The Stranger's Woes (85 page)

“Not the guard. He’s an undertaker. Thank goodness he can’t hear you, or you would have gained a mortal enemy. Anyway, he happened to possess a very useful secret: a formula that destroys liquid stone. It comes in handy in his line of work.”

“So he and Lookfi finally made up?” I said.

“Yes. Their reconciliation lasted for two days, and then they had another fight over something. I believe it was over the family property.”

“I can’t imagine Sir Lookfi Pence fighting with someone.”

“Anyone would fight with Sir Lukari Bobon,” Juffin said. “He’s a very hotheaded gentlemen.”

Grand Magician Nanka Yok must have been a little bored with our conversation. In any case, I wasn’t surprised when he got up to say goodbye.

“We’re leaving tomorrow,” he said. “Gugland sounds as good as any other place. It really doesn’t matter. I believe we’ll meet again someday. Secret paths never cross just once.”

“I hope that it won’t be the worst event in our lives,” said Juffin.

“Goodbye, Sir Nanka,” I said. “I’m glad that I didn’t do my job very well.”

When Grand Magician Nanka Yok left the reception room, Sir Juffin Hully said to me, “I would still like you to keep an eye on them. Make sure they leave tomorrow. I don’t think they’re going to make any trouble—they have more important things to worry about now—but you never know with Grand Magicians.”

“Especially the ancient immortal ones,” I said.

The rest of the day, Sir Juffin Hully was on pins and needles. I had been ready to crack and divulge the secret of the “ugly stick of furniture” long before dusk. But the boss kept getting sidetracked by all kinds of problems. I spent the day wandering aimlessly around the Ministry, going from room to room with an expression of happy torpor on my face, as though I were just visiting.

Finally, Juffin dashed out of his office. On his way out, he explained something about “pressing matters” to a gentleman whose looxi signified that he belonged to the Royal Court.

“Let’s go, Max,” he said, yanking the fold of my Mantle of Death so hard that I had to run after him if I wanted to keep my clothes on.

“What happened?” I said when we were outside.

“What happened? We’re going over to your place to investigate your new ‘miracle.’ The sun set a long time ago, by the way.”

“Oh, I see,” I said. “And I thought you had some ‘pressing matters’ to attend to.”

“This
is
my pressing matter. Don’t worry, boy. I had to get rid of that bureaucrat somehow. Come on, let’s go.”

I didn’t fret a single bit when we were going up to my bedroom on the Street of Old Coins. My trust in Sir Juffin’s power was limitless. Frankly, some of the other people I had become acquainted with—Sir Maba Kalox, or Sir Mackie Ainti, the old sheriff of Kettari—were probably much older, more experienced, and more powerful than my boss. But Juffin—the man who had had the crazy notion to transport me from one World to another, and who had thrown me mercilessly into a bog of wonders—had forever become the mean average between the Almighty and a kind uncle. In his company, I was prepared to go anywhere in this World or the next.

“What’s this, Max? Where did you get the hat of King Mynin?” said Juffin, surprised.

He was holding the gray hat of Ron, the New York “pilot.” I laughed so hard that I had to sit down on the part of the floor that passed as my bed.

“Juffin, what are you talking about! This is just a regular hat. Granted, it’s from another World, but that’s all the more reason that it can’t belong to your legendary king.”

“King Mynin’s hat looks exactly like this one,” Juffin said stubbornly. “Considering that it once disappeared along with Mynin himself, this may very well be it, Max. I wouldn’t be so sure, if I were you.”

“You can have it,” I said. “I think its former owner, whoever he might be, would be glad to know it belonged to you now.”

“Thank you,” Juffin said. “You see, I have seen this hat in my dreams for many years. Who would have thought that you would be the one to give it to me as a gift?”

He took off his turban, put on the hat, and paused for a moment, listening to his feelings. The hat suited him. Then Juffin smirked mysteriously, took the hat off, and laid it carefully on the shelf.

“Well?” I said.

“You’ll understand when you grow up,” said Juffin, acting like the “big kid” on the block. “Well, come on. Show me your ‘miracle’. I can’t wait to see it.”

I walked to the storage rack and flipped the switch. I held my breath. A little green light indicated that the first power line between Worlds was in full working order. Only then did I realize the degree of madness of my experiment, and finally allowed myself to be surprised. Then I grabbed the first videotape I could reach from the shelf and carefully inserted it in the slot. It was swallowed into the mysterious darkness of the machine.

“Come on, baby,” I said. “Don’t let me down.”

It didn’t. A few seconds later, the screen turned red, and then the good friend of my younger days, the African lion that had sold its feline soul to Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Inc., roared its velvety roar. When I saw the credits, I had to laugh. Juffin and I were about to watch the
Tom and Jerry
cartoons.

