The Trouble With Tony (6 page)

Halloran blinked, coming back to the room. “Sorry. I, um, don’t usually talk about that.”

“I’d like to hear more about it.”

But Halloran shook his head determinedly. “Oh God, no. Let’s get back to you, Tony. Since you brought up your brothers, why don’t we start with that?”

Tony wanted to hear a lot more about Halloran’s Army career. Like what he’d thought when he got there, what it had been like, what he thought about it now, how and where he was wounded, and how he’d landed here. But Halloran’s set expression told him that further probing wouldn’t be welcome. He sighed.

“What can I tell you? I’m the youngest of five brothers. If you think that might have been
challenging
, you’re right. It was like rushing a fraternity from birth on. And our house in Brooklyn? There were so many towels and jockstraps lying around, we could have outfitted the New York Dodgers. That’s what my Ma always used to say. Poor Ma.”

Halloran smiled. “I take it from your tone that it wasn’t really all that bad.”

“Nah. They’re all good guys. Federico, the one who went to Iraq? He’s a fireman now in Manhattan along with my other brother, Marco. Another one’s a lawyer and one’s a coach. They’re nothin’ like me, though.” Tony looked down at his hands. “Hey, since I’m talking to a sex expert, there’s something I always wondered.”

“What’s that?” Halloran leaned forward with interest, folding his hands on the desk.

“Do you suppose….” Tony was a bit embarrassed, but he had always been curious. “I mean, is it possible that I like men because I looked up to four older brothers? You know how kids are. I worshipped the ground they walked on from the time I’d figured out that the toilet was not just a pond for my toy ships. Especially Federico.”

Halloran’s eyes were warm and reassuring. “I don’t think so. Have you ever been aroused by a woman?”

“Doc, I told you. Derry, Martin, Jason and Aaron. That’s it,” Tony said.
And you
. He kept that one to himself.

“The Fab Four. Right. It seems like your sexual orientation is fairly solid. I doubt being the youngest of five brothers would have made you gay. It might have had an influence on your preferred type, though. It’s not uncommon for a person to find themselves attracted to men who are like their father, for example, or women who remind them of their mother.”

Tony groaned. “Don’t say my mother. I can’t go there.”

Halloran laughed. “Or, in your case, perhaps, your brothers. Tell me more about the Fab Four. Describe them to me.” Halloran held his pen ready to take notes.

So Tony did. It wasn’t hard to dig them up in lurid detail, given the sheer number of hours he’d spent fantasizing about them.

Derry, his high school crush, had light brown hair and was tall, lanky and a bit nerdy. He was smart and funny, and they’d been friends for a while before Tony’s dick barged into the picture, injecting fantasies of Derry into Tony’s sleep and then invading his jerk off sessions.

Martin was Jewish, dark and slender with a big mouth. The guy was tack sharp with a thing for detective novels. He’d been in the criminal justice program at NYU with Tony, and he’d had this dream about being a Seattle cop. Ironically, it wasn’t even a year after they’d both completed police academy training when Martin decided to move back to New York and get married. He now worked for the NYPD.

Jason was a strawberry-blond paramedic with pale skin and lots of blond body hair and freckles. He was addicted to working out and was bigger than Tony. They’d met at an emergency call. Tony had watched Jason save a woman’s life with CPR. And later that same night, when Jason had given him a shy grin and wink while slipping him his phone number, Tony’s dick had stood up to say hello without further ado.

Aaron was a blond lawyer with thinning hair who’d courted Tony for weeks. Tony wasn’t interested at first. Aaron was a bit too stuck-up, a bit too condescending, and a bit too
dry
. But he wanted Tony, and that was flattering. When Tony’s dick decided it could tap that, Tony had gone along—and had gotten his heart tromped on for his trouble.

Lesson learned: Never trust the judgment of erectile tissue. Tony was doing his best to remember that lesson now.

“It doesn’t sound like you have a physical type,” Halloran said, tapping his pen against his chin.

Watching him, Tony wondered how stubbly Halloran’s jaw would feel under his tongue.

“Tony?”

Tony blinked. “Sorry. You had me scared there for a minute talking about my brothers. But nah, none of the Fab Four looked like them, thank God. I think I’d have to bleach my brain if that were the case.” Tony shuddered.

“You mentioned the word ‘smart’ a lot,” Halloran said with interest.

