The Stud (22 page)

"It's tough raising a child these days, " he went on. "Even in a two-parent family. Are you sure you'll be able to do it alone?"

"Uh-huh. " She rubbed the lotion into her legs, squeezed out more and applied it to her stomach.

"Babies are totally dependent. They need constant care. Won't it be tough on you?"

"No tougher than on any new mother. "

"How will you go places with it? Babies cry at the drop of a hat. "

"They cry if they're tired or hungry or wet. I'll make sure mine isn't any of those things—at least, not for long and not if I'm taking it somewhere. " She spread lotion on her shoulders.

"Will you put it on your back in one of those carriers?"

She grinned. "That sounds like fun. "

"But how will you manage it? Don't you need two people to get it up there?"

She looked at him again. "Do you need help putting
your
pack on your back?"

"No. "

She arched a brow, then returned to lotion her arms, but her thoughts remained on his questions. Some- thing was going on in his mind. If he was trying to suggest that she needed a husband, he was barking up the wrong tree. If he was trying to convince himself that babies were more work than they were worth and he was therefore right in wanting no part of them, he wouldn't get any encouragement from her. And if he was trying to discourage her from having the baby at all, it was a little too late.

"You can't have a baby where I go, " he declared.

She kneaded lotion into her hands.

"You can't have a
woman
where I go, " he added.

She drew dabs of cream from between her fingers.

"Sometimes I'm miles from civilization, " he continued piously. "There aren't any phones, there aren't any baths, there aren't any beds. "

Jenna could have sworn he was trying to justify his lack of a wife and family, but what he described was nothing different than what they had here. Granted, she wasn't his wife, but she wasn't minding life here. She hadn't complained once.

"If you get sick, " he argued, "you can't run to the drugstore for an antihistamine. You can't run to a restaurant for dinner if you get tired of cooking. You can't go to a movie if you're bored, or run to the bookstore for something to read. "

"That sounds like a very difficult life, " Jenna said.

"It
is
difficult. There are days when I trek miles and miles with a heavy pack on my back. A woman couldn't do that, much less with a baby. " He snorted. "I can just see you stopping in the middle of the tundra to nurse. " He went still. "You are planning to nurse, aren't you?"

"Yes. "

"Well, you can't nurse where I go. We rough it out there. We're often on the go twelve hours a day. " He snorted again, louder this time. "Can you even begin to imagine what that kind of life would be like for a woman at the end of her pregnancy?"

Quietly, she answered, "I can't begin to imagine what
any
kind of life would be like for a woman at the end of her pregnancy, since this one's my first. " The words were barely out, when her heart began to thud. She wondered if she'd given herself away. Had he caught it?

When he didn't answer, she glanced over her shoulder. He looked troubled. Her heart beat louder.

"Are you frightened?" he asked.

"Frightened?"

"Of the last month. "

She let out a tiny breath. "A little. "

"I wonder how big you'll get. " He reached for her arm and drew her around. His eyes touched her breasts, then fell to her stomach. His hand followed. He rubbed his knuckles over the soft skin below her navel. His voice was a gritty whisper when he said, "There were pregnant girls in that Indian tribe I studied. They wore no more clothes than anyone else, so you could see their bellies. Sometimes, an elbow or knee poked at them from inside. I used to be fascinated by that. " His hand slid lower, knuckles brushing the spot so close to where Jenna's baby would emerge. "They let me watch a birth once. It was incredible. "

Jenna swallowed. Her heart had swelled to twice its normal size, which was why she said without thinking, "You could watch the birth of our baby if you want to. "

His hand came to a gradual stop, then fell away. He flattened it on the stone, straightened his shoulders and raised his eyes to hers. "The agreement was that I'd make you pregnant. That's all. "

She was stung. Quickly, she said, "I know, and I can do just fine on my own, but you said that you found watching a birth to be incredible, so I thought—"

"Just think pregnant. " He rose to his feet. "When will you know?"

