The Temptation of Lady Serena (12 page)

“You cannot.” Robert’s voice was like steel. “I will not allow it.”

“Robert, you may be the head of this family, but you do not rule me. I shall act as I think right. And it will not be helping you to browbeat that poor girl into marrying you. If you want to marry Lady Serena, find a way to make your suit acceptable to her.”

“I want to see her. Now!”

“And what will you say?”

He scowled.

“Just as I thought. You shall not see her in the mood you’re in. You’re like a surly bear. When you can curb that nasty temper of yours and act civil, you may speak with her. Until then, go away.”

“Grandmama. Please, no.”

“Robert, you did very wrong by Lady Serena. You hurt her, not only possibly her reputation, but her heart. She is a charming, capable young lady who would make you an excellent wife
if
you can convince
her
of it. I told you before, you cannot allow a disappointment in your youth to guide your life.”

Robert’s bluster faded. “Grandmama, I don’t know what to do.”

“You have friends here who will help you, if you’ll let them. Now give me a kiss and go. You may call to-morrow.”

Robert allowed himself to be guided back to the front door and thanked Wilson as he left. As his fury withered, his mood became more thoughtful. He walked back to his lodging. He knew he’d angered Serena, but it had not occurred to him he’d hurt her. The thought that his grandmother would help Serena jilt him didn’t bear thinking of. Maybe he shouldn’t have done what he did. Clearly, it had caused everyone to turn against him. But how could he fix it?

He absently agreed with his valet as to the dinner menu, and decided to remain in that evening. Unable to sleep, Robert sat in front of the fire, one long booted leg crossed over the other. To-morrow, he’d ask Serena what she wanted; he prayed it included him.

 

The ladies, joined by the gentlemen, were waiting in the long drawing room to hear the result of Lady Beaumont’s discussion with her grandson. Serena, unable to stay still, paced the length of the room several times before Anna drew her into conversation.

The door finally opened for Lady Beaumont. Robert was not with her. Serena’s gaze flew to the older woman’s face.

Lady Beaumont smiled. “He has gone to his lodgings to mend his temper. I told him he could not speak with you until he had. I believe we shall see him to-morrow.”

“Ma’am, what did you say to him? He looked so angry when he arrived. He wasn’t much happier when he left.”

“I told him he’d hurt you. I had the impression he hadn’t thought of it before. Come, you may escort me to the morning room. It must be time for tea.”

Phoebe laughed. “It is more than time for tea. I quite frankly think I could use a sherry. Marcus?”

“Indeed.” Marcus crossed to the sideboard. “Serena?”

She sank down onto the sofa. “I’d like a tumbler of my father’s twenty-year-old scotch whisky at this point, though I’ll thank you for the sherry.”

 

When Robert was ushered into the drawing room the next afternoon, his mood was subdued. He’d spent the morning walking Paris, trying to think of what to say to Serena. Something he could promise her. Was there something more important to her than love?

Serena met with him at one end of the long drawing room. His grandmother and aunt sat at the other end, not watching, but ready to step in.

When Serena met his gaze, Robert was abashed to see how pale and tense she was. She blinked back tears. The beautiful amber eyes that used to smile up at him held sorrow and pain. She allowed him to take her trembling hands, and they sat in silence.

What had he done? He’d never intended to injure her. Until his grandmother mentioned it, it never occurred to him that he’d harmed her. Robert had expected anger at his admittedly ruthless methods, but this level of anguish? His heart wrenched to see her like this. If he could only take her in his arms and show her how much she meant to him.

She was waiting for him to say something, but what could he say to make up for his treachery?

After a longer silence, he spoke. “I’m sorry for my actions. To have caused you so much suffering was never my intent. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

Standing, he bowed and took his leave.

Serena swallowed and dashed a tear from her eyes. She’d anticipated a rebuke, perhaps an eruption of anger, but never the misery in his green eyes as he watched her. Robert was her downfall. If Lady Beaumont and Freddy hadn’t been there she would have wrapped her arms around him and given in at once.

She loved him so much, but it would kill her to live with him if he didn’t feel the same. What would happen when he left her bed for another’s? If she was ever to get from Robert what she needed, she’d have to be strong now. Much stronger than she was being. She rose and went to Lady Beaumont.

