The Truth About Love (27 page)

CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

L
andon’s body thrummed with energy, like it knew he was about to have the two most important conversations of his life. First with his father. And then with Gina.

But his father had arrived late, and now here was Gina, standing on his doorstep like a life preserver tossed to a drowning man. Chaos and emotion swirled inside his apartment, but there she was—the hurricane who’d become his safe haven, his rock—standing on his front porch, at precisely the time he’d invited her to be here. Tendrils of hair, typically swept back into a tidy ponytail, fringed her face. Her normally strong body seemed ready to collapse. He’d never seen her look so tired.

“I’m so sorry about this,” he said as she stood on his doorstep. “I really want to talk to you. But it needs to be . . . after.” He motioned with his head to where his father stood behind him, inside his condo. “This needs to be a father/son thing. So can you come back? Maybe in five minutes?”

She peered around him until she could see who was in the living room. Her eyebrows rose. “I’ve . . . got something to give you.” She held a clear plastic bag in her hand, but he couldn’t tell what was in it. “I was going to mail it from Nashville, but when you called me, I figured I’d bring it with me.” She paused, as if making sure she understood the situation inside his condo. “I can give it to you after you talk to your dad.”

He knew she was the one person who might comprehend what was about to take place. Hell, she’d been a catalyst for it. And most of all, she’d said she loved him. Or at least she
had
loved him at one time. He wanted to believe that whole business about how people in love were there for each other.

Because she looked like she needed him. And he sure as hell needed her.

“You can come back in a few minutes?” He hoped she saw the pleading look in his eyes.

She jabbed a thumb toward the street. “I’ll go get a Starbucks. You want anything?”

He shook his head.

“Bye, Mr. Vista.” She leaned to look around Landon. “Good to see you again.”

Landon closed the door as soon as she’d gone and turned to face his father.

“If you’re still not sleeping with her, you sure as hell ought to be.” Martin chuckled. “Cute thing like that comes to your condo, she’s looking for one thing.” His fist pumped the air in a crude gesture. “A smart man would give her exactly what she wants.”

Landon took a deep breath. He was
not
going to let his dad change the subject. And the disgusting way he talked about Gina fueled his courage to go on with what he’d planned to say. He ran his fingers through his hair, not sure where to start.

Finally, he decided to let everything inside him pour out without worrying about how manly he sounded or how needy he might appear. “I have waited my whole life”—he paused for a second, trying to stop the quavering in his voice—“for you to love me. For you to decide that a relationship with me was more important than whatever’s in the bottle you happen to be drinking from at the time. But you know what? I’m done.” He slashed his arm through the air. “I’m tired of waiting for that to happen.”

“Is this all because of that damn Cyrus Alexander business? Why you still all over me when they know who done it now?”

“We’re not talking about that here.”

“Then what are we talking about?”

Landon’s entire body shook with emotion. His whole life had been a series of events all headed toward this moment. And his father still didn’t get it. “We’re talking about me, Dad. The son who’s waited . . . for years . . . to hear you say that you loved me. That you cared about me. That you made sure my homework was done and that I wore sunscreen in the summer and that when I looked up in the stands during a Little League, you were there.”

“Didn’t your aunt and uncle do all those things?”

“Some of them, yeah. Because they had to.”

“So you had help with homework and sunscreen.” The nonchalant way his dad shrugged made Landon want to punch him. “Why’d you need me?”

“Because it’s the little things that count, Dad.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s the little things that tell somebody . . . every day . . . that you love them.”

“I know you think I should have been around more when you were a kid.” His dad sat on the couch. “But I wasn’t, okay? There ain’t nothin’ I can do about that now. Can we just see it for what it is, man-to-man?”

Landon nodded. “I’ve been hanging around Tallahassee since I graduated, thinking maybe our relationship would change. Maybe we would talk about things,
man-to-man
. Telling myself I had to stay here, when there’s a whole world out there.” He swept his arm in a wide gesture. “I didn’t even look at other options, because deep down, I thought staying close would mean I would be here when you came around. When you showed up on my doorstep one day to tell me you wanted to be a part of my life.”

Martin’s eyes narrowed. “It’s her, isn’t it? She wants you to move somewhere.”

Landon gave a humorless laugh. “We haven’t even talked about that. I don’t know for sure that she even wants me. But at least she’s taught me . . .”

“To dump your old man?”

“She’s taught me what it’s like to be loved. What people do when they care about each other.” These were thoughts he’d never had before Gina came along. Words he might never say again. But then, leaving your dad required extraordinary measures, beyond the everyday. “For the first time since Mama died I feel . . . worth something.”

Gina had come to town to help wrongly convicted prisoners, but she’d also helped Landon climb to freedom.

His dad smirked. “You want in her pants so bad, you can’t even think straight.”

Landon’s mind went to the curves of Gina’s naked body, but that was none of his dad’s business. He wanted to tell the old man to shut the fuck up about her. “We’re talking about you and me, Dad. Not her.”

“So you’re moving? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

“I’m saying I would love to have you in my life. I would love for my kids to one day have a grandfather. But it’s not going to be one with liquor on his breath. And it’s not going to be one who only comes around when he needs something. I’m not putting my life on hold for you anymore.”

Martin sat for several minutes with his elbows on his knees, staring at the floor. Landon w
anted to fill the silence, to jump in and add more, but he made himself remain quiet. He’d said what he’d wanted to say, and now it was his dad’s turn. He’d been waiting on his father his whole life. Surely he could wait another minute or two.