Then I turned around to look at my boss. There was no doubt about it: this was my moment of glory. I never thought I’d live to see the day when Sir Juffin Hully’s jaw dropped in astonishment.

“Motion pictures, Juffin. The movies,” I said. “I told you about them once, remember? When the maniac from my World was running amok in Echo, I told you that I’d seen such things in movies many times. But this is even better, in a sense. These are cartoons.”

“I thought as much,” Juffin said with a nod, sitting down on my blanket. “Max, step aside, please. I can’t see anything.”

I sat down next to him and stared at the screen. Watching
Tom and Jerry
cartoons with Sir Juffin Hully—there was something surreal about it.

“I think we should call Sir Kofa,” Juffin said a half hour later. “We can’t keep this all to ourselves. Moreover, the exploits of these animals remind me of the good old days when he was chasing me. Goodness me! I think I’m getting sentimental.”

“Go ahead. But if I were you, I’d make the employees of the Minor Secret Investigative Force take a vow of silence, and call them all over here. It’s a sin to deprive them of this pleasure.”

“It
is
a sin, you’re right,” Juffin said. “Do you have more of these . . . movies?”

“I have plenty. You know what? How about I just teach you how to use this thing? I’ll show you where the other cartoons are, and then I’ll leave. Because it’s really unfair. Tekki’s waiting for me, and I’m sitting here with you watching cartoons.”

“‘Cartoons,’” Juffin said in a dreamy voice. “You’re right. You show me how to use this thing, then scram.”

“Sweet. Now I get to teach
you
some miracles,” I said.

“Quit showing off and get down to it,” Juffin said.

It only took me about ten minutes. I had a very talented boss. I have to admit, back in the day it had taken me at least half an hour to get the hang of the VCR.

Then I left Juffin watching cartoons and drove over to the New City, to the Street of Forgotten Dreams. I wanted to get to the
Armstrong & Ella
as soon as I could.

I thought that Tekki would be alone in the tavern—well, not counting the cats, of course. But the place was much more crowded than that. Sitting on a barstool was Sir Shurf Lonli-Lokli himself. His snow-white looxi was flapping in the draft like a sail. Next to him sat Melamori. She looked like an innocent schoolgirl, but the lively hoob was crawling up and down the bar. Tekki gave Melamori’s pet mistrustful looks, but she had already fed it some breadcrumbs.

“You know, Nightmare, we really enjoy carousing at your expense,” said Melifaro. He had already mounted himself on top of the bar, and was sitting there dangling his feet. “And since we were sure that you’d show up sooner or later—”

“Your colleagues have already spent half a dozen crowns,” said Tekki. “So pay up.”

“Put it on my tab. I promise I’ll shake down Sir Dondi Melixis for ten Royal Crowns. I’ll tell him we called an emergency night meeting. And he’d better believe it.”

“A hole in the heavens above you, Max,” said Melifaro. “I’m going to cry.”

“I’d like to see that. But I don’t believe in miracles,” I said. “Not that kind, at least.”

“Why not, sweetheart?” said Tekki. “I can bring him an onion.”

Melamori looked at Tekki and they both giggled.

Every cloud has a silver lining, I thought. My absence seemed to have made them good friends. Who would have thought? Even without getting too deep into our complicated love affairs, it should be noted that Lady Melamori Blimm belonged to the clan that had been connected with the Order of the Seven-Leaf Clover since time immemorial. Tekki was the daughter of the late Loiso Pondoxo, Grand Magician of the Order of the Watery Crow, their mortal enemy. Sure beats the story of the Montagues and the Capulets.

Either Melamori had decided to join the Reading Max’s Mind Club, or she just noticed the expression on my face. She shook her head.

“We became friends long before that, Max,” she said. “Where do you think I used to go after work at dusk, when you stayed on in Headquarters?”

“I don’t know. Did you come here? Why didn’t I notice anything?”

“That’s what we wanted to know, too,” said Tekki. “We were so curious that we even decided to see how long you could go without noticing what was happening right under your nose.”

“It could have gone on forever,” I said. “I live like I’m in a waking dream. What’s more, I manage to forget my dreams from time to time.”

“I never thought you realized your weaknesses so clearly. This is worth many words of praise,” said Lonli-Lokli pompously.

Melifaro laughed so hard that he fell off the bar. Perhaps, he might have managed to keep his balance if I hadn’t tugged his leg. I listened to an avalanche of the foulest curses coming from his mouth, nodded in approval, and sat down next to Sir Shurf.

“Thank you, friend. You are the only person who praises me, however seldom.”

“And I serve you kamra, which is also worth something,” said Tekki, putting a steaming mug before me.

“Guys,” I said, looking at this jolly crowd. “If I could die for you, I’d choose not to. Why? Because I wouldn’t meet you in the next World. I know for sure you wouldn’t be there. I’ve checked.”