“Well, what was that about?” Freddy asked. “For all his insistence on seeing you, he certainly didn’t stay long.”

Lady Beaumont chuckled lightly. “If I know our Robert, as Nurse used to say, he’s at the end of his rope. Freddy, tug the pull and summon the others.”

The rest of them piled into the room.

Phoebe’s eyes were burning with curiosity. “What happened?” Serena shrugged. “I’m not sure. Robert sat and held my hands for such a long time, then told me he was sorry and left.”

“He left?” Phoebe and Anna glanced at their husbands.

“What do you make of it?” Anna asked.

Rutherford rubbed his pocket watch. “I wish I knew.
If
he attends the embassy ball this evening, we may learn more.”

Serena gripped her hands tightly together. If Robert was at the ball, how could she stand it? Waltzing with him, having him touch her. How would she resist him? But worse, what if he didn’t come at all?

R
obert stared when Serena descended the stairs to the ballroom. She was easily the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. The bodice of her pale yellow evening gown was cut low in a deep square of gauzy georgette, pleated and tucked, barely covering the perfect, creamy mounds of her breasts. Breasts he wanted to touch as he had in the bluebell wood. His fists clenched, then he scowled at a Frenchman who ogled her.

Robert cursed under his breath. He must find a way to make her his wife.

He went to her and bowed, saying softly, “Lady Serena, I would be honored if you’d accept my escort this evening.”

Serena glanced at him warily. “Why do you wish to accompany me?”

He met her gaze. “Which answer do you want, Serena, the conventional or the truth?”

“Both.”

“The conventional answer is that almost everyone here has seen the betrothal notice. It would appear odd if we were not together and would cause unwanted gossip.” He stepped closer and lowered his voice. “The truth is that I need to be with you. I know this is all I’ll have until we are able to . . .” He broke off, unable to finish.

“Let us stroll, my lord.” Serena placed her hand on his arm and raised her chin. “And, Robert, if we are to keep up appearances, you must at least smile.”

“Yes, my lady.” For the first time in a long time, he did just that.

 

Two weeks passed. Robert visited every day, sat with Serena, and left. In the evenings, he appeared at the balls, parties, or dinners and almost silently escorted her. At the beginning of the third week, they sat alone in a large parlor with the door opened slightly to a smaller room, where their chaperones waited.

Serena made her demand. “Robert, we have been going round and round with this
‘betrothal’
for weeks now. You know what I must have from you in order to marry. Yet, I have no idea what you desire. What it is
you
want. Why are you holding back from me?” At his hesitation, she insisted, “I shall have it in plain speaking, even if you think it is something a lady should not hear.”

Beaumont narrowed his eyes. “You, my love, have been spending far too much time around my grandmother. You are starting to sound like her.”

“There is a great deal to be said for your grandmother’s directness. Are you going to tell me or not?” Serena couldn’t stand this purgatory he’d consigned them to anymore. “Because, I warn you, my lord, if you do not, I shall end this farce here and now!”

Robert stared at her for a long time. “It is not a pretty story, nor one that a lady should hear. Particularly not an innocent lady.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “Yet, if that’s your price, I’ll pay it.”

She bit her lip. “That is my price.”

He walked to the sideboard and poured a glass of brandy for himself and a sherry for her, then held it out. “You might need this.”

Serena took the glass from him, then Robert sat on the chair closest to her.

“Shortly after I’d attained my majority, I was in London for the Season. Not looking seriously for a wife, but testing the waters, as it were. I developed a violent passion for a lady. She was in her second Season, tall with dark hair. Beautiful, or so I thought at the time.” Robert took a sip of brandy, then another.

When he did not continue, Serena said, “I am aware that young men frequently form violent passions. Go on.”

“Her mama was very encouraging and gave me the direction of her daughter’s guardian. Her father had died some years previously. I was on the point of asking for permission to address her.” He grinned ruefully. “I was a very high stickler in those days.”

“Would that you still were,” Serena said dryly.

He gave a bark of humorless laughter. “It would have made it easier for you, would it not?”

“And you as well, Robert.”

“You may be right. Nevertheless, I had been very particular in my attentions to her, but I’d not yet approached her with my desires. The betting in the clubs was narrowing and it was clear to most of the
ton
I was infatuated with her.”

