The Story of Before (29 page)

‘Lies?’

‘Yes, lies. Your letter.’

He laid his hand on his chest. ‘I didn’t lie in my letter. It’s the honest to God truth. I swear.’

‘I don’t believe you. You threw yourself from that tree. I know you were lying when you said you fell. And Shayne’s not exactly pleased about what you said.’

‘I did ask you not to tell him I wrote.’

‘You knew right well I’d tell him. That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it? Stirring up trouble even from so far away.’

‘I thought I could trust you not to say anything. I thought you’d understand.’

Kev was running around me, slapping my legs and pulling at my jeans. I shook him off and he waddled away.

‘Understand what?’ I asked.

‘Not to take everything Shayne says as gospel.’

I watched Kev tottering towards the edge of the green. He flapped his arms and nodded his head, happy in his own little world.

‘And what about everything
you
say?’ I said. ‘How am I supposed to take that?’

‘Look, I don’t really care, OK? I’m only trying to let you know. I’ve lived here a lot longer than you and I know what he’s like.’

‘So, you’re looking out for me, is that it? Is that what you’re trying to say?’

‘Sort of, I suppose. I know you like him. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt in any way.’

‘I don’t know what you mean.’

‘Look, I know you fancy him and I—’

‘No I don’t!’ Heat rushed to my cheeks. ‘Shayne Lawless?’’

‘Oh, come on, Ruth. It’s obvious!’

I wanted to punch him. He didn’t know what he was talking about. Why did everyone think I fancied Shayne? I mean, I didn’t hate him or anything, not like I did when we first moved
in. I knew he was good-looking and I did feel sort of hot inside whenever I looked at his face, but that didn’t mean I fancied him, did it?
Did it
?

It made me mad the way people thought they knew things when they clearly didn’t know anything at all.

‘Shut up! You don’t know what you’re talking about. He’s a friend, that’s all. And you’re pissed off because you’re not around any more. Well,
we’re all getting along fine without you, David O’Dea. And if you’re trying to warn me off hanging around with Shayne, it’s not going to work!’

I shoved my hands in my pockets and stormed over to Kev. David followed after me, his long legs easily keeping up with my strides.

‘Everything I wrote in that letter is true,’ he said. ‘You have to believe me. He’s not what you think he is. I thought you of all people would figure that
out.’

I looked into his face. ‘What do you mean, me “of all people”?’

‘You’re different to the others around here. I know you are. The very reason you think I’m lying shows that. You don’t accept everything you’re told. You’re
always looking for the truth that lies underneath.’

Was he being serious or was he mocking me? I wasn’t sure. But it shocked me that he knew me so well.

He touched my arm. ‘But this time, Ruth, you’ve got it wrong.’

The way he looked at me made me feel hollow. Like I had no brain to think with, no heart to feel with. Could he really be telling the truth?

And if he was, did that mean everything Shayne had told me was a lie?

I had a million questions. I opened my mouth, not knowing which one I was going to ask. But another voice spoke before mine.

‘Yer back.’

David let his hand fall from my arm. Shayne bumped his bike over the kerb then threw it down on the grass.

‘I . . . yes . . . looks like it,’ David said, his eyes moving between my face and Shayne’s. His voice had changed. ‘Glad to see me, I presume?’

‘Glad to see ye? Can’t wait to see the back of ye. And ye needn’t be writin’ to anyone else about me, ye hear? If ye want to say stuff, say it to me fuckin’ face,
right?’

‘I can write to whom so ever I choose, I’ll have you know.’

Shayne screwed his face up. ‘Whom so ever?
Whom so ever
? What the fuckin’ hell does that mean?’

‘
Who
ever then. I can write to
who
ever I choose. Perhaps that offends you less?’

‘Why can’t ye just talk English?’

Kev came over and whined at me. I picked him up. His trousers were damp from the wet grass.

‘You understand me, don’t you, Ruth?’ David asked.

‘I . . . I . . . sometimes,’ I stammered.

Shayne grinned and jabbed a finger into David’s chest. ‘See! I’m not the only one. Even she hasn’t a fuckin’ clue what you’re on about half the
time.’

‘I’ll thank you not to lay a hand on me again,’ David said, his voice shaky now.

‘Thank me, would ye? Ye can thank me all ye like but ye won’t stop me punchin’ yer fuckin’ face in if I want to.’

David clenched his fists but kept them down by his sides. Shayne spat on the ground and puffed out his chest. He pushed his shoulders back and stepped forward, narrowing his eyes and tossing his
hair away from his face.

