The Stranger's Woes (12 page)

“Okay, okay,” Anday said. “You think a trip like this is more than I can handle?”

“If I thought that, I wouldn’t have invited you. Now go home and get ready. Take a little nap. And come back here at around five hours after midnight. We’ll crack open your bottle when we return. Tomorrow’s going to be a hard day, and I have to drive the amobiler.”

“Aw, come on, one glass won’t kill us,” Anday said.

“Oh, yes, it will. I want to be surrounded by sober people in good spirits. That’s how I like it. Everything has to be the way I like it because—well, just because. Don’t worry, Anday. Later there will be plenty of time for you and me to ‘burn like comets,’ as you put it.”

“I catch,” Anday said with a conspiratorial air. “I bet you really know how to party, Max, don’t you?”

“Me? I don’t know. It’s been so long since I tried. Back in the day, though . . . Well, we’ll see.”

Then this latter-day son of pirates and chefs hightailed it out of my office. Amazing. He didn’t even ask me to walk him through the rodent-ridden hallways to the entrance of Headquarters. Maybe he was already getting used to his status as friend of Sir Max the Terrible. I realized that my sudden notion to take him along wasn’t half bad. He would keep everyone amused, me especially. What I was really happy about was that with this welcome rotund burden on my hands, I wouldn’t be tempted to torment Melamori with my mournful gaze. Anday Pu was as necessary to me on this trip as a piece of chewing gum to someone who’s trying to give up cigarettes. I just hoped he proved to be more useful than a pathetic piece of gum.

At around four hours after midnight, armed with a bottle of Elixir of Kaxar from Juffin’s desk drawer, I knocked on Melamori’s door. She opened right away, as though she had been standing there since the evening before.

“Are we off?” Melamori had already managed to get dressed and made up. Her face looked somewhat haggard, though, no doubt about it.

“I have to admit, I was really expecting to have to drag you out of bed by force at this hour. So we’ve got a whole hour to kill. We can go back to the House by the Bridge and have a bite to eat. I know the word ‘breakfast’ makes you queasy, but this should take care of that.” I handed Melamori the bottle.

“Thanks. It turns out I don’t have any Elixir of Kaxar in the house. Silly, isn’t it? To be honest, I haven’t even been to bed yet.”

I smiled apologetically. Melamori took a large sip of the tonic and brightened up right away.

“Yes, let’s go to Headquarters,” she said. “Breakfast wouldn’t be such a bad idea.”

During the drive there, neither of us talked. Of course, the drive took all of three minutes. I flew through the night like a madman on wings, since at that hour the streets are as empty as the Barren Lands.

I had sent a call to the
Glutton
as we were leaving Melamori’s house, so when we arrived at the Hall of Common Labor, breakfast was already laid out on the table. Melamori dug in with gusto.

“I arranged for some entertainment on our punitive expedition,” I announced. “It should be here any minute now.”

Then I told Melamori the story of the scion of our local corsairs. Judging by her hearty laughter, my narrative skills were in good working order.

“I’m afraid that I may have done a disservice to Sir Rogro. It was shameless of me, of course, but I couldn’t resist the temptation to reverse the fortunes of the little guy who’s been down on his luck for so long.” This was the closing line in my predawn narrative performance.

“By the way, do you know anything about this fellow Rogro?” Melamori asked. “At one time he, too, ‘burned like a comet,’ as your new friend would say. Did you know he was a novice in the Order of the Seven-Leaf Clover? And a hero of the Troubled Times, too. This fellow threw himself into any turmoil or scuffle he could find, just for the fun of it, and he performed a number of unprecedented exploits out of pure foolishness. Then, right after the Code came into force, he landed in Xolomi for practicing Forbidden Magic of the sixtieth degree, I think, in a street fight. They kicked him out of the Order immediately, of course, although there was quite an outcry. He was universally loved and admired. At that time they were very strict. Even his battle scars couldn’t save him. It was when he was serving time in Xolomi that Rogro came up with the idea of the newspaper and wrote a letter to the old king, who was delighted with the idea. So when Rogro was released from Xolomi, he was already a respectable man, editor-in-chief of the paper he himself had founded, the
Royal Voice
. That was the very first newspaper in Echo.”

“Really? A World without newspapers . . . hard to imagine. A World without anything else seems plausible. But no newspapers? And Sir Rogro was the one who invented them. Boy, that guy must be a real genius!”

“You can say that again,” Melamori said. “It’s hard to believe nowadays, but back then the paper was free because none of the Echoers really knew what it was for. So the king footed the bill. Then people got so used to reading the paper that they couldn’t break the habit even when Sir Rogro started charging for it. A dozen years later, the
Echo Hustle and Bustle
appeared. It’s supposed to be published by different people, but Sir Rogro is behind that one, too. You can take my word for it. My father and he are good friends, so I know what I’m talking about. The
Hustle
is even more wildly successful. They write all kinds of nonsense, and people love it, you know.”

“I know. Thanks for telling me, Melamori. Juffin advised me long ago to take a look at Sir Rogro’s dossier. He said I’d get a kick out of it. That editor-in-chief is quite a guy.”

“He certainly is.” Melamori looked at me searchingly and said, “Max, what made you ask me to go along with you?”

