The Sweetest Revenge (14 page)

The first weekend in February, I
was sitting up in Keith’s bed after a night of rowdy lovemaking. He
brought in a tray of cantaloupe and strawberries and whipped cream,
crescent rolls, and a big pot of coffee. He sat the tray on the bed
and I reached over to grab a strawberry. Keith got a crescent roll
and buttered it before crunching down on it.

“
I want to talk to you about
something,” he said.

I went on alert immediately.
Those words rarely prefaced anything good. Was he going to break up
with me? I sat my half-eaten strawberry on the tray and looked at
him. I tried to be prepared for whatever he had to say.

“
It’s getting harder and
harder to be without you,” Keith said. “I’ve fallen in love
with you, Amy. I want to be with you.”

I wasn’t expecting that. But I
had fallen in love with Keith, too.

“
I love you, too,” I said.

He reached over the tray of fruit
and rolls and hugged me, drawing me close to him.

“
I want you to move up here
with me,” he said. “I can give you a job with the company. We
need a communications person.”

That’s when I stopped cold.

“
You mean you would be my
boss?” I asked.

“
Don’t look at it like that,”
he said. “I thought you wanted to work, so that’s what I came up
with. And we really do need someone. I’m not pulling it out of thin
air.

“
I don’t want to be your
employee,” I said decisively. “No way.” Suddenly, I wasn’t
feeling so happy.

“
I didn’t mean it like that,
Amy,” Keith said. “I was trying to figure out a way we could be
together all the time.”

I couldn’t believe how icy I
felt, after we had just professed our love for each other!

“
Right now, I’ve got a
contract with the university. A fantastic contract. You are
responsible for that, and I thank you. But I have no guarantees with
you. If I give up my contract and come work here—for you—then
what happens if you get tired of me? What about the position of power
you’ll have over me as my employer?”

I was so disgusted that I threw
the covers off of me, picked my clothes up from the floor, and walked
naked into the bathroom. I put my clothes on furiously and washed my
face. I walked back into the bedroom—Keith’s bedroom, and let’s
not forget that—and put my shoes on.

“
Amy, let’s talk about this.
I didn’t mean it the way you’re taking it.”

I whirled around to face him.
“You may be responsible for me getting my job back, and on the best
terms anyone could hope for, but that doesn’t mean that you can own
me!”

I hastily gathered up all of my
things, going back into the bathroom to gather my toothbrush and
shampoo. I walked out of Keith’s bedroom door while he sat on the
bed with a stunned look on his face.

I hurried downstairs and walked
outside. I breathed in the cold, crisp air as I walked to my car. I
got in and headed down the long driveway.

After I turned onto the road from
the driveway, I wound my car through the narrow roads that took me to
the highway. When I reached it, I allowed myself to cry. Angry and
sorrowful tears fell down my face. My cell phone was ringing, but I
ignored it. I knew it was Keith, and I wasn’t in the mood to talk
to him.

I drove for an hour and a half,
my cell ringing for the first thirty minutes before it stopped. When
I opened the kitchen door and Midnight came to greet me, fresh tears
fell down my cheeks. I rubbed Midnight behind her ears and got her a
fresh can of food. I poured myself a glass of wine and sat in the
den.

I thought about Keith’s
proposal to move to the mountains and work for him. Did Keith really
think that I would give up everything I had to work for Richmond
Industries? That was a very tall order and only a fool would take him
up on it. I was no fool. Not after the battle I had fought at the end
of my marriage.

As I sat there on the couch,
drinking my wine and rubbing Midnight behind her ears, I couldn’t
escape the truth. Keith wasn’t willing to marry me. That was the
only way I would give everything up to be with him. Otherwise, I’d
have no security if things didn’t work out between us. The bottom
line was that he didn’t want to marry me to keep me.

That was a bitter pill to
swallow.

Chapter
Fifteen

The next morning, I emailed
Keith. “I’m sorry I left the way I did. I’m sure I over-reacted
to the situation. I do love you, but I can’t give up the only
security I have to come up there and work for you. I hope you can
understand that.”

Thirty minutes later, Keith wrote
me back. “I do understand that. I’m sorry I suggested it. I was
just trying to figure out a way that we could be together all the
time. That’s how much I love you.”

But not enough to marry me, I
thought. Not enough for that. Not enough to make it worthwhile for me
to leave my job at the university and give up everything I’d
gained. Not enough.

I wrote Keith back. “Let’s
take some time apart to think things through.”

Keith didn’t write back until
later that night. The wait was excruciating.

“
Okay,” was all he wrote.
That killed me to my core. Okay.

***************

My heart wasn’t in my work
anymore after that. I went through the motions, attended several
events, supervised the ongoing production of the annual magazine. I
was beginning to wonder just how much I wanted my job. I didn’t
have to work as long as I had Jim’s alimony. Maybe I should take
Keith up on his offer. I’d still have alimony if things didn’t
work out with Keith. I’d have the proceeds from the house. I’d
have my investments and retirement fund. I could make it.

But making it wasn’t really
good enough for me.

Friday rolled around, and I tried
not to think about Keith and how I normally would be seeing him. I
holed up in my house over the weekend, hoping Keith would call and
tell me he missed me, but he didn’t. I was going through
withdrawal, and it was painful. It was like stopping an addiction, a
habit. I had to suffer through it.

I went to work on Monday,
unrefreshed from my tortuous weekend. I tried to focus on my job.
That’s what I had held onto so fiercely, wasn’t it? My fabulous
job. My security. Given to me by people who had mistreated me because
they wanted Keith’s money. I wished Keith had never made that deal.
I wished I’d never accepted their offer.