‘Go on, then, hit me if it’ll make you happy,’ David said. He tensed his jaw and a bulgy vein at the side of his right eye throbbed.

Shayne tilted his head to one side as if he was thinking about his next move. Then his fist shot straight out and he landed a loud smack on David’s open mouth. David barely flinched. Then
he lashed back, punching Shayne’s forehead with his right hand and throwing a dig to his stomach with his left. Shayne staggered back a few steps, clearly surprised at the speed and sharpness
of David’s reaction.

Then they came at each other, arms swinging and legs kicking, loud grunts escaping from their mouths as they rained punches down on one another’s bodies. Shayne managed to get David in a
headlock, pushing his arm hard against his neck. But David jabbed him fiercely in the ribs with his elbow and hooked his foot around Shayne’s leg. Shayne released his grip and David lurched
forward then swung around, launching the full weight of his body against Shayne’s side, toppling him to the ground. He lay like a beetle on his back, arms and legs grappling in the air. David
paused for a split second and Shayne rolled over and tried to get up. He wasn’t quick enough. David pointed his toe and, with all the force he could gather, drove his foot into Shayne’s
back. Then he did it again. And again.

Shayne writhed and squealed, ‘Fuck off, ye filthy lookin’ bastard ye! Get off me. Get off ye fuckin’ bollocks!’

All this time, Kev was in my arms, watching the scene unfold with curiosity. At first he pointed and laughed, and although I knew I shouldn’t have let him see, I was as fascinated as he
was and couldn’t bring myself to walk away. But his wonder turned to fear when Shayne started to yell and his little body stiffened in my arms. Despite being less than two years old, he knew
that what was happening wasn’t right.

The fight continued. They rolled about on top of one another, thumping and kicking and belting. I called out for them to stop, my voice sounding weak and useless against the scuffle. Shayne had
David pinned to the ground, straining to get at his neck. David struggled to keep his hands away, at one point catching the flesh of Shayne’s arm in his teeth. I started to run, holding
Kev’s head close to my neck. If I couldn’t get them to stop, I’d have to get Dad to help. But I’d only got to the edge of the green when I saw him, running towards me, his
eyes all dark and fierce.

‘Christalshagginmighty! Is it the bloody
zoo
we’re living in or what? Didn’t I
tell
you to keep away from that . . . that . . .’ He sped past, yelling over
his shoulder at me to take Kev home. But I stood rooted, scared at how angry he was, how he ranted and raved. ‘Animals!’ he shouted when he reached the fight. ‘Bloody
animals
! That’s enough, you hear me!’ He kicked out at David and Shayne. ‘You’re like a pair of dogs! Have you no shame?’

‘Fuck off!’ Shayne shouted. ‘It’s none of yer business!’

Dad was furious. ‘You think you can speak to me like that, you little pup?’

‘I’ll say what I like. Ye can’t stop me.’

David saw an opening and punched Shayne on the chin. Dad tried to muscle his way between them to break them apart, but got elbowed in the ribs. He slipped on the damp grass and toppled onto the
two of them, his shoulder slamming into David’s face as he fell. David hit out, trying to push him away, and Shayne began kicking at Dad’s legs. Dad grabbed Shayne’s T-shirt and
twisted the neck of it till his fist was shoved right up under his chin. Then David dived on Shayne, grabbing his hair and slamming his head onto the ground.

‘For the love of
Jay
sus!’ Dad cried out, trying again to push his body in between them. He managed to shoulder David away and ended up sort of straddling Shayne on all fours.
Shayne looked up at him with disgust, set his mouth into a snarl and headbutted Dad right across the eyes. Dad reeled, moaned and fell back to the ground, lying flat on his back with his hands on
his face.

Shayne scrambled to his feet, his hair wild and flapping all about his head. He smoothed his T-shirt and shook his jeans back down to his ankles, a sideways grin on his lips. David sat up with
his legs bent, resting his arms on his knees, breathing heavily. His right eye was puffy and the cheek underneath was swollen and pink. For a few moments, nobody spoke. Then Kev took his finger out
of his mouth and pointed.

‘Daddy down,’ he said.

‘Did I not tell you to take him home?’ Dad said, screwing his face up in pain and easing himself into a sitting position.

‘I . . . Are . . . are you all right?’ I asked.

‘Of course I am!’ he said, frowning up at me. ‘Of course I’m all right! You hardly think this pair of . . . of . . . bowsies could get the better of me?’

Shayne laughed. ‘Bowsies? Yer some old man, you know that?’