“What
gentlemen
find appropriate to wager on never fails to amaze me.”

“Remind me to tell you of the betting on who would finally win your hand. It wasn’t me.”

“It may still not be you, if you don’t get on with it.”

Robert gazed at her innocently. “But, my dear, you were the one who took us off on this track.”

Serena folded her hands in her lap. “Very well, I shall not utter another word until you have finished.”

“As I was saying, I wanted to see her before I left, to tell her I planned to ask for her hand. We were at one of the larger balls of the Season. She was with a friend, next to a large potted palm, and didn’t see me.” He stopped and took a breath. “Her friend asked her if it was true I was about to offer for her. She responded that she knew I was hopelessly in love with her. Her friend asked if she loved me. She said she did not, her tastes ran to gentlemen with dark hair and blue eyes. But . . . she would marry me because of my rank and fortune and—and, since I was so in love, I would be easy for her to manage.”

Serena brought her hand to her mouth.

Robert took a large drink of his brandy. “As I stood listening in shock, she added that, once she had given me an heir, she intended to take a lover. Someone more to her liking.”

Serena sipped the sherry, very glad that she had it. “I think her taste leaves much to be desired, not to mention her morals. What did you do?”

“I was mortified. I quit
ton
parties and began frequenting establishments that provide a different type of entertainment from those of the Marriage Mart.”

“Did you ever see her again?”

His lips curled with disdain. “Yes, I saw her at one of the places I attended. She was looking for a lover.”

Serena hid her shock.

“Her taste in men must have broadened, because she invited me to join her for an evening. I agreed.”

Robert stopped and glanced uncomfortably at Serena. “Do you truly wish to hear this?”

“Yes, and I am equally sure
you
need to tell it.”

Robert’s eyes widened in surprise. “Perhaps you’re right. I had a set of rooms that I used for the purpose. I gave her the direction and she met me.” His note of derision was marked. “When we finally got to the deed, I felt nothing. She was nothing more than a lightskirt.”

Serena remembered what Lady Beaumont told her. Her voice soft, Serena said, “A high-bred courtesan.”

Robert glanced up suddenly. “Yes, that’s it exactly. A high-bred courtesan.”

What had he been like back then? So full of love and eagerness, then to have his illusions shattered and his heart broken. “Have you ever thought you were very lucky to have escaped her? Think what a misery she would have made of your life had you wed.”

“I have tried
not
to think of her at all.”

“But, Robert, you must. Don’t you realize you’ve been trying to do to me what she intended to do to you? You want to use my love for you to control and manage me? Can you not see how that would make me feel?”

His expression changed as he grasped what she’d said.

Robert groaned and covered his face. “Serena, I—I’m so sorry, I didn’t think.”

This was progress. Now she needed him to move a few steps further.

“Tell me, Robert, is that what you truly want from marriage?”

Robert stilled, a myriad of emotions sweeping through him, as he searched Serena’s earnest face. Her beautiful amber eyes sparkled with unshed tears.

Impulsively, he took her hands and held them to his cheek. “No, that’s not what I want. I want a marriage where there is love and trust, but . . . I’m not sure I am capable of either. I know this means I should release you from our betrothal, but, Serena, I—I cannot see my way clear to a life that doesn’t include you.”

Robert kissed her hands, not passionately or with practiced expertise, but with the desperate need that filled him. “When I left for Newmarket after that first evening with you, I swore I’d forget you. I thought you’d marry someone else, or I would eventually tire of you. It never happened.”

Hope lit her face at his admission. “Could it be, Robert, that you do love me and will not allow yourself to admit it? If—if you don’t want to be without me, and you’ve not tired of me, is that not love?”

“I wish I could tell you, but I don’t know,” he said truthfully. “I don’t feel the way I felt when I was in love all those years ago.”

“Well, I am very glad of that, Robert! I do not want the passion of a young man, almost a child. I want the passion of a man who knows his worth and the worth of what he has to give.”

Serena stood, with a trembling smile. “I shall leave you now. Think on what was said here to-day. I will not wait forever, Robert, but I’ll wait a little while longer.”

She left the room.

Robert flinched as the door closed behind her, and he clutched his tumbler of brandy so hard, his knuckles went white.
He was going to lose her.
If he couldn’t say the damned words she needed, she would be gone. What kind of hell was this?

