THE (tlpq-4) (53 page)

"Come along, then," he said. "We're done here."

"You saw her," Danat said.

"I did."

"Where is she? What did she want?"

"She's at the palaces, and there's no point in rushing over there like a

man on fire. She can see everything, and she knows to watch. We could no

more take her by surprise than fly."

Maati took a deep breath and turned back along the path they'd just

come. There was no reason to follow Otah's route now, and Maati wanted

to sit down for a while, perhaps drink a bowl of wine, perhaps speak to

Eiah for a time. He wanted to understand better why the dread in his

breast was mixed with elation, the fear with pleasure.

"What does she want?" Danat asked, trotting to catch up to Maati.

"I suppose that depends upon how you look at things," Maati said. "In

the greater scheme, she wants what any of us do. Love, a family,

respect. In the smaller, I believe she wants to see me beg before I die.

The odd thing is that even if she had that, it wouldn't bring her any

last„ ing peace.

"I don't understand."

Maati stopped. It occurred to him that if he had taken the wrong pose,

made the wrong decision just now, he and the boy would be trying to find

their way back to camp by smell. He put a hand on Danat's shoulder.

"I've asked Vanjit to meet with me tonight. She's agreed, but it can

only be the two of us," Maati said. "I believe that once it's done I'll

be able to tell you whether the world is still doomed."

29

"No," Otah said. "Absolutely not."

"All respect," Maati said. "You may be the Emperor, but this isn't your

call to make. I don't particularly need your permission, and Vanjit's

got no use for it at all."

"I can have you kept here."

"You won't," Maati said. The poet was sure of himself, Otah thought,

because he was right.

When Danat and Maati had returned early, he had known that something had

happened. The quay they had adopted as the center of the search had been

quiet since the end of the afternoon meal. Ana and Eiah sat in the

shadow of a low stone wall, sleeping or talking when Eiah wasn't going

through the shards of her ruined binding, arranging the shattered wax in

an approximation of the broken tablets. The boatman and his second had

taken apart the complex mechanism connecting boiler to wheel and were

cleaning each piece, the brass and bronze, iron and steel laid out on

gray tarps and shining like jewelry. The voices of the remaining armsmen

joined with the low, constant lapping of the river and the songs of the

birds. At another time, it might have been soothing. Otah, sitting at

his field table, fought the urge to pace or shout or throw stones into

the water. Sitting, racking his brain for details of a place he'd lived

three decades ago, and pushing down his own fears both exhausted him and

made him tense. He felt like a Galtic boiler with too hot a fire and no

release; he could feel the solder melting at his seams.

If they had followed his plan, Danat and Maati would have returned to

the quay from a path that ran south along the river. They came from the

west, down the broad stone steps. Danat held a naked blade forgotten in

his hand, his expression set and unnerved. Maati, walking more slowly,

seemed on the verge of collapse, but also pleased. Otah put down his pen.

"You've found her?"

"She's found us," Maati said. "I think she's been watching us since we

stepped off the boat."

The armsmen clustered around them. Eiah and Ana rose to their feet,

touching each other for support. Maati lumbered into the center of the

quay as if it were a stage and he was declaiming a part. He told them of

the encounter, of Vanjit's appearance, of the andat at her side. He took

the poses he'd adopted and mimicked Vanjit's. In the end, he explained

that Vanjit would see him-would see only him-and that it was to happen

that evening.

"She doesn't know you," Maati continued, "and what little she does know,

she doesn't have a use for. To her, you're the man who turned against

his own people. And I am the teacher who gave her the power of a small god."

"And then plotted to kill her," Otah said, but he knew this battle was

lost. Maati was right: neither of them had the power here. The poet and

her andat were their masters whether he liked it or not. She could

dictate any terms she wished, and Maati was important to her in a way

that Otah himself was not.

It was a meeting with the potential to end the world or save it. He

would have given it to a stranger before he trusted it to Maati.

"What are you going to tell her?" Ana asked. Her voice sounded hungry.

Weeks-months now-Ana had been living in shadows, and here was the chance

to make herself whole.

"I'll apologize," Maati said. "I'll explain that the andat manipulated

us, playing on our fears. Then, if Vanjit will allow it, I'll have Eiah

brought so that she can offer her apologies as well."

Eiah, standing where Otah could see her face, lifted her chin as if

something had caught her attention. Something ghosted across her

facealarm or incredulity-and then was gone. She became a statue of

herself, a mask. She had no more faith in Maati than he did. And, to

judge from her silence, no better idea of what to do either.

"She has killed thousands of innocent people," Otah said. "She's

crippled women she had numbered among her friends. Are you sure that

apologizing is entirely appropriate?"

"What would you have me do?" Maati asked, his hands taking a pose that

was both query and challenge. "Should I go to her swinging accusations?

Should I tell her she's not safe and never will be?"

The voice that answered was Idaan's.

"There's nothing you can say to her. She's gone mad, and you talk about

her as if she weren't. Whatever words you use, she's going to hear what

she wants. You might just as well send her a puppet and let her speak

both parts."

"You don't know her," Maati said, his face flushing. "You've never met her."

"I've been her," Idaan said dismissively as she walked down the steps to

the now-crowded quay. "Give her what she wants if you'd like. It's never

made her well before, and it won't make her well now."

"What would you advise?" Otah asked.