Dad leapt to his feet and leaned into Shayne’s face. ‘Old man? Old man, is it? I’ll . . . I’ll . . .’ He held his fist an inch from Shayne’s chin, leaving it
hovering for a second before taking it down and slapping it against his own thigh. ‘Waste of time trying to get through to the likes of you.’ He turned to David. ‘And I’d
have thought better of you. What’ll your friend Father Feely say when he hears about this? He won’t be too pleased, will he? After all his efforts getting you into that fancy
school.’

He came over and took Kev from me and I noticed his nose had begun to swell. ‘Now do you see why I told you to stay away from him?’ he said. ‘This is the real Shayne Lawless
you’re seeing here. Vicious thug.’ He started walking. ‘Come on. We’re going home.’

‘Yeah, go on. Ye big coward, ye,’ Shayne called after us. ‘Don’t know what me ma sees in ye.’

Dad stopped dead. Then he turned and made a run at him. Kev was scared as he bobbed up and down in Dad’s arms. ‘You see him?’ Dad growled to Shayne when he reached him.
‘This little boy? Look at his face.
Look at it
!’ He shook his head and sneered. ‘This was you once upon a time, you know. Now look at you. What the shaggin’ hell went
wrong?’

‘What the fuck are ye talkin’ about?’ Shayne roared. ‘Think yer such a great da, don’t ye? Think the sun shines out of yer precious baby’s arse. I don’t
give a shit what ye think. What any of youse think! I FUCKIN’ HATE THE WHOLE LOT OF YOUSE!’

He picked up his bike and got ready to swing his leg over but David got to his feet and held onto the handlebars. ‘Wait. Don’t go yet. Hang on. Look, I . . . I’m sorry for, you
know, the letter and stuff. I didn’t mean anything by it. I was only trying to . . .’ He looked at Dad. ‘We’re sorry, Mr Lamb. Everything got out of hand.’

‘We’re
sorry
?’ Dad said. ‘You needn’t be apologizing for him, do you hear? He can speak for himself.’

Shayne shrugged and spat but said nothing.

‘Well, you know what?’ Dad said. ‘I don’t want your shaggin’ apology anyway. You can stuff it up—’

‘Shayne and I would’ve sorted it out, Mr Lamb,’ David cut in. ‘We’ve always sorted things out by ourselves before.’

‘Oh, really? I can see how you’d have sorted it out all right,’ Dad yelled. ‘You wouldn’t have been happy till one of you was half shaggin’
dead
!
You’re a disgrace, you know that? An absolute disgrace!’ He stroked Kev’s head as he spoke. ‘I’d be ashamed of my life if any son of mine ever behaved like that.
It’s your fathers I feel sorry for. God help them. What did they ever do to deserve the likes of you? I’ve a good mind to . . . to . . .’ He trailed off, shaking his head and
gulping, knowing straightaway he’d put his foot in it.

‘To what, Mr Lamb?’ David said, his face drained of colour, his voice flat and grave. ‘You’ve a good mind to what? Have a word with them? Have a word with our
fathers?’ He nodded at Kev. ‘Your dear little angel might not grow up like me and Shayne, if you’re lucky. But he’s had a bit of an advantage right from the start,
hasn’t he? At least he knows who his father is.’

Shayne stayed silent. His mouth hung open as if he wasn’t sure what had just happened, but his gaze grew tight and steely and he stared over at Dad. David caught my eye and my breath
quickened, wheezing in and out of my chest so fast I could hardly catch it. His jaw clenched as he bit down hard, and behind the mask of his face, I could tell his whole insides were on fire.

Dad didn’t reply to David’s words. There was no way back from what he’d said. And I knew there wasn’t a hope in hell he’d say sorry. He wasn’t going to let
them think they’d won. He reached up and touched his swollen nose, then turned and walked away. I followed after him, watching Kev’s head resting on his shoulder. Before we got to the
house, I looked back and saw the two boys still standing on the green where we’d left them, their bodies dark, rigid shapes against the bright green growth of new grass.

Bridie came out her front door as I passed. ‘Just waiting for Majella,’ she said, fussing at the lacy scarf around her neck and trying to sound all important. ‘We’re off
to the Westgorman Park Hotel for afternoon tea.’ She obviously hadn’t seen the fight. ‘Kevin’s getting as big as a house. Saw your daddy bringing him in there. Mammy away
again, is she?’ I gave her a thin smile; I wasn’t going to give anything away. She frowned but then Majella’s car appeared in the cul-de-sac and she gave a little yelp, teetering
down the drive in her too-tight shoes.