Finally, Martin took a deep sigh and stood. “I may have been a total screwup as a dad, but at least I did one thing,” he said as he walked to the door.

“Gave me my size?” Like everyone else, his dad saw him first as a football player. “Or my throwing arm?”

“All the crap I put you through”—his dad laid a hand on his shoulder—“gave you strength. Made you man enough. To have this conversation.” His eyes misted. “I’m proud of you, son.”

The older man walked slowly toward the door and walked out. Walked away from Landon’s life.

Maybe for a while.

Maybe forever.

Landon stood in the middle of his living room for several minutes after the door had shut.

I’m proud of you, son.

Okay, so it wasn’t “I love you,” but it was the most recognition he’d ever gotten from his dad.

The fact that the conversation was over made Landon feel freer. Lighter. Every day since he was nine years old, he’d wondered why his dad hadn’t come to get him. What he’d done to make his dad so mad that he didn’t love him.

But now that burden had been lifted. Yeah, it sucked that he’d lived through it, but now he was done. He
was
worthy of someone’s love. Gina had taught him that he was good enough for her and anyone else. She’d given him a sense of worthiness he’d never had before.

He was ready to move on with the rest of his life.

And he hoped like hell that Gina would agree to come along.

Gina held the iced Frappuccino to the side of her face as she waited for Landon to answer the door. The five-minute walk to the coffee shop had done nothing but make her hot and increase her anxiety. She was worried about what had been going on between Landon and his father.

He jerked the door open and stopped. She studied him, waiting for some hint of what might happen between them. How this conversation might end. Finally, he rushed toward her and wrapped his arms around her in a hug so tight her drink squished between them, its coldness like a shard of ice between their warm bodies. She inhaled his scent, wondering if this would be the last time they’d be this close.

“God, am I glad to see you.” His breath tickled her ear as he spoke.

Her rib cage shuddered with emotion. “I didn’t know your dad would be here.”

Landon released her and took the now-squished cup from her hands. He dropped it onto the sidewalk outside his condo and pulled her through the door behind him.

He stopped in the entry hallway and faced her. “He was supposed to be here two hours ago, but he’s the most unreliable person I know.” His hand cupped her chin. His fingers stroked her cheek. “I told him I was done. Finished with him.”

A sudden fear sliced through her. What if she’d been wrong? What if Martin Vista was about to be the kind of man his son needed and now Landon had dumped him? “You did
what
?”

Landon ran his fingers through his hair, leaving the curls a jumbled mess. “I’m not going to wait around for him to want to see me anymore. If he wants to be a part of my life, it’s his doing. His choice.”

“And this is . . . okay with you?” Was he glad to have come to the decision? Or upset that it came to this? She tried to read his expression.

“It makes me feel better. Yeah.” He moved closer, pinning her against the wall in the hallway. His arms framed her head. “Like I’ve been in a bad movie, but now it’s over and I can move on to the next part of my life.”

She swallowed. The next part of Landon’s life. The part beyond this summer and beyond her internship at Morgan’s Ladder. The part of his life without her. Like he’d said the other night, the part where he’d always
remember
her.

She looked down at their feet. She couldn’t watch his face while she asked the next question. “So what are you going to do?”

“I hear Nashville’s not a bad place to live.” He nuzzled her ear. “At least until some hot volleyball player figures out where her first lawyer gig is going to be.”

Her head shot up. “You . . . want to move to Nashville?”

“Who else is going to make sure you don’t live the rest of your life in the shadow of Nick Varnadore?”

Yes. Nick Varnadore. For a few brief seconds, she’d forgotten the guilt and grief of it all, but now it was back. “You really think I need to deal with that, don’t you?”

His green eyes bored into hers. “Yeah, I do. But I’m going to be there for you. For as long as it takes.”

“I told you I loved you and you . . .” She couldn’t finish. It hurt her too much to know that he’d said nothing in response to that.

“I’m a guy. We do really stupid things sometimes.”

But he hadn’t said he loved her. She nodded and pressed her lips together, determined not to let him see her disappointment. “I’ve thought a lot about what you said. And you were right. I need to decide what I want to do with my life.”

“And have a career that
you
want to have? Not because your guilt is driving you to it?”

She nodded. “Will you help me get through it?”

He wrapped his arms around her. His fingers threaded through her hair as she rested her head on his shoulder.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she whispered. “What I said about your dad.”

His chest vibrated as he chuckled. “No. I’m pretty sure at the time you were going in for the kill.”

She looked up and grinned. “So I’m a better fighter than you are. We established that on the volleyball court that first night we met.”

One side of his mouth quirked up, but his demeanor was serious. He took a deep breath. She stilled, waiting to see what he’d say next.

“I’ve never come close to falling in love with anyone.” He twined his fingers through hers on either side of them. “But with you . . . I’m not even sure when it happened.” His voice was thick with emotion. “God, I love you so much.”

Her body wanted to fly and collapse, all at the same time. Like a great weight had been lifted from her, she felt relieved and set free, all because of his words. “You don’t know how badly I’ve wanted to hear you say that.”

“We’ve got a lot to talk about. I really do want to move to Nashville with you. I’ll quit my job and break my lease and—”

She placed a hand on his forearm. She’d come here on a mission and she needed to complete it. “I need to give you something.”

He backed away, a puzzled look on his face, as she reached into her pocket.

“The prosecutor’s office was done with this. They said you could have it.”

She hated that such an important item was in a crumpled plastic bag, but she’d wanted to give it to him as soon as Suzanne had given it to her.