After draining his glass, Robert went in search of Evesham and Rutherford, needing advice . . . and a miracle.

 

“Well?” Lady Beaumont asked Serena, who had come directly to her after leaving Robert.

Serena’s face flushed. “Robert told me what happened.”

“All of it?”

She nodded. “He didn’t want to, but he finally did and very shocking it was. He held nothing back. Actually, I think he was amazed I’d listen to it all without having vapors.”

“Gentlemen are always worried about our delicate sensibilities. Did he admit that he’s in love with you?”

“No,” Serena said sadly. “He said that he would offer to release me from our betrothal, but he cannot live without me.”

“Heaven save us from foolhardy men.”

Serena laughed at Lady Beaumont’s disgusted mien.

“What in the name of God does he think love is, if not—” Lady Beaumont scowled. “I am about ready to wash my hands of him. He must be the most stupid man on Earth.”

“Oh, not
the
most stupid!” Serena smiled in spite of herself. “He was very hurt by his first love, and he is afraid to try it again. I told him I would wait a little longer.”

“Serena, you are a brave woman to go through all of this.”

Serena said ruefully, “Not brave, ma’am, just a woman in love. Now if that great noddy would just bring himself to admit he loves me, it will all have been worth it.”

Lady Beaumont smiled sympathetically. “You go on, dear, and rest. Come get me when it’s time to meet the others in the drawing room. We’ll go down together.”

Serena blinked back her tears and bent to kiss Lady Beaumont’s cheek. “Thank you. You’ve been so kind to me. I don’t know what I would have done without your help.”

Lady Beaumont’s eyes grew misty. “Go along now.”

Serena nodded and went to her chamber. She sat on the window seat gazing out, thinking of Robert’s story. How could any lady, worthy of the title, have behaved that way—especially one so young?

Serena wanted to take Robert and comfort him, but even as contrite as he’d been, that path would lead her only to further ruin. She closed her eyes to hold back the tears that threatened. What if she didn’t marry Robert? Somehow she knew there was no other gentleman she could love. Serena had given her heart—and more—to Robert.

She supposed she had enough money to live on her own. Perhaps she could involve herself in charitable works and find a new purpose to life. Yet where would she live? Not London, Yorkshire? A town by the sea?

Serena shook herself from the melancholy and prayed Robert would come around soon. Waiting was far too painful.

 

Robert finally found Marcus and Rutherford in the library.

“Serena wants me to tell her that I love her. How can I do that when I don’t know if I am capable of the emotion?” he asked, both frustration and anguish in his voice.

“You have all the symptoms of being in love,” Rutherford offered helpfully.

Robert regarded him crossly. “That may be, but I don’t know if I
am
in love. I don’t even think I know what it is. I certainly didn’t see it when I was growing up.”

“Did you ask what Serena desires from a marriage?” Rutherford inquired. “That’s something Anna and I discussed.”

Robert frowned. He’d been too busy trying to make her his to think that far ahead, but perhaps Rutherford had an idea. “Marcus, did you and Phoebe have the same conversation?”

“Yes,” Marcus responded thoughtfully. “Though I’d already told her I loved her, I wouldn’t have won her hand if we hadn’t come to an agreement on the major issues.”

St. Eth knocked on the door, entered, and glanced at Robert with expectation. “So, young man, has there been any progress?”

The devil
. Compromising a woman into marriage was supposed to be a simple affair. This was anything but, and his grandmother was not helping. “Were you aware, sir, that my grandmother told Serena she did not have to marry me?”

St. Eth’s lips tightened. “No, but I cannot say it surprises me. Lady Beaumont is an original. Serena’s remaining a spinster is not my preferred outcome. Unlike her ladyship, I do care if there is a scandal, and I do not wish to see Serena barred from the
ton.
You must find some way to convince her to wed you.”

Robert agreed. Perhaps Serena just didn’t know what being Viscountess Beaumont entailed. Many women wanted to marry him simply for the status it would bring. Unfortunately, he suspected Serena was not among their number. “My lord, to-morrow I would like to speak privately with Lady Serena.”

St. Eth nodded. “Join us for luncheon. There will be time afterward.”