The Troll Whisperer (12 page)

****

Oscar continued to avoid Noah the next few
days. Noah, to his credit, backed off, but Oscar knew he must be
hurt. But he couldn’t concentrate on that now, what with the
impending family dinner. It would be the first time he’d seen Alex
in over a year; she was in Harvard Law School, which is where she
met her blue-blooded boyfriend. His mom went on and on about Chad’s
many virtues: handsome, charming, intelligent, polite. Oscar hated
him already.

He pulled up to his parents’ place in Rancho
Bernardo, about a half hour north of Hillcrest. It was a nice
suburban home, exactly the same as every home surrounding it—
cookie-cutter houses for cookie-cutter families. He’d gotten high
before he left, just to take the edge off his anxiety, so he felt
pretty mellow when he pulled into the driveway. Sophia’s car was
there; he wondered if she was just visiting or if she was home from
Cal State for the summer. He felt a little ashamed that he didn’t
know.

His mother, Stephanie, and Nikki were out the
door and almost on top of him as soon as he got out of the car.
Nikki got to him first; she leapt at him with a delighted howl,
wrapping all four of her coltish limbs around him. Oscar let out an
IToomphALICS at the impact. “You know, I think you’re getting too
big to do that anymore.”

She untangled herself and adjusted her hat.
It was pink and flowered— a weird choice for her. “What, are you
some sort of wimp or something?” she teased. “I thought you said
you could bench press twice my weight.”

“Yeah, but I can’t take a barbell to the
solar plexus.”

His mom got to him next, pulling him into the
pillowy embrace of her ample arms. “I’m so glad you came!”

Oscar patted her on the back a couple of
times before extracting himself. “Hey, Mom. Good to see you,
too.”

“Why don’t you come around anymore? And what
about Jeremy? How is he? What are you two up to that you can’t come
around and at least say hi?”

“Nothing,” Oscar said. “He’s fine. I’m
fine.”

His mom gave him a skeptical look. “You
should get a Facebook,” she concluded.

Oscar rolled his eyes. The idea of making an
online account with his actual name on it gave him hives. “What
would I post about? Pictures of interesting things I found in the
sewers?”

“Fine, you wouldn’t have to post. But then it
would make it easier to remind you about things, like your sister’s
middle school graduation.”

Shit. Oscar had totally forgotten. He looked
over to Nikki, who was quick to pipe up. “It’s okay. It was dumb,
anyway.”

“Well, never mind all this!” his mom said. “I
still have dinner to finish. I can’t wait for you to meet Chad. To
think, now I’ll have two boys in the family.”

“Yeah, great.” The weed had been an excellent
idea.

“Go inside,” she said to all of them. “Have
some appetizers!” She bustled back into the house; Stephanie and
Nikki stayed with him.

When his mom was gone, he turned to
Stephanie. He didn’t hug her. She was like him in that she wasn’t
real comfortable with hugs. “
Mae govannen
,” he said
seriously, giving her the traditional Elvish greeting.

She laughed. “Right back at you.”

Oscar took another look at her. She looked
different. “Where are your glasses?”

“I got contacts.”

“Have you lost weight?” He regretted the
words as soon as they came out of his mouth. He knew it was a
touchy subject.

But she just smiled. He could see that she
was actually pleased he’d noticed. She seemed really happy. High
school had been tough for her. She had just started community
college; maybe it was treating her better. “Yeah. I cut out
elevensies and second breakfast.”

“Not elevensies!” Oscar said with feigned
horror. “What would Pippin and Merry think?”

Just then, Sophia appeared in the doorway,
looking beautiful as always. College was treating her well, too,
but then again, life in general seemed to treat her well. “Hi,
Oscar,” she said with a smile. “You guys should come inside. I
can’t eat all these appetizers by myself.”

Oscar took a deep breath. He could do this.
Nikki slipped her hand into his. Oscar smiled down at her. “What’s
with the hat?” he asked her.