“Yeah,” Tony said quietly. “I like a guy with brains. And guts.”

He deliberately looked Halloran in the eye while he said it. A light blush washed over the doctor’s cheeks, and he looked down at his desk, frowning. Tony smiled. Oh yeah. Halloran had been so studiously fucking professional since the moment he’d walked in. It had worried him a little. But that blush… the man was not as immune as he pretended. Tony had a shot. His dick gave an enthusiastic thumbs up.

“Are your brothers still in Brooklyn?” Halloran asked.

“Yeah. They’re all in the same neighborhood still. My folks, my brothers, their wives, and their descended multitudes. They’ve got thirteen kids between them. It’s a fucking zoo at Christmas, I’m telling ya.”

Halloran smiled slightly but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Do they know you’re gay?”

Tony’s breath caught in his throat, and he felt an all-too-familiar stab of guilt and regret. “Nah,” he said as if it was no big deal. “You know how it is. They wouldn’t understand.”

Halloran spoke carefully. “Do you think your concern about what your family might think about you being gay has anything to do with your physical… reluctance with most men?”

It was a good question. Tony seriously considered it. He hadn’t felt guilty when he was with Jason or Aaron. It hadn’t even really occurred to him. “I don’t think so. But it sure as hell has a lot to do with why I live here and not in Brooklyn.”

Halloran smiled.

“You got family, Doc?”

“Um…. Yes. My parents are living, but they’re not in the area. I’m an only child.”

Tony felt a little sad about that. Even though he’d left his big family behind, he had no regrets about growing up with them. There had been a lot of love in that house. Sure, a lot of the time it came out in annoying and personal-boundary-shattering ways, but it was still love. He missed that a lot, living alone. He didn’t get the vibe from Jack Halloran that he’d ever had that.

“So what do you do for fun?” Tony asked. “When you’re not helping people get laid, I mean?”

An amused smile tugged up the corner of Halloran’s mouth. “Well, let’s see. When I’m not helping people get laid…. That’s a tough one. I like to hike.”

“Yeah?” Tony’s face lit up. “Me, too. Hey, have you ever done the Hoh River trail over in the Olympics?”

“Every year,” Halloran said, as if he wouldn’t miss it for the world.

“God, I love that place. Unless it’s pouring. What about the Skyline trail at Rainier? I think that’s my favorite.”

“Best trail in the Northwest,” Halloran said. “It’s like being on another planet. Really takes you out of yourself.” He sighed. “Sometimes that’s… a good thing. I drove down there mid-June, but it was still snowed in at the top.”

“I haven’t hiked it this year, either. Hey, it’s August, should be clear now. Wanna go this weekend?”

Halloran looked shocked for one second before he pasted back on a neutral expression. “Uh… no, Tony, I can’t.” He glanced down at his phone. “We’re got five minutes left. Was there anything else you wanted to ask me today?

Fuck. Tony should have known it was a bad idea to ask him to go hiking. It was too soon, and he was Halloran’s patient. He could tell from the man’s reaction that that was a big no-no. But the idea of hitting his favorite trail, with Jack Halloran, had been a sweet one while it lasted.

And now his time was nearly up, and he’d hoped to get in some questions about the case. He had to pull his mind back on track, damn it. The Whites were paying for these sessions for a reason, and that reason was not to get Tony DeMarco laid.

“Yeah. Um… last time we talked a little about surrogacy.”

“Yes.”

“Tell me about the surrogates at the clinic. Is there a male surrogate who works with female patients?”

“Yes. And we also have a female surrogate.”

“Yeah? What’re their names?”

Halloran blinked and pursed his lips. “Why do you ask? You wouldn’t be seeing either of them.”

God, the guy was one tough nut to crack. He was like the anti-Christ of informants. Tony shrugged. “Just curious, I guess. So do you handle the gay men who need a surrogate then?” Tony asked. His dick pulsed hopefully.

Halloran blushed again, looking down at his desk. He pushed Tony’s file with a finger. “No. We have a gay male surrogate. He’s very good.”

Tony was disappointed to hear that. He didn’t say anything.

“His name is Michael. Would you like to see his picture?” Jack looked up at him and licked his lips. He looked a little uncomfortable.

