The Truth of Yesterday (83 page)

     “It's just that…” he started, then stopped abruptly, took a deep breath, and tried again. “I don't want you to think I was eavesdropping or anything, but I wasn't completely asleep when you and Micah were talking in the car.”

     “Tad, look…”

     “No, let me finish. Let's just forget this whole thing, ok? I don't want to cause trouble for you. You've got a good thing going; I don't want to mess that up.”

     “You're not messing anything up.”

     “I mess everything up. That's all I am, a screw up. I screwed things up with my boyfriend so he left me. I screwed things up when I ran away so that I had to become a hustler, and I couldn't even do that right. I screwed things up with
Razi
so that he hit me.”

     “Tad, most of those things weren't your fault. It's not your fault your boyfriend wasn't man enough to stick by you when things got rough. It's not your fault your dad is homophobic. It's not your fault
Razi
abused you. Maybe becoming a hustler wasn't the best decision but you didn't have a lot of choices at that point. You were just trying to survive.”

     “What about you? Think about it, how did we meet? I told you that Micah used to be an escort. You didn't know before that, I remember the look on your face. I screwed that up too.”

     “It turned out to be a good thing in the end. It forced us to get a lot of things out in the open where they belong. Hey, we're still together aren't we?”

     “I guess. I still think this is a bad idea. I'll screw things up and you'll just end up hating me. Everybody hates me. Even my own dad hates me.”

     “Tad, I don't hate you.”

     “You don't even know me.”

     “Why don't you give me a chance to get to know you?”

     Tad looked everywhere but at me. His eyes fell upon the old angel statue among the trees in the back corner of the lawn. He stood staring at the statue for a minute while I stood staring at him. I watched a tear slip from his eye and roll slowly down his cheek. Finally, he spoke, his voice so soft I had to lean forward to hear him.

     
“Because I'm scared.”

     I moved without thinking, slipping my arms around him and pulling him against me in a hug. He stood stiffly in my embrace, not hugging me back but not pushing me away either. I realized how much he had lost. I, of all people, should understand what he was going through. Of course, he'd be scared. Scared to open his heart for fear we'd just turn on him and abandon him or let him down like everyone else in his young life.

     “I know it's scary,” I said, “but give us a chance. Ok?”

     “What if they don't want me?”

     “Then we'll figure something else out, but I promise I won't leave you. Look, why worry about that yet? You're getting too far ahead of yourself. Let's go talk to Adam and see what he has to say. Maybe none of this will even be an issue.”

     Tad sniffed a little and nodded as he pulled away and rubbed at his face. He followed me back to the house where we entered through the back door. We ran into Steve in the hallway. He quickly pulled me into a hug.

     “You've got to stop almost getting killed,” he said gruffly.

     “Next time I'll try to get to the job done right,” I joked. Steve answered that with a soft smack upside my head.

     
“How about if there is no next time?”
He turned his attention to Tad, who was hanging back uncertainly. “And you must be Tad. I'm Steve.” He held out a hand which Tad tentatively shook. “It's nice to meet you.”

     “Hi,” Tad murmured.

     Steve gave him a warm smile. “Why don't I show you around this huge hulk of a house?”

     I opened my mouth to argue but Steve gave me a look that quickly shut me up. “Killian, why don't you go
find
Adam?” he suggested lightly, although I could tell there was more to it than just a simple suggestion.
Uh oh
, I thought darkly.

     I left Steve giving Tad a quick history of the house as they began their tour. I found Adam talking to Micah in the front parlor. Adam definitely didn't look happy. I felt my stomach clench. Adam stopped talking abruptly as I appeared in the doorway.

     One look at his face and I knew this would be better off as a private conversation. “Micah, why don't you catch up to Steve and Tad? Steve's giving him the grand tour of the house and he might be more comfortable if you're along.”

     “No problem,” he said, giving me an encouraging smile as he left the room. That left Adam and I alone.

     “Look Adam,” I started, figuring a good offense would be my best defense, but he cut me off quickly.

     “I don't know what to be angrier about,” he snapped in a voice like a whip. “The fact that you just ran off without even telling me where you were going or what you doing, the fact that you needlessly risked your life yet again with no thought of anyone else, or the fact that you come waltzing back in here with a kid in tow - a kid that I am told you've already invited to live here.”

     I took an involuntary step back as Adam's anger washed over me, but then my own anger rose up at his unfair accusations. “First off, I didn't know I had to ask you for permission,” I snapped back. “I was working and I didn't have time to run around asking if it was ok for me to go play with my friends. I felt it was urgent that I get to
Razi
quickly. I was acting on instinct and I turned out to be right. By the time the police got around to acting,
assuming
they ever even got that far,
Razi's
informants would have tipped him off and he would have run.
And maybe even killed Tad.
And considering that I solved a crime, caught a killer, and quite possibly saved a kid's life, I wouldn't exactly call that needlessly risking my life.