“Well, I have a habit of doing stupid things, which I don’t care to go into just now. Then I really might need your help. I have no desire to ‘play hide-and-seek in the bushes,’ as Juffin put it. If we’re going hunting for these fellows, it wouldn’t hurt to find them as quickly as possible. And the Magaxon Forest is big, if the map doesn’t lie. And finally . . .” Suddenly I felt embarrassed and started fishing around in my pocket for my cigarettes.

“Finally?”

“You know, since Fate and Death and all the Dark Magicians are so concerned about our morals and all that, well, I thought it just wasn’t meant to be. But maybe going out to catch Magaxon outlaws when we’re locked in an embrace isn’t such a bad alternative? I mean, there are many ways of getting pleasure from our common efforts, and we should try everything at least once, don’t you think?”

“You’re the most remarkable guy in the Universe, is what I think. Especially when your mouth’s open and words come out. That’s your normal state, I think. You probably even talk in your sleep.”

“I swear up a storm when I’m asleep. Ask Lonli-Lokli. He’ll recite one of my somnolent monologues to you.”

“He already did.”

By now, Melamori was in the best of moods, to my indescribable delight.

“Excuse me, Max. I’m not bothering you, am I?” Anday said. He stood in the doorway, looking Melamori up and down appraisingly, and casting significant glances at me. “I can wait out there, no problem.”

“You don’t have to wait for anything, Anday.” I took a tiny sip of Elixir of Kaxar and stood up. “Here he is, Melamori.”

“So I gathered.” Melamori smiled.

“Anday, this is Lady Melamori Blimm, Master of Pursuit of the Fleeing and Hiding. If there’s anything you need to be afraid of in this building, it’s not the harmless policemen but her. And me just a tiny bit, of course, so I won’t feel hurt. Let’s go, kids. I’m sure Kamshi and Shixola have been pacing the floor in their office for hours already. When I told Shixola what time we were leaving, he nearly had a heart attack. They aren’t aware of my talents as a race car driver.”

“They’re perfectly aware of them, Max,” Melamori said. “But that won’t stop them from worrying. Someone has to, before embarking on a grand operation like this one.”

“Stands to reason. Okay, we’re off. It’s time.”

Lieutenant Kamshi was already sitting in the official amobiler. His colleague was circling the vehicle—or, rather, making irregular ellipses around it, fiddling nervously with his pipe. They really did look like they were on pins and needles.

Then, to their visible relief, I got behind the levers of the amobiler.

“Gentlemen, this is Mr. Anday Pu.” I nodded toward my protégé. “He’s my personal scribe. I’ve become terribly conceited recently, and our healers can’t do anything about it. So I ask you to love him, and not to hurt his feelings. He’s your brother. Besides, he’s very sensitive. I hope he’ll get over that soon enough. Anday, remember—or, better yet, jot down—the names of your new friends: Sir Kamshi and Sir Shixola. They don’t bite, whatever you might think. Melamori, you sit next to me. It will be a bit cramped there in the back. Our Sir Anday might not be a hulk, but he isn’t the smallest kid on the block.”

No one had time to say a word before I tore out of there as only I can. Shixola gasped in delight. “Well, it looks like we will get there on time,” Lieutenant Kamshi said dryly.

“No way,” I objected. “We’ll get there earlier than we need to—by exactly one half hour. I always drive slowly and carefully in town. Beyond the city gates you’ll find out what speed is.”

Behind the levers of an amobiler I become completely unbearable. What’s true is true. As soon as we were out of the city, nothing could hold me back. I raced like I was trying to outsmart the devil at his own game. The fellows in the back seat clung to each other like orphans at a benefit dinner. It was all for the best, though. They say that suffering in company furthers mutual sympathy, and that the fellowship of misfortune becomes, in time, simply good fellowship.

“Would you get a load of this?” Anday whispered behind me. “Dinner is over once and for all!”

“Exactly,” Kamshi said in a tight voice.

“Our race car drivers can go into retirement, every last one of them,” Shixola said.

I puffed up with pride and sped up just a tad bit more.

Melamori was clinging to the seat, her knuckles white. I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. It had been a long time since I’d seen such a happy expression on that lovely face. Her eyes burned brightly, and a slight smile played on her lips. Her excitement seemed to have stopped her breath.

“I want to drive like that, too, Max!” she said. “Will you teach me?”

“There’s nothing to teach. The speed of the amobiler reflects the driver’s desire. When you get behind the levers, just remember this trip. You’ll drive just as fast as me, you’ll see.”

“I’ll overtake you,” Melamori said. “It may take me a dozen years, but I will overtake you. Maybe I’ll even manage sooner.”

“Want to bet? I say it’ll take you at least a dozen years,” I said.

“Hmm, I don’t know. Money is boring. You and I both have plenty, praise be Dondi Melixis and his Royal Treasury. Okay, let’s just say that whoever wins gets to decide what the stakes are.”

“Deal. But remember: I can drive still faster than I’m going now.”

“Go ahead,” Melamori urged warmly.

“I feel sorry for the boys back there. Maybe later.”

“Okay. But I’ll hold you to it!”

She went quiet and fixed her eyes on the darkness again. I was glad I had been able to make her happy. I never would have expected it.