The Stories of Richard Bausch (61 page)

She was hemming and hawing on the other end of the line: “I don’t know, see, Daddy, I—God. I can’t find the way to say it, really.”

He waited. She was in Chicago, where they had sent her to school more than four years ago, and where after her graduation she had stayed, having landed a job with an independent newspaper in the city. In March, Ballinger and Mary had moved to this small house in the middle of Charlottesville,
hoping that a change of scene might help things. It hadn’t; they were falling apart after all these years.

“Dad,” Melanie said, sounding helpless.

“Honey, I’m listening.”

“Okay, look,” she said. “Will you promise you won’t react?”

“How can I promise a thing like that, Melanie?”

“You’re going to react, then. I wish you could just promise me you wouldn’t.”

“Darling,” he said, “I’ve got something to tell you, too. Promise me
you
won’t react.”

She said “Promise” in that way the young have of being absolutely certain what their feelings will be in some future circumstance.

“So,” he said. “Now, tell me whatever it is.” And a thought struck through him like a shock. “Melanie, you’re not—you’re not pregnant, are you?”

She said, “How did you
know?”

He felt something sharp move under his heart. “Oh, Lord. Seriously?” “Jeez,” she said. “Wow. That’s really amazing.” “You’re—
pregnant.”

“Right. My God. You’re positively clairvoyant, Dad.”

“I really don’t think it’s a matter of any clairvoyance, Melanie, from the way you were talking. Are you—is it sure?”

“Of course it’s sure. But—well, that isn’t the really hard thing. Maybe I should just wait.”

“Wait,” he said. “Wait for what?”

“Until you get used to everything else.”

He said nothing. She was fretting on the other end, sighing and starting to speak and then stopping herself.

“I don’t know,” she said finally, and abruptly he thought she was talking to someone in the room with her.

“Honey, do you want me to put your mother on?”

“No, Daddy. I wanted to talk to you about this first. I think we should get this over with.”

“Get this over with? Melanie, what’re we talking about here? Maybe I should put your mother on.” He thought he might try a joke. “After all,” he added, “I’ve never been pregnant.”

“It’s not about being pregnant. You
guessed
that.”

He held the phone tight against his ear. Through the window, he saw his wife stand and stretch, massaging the small of her back with one gloved hand.
Oh, Mary.

“Are you ready?” his daughter said.

“Wait,” he said. “Wait a minute. Should I be sitting down? I’m sitting down.” He pulled a chair from the table and settled into it. He could hear her breathing on the other end of the line, or perhaps it was the static wind he so often heard when talking on these new phones. “Okay,” he said, feeling his throat begin to close. “Tell me.”

“William’s somewhat older than I am,” she said. “There.” She sounded as though she might hyperventilate.

He left a pause. “That’s it?”

“Well, it’s how much.”

“Okay.”

She seemed to be trying to collect herself. She breathed, paused. “This is even tougher than I thought it was going to be.”

“You mean you’re going to tell me something harder than the fact that you’re pregnant?”

She was silent.

“Melanie?”

“I didn’t expect you to be this way about it,” she said.

“Honey, please just tell me the rest of it.”

“Well, what did you mean by that, anyway?” “Melanie,
you said
this would be hard.”

Silence.

“Tell me, sweetie. Please?”

“I’m going to.” She took a breath. “Dad, William’s sixty—he’s—he’s sixty—sixty-three years old.”

Ballinger stood. Out in the garden his wife had got to her knees again, pulling crabgrass out of the bed of tulips. It was a sunny near-twilight, and all along the shady street people were working in their little orderly spaces of grass and flowers.

“Did you hear me, Daddy? It’s perfectly all right, too, because he’s really a
young
sixty-three, and
very
strong and healthy, and look at George Burns.”

“George Burns,” Ballinger said. “George—George Burns? Melanie, I don’t understand.”

“Come on, Daddy, stop it.”

“No, what’re you telling me?” His mind was blank.

“I said William is sixty-three.”

“William who?”

“Dad. My fiancé.”

“Wait, Melanie. You’re saying your fiancé, the man you’re going to marry,
he’s
sixty-three?”

“A young sixty-three,” she said. “Melanie. Sixty-three?” “Dad.”

