The Things I Do for You (The Alexanders) (3 page)

“It’s just some stuff the doctor gave me.” Raina scooped them up and dropped them back in her handbag. Awkward silence descended on the table. Raina glanced at Ridley and was shocked to see tears in her eyes.

“Ri, what is it? Are you in pain?” She pushed away from the table and knelt next to her sister. It was an old habit, but she’d always thought of herself as Ri’s protector. Not because she was a scant three minutes older, but because her sister had always seemed so fragile. Easily hurt. She believed the best of people and Raina wanted her to be free to keep thinking that way. Even though she knew it was crap.

Ridley shook her head. “You’re thinking about having in vitro and you didn’t even tell me?”

“No, no. Ri, the doctor just gave me that stuff today. I was going to tell you all about it.”

Ridley sniffled. “Really?”

 
“Yeah, I wasn’t hiding it. I promise.”

She got up and sat in her seat. She twirled her fork in her spaghetti absently. “Remember how I told you a few years ago that I was diagnosed with endometriosis?”

Ridley nodded. “Yeah, I remember. The doctors thought you might have trouble conceiving one day.” She looked up sharply.
 

“Apparently I’m already running out of time.” Raina looked down at the swirl of noodles on her plate. “The doctor said things have gotten worse. We’ll be twenty-five soon, so I don’t have the luxury of taking my time. That’s why he gave me the brochures about egg harvesting and about surrogacy. He just wants me to be informed.”

“Does Steven… I mean, does he have issues?” Ridley blushed and looked down at her food. “Sorry. That was really nosy. Don’t answer that.”

“It’s okay,” Raina replied. “You can ask me anything. We’ve never had secrets. Plus, I’m not really sure. We haven’t talked about it.”

Ridley dropped her fork and glared at her. “How can you not have talked about it? How can you marry someone that you don’t even talk to?”

“Shhhh! Not so loud.” Raina glanced around, satisfied when she saw that the yard was empty. Jackson’s two sons were usually nearby and she knew that tiny ears heard everything. “I didn’t say we don’t talk, just that we haven’t talked about
that
yet. He’ll be back from New York tomorrow and he already agreed to start trying early if things got worse, instead of waiting until after the wedding.”

“The wedding is only two months away,” Ridley groused.

“Exactly. Close enough that it won’t matter if I’m pregnant since I won’t be showing yet. This isn’t the 1950s, so it’s not like I’ll be shunned because I’m not a virgin on my wedding night.” She snorted at the thought.

Even Ridley laughed at that. “It’s about a decade too late to worry about your virtue, huh?”

“Not a decade,” she cried. She swatted at Ridley with her napkin. “Anyway, I have no reason to believe that Steven can’t father children. I refuse to believe the universe is cruel enough to give
both
of us fertility issues and I don’t want him to undergo a lot of poking and prodding if he doesn’t have to.”
 

Ridley was smiling now, but she still didn’t look mollified. “I’m not worried about Steven being uncomfortable. I’m worried about
you
.
”

Raina reached across the table and grabbed her sister’s hand. “I know you don’t approve, but I really need your support on this. Steven and I get each other. We may not have the typical relationship, but we want the same things. Financial security, stability, and a family. Plenty of people have gotten married with less in common than that.”

“I still don’t like it. He hasn’t even had time in his
oh-so-busy
schedule to come over and meet me. You deserve a man who loves you. Every guy isn’t like Brian.”

Raina pulled her hand back. “I know that.”
 

“Do you? I want so much more for you. I want you to find what I have with Jackson.”

Raina ignored the disapproving look on her sister’s face. “Don’t give me that look. Everyone isn’t lucky enough to be in twu-wuv like you two lovebirds.”

Ridley took another bite of spaghetti. “Um hmm. Well, I hope you know that you don’t need a surrogate or an egg donor, anyway. You know I’d do it if you needed me to.”

“I have a feeling that you’ll be busy having your own babies in the very near future. If you aren’t pregnant already.”

“What? I am not pregnant,” she whispered. “Why are you saying that? Do I look like I’ve gained weight?” Tears immediately sprang to her eyes.