She grinned at him mischievously and pulled
the hat up a little. Underneath it, Oscar saw a shock of blue hair.
He laughed. “When did you do that?”

“Yesterday. Mom was so mad; she’s afraid of
making it worse trying to dye it back on her own, so she’s taking
me to the salon tomorrow.”

Oscar knew he should probably tell her to
listen to their mom, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. “I bet
it looks great.”

She made a face. “But not proper enough for
the big dinner with ITAChadLICS, I guess. He’s totally lame, by the
way.”

Oscar laughed. He felt a little stronger.
Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

They all entered the living room. As Sophie
had said, there were appetizers laid out on the coffee table:
deviled eggs, chips and dips, even pigs in a blanket. It was way
too much for all of them, but Oscar dutifully crammed some of the
pigs in a blanket into his mouth. Anything to avoid Alex, Chad, and
Oscar’s dad, who were standing at the end of the room by the
kitchen, wine glasses in hand. Oscar didn’t think he’d ever seen
his dad drink wine. He was strictly a beer man.

Alex strode forward the moment she saw him.
“So glad you could make it,” she said a little too loudly as she
gave him a stiff hug. Alex was a year older than he was. They
looked so much alike that people often mistook them for twins; they
would both vehemently correct anyone who held that
misconception.

Oscar swallowed his mouthful. “Yeah. Good to
see you.” And it was, sort of. He just wished it wasn’t to meet
Chad.

And of course, there was his dad.

If Alex was what Oscar would have looked like
as a girl, his dad was what he would look like in forty years. He
was still a good-looking man at age sixty-six— he had a little
paunch in his belly, but it wasn’t too bad, and he still had a full
head of black hair, streaked with gray. You’d swear he was at least
ten years younger, which would make his marriage to Oscar’s mom
seem a little less strange. He’d married his mom when he was forty;
he’d sworn to live his life a bachelor until he met her. She’d been
twenty-six at the time.

His dad stepped forward and cleared his
throat. “Hello, Oscar,” he said, holding out his hand. His accent
wasn’t too strong, but it was still there.

Oscar took his hand. To his surprise, his dad
pulled him forward, giving him a few hard pats on the back. “Good
to see you,
mijo
.”

Oscar cringed a little at the term of
endearment. He extracted himself. “Yeah, you too,” he mumbled,
staring at the carpet.

Alex swooped in again after that. “Oscar, I
would like you to meet Chad, my fiancé.”

Oscar rolled his eyes at the formality of it
all. Chad was, indeed, very handsome. He was tall, chiseled, and
blond. Very blond. He had the chin of an Ivy Leaguer— square and
smooth-shaven. Chad stuck out his hand for a shake. When Oscar took
it, he placed his other hand on top of Oscar’s and gave his hand
three firm pumps before pulling away. “It’s so good to meet you,
Oscar,” he said, flashing him a smile. He had so many straight,
white teeth. It was like his whole face was made of those teeth.
“Your sister has told me so much about you.”

“Like what?” Oscar asked.

Chad frowned a little. “I’m sorry?”

“You said she told you all about me,” Oscar
said. “So what did she tell you?”

Chad laughed uncomfortably. Alex butted in.
“Like about the time you knocked out my tooth with a
lightsaber.”

“Oh come on,” Oscar said. “You were eight.
That tooth was already loose, and I believe that the tooth fairy
awarded that particular tooth ten dollars for pain and suffering.
Besides, you were supposed to be the Jedi Master; I thought you’d
have better reflexes.”

Oscar’s mom emerged from the kitchen.
“Dinner’s almost ready!” She gave a despairing look at the uneaten
appetizers. “Five more minutes. Maybe ten, if you still want some
appetizers. Can I freshen anyone’s drink?” She looked particularly
at Chad.

“I’m fine, Mrs. Lozada,” Chad said. “I must
say, dinner smells delicious. What are we having again?”

“Enchiladas,” she said. “My special
recipe.”

Chad smiled again. Christ, Oscar hated those
teeth. “I’m looking forward to it.”