     “As for Tad, I have not invited him to live here; I told him he could stay with me until he figured out what to do. I thought you were the kind of person who would be willing to help a kid in need. His dad abused him, he was living on the streets before
Razi
, a homicidal prostitute, took him in, and made him his sex-slave, and with
Razi
arrested, he had nowhere to go but back to the streets. I thought we could be some sort of support for him since he's never had any his entire life.”

     “We don't even know him.”

     “You didn't know me either when you took me in.”

     “That was different.”

     
“How?
Because I knew Seth?
Why should Tad suffer just because he didn't have the privilege of knowing Seth? He needs help, Adam.”

     “You can't just drag home every stray you come across, Killian.”

     My breath caught in my throat and my eyes stung with the tears I was determined to hold back.

     “Is that what I was?” I
asked,
my voice shakily with anger and hurt.
“A stray?”

     
“Killian, no!”
Adam said, all anger melting from his expression to be replaced with concern and remorse.

     “Why did you take me in, Adam? Was it out of pity? Or maybe it was it just because you were so grief stricken from Seth's death. Is that it? Was I just a replacement for Seth?”

     It was Adam's turn to gasp.
“Killian!”

     “I'm sorry I drug home another stray. And I'm sorry this stray has stuck around for so long, burdening you and ruining your life. You won't have to worry about either of us from now on.” I turned sharply on my heel, but before I'd taken two steps, Adam caught me by the wrist.

     
“Killian, stop.
Listen to me. That was a horrible thing I said and I didn't mean it. I was just so worried about you when you left the hospital without a word. I've been frantic ever since. I reacted badly when I saw you, all my fear and worry turned to anger and I took it out on you. I'm sorry, so, so sorry.”

     I refused to look at him, keeping my back purposefully to him.

     “You're not a stray. You were never a stray. You want to know why I took you
in?
Because I looked at you and saw a broken, scared little boy and my heart broke. You're right; I barely knew you. In that sense, maybe I did take you in out of pity but I very quickly grew to love you. You were never a replacement for Seth.
Never.
Not then, and not now. You've always been Killian. I love you as if you were my very own son and I've never once regretted asking you to live with me. You've never been a burden and you've only enriched my life.”

     I couldn't hold back the tears any longer. I burst into harsh, ragged sobs as I turned to him and his arms circled me in the comforting hug I'd come to take for granted.

     “Doesn't Tad deserve to have that too?” I sobbed into his chest.

     “Of course he does.
Absolutely.
I just don't know if I'm the person to give it to him.”

     “It could have been me,” I cried.

     “What?”

     “It could have been me on the street, if you hadn't been there to take me in. I feel like I owe it to him to be there for him like you were there for me. I can't just turn my back on him, I can't.”

     Adam squeezed me tight and was quiet for a moment. “I won't ask you to,” he said quietly.

     I pulled away, swallowing mid-sob. “What?” I asked, wiping my eyes and sniffling.

     “I won't ask you to act against your conscience.”

     “You'll let him stay here?”

     
“Temporarily at least.”

     
“Oh, Adam!”

     He held up a hand. “I'm not promising anything, Killian. I haven't even met him yet. All I'm saying is that he can stay here while we look at his options.”

     “You'll help him do that too? Figure out what his options are?”

     “Yes, I'll do what I can to help him, within reason.”

     I ignored the provisos and threw myself into Adam's arms for a hug. He held me tightly.

     “I'm so sorry, Killian,” he whispered into my hair. “I can't believe I said that.”

     “I'm sorry I left without telling you where I was going. You were right. I didn't even think about how worried you might be
,
all I could think about was getting to
Razi
.”

     “That's what makes you a good investigator,” he said. He held me out at arms length and grinned at me, taking in my tear-streaked face. “You're a mess. Go wash up and then we'll tell Tad the good news.”  

* * *

     “You know, I still don't know if I buy this whole ghost thing,” Tad said to me. We were standing in the cellar at the B&B, waiting for the contractor Steve had hired to start work on reopening the bricked up doorway I'd seen
Amalie
pass through just a few weeks before.

     Several weeks had passed since
Razi's
arrest; it was just a few days before Thanksgiving. A lot had happened in that time.
Razi
had been charged with the murders of Paul Flynn, Fenton Black, and both bodyguards, plus the attempted murder of Micah and me. Tad's involvement had been kept quiet or he'd be facing numerous sexual abuse charges as well. Charges were still pending on the murder of the politician from a few years ago.

     All charges against Jake had been dropped on the condition that he immediately
enter
a drug treatment facility for rehab. Jake had agreed unequivocally. He knew he needed help and he was ready to accept it. I'd been spending as much time as possible with him and our friendship was slowly mending. I'd vowed to be a better friend this time around.