“For starters, you’re usually a watering pot but even you aren’t this weepy.” Raina reached across the table and brushed Ridley’s tears away. “Plus, your boobs are huge. I’m so jealous.”

Ridley’s eyes widened before she burst out laughing.
 

“It looks like we’re missing the fun.”

Raina froze and then turned slowly. Jackson and Nick stood in the doorway, watching them. As usual, Nick looked
GQ
-fine in a suit and tie with his dark, curly hair slicked back. His golden-brown skin tone was slightly lighter, as if he’d been holed up in his office instead of outside in the sun. He was quite a contrast to Jackson, who looked like an advertisement for some kind of Caribbean drink in a casual Hawaiian shirt and cargo shorts, his skin gleaming a deep bronze.

Jackson, as usual, made a beeline for Ridley. He picked her up and then sat down in her chair with her in his lap.
 

“What are you girls out here talking about?”

Ridley giggled and settled back into his embrace. “Just girl talk.” She looked up at Nick. “I didn’t realize you were here already, Nick. Are you hungry? I made plenty.”

He smiled indulgently at her and shook his head. “I already ate, but thanks.”

His eyes came to rest on Raina and she suppressed a shiver. “Hi, Raina.”

“Hi.” When she couldn’t think of anything else to say, she turned back to Ridley. “I’ll get started cleaning up before I go.” She jumped up and pushed her chair under the table. Nick moved back so she could walk past him.

“You don’t have to do that. It’s not much,” Ridley protested.

“No, I want to,” she assured her.
Boy, did she want to
. “I’ll see you guys later.” She deliberately didn’t look at anyone in particular when she said it.
 

Anything was better than sitting here awkwardly with the man who made her wish for impossible things.
 

*
 
*
 
*
 
*
 
*

NICK WATCHED RAINA until the back of her brightly patterned T-shirt disappeared behind the sliding glass door.
 

You would think that months of forced interaction would have made it easier to be around her. But instead, it seemed even harder to breathe. Mainly because being around Jackson and Ridley made him more aware of everything he didn’t have.

He sat in the chair Raina had vacated and stretched out his legs. When his foot hit something, he pushed back to see what it was and spied a paper pamphlet under the table near Ridley’s chair. He reached down to pick it up.
 

Sperm donation?

When he saw the title, he immediately shoved the brochure in the inner pocket of his suit jacket.

 
He turned back to Jackson and Ridley and found them deep in whispered conversation. Although they were still high on the lovey-dovey scale, Jackson and Ridley seemed tenser than usual today. Could this be the reason? Were they having fertility problems? It made him sad to think that his brother hadn’t confided in him, but he could understand not wanting to talk about this kind of thing.
 

 
He crossed his arms, feeling the sharp edge of the pamphlet beneath his jacket. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
 

Ridley patted Jackson on the chest. “I’ll just go help Raina. She always insists on cleaning up when I cook, which is really sweet but she puts everything back in the wrong places.”

“No, Ridley, I actually wanted you to stay.”
 

Her mouth fell open into a little “oh” of surprise. He tensed under her scrutiny. It wasn’t like he’d never talked to Ridley before. But, he supposed, it was rare for him to have an extended conversation with her. It was a little awkward after everything that happened when he’d thought she was Raina and kissed her. He hadn’t held anything back in that wild exchange. His jaw ached at the memory.
 

His brother hadn’t held anything back when he’d punched him afterward, either.

 
“Of course I’ll stay,” Ridley finally said. “What did you want to talk to us about?”

Nick couldn’t look her in the eye. It felt invasive, like he’d violated their privacy by seeing the brochure. But he couldn’t
unsee
it and what they needed to talk about was more important that any feelings of embarrassment this conversation was sure to bring.

“Well, it’s pretty well-known that the Alexander men have… you know… no issues fathering kids.” Nick wouldn’t have thought it possible, but he blushed for the first time in two decades.