Oscar’s mom disappeared. As soon as she was
gone, everyone except Chad started cramming appetizers into their
mouths. Chad gave Alex a curious look.

“She’ll be sad if we don’t eat these,” she
said around a mouthful of deviled egg. Then she swallowed, looking
a little embarrassed.

Chad dutifully ate an egg. He took a napkin
and dabbed at Alex’s mouth. “You’ve got egg on your face.”

They both giggled. Oscar scowled. It was a
stupid joke, which meant all the giggling probably indicated that
they actually loved each other. Was he going to be plagued with
this douche for the rest of his life? Hopefully they’d stay in
Boston after they finished their law degrees. He wondered how well
Alex fit in with his family.

They all filed into the dining room
afterward. His mom had really gone all out; he was pretty sure the
plates were all brand new. She ushered everyone around to the seats
she’d assigned for them. Oscar, distressingly, was sitting right
across from Chad. Once they were all seated, his mom began to serve
the enchiladas while the rest of them passed the sides around. At
last, they were all seated with their plates full.

There were a few moments of silence as
everyone began eating. Chad was the first one to speak. “So
Sophia,” he said. “I understand you’re majoring in business
administration. How is that going?”

Sophia brushed some of her hair behind her
ear. “Actually,” she said. “I’ve switched my major to art.”

There was a moment of shocked silence. Sophia
was the Good Daughter. Sure, Alex was the most accomplished; she’d
been valedictorian of her high school, scored a shit ton of
scholarships, and rocketed directly to Harvard. But everyone knew
Alex’s story wasn’t one of the child of an immigrant, determined to
bring honor to her family by being the first to earn a college
degree. Alex just had a fierce need to be the undisputed champion
at every task she took on; her family had nothing to do with it.
Sophia was the one who wanted to please her family. This change of
major definitely wouldn’t do that.

Oscar looked around the table. His mom and
Alex looked mortified. Chad had that stupid smile frozen on his
face. Stephanie was shifting in her seat uncomfortably. Nikki
looked like she was about to burst into giggles. Oscar guessed his
expression mirrored Nikki’s the most.

But the person who looked most upset was
their dad. “Art?” he said slowly. “
Art
? What will you do
with art?”

Her cheeks colored a little. “I’m going to be
a painter.”

His dad snorted. “And you think this will pay
your bills? Change it back, or I’m not paying.”

“You can’t tell me what to major in,” she
said very quietly. “I will take out my own student loans. I don’t
like business, and I won’t spend my life doing a job I hate.”

Well, goddamn. Oscar was impressed. Those
were the most assertive words he’d ever heard from her.

His dad’s sneer deepened. “You know what job
you will hate more? Cleaning other people’s toilets. I have built
my business cleaning other people’s toilets. I give you a chance to
do something different, and you want to flush it away?”

Oscar tensed at that. His dad didn’t seem to
care that Oscar was “flushed away,” but what else was new?

“I have not worked this hard to see my
daughter throw my money away on
art
!” his dad continued. He
spat the last word out like it tasted bad.

“Why don’t we talk about this later?!” His
mom’s voice had risen several octaves.

Oscar’s dad shut his eyes and breathed
deeply; in another moment, he seemed calm. “Of course,
mi
amorcito
.” He turned his attention to Chad. “So, Chad, Alex
says you belong to one of those boat rowing teams?”

“Yes, sir,” Chad said, eager to get the
dinner back on course. “I’ve been in the rowing club since freshman
year.”

“So you are strong, yes?”

“It certainly is good exercise,” Chad
agreed.

“In my day, I was a boxer,” he said. “Good
exercise, but not so easy on the body, eh?” He indicated his
crooked nose.

“I’ve always admired boxers,” Chad said. “It
takes a lot of courage to face another man like that.” He turned to
Oscar. “Did you box, too?”

Everyone got really quiet. Oscar’s nose was
crooked, too, but that wasn’t the reason. “No,” Oscar said flatly.
Reminding him of that shit did not put Oscar in the mood to be
nice.