“You didn’t say six feet three?”

She was silent.

“Melanie?”

“Yes.”

“Honey, this is a joke, right? You’re playing a joke on me.”

“It is not a—it’s not that. God,” she said. “I don’t believe this.”

“You don’t believe—” he began. “You don’t believe—”

“Dad,” she said. “I told you—” Again, she seemed to be talking to someone else in the room with her. Her voice trailed off.

“Melanie,” he said. “Talk into the phone.”

“I know it’s hard,” she told him. “I know it’s asking you to take a lot in.”

“Well, no,” Ballinger said, feeling something shift inside, a quickening in his blood. “It’s—it’s a little more than that, Melanie, isn’t it? I mean it’s not a weather report, for God’s sake.”

“I should’ve known,” she said.

“Forgive me for it,” he said, “but I have to ask you something.”

“It’s all right, Daddy,” she said as though reciting it for him. “I know what I’m doing. I’m not really rushing into anything—”

He interrupted her. “Well, good God, somebody rushed into something, right?”

“Daddy.”

“Is that what you call
him?
No,
I’m
Daddy. You have to call him Granddaddy.”

“That is
not
funny,” she said.

“I wasn’t being funny, Melanie. And anyway, that wasn’t my question.” He took a breath. “Please forgive this, but I have to know.”

“There’s nothing you really
have
to know, Daddy. I’m an adult. I’m telling you out of family courtesy.”

“I understand that. Family courtesy exactly. Exactly, Melanie, that’s a good phrase. Would you please tell me, out of family courtesy, if the baby is his.”

“Yes.” Her voice was small now, coming from a long way off.

“I am sorry for the question, but I have to put all this together. I mean you’re asking me to take in a whole lot here, you know?”

“I said I understood how you feel.”

“I don’t think so. I don’t think you quite understand how I feel.”

“All right,” she said. “I don’t understand how you feel. But I think I knew how you’d react.”

For a few seconds, there was just the low, sea sound of long distance.

“Melanie, have you done any of the math on this?”

“I should’ve bet money,” she said in the tone of a person who has been proven right about something.

“Well, but Jesus,” Ballinger said. “I mean he’s older than I am, kid. He’s—he’s a
lot
older than I am.” The number of years seemed to dawn on him as he spoke; it filled him with a strange, heart-shaking heat. “Honey, nineteen years. When he was my age, I was only two years older than you are now.”

“I don’t see what that has to do with anything,” she said. “Melanie, I’ll be forty-five
all the way
in December. I’m a
young
forty-four.”

“I know when your birthday is, Dad.”

“Well, good God, this guy’s nineteen years older than your own father.”

She said, “I’ve grasped the numbers. Maybe you should go ahead and put Mom on.”

“Melanie, you couldn’t pick somebody a little closer to my age? Some snot-nosed forty-year-old?”

“Stop it,” she said. “Please, Daddy. I know what I’m doing.”

“Do you know how old he’s going to be when your baby is ten? Do you? Have you given that any thought at all?”

She was silent.

He said, “How many children are you hoping to have?”

“I’m not thinking about that. Any of that. This is now, and I don’t care about anything else.”

He sat down in his kitchen and tried to think of something else to say. Outside the window, his wife, with no notion of what she was about to be hit with, looked through the patterns of shade in the blinds and, seeing him, waved. It was friendly, and even so, all their difficulty was in it. Ballinger waved back. “Melanie,” he said, “do you mind telling me just where you happened to meet William? I mean how do you meet a person forty years older than you are. Was there a senior citizen-student mixer at the college?”

“Stop it, Daddy.”

“No, I really want to know. If I’d just picked this up and read it in the newspaper, I think I’d want to know. I’d probably call the newspaper and see what I could find out.”

“Put Mom on,” she said.

“Just tell me how you met. You can do that, can’t you?”

“Jesus Christ,” she said, then paused. Ballinger waited.

“He’s a teacher, like you and Mom, only college. He was my literature teacher. He’s a professor of literature. He knows everything that was ever written, and he’s the most brilliant man I’ve ever known. You have no idea how fascinating it is to talk with him.”