“Um, I guess so,” Jackson replied. “I mean, there’s four of us and then, well I guess Auntie Maria’s kids don’t count in this case, but Uncle Stewart has six kids, right? Or he could have more by now and we wouldn’t even know. I wish he and Dad would let their feud go. It’s ridiculous that they’re still at odds for something that happened years ago. In fact—”

“Jackson, focus.” Nick clapped his hands. “I’m trying to talk to you about something serious.”

Jackson frowned. “Okay. Let’s take a little walk. You know you can talk to me about anything.”

They stepped down off the patio into the yard. Nick pushed one of Jase’s tricycles to the side with his foot.

“Well, I know that. But I want to make sure that you know you can talk to
me
about anything. Ridley, you’re family now and I’d do anything to help you, too. Even if it’s weird to ask or awkward to talk about. I know reproductive stuff is not exactly dinner conversation, but if you guys are thinking about having more kids and are having trouble, I hope you know that you can ask me for help. I’d literally give the shirt off my back for any of my brothers, so what’s a little DNA on the side, right?” He laughed weakly at his own joke.

“Nick, what are you saying?” Ridley asked gently.
 

Nick’s heart stuttered to a stop. He supposed he wasn’t being too clear but hell, did he have to spell it out? Dammit, what if they thought he was trying to hit on Ridley in a weird way? He had kissed her once and even though it was a case of mistaken identity, he knew his brother hadn’t forgotten. He didn’t want to just flat-out offer to impregnate his brother’s future wife, but what was the alternative? It wasn’t like there was a proper way to offer stud services.
 

Jackson wasn’t trying to bail him out, either. He looked like he was on the point of bursting into laughter.

“Jackson, this is serious.” Exasperated, he finally pulled the brochure he’d found from his suit pocket. “I found this and I was trying to find a discreet way to let you know that if you guys were having
issues
,
I’d be willing to help out.”

At that point, Jackson did laugh. “I was wondering what the hell you were getting at. Nick, are you offering to be our sperm donor?”

Nick flushed again. He was trying to do what was right for his family and his brother was just making him feel like an idiot. “Yes, dammit. But you don’t have to put it like that. I’m just saying, you know, if you’re shooting blanks or something, you don’t have to buy it from a sperm bank. I’m your brother. I’d do anything for you.”

He broke off then because it suddenly looked like both Ridley and Jackson were struggling to hide smiles.

“
What?
Okay, never mind. I was trying to do the right thing and you two are not taking me seriously at all.”

Ridley finally recovered and came over to him. She stood silently and watched him for a moment before enfolding him in a warm hug. Nick wasn’t sure what to do so he looked up to Jackson for help. His brother just shrugged.

“Um, Ridley. Is everything okay? Maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up but I just wanted—”

Ridley shook her head. “No, that’s not it. I’m just amazed that you would do that for us. Really amazed and really happy.” She glanced back at Jackson with a soft smile. “I am truly the luckiest girl in the world. I’ve gone from having almost no family at all to being a part of the most supportive family ever.”

Nick relaxed. As long as she wasn’t going to cry, he was okay. “We’re the lucky ones. Just seeing how happy you’ve made my brother is a miracle in itself.”

A smile broke out on Ridley’s face and when Jackson held his arms open to her she raced into them. Nick watched them, not even surprised by the small pang of envy he felt. There was a time when he couldn’t think of anything worse than chaining himself to one woman at his age. But observing how close his brother was to Ridley, how supportive they were of each other’s dreams, he found himself wondering what it would be like to have that for himself.
 

What would it be like to have someone miss him when he worked late? Someone there to hold him when he was stressed or worried about things? Someone to confide in when the burdens he carried seemed too great? Something made him look back at the house. Even from this distance, he could see the bright color of Raina’s shirt as she moved around the kitchen. As if she could feel his gaze on her, she turned and their eyes met through the glass.
 

What would it be like to know she loved me?

He turned around, shocked to see Ridley grinning at him openly. “Should I assume that you aren’t offended by my offer then?”

Ridley nodded. “I’m not offended at all. I almost hate to ruin this warm, squishy moment by telling you we don’t need your, um,
services
. That brochure wasn’t for us.”

Nick pulled the brochure out and looked at it. The title read
The Tidewater Sperm Bank: Is Artificial Insemination Right for You?