The Storm Inside (7 page)

It made me incredibly aware of Jake’s presence—his size and his warmth radiating out in the little room. Wherever he moved, I could feel him. There was a push and pull between us as our energies collided.

“Hasn’t changed…” he murmured, his eyes dark with their own sordid memories.

A bat cracked down on the field and the crowd cheered, drawing our attention to the field. It was a fly ball, center fielder caught it and sent it back in to the pitcher.

“Nope. Some things don’t change,” I murmured, watching him out of the corner of my eye.

His head snapped around to look at me, “True enough.” His eyes searched mine, asking for more, but I didn’t give it to him.

“We can sit and watch the game for a while if you like.” I wanted to hold on to these feelings, the magical way my body felt just from being close to him. The black emptiness that always haunted my memories was disappearing.

Jennie was right, I needed to spend time with him, it was the only way I was going to process my feelings. Being
alone
with him probably wasn’t my wisest decision… but I was trying desperately to follow the advice she’d given me. And seeing him at my place of work, even alone like this, seemed strangely safe.

“Sit,” I demanded moving down the row and propping my feet up.

Jake hesitated, but then did the same. “I missed this, you know.”

When I didn’t reply he sat quietly watching the game.

Another high pop fly sent the crowd cheering. The inning was over.

Cue the uncomfortable maneuvering. We were both quiet for a few minutes as we watched the crowds below us rearrange themselves.

Just for a moment, I allowed myself a fantasy. The opportunity to picture myself happy with Jake. Maybe we could be together; maybe we’d make it work this time. And maybe he’d run at the first sign of trouble. He claimed he wouldn’t, but do any of us really know what we’re capable of until we’re knee-deep in the situation?

And that included me. But I knew the answer to that. Anything that involved Jake also involved me losing control. I’d tried to keep from losing myself to him, but I just wasn’t capable. Jake was too powerful, his presence too strong for me. He was my weakness.

And he was right. I loved him too much. I always would. It wasn’t healthy.

It was for that reason I could never let myself fall under the delusion we could be happy together. Eventually something would take it away. He wasn’t the kind of guy I could recover from again.

“How’s Papa Joe? I hear he finally retired.” Jake didn’t turn to look at me as he spoke; he kept his eyes trained on the field in front of us.

I pushed away my brief fantasy and focused on dealing with my present.

“Dad’s good. I don’t think he knows what to do with himself, but he’s good. He needs a hobby.”

Jake chuckled, looking down at his hands. “I can’t imagine Joe with time on his hands. How is your mom taking it?”

“My mom is a mess right now. Dad is home and June started college this year. She refused to come home for the summer.”

Jake’s head snapped around, his green eyes meeting mine. “You’re kidding?” he gasped.

I shook my head slowly, “Nope. June is really taking a stand on the whole independence thing. So, needless to say, my dad has gotten a free pass for the time being.”

“Poor Junebug.”

“Ha! I don’t know who to feel more sorry for, June or my mom. They are going to kill each other.”

Jake just shook his head, his eyes lingering on mine as if he didn’t want to look away.

He’d fit right in with my family from the start. Knowing about his crappy home life they’d taken him in as one of their own. He’d been a part of everything we did. He came home with me on holidays and long weekends, went out with us when we were doing things, and on vacations. He’d been the brother my sisters never had.

And he’d broken their hearts, too, when he disappeared. Not just because he broke my heart, but because they loved him and knew why he had left. They were as heartbroken as anyone that Jake’s demons had driven him away.

“Cassandra?”

I sat up and leaned on my knees so I could look over at his beautiful face. The face that would never be mine again. “Married and living in Boston with a three-year-old boy named Teddy, and one on the way.”

“Oh my god.” His reaction was just as I expected. If he’d been here, Jake would have tormented Cassandra’s husband. For as rough and laidback as Jake was, Timothy was groomed and tight-knit. Jake would have put him through his paces, made him earn Cassandra’s hand. Been the good big brother.

“Yep.”

“Boston? Seriously? June and Cassandra are both gone? Mara must be losing her mind.”

To say the least. I’d been steering clear of my mom for months. “Timothy, Cassandra’s husband, actually has my job, but up in Boston for the Sox. Cassandra is taking a permanent leave of absence for the next five or so years, and Junebug is at Yale. So, while mom is crazy, she’s at least concentrating all the crazy up in the northeast.”

“Are we taking bets on how long it is before she buys a condo?”

I laughed at that one. “No.”

A comfortable silence descended between us. It was nice, actually.

We lasted two full innings that way.

“You like your job?” he asked. I had a feeling he’d been working his way up to it for a while by the way his fidgeting had slowly ramped up to a full vibration.

“Love it.”

“Good.” He finally calmed down. “I’m glad you found your spot. You were so worried before graduation about not fitting in.”

“True. It took me a little while, but it worked out. Josh is awesome and we work well together.”

I could remember those nights lying on Jake’s chest while he stroked my hair. I whispered my confessions against his warm skin: my fears of not fitting in, of being accused of my father getting me my job.

“You earned it, Eve, all on your own,” he’d reminded me.

“Doesn’t mean people won’t talk.”

“So give them something to talk about.”

Jake was probably the strongest person I’d ever met. He always saw a solution, no matter how dark or impossible the situation. It was like he was missing the gene that allowed people like me to see the possibility of defeat.

Even with my broken heart I’d remembered his words during my first few months at work. I’d kept my head down and worked my ass off. I’d done a damn fine job and worked my way up to director all on my own.

I looked back at Jake. He was studying me as if he was debating whether to tell me something.