She forced away her hurt. "Five days. Or six. " She wasn't sure. Keeping track of the time had become difficult. One day blended into the next

He nodded and turned away to scoop up his towel. Without waiting for her to join him, he started back down the hill.

Jenna awoke the next morning feeling nauseous. It passed as soon as she'd had breakfast, so Spencer knew nothing of it. She was infinitely grateful for that. He hadn't been in the best of moods when they'd returned to the plane the night before, and though he held her closely through the night and seemed calmer this morning, she didn't want to risk setting him off again.

The nausea returned late that afternoon. She snacked on a handful of crackers. That helped.

The following morning, though, she wasn't as lucky. Again she awoke nauseous. Ignoring it only worked until she left the cover of the tarp and was headed for the latrine. Halfway there, she turned off the path and lost the contents of her stomach in the woods.

Spencer was on the path when she returned. "What's wrong?"

"I'm not feeling great, " she said. Passing him, she went quickly back toward the beach, wanting only to bathe her face and rinse out her mouth.

He was right behind her. "Did you throw up?"

"Yes. "

"Was it something you ate?"

"I don't know. "

"Did you feel sick during the night?"

"No. "

She broadened her stride on the sand. When she reached the water, she sank to her knees and immediately scooped a handful of water to her face.

He hunkered down beside her. "Jenna?"

"Give me a minute, " she murmured weakly. She was still feeling queasy, though there wasn't anything left in her stomach to heave.

"It's too soon to be morning sickness, isn't it?"

She didn't answer. She was weak and suddenly tired of keeping the secret.

"Isn't it, Jenna?"

"I don't know. "

"You said morning sickness wouldn't begin until five or six weeks at the earliest. You told me that before you went to Hong Kong, remember?"

She nodded. The water was helping. She scooped more to her forehead, her mouth, the back of her neck.

"If you became pregnant while we were here, you'd only be a week and a half along. "

"Maybe this is an aberration. "

"Maybe you were pregnant before you stepped foot on my plane. That would explain why your breasts were bigger than I remembered them feeling. "

She splashed her face one last time and hid behind her hands.

"Jenna?"

She didn't know what to say.

"Damn it, Jenna, " he growled in warning, then with dawning awareness. "It's true, isn't it?" He took her wrists and pulled her hands from her face. "Are you pregnant?"

Chapter 12

Jenna couldn't lie. Not anymore. "Yes, I'm pregnant, " she said, and kept her eyes wide on Spencer's to gauge his reaction.

He looked at her stomach, swallowed and looked back up. "It happened in Washington?"

She nodded.

"But you
denied
it. "

"I know. "

"Why?"

She could have lied again and said that she hadn't been sure she was pregnant, but she ruled out that thought in a second. She wasn't a deceitful person. She hadn't wanted to he in the first place, but she'd seen no choice. Now the dismay on Spencer's face gave her pain. It was time for the truth. "I was selfish, " she said, feeling the burden of her guilt. "I wanted to be with you again. I knew it would be the last time, and thought there wouldn't be any harm done. "

"No
harm
done?" he bellowed. In a flare of the temper that Jenna knew existed but had been so rarely directed at her, his face was suddenly darker, his hands tighter around her wrists. "You came on my plane knowing that you had a mortal fear of it, knowing that the flight would be traumatic—"

"Not traumatic—"

"Frightening enough so that you might have lost the baby. "

"I didn't lose the baby. I never thought I would. "

"You didn't say anything when we landed. You let me go on thinking you weren't pregnant. I led you up and down, all over and around this island. I had you walking in the rain and sleeping on the ground and eating dried biscuits and freeze-dried beef, and through it all, you kept your mouth shut, when you should have been home seeing a doctor and eating fresh food and taking vitamins. " His fingers dug into her skin. "I thought you
wanted
this baby. "

"I do, " she cried, "I
do. "
Tears sprang to her eyes. "It's the most precious thing in the world to me!"

"If that's so,
why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?"