Friday came again and I spent
another lonely weekend. It had been two weeks since I’d seen Keith
or heard from him. He must be getting over me, I thought. Like I’m
trying to get over him and not having any luck. So many times I
wanted to call him and tell him I’d take him up on his offer. But
my better sense took over. I knew I couldn’t do that. I was in love
with him, but I was also in self-preservation mode.

I was into my third week without
Keith, staring into my bare cupboards, when I heard a knock at the
kitchen door. I whirled around, hoping it was Keith. I was
disappointed to see it was Jim, peering through the panes of the
window on the upper half of the door.

I opened it. “What are you
doing here?” I asked him.

“
I’ve been wanting to talk to
you,” Jim said. “Can I come in?”

I didn’t want him to come in,
but I opened the door and he walked into the kitchen. He kept walking
toward the den.

He whistled when he saw it.

“
It looks different in here,”
he said. “What happened to all our stuff?”

“
I sold it,” I said meanly.

He looked at me with sadness.
“All of it?” he asked.

“
I hope so,” I said. “That
was the point.”

Jim dropped to my new blue couch.
I sat in a chair away from him.

“
Amy, you look incredible,”
Jim said. “Like you used to look.”

I didn’t know what to say, so I
didn’t say anything. If I looked like I used to look, it was
because he had left me for another woman, left me to fend for myself
after fifteen years of marriage.

“
What do you want, Jim?” I
asked. I was losing patience with him.

“
I want you back,” he said.

I was flabbergasted! “Are you
kidding me?” I asked, my voice getting high and squeaky sounding.

“
No,” Jim said. “I know I
made a big mistake with Kimberly. I should never have let her
interfere in our marriage.”

“
I think you had plenty to do
with that yourself,” I spat out. “It takes two to tango.”

“
Yes,” Jim said evenly.
“You’re right about that. I was weak. I gave into my carnal side
without considering what it would do to our marriage.”

“
Well, it’s done now,” I
said wearily. “I have no interest in getting back with you. I have
my own life now.”

“
How can you forget everything
we built together? Our life. Our friends. We made something.”

“
How could you forget it?” I
asked him. “You’re the one who forgot about us when you started
your affair with Kimberly. You didn’t believe in our marriage. You
didn’t try to work on it. You just got into bed with your old
girlfriend. And that hurt. It hurt me a lot.”

“
I’m sorry,” Jim said
pleadingly. “Can’t you forgive me?”

“
It’s not even about
forgiveness,” I said. “It’s about trust. I would never trust
you again as long as I live.”

“
Amy, please,” Jim said.

“
What about Kimberly?” I
asked curiously. “Where is she in all of this? Does she know you’re
over here begging me to take you back?”

Jim looked sheepish. “No, she
has no idea. But she knows that things aren’t going well with us.
She knows that much.”

“
Jim, I wouldn’t come back to
you even if I weren’t in love with someone else,” I said with
finality.

“
You’re in love with someone
else?” he asked. He looked hurt. I guess he never thought anyone
else would ever love me again.

“
Yes, I am. Someone who met me
when I was fat and liked me even then.”

“
I loved you when you were
fat,” Jim sputtered.

“
No, you really didn’t,” I
said. “And I can understand what a disappointment it must have been
to you that I gained so much weight. I really do. I know I wasn’t
attractive.”

“
Yes you were,” Jim insisted.

“
No, I wasn’t. But if we
could have figured our problems out, worked together on our marriage
instead of you having an affair, then maybe I wouldn’t have gained
so much weight. I realize now it was a shield to protect my
feelings.”

“
Amy, I’m sorry,” Jim said.
He had tears in his eyes. “I know I made a huge mistake. I do love
you, no matter how much you weigh.”

I stood up then, letting him know
the conversation was over. He looked at me with a pleading look.

“
We’re over,” I said
walking into the kitchen. Jim trailed behind me. I opened the door
and he walked through it.

“
You’re beautiful,” Jim
said.

There was a time when I craved to
hear those words from Jim again.

“
Please don’t come back here
again,” I said as I shut the door.

Jim had paid the ultimate price
for his affair. He lost his wife, he lost his house, he lost some of
his investments, and he had to pay me alimony for the rest of his
life as long as I remained single.

It looked like that was going to
be the case.

Friday loomed large again. I was
getting adjusted to the idea of being alone, but I missed Keith so
much. I wanted so much to call him, to go see him, to tell him how
much I loved him. But he had left me no choice in the matter.

Carly came into my office on
Friday afternoon and shut the door behind her. She sat down in the
chair across from my desk.

“
I can tell you’re upset
about something,” she said. “I don’t want to pry, but if you
want to talk about it, I’m here to listen.”

I looked at Carly. She was really
a very kind and loving person. I guess she was my best friend, in a
way. She always had my back.

“
The truth is,” I said, “that
I’ve been seeing someone but it hasn’t worked out. It’s been
tough on me.”

“
I’m sorry,” she said
sympathetically. “It’s hard to break up with someone you care
about.”

I nodded. I didn’t really want
to get into the details with Carly or anyone. But if I did, Carly
would be the one I would talk to.

“
I’m sure I’ll bounce back
soon,” I told her reassuringly. “I just need some time.”

Carly got up and walked to my
door. She turned to face me. “If you ever do want to talk, I hope
you know that you can trust me,” she said.

“
I know that,” I said,
smiling at her.

I was looking at some designs on
my Mac at the end of the day, wondering why I didn’t just take a
leave of absence and go to Bermuda or somewhere interesting.
Somewhere to get my mind off its main subject: Keith. I could do
pretty much what I wanted to with my job. Keith and my lawyer had
made sure of that. I clicked away from the designs and started
Googling Bermuda and the Bahamas. Then I keyed in Italy. I’d always
wanted to go to Italy. I’d hoped to go there with Jim, back when I
still had hope in my marriage.