake answered.

So that’s what they did. They cleaned out the cave, built a house inside of it, and set up a small fire pit. Then they sat down and admired their work.

‘So, uh, what should we do first in our new digs?’ Finn asked.

‘Let’s throw a party and trash it!’ Jake suggested.

Finn and Jake lit some lanterns and turned on some party music. The cave creatures came out to join in the festivities.

‘Ah, this is it. Feeling good,’ Finn sighed. ‘I’m feeling, like, completely satisfied. Nothing else can go wrong. You know, Jake?’

‘Yeah, man,’ Jake agreed.

Suddenly, the door flew open. A familiar figure appeared in Jake’s view. Marceline was crashing the party!

‘Hey, Finn,’ she said. ‘Pretty awesome party you got here.’

‘What do you want, Marceline?’ Finn asked.

‘Oh, I just want to show you something,’ Marceline said as she danced through the cave. She waved her arms and pointed to a large letter M carved into the cave wall.

‘This cave belongs to me,’ Marceline explained. ‘Thanks for fixing the place up for me.’

‘You…you can’t take our home twice!’ Finn protested.

Marceline grabbed a stand-up bass and plucked the strings.

‘Yes,
I CAAANNNN
,’ she sang.

That was it. Finn had reached his limit. He clenched his fists and jumped up and down angrily.

‘
IT’S VAMPIRE-FIGHTING TIME!
’ he screamed.

‘Finn! No!’ Jake said as he held his friend back. ‘Vampires will kill you, remember?’

‘But she’s taking our home again!’ Finn replied.

‘We’re home as long as we’re together,’ Jake reminded Finn.

‘Oh, yeah,’ said Finn. ‘Okay, Marceline, I’m going to let you keep this cave, but only because Jake is my home, and he’s way better than all your homes combined.’

‘You know, you’re right,’ Marceline agreed. ‘I guess I’ll take him, too.’

Marceline stopped strumming the bass and grabbed Jake. The cowardly canine was completely terrified. Marceline told Jake she was going to bite him a little and possibly turn him into a zombie.

‘Let go of Jake!’ Finn demanded.

‘Make me!’ Marceline challenged him.

Finn smacked Jake out of Marceline’s hands. He picked up his battered friend.

Then Marceline’s face turned monstrous. Her limbs stretched as her body filled the cave with her gigantic new form.

‘No one makes me let go of Jake,’ she hissed. She picked Finn up in her enormous fist and then swatted him to the ground with her other hand. ‘You’re pathetic, little boy.’

Finn hurled himself through the air.

‘You’re pathetic!’ Finn roared. ‘Get ready for an uppercut, you dog!’

‘Make me!’ Marceline challenged again.

Finn attacked, but he was no match for the towering vampire queen. Marceline smacked Finn on the rear end, lifted him by the head, and threw him to the ground.

Jake stood shaking in the back of the cave.

‘I gotta help my buddy,’ he said to himself.

Marceline stretched out her bat-like wings and heckled Finn.

‘
YOUR BLOD IS MINE!
’ she shouted.

Jake stretched his legs until they looked like four wiggly whips. He rushed at Marceline’s head, wrapping his limbs around her like twine around a spool.

Marceline pulled Jake from her face and then bit him on the tail. She sank her teeth into him until he looked like a piece of dried-up beef jerky. Finally, she tossed him onto the cave floor and laughed.

Finn’s scream of anger echoed through the cave. He then punched her in the face.

‘Ouch!’ Marceline complained. ‘That actually hurt, Finn.’ She laughed and opened her mouth wide, revealing her pointed fangs. Finn thought all was lost as Marceline lunged toward him. But she didn’t bite him at all. She just shrank back to her girl-like form and laughed some more. Then she kissed Finn’s cheek.

‘Um, why didn’t you just kill me?’ Finn asked, dazed and confused.

‘Because that was fun!’ Marceline replied. ‘I haven’t fought like that in years. Thanks, Finn!’

Marceline began to strum her bass once again. Jake, looking plump and lively, ran over.

‘Aren’t you dead?’ Finn asked.

‘Nah,’ Jake answered. ‘Before she bit me, I used my powers to shrink all my guts and blood over to my thumb. See?’

‘You two are pretty hardcore,’ Marceline observed. ‘I can appreciate that.’

‘So…so does that mean we can have our old house back?’ Finn asked.

‘Yeah, keep it…,’ Marceline said, at first friendly. Then her face twisted into a scary form. ‘…as a gift from me!’

Finn and Jake raced from the cave. They couldn’t wait to get back to the treehouse.

So Jake the Dog and Finn the Human travelled back through the Land of Ooo. They trekked through the frigid tundra, tiptoed past the strange bird-like creature that looked like a rock and stopped to splash near the giant shell on the beach.

Eventually, they reached the treehouse. Home, sweet home. They burst through the front door exuberantly.

‘
YEAH!
’ they yelled together.

Their excitement soon turned to shock. They noticed that their treehouse had been invaded by slimy squatters. Weird worms inched their way across the floor, over the couch and past the cast iron stove! They stopped their wiggling and buzzing as soon as they saw Finn and Jake. Then they began to glow.

‘Did you guys get on the bed?’ Finn asked. ‘I told you. You’re not allowed!’

Just then, a giant Worm King slithered through the ceiling. He towered over Finn and Jake.

‘Oh, hey, guys,’ he greeted the pair of adventurers.

Finn and Jake just looked at him blankly.

The Worm King glowed with magic. He zapped Finn and Jake with two green beams of light that shot out of his eyes. The rays seemed to carry some sort of otherworldly mind control.

‘Come here, guys,’ he said. ‘Hug me.’

Finn and Jake had no self-control. They put their arms around the Worm King for a slimy hug.

Fortunately, being back in their own home gave them a certain strength – perhaps even enough to break the spell. Using all their powers, they slowly freed themselves from the Worm King’s grasp.

Jake picked up his violin. Finn cleared his throat. Yes! They would raise their voices in song to reclaim the treehouse from the worms.

‘Home is a place,’ Jake sang. ‘Home is where you keep all your best stuff.’

‘Yeah, I guess I’d rather be in here, than wrapped in your ear,’ Finn sang along. ‘This is an awesome home. I’m glad I’m not alone.’

The louder they sang, the stronger they became.

One by one, the glowy worms filed out of the treehouse, with the Worm King right behind them. When the last of them left, Jake slammed the door behind them, nearly catching one by its end, which made him consider something he’d never before considered.