I raised an eyebrow, “Something on your mind?”

He shook his head and sighed, “I’m sorry I blindsided you the other day at the presentation. I’m really not trying to be mean… I just know you won’t see me if I don’t make you.”

I came to a complete standstill. My heart stopped, even my breathing. I hated hearing him say things like that, as if I were someone he needed to manipulate. He looked away, back at the action on the field.

“Did you miss me?” I blurted. Something deep inside me needed to hear him say it again. I was too overwhelmed when he first came to my house. His words were still echoing in my ears, but they felt like a dream.

“Yes,” he replied simply. He didn’t look away from the field, but I saw the muscles in his neck and shoulders stiffen and his jaw lock in place. “You were my best friend, Eve. I loved you. You were the only good thing I’ve ever had in my life.” He paused, his muscles working, “I lost all of that when I left… Of course I missed you.”

“I think that’s what hurts the most, Jake.”

His green eyes swung to mine, they were deep and dark, so sad it broke my heart all over again. Would we ever stop hurting each other?

He didn’t say anything; he just waited for me to explain.

“You were my best friend. I told you things I’ve never told anyone. We did things together I’ve never done with anyone else…” the truth in that confession felt particularly exposing. It showed him just how profoundly he’d affected my life then and since. And I saw that realization flash across his face. “I let you know me in a way no one else knows me… and you left me. You didn’t say goodbye, you didn’t explain… you just
left me
.”

The energy between us was quickly shifting, twisting into something new. It felt good. We were talking and dealing with the hurt and resentment. It was helping to have those words out in the air between us.

“That’s why I’m here now. To fix this. You didn’t deserve to be hurt by my demons, but you were. And I’m going to fix it.”

I didn’t have any idea how that was possible, but I was beginning to see the wisdom in the advice I had been given the night before. “Jennie says you’re right, that I need to know for sure.”

Jake watched me intently, waiting for me to work out the things in my head.

Finally I said what I didn’t want to, but I knew I needed. “We’re having a dinner party at our house tomorrow night. Come over and we’ll see if we can get through a meal together.”

His eyes lit up, “Challenge accepted.” He said it so fast it was like he had been waiting and begging for the chance.

Chapter 4

“Should we have a code word?” Jennie asked. She was being entirely serious, too.

“Like ‘purple rain is falling outside’?” I asked expecting her to laugh.

Instead she scrunched up her face as she thought long and hard about it. “No, no. It should be no more than two words. Like Rumpelstiltskin.”

“Rumpelstiltskin?”

She nodded vehemently, “Just say that, and I’ll know to have him thrown out on his backside. Ricardo will do it in a heartbeat.”

That was a fact. One of our best friends was Sylvia Garcia; she had been a steadfast friend and early member of our ‘gang’. Two years after we graduated she fell in love with, and married, Ricardo. He’d taken it upon himself to become the big brother of the group. He was fiercely loyal and had very set ideas on how women should be treated. He’d watched over all of us single ladies. If I needed it, Ricardo would gladly step in and rescue me.

Tonight’s little fete was our once a month get-together for international food and drink. Jennie and I were hosting this month with a Brazilian theme. Jennie had gone all out, even redecorating the house. Besides Jennie, Sylvia, and Ricardo, there would be Jennie’s friend from work, Heather, and her girlfriend Sharon. And of course, Jake.

I still wasn’t sure if inviting him was a brilliant ploy to move on, or sheer stupidity.

“Did you taste the chimichurri sauce?” she asked.

Had I tasted it? Yes. Had I thought about drinking it? Quite possibly. “I put a bowl aside with my name on it. Touch it and die.”

Jennie laughed. “Shall we reward ourselves for all of this hard work with a toast?”

“Here, here!” I agreed. The drink of the night was
Caipirinha
, a Brazilian rum cocktail we usually made for our weekend boating trips. It was delicious, cool, and could knock you on your ass if you didn’t watch how much you were drinking. We’d made them weaker that usual for tonight since it was the middle of the week and we all had to be up for work in the morning.

“I’ve got a date tomorrow night…” Jennie drawled as she clunked her glass against mine.

“Really? Who is the lucky guy?”

I could tell by the flash in her eyes and the flirty way she was flitting about that Jennie was excited. “His name is Andrew. I ran into him at lunch today and he asked me out.”

“What does Andrew do?”

She grinned, “He’s a lawyer. Criminal defense. And he’s
hot.
”

Which for Jennie meant lean and extremely clean-cut. She and I could not be more opposite in that department. We both liked them tall and dark, but where I liked them rugged and down to earth, Jennie liked them well-groomed and high-class. I wanted a guy who would spend the day on my boat. Jennie wanted a guy to take her to dinner and dancing.

A lawyer sounded just right.

“Where is he taking you?”

She beamed, “Mis en Place.”

Crap, he would probably last a month, tops. If he was starting off at one of the nicest restaurants in town, he was trying way too hard. He was peaking too early. It wasn’t love at first sight; it was extreme compatibility at first sight.

At least she’d have fun while it lasted.

The door opened and all our guests started pouring in.

Jake trickled in last.

He looked a little shy at first, getting the lay of the land. I watched him from the comfort of my corner. He was dressed in a white linen button down with the sleeves rolled to the elbows and dark jeans. His dark hair was wet and brushed back like he’d just taken a shower. He was just sexy. That was all there was to it.

Jennie flitted over to him, taking the bottle of red wine he offered and kissing him on the cheek. They whispered a few things to each other, Jake’s face serious while Jennie smiled.