The Twilight Zone: Complete Stories (43 page)

His control snapped and he shouted back at her. “I would prefer, though never asked before, a job! Any job...any job at all where I could be myself! Where I wouldn’t have to climb on a stage and go through a masquerade each morning at nine and mouth all the dialogue and play the executive and make believe I’m a bright young man on his way up.” The glass shook in his hand and he put it down on an end table. “Janie ...I’m not that person,” he said, his voice quieter. “You tried to make me that person, but that isn’t me. That isn’t me at all. I’m.. .I’m a not very young, soon to be old, very uncompetitive, rather dull, quite uninspired, average-type guy.” His mouth twisted. “With a wife who has an appetite.”

“And where would you be if it weren’t for my appetite?”

Williams sat down on the steps that led to the living room. “I know where I’d like to be,” he said.

“And where would that be?” Jane challenged him, her voice brittle and shrill.

“A place called Willoughby,” Gart said. “A little town that I charted inside my head. A place I manufactured in a dream.” His voice was low and reflective and he spoke almost as if to himself “An odd dream. A very odd dream. Willoughby It was summer. Very warm. The kids were barefooted. One of them carried a fishing pole. And the main street looked like...like a Currier and Ives illustration. Bandstand, old-fashioned stores, bicycles, wagons.” He looked toward his wife. “I’ve never seen such a...such a serenity. It was the way people must have lived a hundred years ago.” He looked down toward the floor again. “Crazy dream.”

Jane walked across the room to stand over him. The perfect face was lined with impatience and frustration; she had a deep-rooted and abiding lack of respect for this man, in addition to a sense of impotence. Her campaign, so perfectly planned, timed, and executed was turning into a miserable failure.

“My mistake, pal,” she said. “My error. My wretched, tragic error to get married to a man whose big dream in life is to be Huckleberry Finn!” She walked away.

“Janie,” Gart called after her.

She stopped at the door, her back to him.

“Janie.” His voice was yearning. “You should have seen this place. This...this Willoughby. It wasn’t just a place or a time. It was like—it was like a doorway that leads to sanity. A soundproof world where shouts and cries can’t be heard.”

She whirled around. Her words were thin, feminine daggers, jewel-encrusted and poison-tipped. “Nothing serious, Gart,” she said. “It’s just that you were born too late. That’s the problem. You were born too late, and your taste is a little cheap. You’re the kind of man who could be satisfied with a summer afternoon and an ice wagon pulled by a horse. That’s all it takes for you, isn’t it?”

“Something like that,” he answered her. “A place.. .a time...where a man can live his life full measure.” He frowned thoughtfully. “That’s what he said. That’s what that...that conductor said. A place where a man can live his life full measure!”

He picked up his glass again and drained it, unaware that he was now alone in the room, conscious only of a persistent little memory of a warm summer afternoon that was simply part of a fabric of a dream. A summer afternoon and a small town with a village square and a bandstand and people in old-fashioned dress. In his whole life, he thought, his whole forty-one years, he had never felt such a stirring deep inside, such a hunger to see a place again, such a yearning to recapture a moment that had slipped by too fast. Much too fast.

“Willoughby?” the conductor asked.

Gart Williams, half-dozing in his seat, sat bolt upright, his eyes wide and gaping. Then he saw the conductor smiling down at him. “What?”

“A while back you asked me about a town called Willoughby,” the conductor said. He scratched his jaw “I looked it up in every old timetable I could find. No such place as far as I could see.”

Williams relaxed against the back of his seat. “Thanks. It was a dream, that’s all.”

The conductor continued on down the car. “Probably was.” And then shouting out to the half-empty car, “Stamford next stop. Next stop Stamford!”

Williams put his head back and sighed deeply. Outside he could see nothing but an occasional gust of snow, the rest blackness. He could hear the conductor’s voice far off shouting “Stamford. Next stop Stamford.” He closed his eyes, felt the tiredness, the weakness, the resignation of the past few weeks. Almost a month had passed since the affair in the conference room, Jake Ross’s departure, and his own detonation. But nothing had changed really. He had gone back into a mold, acting and reacting much as he always had. Misrell had not changed. The company had not changed. The jingles and the overnight ratings and the product-pushing—they were as constant as weather.

“Stamford,” the conductor’s voice called out, faintly now, and Williams leaned his head against the cold window, wishing in a portion of his mind that it was a longer trip; that he could sit there for a parcel of hours and sleep deep and undisturbed. He didn’t want to get home. He didn’t want to see Jane. He would never put this feeling into words, but he felt it and he knew he felt it.

“Willoughby,” a voice said, “next stop, Willoughby”

Gart Williams opened his eyes and felt the train pull slowly to a stop. The car seemed suddenly very warm and light played on his face. He stared out the window and there it was, the little station with the village behind it, the town square, the women in long dresses, carrying parasols. The men in tight pants and derbies. A teenager rode by on a bicycle with a huge front wheel and a tiny rear one. The musicians on the bandstand had paused for a break and were laughing and talking with the townspeople as they walked by. A bed of flowers went halfway around the square and added reds and whites and blues to the deep green of the lawn. An organ-grinder with a uniformed monkey came toward the train, followed by a troop of laughing kids. And there were two boys with fishing poles, barefoot like Tom Sawyer and Huck.

And then Williams realized that once again he stood in the middle of an old-fashioned train car and, approaching him from the opposite end, was the old conductor with the brass buttons and the old-fashioned cap.