"Because it wouldn't have changed anything!" Defensively, she explained, "There was nothing wrong with my climbing all over the island or walking in the rain or sleeping on the ground or eating what I ate. Those things are all fine—I've made sure they are. But if I'd told you the truth, you'd have been angry and worried, just as you are now, when there's no point! All the anger and worry in the world won't get us off this island! Your plane won't fly! You can't
change
that, Spencer!"

He stared at her long and hard. Finally, in a defiant voice, he said, "I sure as hell can. "

She didn't understand, but before she could ask what he meant, he had dropped her wrists and was stalking across the sand, headed straight for the plane. When he was halfway there, he did an abrupt about-face, returned to where she still knelt and took her hand. "Come on. We're packing up. "

"Now?"

"We're leaving. " He drew her up and set off. His grip was firm, his voice tight."But how?" she asked, confused.

"My plane. "

"You need parts. "

"Not by a long shot. "

"But you said we couldn't fly without them. "

"I lied. "

"What?"

"I lied. "

She dragged her feet in the sand. "Lied how?"

"There's nothing wrong with the plane. We can fly. "

"Nothing wrong?"

"That's right. "

"No electrical problem? No
radio
problem?"

"Nope. "

"I don't believe you. "

"Believe what you want. You're going to have something to eat while I dismantle this camp. Then we're taking off. "

She was still trying to grasp what he'd said. For eleven days they had been marooned on an island waiting for rescue. Or so she'd thought "We're leaving, just like that?"

"I want you back in Rhode Island where everything is safe and predictable. I want you seeing your doctor. Hell, prenatal care is all you read about nowadays. "

Jenna didn't give a damn about prenatal care just then. "You
lied
to me, Spencer?"

"Yeah, I lied. "

Furious, she pulled her hand from his and took a step away. "You planned this accident, knowing that my parents died in one just like it? How
could
you?"

He climbed aboard the plane and called over his shoulder, "It was about time you got over that fear. Besides, there wasn't any accident. I kept telling you I knew what I was doing. Our landing here was a carefully planned maneuver. "

"But we landed on a beach!"

He was rummaging in the food boxes. "I've landed on this beach dozens of times. The island is owned by a friend of mine. He knew we'd be here. That's why no one else dropped by. "

Her fury rose. "You knew we wouldn't need a bonfire? You knew we wouldn't need your flare gun? You knew no one would come looking? I'll bet you even told Caroline where we were going!"

"Sure did. I didn't want anyone up there worrying. " He emerged with a juice box and tossed her one. She caught it on reflex and angrily threw it back. It missed him, hit the door and fell to the ground.

"All those supplies—you bought them with this in mind. " Not coincidence at all, but careful planning. She should have known. She'd read every one of his books. He planned his adventures well. "You had just enough fresh food to be eaten before it spoiled, just enough ice packs to keep the frozen food frozen until the fresh food was gone. You had soap and towels and toilet paper. You had books and a cassette player. You even had sun block. "

"So did you, " he said, and retrieved the juice box.

"Of course I did. I thought I was going to the Keys!" The extent of his deceit cut her to the quick. "I should have guessed. It was too pat. But I trusted you!"

"The way I trusted you. "

"Hold on, Spencer. There's a difference. I never actually lied. I never actually said I wasn't pregnant I misled you, and then I didn't correct you when you assumed I wasn't. But you—you contrived an entire story, one outright lie after the next That's
indefensible. "

He handed her a chocolate-covered breakfast bar— which he had previously claimed he'd brought along because he loved munching on the things at home. "Eat this. And the juice. "

She ignored the offering. "How
dare
you do this to me, Spencer! How
dare
you decide I should get over my fear of flying! How
dare
you take my entire life in your hands without giving me a say!"

"Oh, please, " he muttered, then said more loudly, "take the food, for God's sake. "

"I don't want it. I want to know how long you were planning to keep me here. "

His dark brows were drawn tightly together. "You sound like it was a prison. Were you unhappy? Were you mistreated?"

"I was deprived of the freedom to leave. "