"She'll be distracted," Idaan said. "Go in with a bowman. Put an arrow

in the back of her head just where the spine touches it."

"No," Maati shouted.

"No," Eiah said. "Even if killing her is the right thing, think of the

risk. If she suspects, she can always lash out, and we haven't got any

protection against her."

"There doesn't need to be anyone there for her to be suspicious," Idaan

said. "If she's frightened by shadows, the end is just as bloody."

"So we're giving up on Galt," Ana said. Her voice was flat. "I listen to

all of you, and the one thing I never hear mentioned is all the people

who've died because they happened to be like me."

Maati stepped forward, taking the girl's hand. Otah, watching her,

didn't believe she needed comfort. It wasn't pain or sorrow in her

expression. It was resolve.

"They don't think they can move her to mercy," Maati said. "I will do

everything I can, Ana-cha. I'll swear to anything you like that I will-"

"Take me with you," Ana said. "I'm no threat to her, and I can speak for

Galt. I'm the only one here who can do that."

Her orders were met by silence until Idaan made a sound that was equally

laughter and cough.

"She told me to come alone," Maati said. "If she sees me leading a blind

Galt to her-"

"Vanjit has the right to see her mistakes," Otah said. "She's done this.

She should look at it. We all should look at what we've done to come here."

Maati looked at him as if seeing him for the first time. There was a

deep confusion in the old poet's face. Otah took a pose that asked a

favor between equals. As a friend to a friend.

"Take Ana," Otah said.

Maati's jaw worked as if he were chewing possible replies.

"No," he said.

Otah took a pose that was at once a query and an opportunity for Maati

to recant. Maati shook his head.

"I have trusted you, Otah-kvo. Since we were boys, I have had to come to

you with everything, and when you weren't there, I tried to imagine what

you might have done. And this time, you are wrong. I know it."

"Maati-"

"Trust me," Maati hissed. "For once in your life trust me. Ana-cha must

not go."

Otah's mouth opened, but no words came forth. Maati stood before him,

his breath fast as a boy's who had just run a race or jumped from a high

cliff into the sea. Maati had defied Otah. He had betrayed him. He had

never in their long history refused him.

For a moment, Otah felt as if they were boys again. He saw in Maati the

balled fists and jutting chin of a small child standing against an older

one, the bone-deep fear mixed with a sudden, surprising pride in his own

unexpected courage. And in Otah's own breast, an answering sorrow and

even shame.

He took a pose that acknowledged Maati's decision. The poet hesitated,

nodded, and walked to the riverside. Idaan leaned close to Ana,

whispering all that had happened which the girl could not see.

Kiyan-kya-

Sunset isn't on us yet, but it will be soon. Maati is

sulking, I think. Everyones frightened, but none of us has

the courage to say it. I take that back. Idaan isn't afraid.

Just after Maati refused to take Ana Dasin with him to this

thrice-damned meeting, Idaan came to me and said that she

was fairly certain that if Vanjit kills us all, she'll die

of starvation herself within the year. Uanjit's hunting

ability hasn't impressed her, and Idaan has a way of finding

comfort in strange places.

Nothing has ever come out the way I expected, love. It

seemed so simple. T' e had men who could sire a child, they

had women who could bear. And instead, I am sending the

least reliable man I know to save everything and everyone by

talking a madwoman into sanity. If I could find any way not

to do this, I'd take it. I appealed to what Maati and I once

were to each other when I tried to convince him to accept

Ana's company. It was more than half a lie. In truth I can't

say I know this man. The boy I knew in Saraykeht and the man

we knew in Machi has become a stew of bitterness and blind

optimism. He wants the past back, and no sacrifice is too

high. I wonder if he never saw the weakness and injustice

and rot at the heart of the old ways, or if he's only

forgotten them.

If I had it all to do again, I'd have done it differently.

I'd have married you sooner. I'd never have gone north, and

Idaan and Adrah could have taken Machi and had all this on

their heads instead of my own. Only then we'dhave been in

Udun, you andl, andl wouldhave had yourcompany for an even

shorter time. There is no winning this game. I suppose it's

best that we can only play it through once.

You wouldn't like what's become of Udun. I don't like it. I

remember Sinja saying that he kept your wayhouse safe during

the sack, but I haven't had the heart to go and look. The

river still has its beauty. The birds still have their song.

They'll still be here when the rest q f us are gone. I miss

Sinja.

There's something I'm trying to tell you, love. It's taking

me more time than I'd expected to work up the courage. We

all know it. Even Maati, even Ana, even Eiah. None of us can

speak the words; not even me. You're the only one I can say

this to, because, I suppose, you've already died and so

you're safe from it.

Love. Oh, love. This meeting is all we can do, and it isn't

going to work.

MAATI LEFT IN TWILIGHT. THE STARS SHONE IN THE EAST, THE DARKNESS RISing

up like a black dawn as the western sky fell from blue to gold, from

gold to gray. Birdsong changed from the trills and complaints of the day

to the low cooing and complexities of the night. The river seemed to

exhale, and its breath was green and rotting and cold. Maati had a small

pack at his side. In the light of the failing day and the flickering

orange of the torches, he looked older than Otah felt, and Otah felt

ancient.

He tried to see something familiar in Maati's eyes. He tried to see the

boy he'd gone drinking with in dark, lush Saraykeht, but that child was