“Yes, and I guess you understand that over the years that’s what you’re going to be doing a
lot
of with him, Melanie. A lot of talking.”

“I am carrying the proof that disproves
you,”
she said.

He couldn’t resist saying, “Did
he
teach you to talk like that?”

“I’m gonna hang up.”

“You promised you’d listen to something I had to tell you.”

“Okay,” she said crisply. “I’m listening.”

He could imagine her tapping the toe of one foot on the floor: the impatience of someone awaiting an explanation. He thought a moment. “He’s a professor?”

“That’s not what you wanted to tell me.”

“But you said he’s a professor.”

“Yes, I said that.”

“Don’t be mad at me, Melanie. Give me a few minutes to get used to the idea. Jesus. Is he a professor emeritus?”

“If that means distinguished, yes. But I know what you’re—”

“No, Melanie. It means
retired.
You went to college.” She said nothing.

“I’m sorry. But for God’s sake, it’s a legitimate question.”

“It’s a stupid, mean-spirited thing to ask.” He could tell from her voice that she was fighting back tears.

“Is he there with you now?” “Yes,” she said, sniffling.

“Oh, Jesus Christ.” “Daddy, why are you being this way?”

“Do you think maybe we could’ve had this talk alone? What’s he, listening on the other line?”

“No.”

“Well, thank God for that.”

“I’m going to hang up now.”

“No, please don’t hang up. Please let’s just be calm and talk about this. We have some things to talk about here.”

She sniffled, blew her nose. Someone held the phone for her. There was a muffled something in the line, and then she was there again. “Go ahead,” she said.

“Is he still in the room with you?”

“Yes.” Her voice was defiant.

“Where?”

“Oh, for God’s sake,” she said.

“I’m sorry, I feel the need to know. Is he sitting down?”

“I
want
him here, Daddy. We both want to be here,” she said.

“And he’s going to marry you.”

“Yes,” she said impatiently.

“Do you think I could talk to him?”

She said something he couldn’t hear, and then there were several seconds of some sort of discussion, in whispers. Finally she said, “Do you promise not to yell at him?”

“Melanie, he wants me to promise not to
yell
at him?”

“Will you promise?”

“Good God.”

“Promise,” she said. “Or I’ll hang up.”

“All right. I promise. I promise not to yell at him.”

There was another small scuffing sound, and a man’s voice came through the line. “Hello, sir.” It was, as far as Ballinger could tell, an ordinary voice, slightly lower than baritone. He thought of cigarettes. “I realize this is a difficult—”

“Do you smoke?” Ballinger interrupted him.

“No, sir.”

“All right. Go on.”

“Well, I want you to know I understand how you feel.”

“Melanie says she does, too,” Ballinger said. “I mean I’m certain you both
think
you do.”

“It was my idea that Melanie call you about this.”

“Oh, really. That speaks well of you. You probably knew I’d find this a little difficult to absorb and that’s why you waited until Melanie was pregnant, for Christ’s sake.”

The other man gave forth a small sigh of exasperation.

“So you’re a professor of literature.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Oh, you needn’t ‘sir’ me. After all, I mean I
am
the goddam kid here.”

“There’s no need for sarcasm, sir.”

“Oh, I wasn’t being sarcastic. That was a literal statement of this situation that obtains right here as we’re speaking. And, really, Mr…. It’s Coombs, right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Coombs, like the thing you comb your hair with.”

The other man was quiet.

“Just how long do you think it’ll take me to get used to this? You think you might get into your seventies before I get used to this? And how long do you think it’ll take my wife who’s twenty-one years younger than you are to get used to this?”

Silence.

“You’re too old for my
wife,
for Christ’s sake.”

Nothing.

“What’s your first name again?”

The other man spoke through another sigh. “Perhaps we should just ring off.”

“Ring off. Jesus. Ring off? Did you actually say ‘ring off”? What’re you, a goddamn limey or something?”

“I am an American. I fought in Korea.”

“Not World War One?”

The other man did not answer.

“How many other marriages have you had?” Ballinger asked him.

“That’s a valid question. I’m glad you—”

“Thank you for the scholarly observation,
sir.
But I’m not sitting in a class. How many did you say?”