No,
Tony thought.
I want you
. But then Tony remembered that he had a job to do here. He needed to learn everything he could about the people who worked at the clinic. “Okay,” Tony said.

Jack opened a drawer. He bought out a sort of laminated resume sheet. On it was a bio and credentials for one Michael Lamont. The colored photo showed a thin young man with full lips, a narrow face, and dark hair. He was a little on the twink side, but real cute. Tony’s dick wasn’t impressed. “This is a guy?” Tony asked, just to show he wasn’t panting over the picture.

“Yes,” Jack said with no emotion.

Tony’s eyes swept over the credentials. Michael was an R.N. and a licensed sex surrogate. “This guy only sees male patients?”

“Yes.”

Damn. He needed to see the sheet for Sir Hetero. But if he asked about him again, Jack would get suspicious. Tony pushed the sheet back. “I’m not sure how seeing some random guy is going to help. Picky dick, remember?”

“It’s entirely up to you. I’m not advocating surrogacy for you at this point. Now that I’ve got more information, I’d like to do some research. We can discuss it further next week.” Halloran hesitated. “But if you do decide to go ahead with it, the advantage of a surrogate is that there’s no pressure. You wouldn’t need to worry about performing.”

Oh, the fucking irony. Tony’s dick was impersonating Old Ironsides these days, even right at this moment, and they were discussing his impotency. Tony looked at Halloran with frustration. How could he tell Jack that what he wanted was
him
without making himself sound like a total liar? The pickiest dick in Seattle, and it just happened to get attached to his sex therapist? Tony wouldn’t buy it either. He remembered how pissed off Halloran had been when he’d caught Tony lying about sex addiction. If he fucked this up, Halloran would never see him again.

Jack’s dark blue eyes stared back into Tony’s for a long moment, neither of them saying anything. Yes, Tony was already at eleven for the guy, but still…. It was hard to believe that the damp heat that unfurled in Tony’s stomach, fueled by those blue eyes, was entirely one-sided, especially as it dragged out, growing stronger. Halloran didn’t look away.

They both were startled when the intercom buzzed, signaling the end of the hour.

I’d like to know you better,
Tony wanted to blurt out.
Want to grab a coffee later?
Walk on the beach? Ride dolphins into the sunset?
Something, anything to express the urges flailing around inside him.

“Good-bye, Tony,” Dr. Halloran said.

“Bye, Doc.” Tony sighed.

~9~

W
EDNESDAY
afternoons from three to five, Loretta kept everyone’s calendar clear. That slot was reserved for the weekly staff meeting, where they discussed all of the patients currently in therapy at Expanded Horizons.

The clinic had two other therapists besides Jack. Trudy, the owner, had her own patient roster. And there was also Gerde, an older woman who had been in sex therapy for years and was about to retire. Gerde was a proper-looking, white-haired German lady who had the most shockingly explicit sexual information fall out of her mouth. Her pending retirement was one of the reasons Jack had been brought on.

The clinic’s sex surrogates, Andrea and Phillip, were also at the meeting—and so was Michael Lamont. Michael was only brought in on an as-needed basis. He handled the gay male patients who needed surrogacy work since Phillip only worked with women.

When Jack was still taking his therapy training, the last gay surrogate had left the clinic, and they hadn’t yet found a replacement. Jack had handled a few of the gay male patients, cases that required nothing more than touch therapy. He’d never felt comfortable going further than that, and he was relieved when they’d hired Michael. Michael was very good at what he did.

They went around the room and everyone talked about the progress on their open cases. When it came around to Jack, he found himself excited to talk about Tony DeMarco. He told them about Tony’s “picky dick” and what he’d learned in their first few sessions.

“So the patient believes he can function adequately,” Trudy summed up, “or even better than adequately, with the right sexual partner. But so far there have only been two people who have reciprocated his feelings, and that he’s actually been able to engage with.”

“Well, three if you count his ex-wife,” Jack said. “Though that was only possible with the use of extensive fantasies, and even then, only for a short period of time.”

Trudy nodded. “Right. Do you have any ideas, Jack?”

Jack could see that she and Gerde had some ideas of their own, but Trudy always encouraged Jack to find his own path, which he appreciated.

Jack looked down at his case notes. “I thought he might have a very narrow physical type or a fetish. But when I questioned him about his sexual partners, they didn’t seem to have a lot in common, at least not physically.”