“Willoughby,” the conductor smiled at him. “All out for Willoughby.”

Williams stood transfixed, tom between reluctance and a strange resolve. He made a move as if to run, then was thrown off balance by the jerk of the train as it started. He walked, lurching, to the platform at the end of the car.

The train was moving and the town was being left behind. Williams stood poised on the steps, fighting a battle whose rules and terms he didn’t understand. But after a moment it was too late. The decision had been made for him. The little station faded into the distance and it was night again, a night filled with snow; a railroad car filled with people in topcoats, carrying briefcases and waiting for Westport and points beyond.

He went back to his seat and sat down. He looked at his reflection in the window. He saw the pouched eyes, set deep in the tired face. He saw the age that was somehow deeper than years. He saw a Gart Williams who was like a small boy in a marbles trade. Only in his case, he had given away his freedom, his prerogatives and his self-reliance in exchange for a menu-planned life and a paycheck, and he’d been taken!

“Willoughby,” he said softly to himself. “Next time...next time I’m going to get off!”

His face was grim and determined.
“I’m going to get off at Willoughby!”

It was a January full of cold and dirty slush and a running battle each evening with Jane at home. And a running battle with everyone at the office. He sat at his desk talking on the phone with Oliver Misrell and the harsh voice of the fat man grated out of the receiver.

“What we need here, Williams,” the voice said, “is a show with zazz! An entertainer with moxie! We’ve got to take the audience by the ears and give ‘em a yank! Jar ‘em! Rock ‘em! Give them the old push, push, push!”

“I understand, Mr. Misrell,” Williams said into the phone, closing his eyes. He felt the pain in his stomach again and reached inside his shirt to massage the taut flesh.

“It’s got to be bright, though, Williams,” the voice persisted. “Bright with patter. Dancing, comedy, and everything push, push, push. ‘That’s the kind of show the client’ll like.”

“I understand, Mr. Misrell, I understand—”

“Tomorrow morning, Williams! Understand? I want at least a preliminary idea for the show. You know what I want—a rough format with some specifies as to how we integrate commercials within the body of the show.”

“I’ll do what I can,” Williams said.

“Do more than you can. With me, Williams? Aspire! Dream big and then get behind it. Push, push, push.”

Williams moved the phone away from him, listening to the “push, push, push” as it barked at him. He slowly hung the receiver up, feeling weak and inundated by pain. The phone rang again. This time a filtered voice blabbed at him at first unintelligibly, then with an urgent clarity.

“Well, I haven’t seen the ratings,” Williams tried to interject. “No. No, well it was the time slot the sponsor wanted—”

Another phone rang. “Hold on for just a second, will you?” he said into the first phone. He pushed the button and talked on the other line. “Yes? They were what? Wait a second.” He called out toward the half-open door, “Helen?”

His secretary appeared.

“What film outfit did the commercials on the Bradbury account?” he asked her. “The negatives were all scratched. They’re screaming bloody murder at me.”

“I’ll have to check it, sir,” his secretary said. “Mr. Misrell would like to see you.”

The voice on the phone came out loud and strident. Williams uncovered the mouthpiece. “I’m going to have to check it out for you here—” he began.

“Mr. Misrell, sir.” His secretary showed alarm.

The voice continued its drumfire at the other end of the phone.

“Mr. Williams,” his secretary said. “Mr. Misrell seemed rather insistent—”

Williams sat there with his pain, and with the demands continuing to probe at him—the voice jabbering on the phone, his worried secretary, and the two lights on the little panel near the phone giving promise of crises yet unfaced. Once again the secretary tried to get through to him.

“Mr. Misrell, sir,” she said.

Williams slowly rose and like an automaton went into the small private bathroom adjoining the office. He looked at himself in the mirror and was shocked. The dead white of the skin, the haunted look in the eyes. Behind him he could still hear the jabbering of the phone, and the buzzing of the intercom. In the mirror suddenly appeared Misrell’s face, the fleshy jowls, piggish eyes and the lips that moved up and down, up and down.

“It’s a push, push, push business,” the fat face said to him. “Push, push, Williams. Push, push, push. Always push, push, push. Constantly push, push, push.”

Gart Williams sent his right fist smashing into the mirror, breaking it into a hundred pieces and obliterating the mirage his mind had planted there. He had taken all he could. He had talked on the phone for the last time. He had plugged up, sifted, juxtaposed, switched around, endured all the crises he could stand, and felt all the cold fear he would ever be able to feel.

“No more,” he said, his face gray, his mouth twitching. “No more in the name of God...no more!”

He went back to his office, leaned against the wall for a moment, then picked up the phone and dialed.

“I’d like Westport, Connecticut, please,” he said. “Capital 7-9899.Yes, please.” In a moment he heard the voice of his wife. “Janie,” he said, “this is Gart, honey Stay there, will you please? I just want you to stay there. I’m coming home.” He barely heard the cold, argumentative logic that was thrust back at him over the wire. “:Janie…Janie, please listen.”

He began to shout. “Janie! I’ve had it. Understand? I’ve had it. I can’t go on for another day I can’t go on for another hour. This is it, right now I’ve got to get out of here. There was a pause. “Janie?” He felt tears rolling down his face. “Janie, help me, will you? Please...please help me. Janie?” There was a silence at the other end. “Janie?”