The Stainless Steel Rat eBook Collection (16 page)

‘I’m sure that you will find a way,’ she said. ‘Now I would like to stop at the next town we come to, that one there. I left in such a hurry I forgot all my things. Clothes and makeup, you know.’

‘You wouldn’t
need a bit of money to buy those things?’ I asked facetiously. She ignored my feeble humour and nodded.

‘Another thousand will do.’

‘I’m going below,’ The Bishop said, and did not emerge again until I had tied up and she was gone. He carried two beers and I took one and drank deep.

‘Murder is out,’ he said firmly.

‘Murder is out,’ I agreed. ‘But that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy thinking about
it. What do we do?’

‘We don’t just heave anchor and go. She’ll have the police after us in minutes, then will pocket the reward. We must take that into consideration, then think faster than she can. Coming with us was an impulse, obviously. She is greedy for money and we must keep giving it to her. But sooner or later she will decide that she has had enough of ours and will turn us in for the
reward. Is there such a thing as a map aboard?’

That mighty brain was at work, I could tell that. I asked no questions but rooted out the map as quickly as I could. He traced it with his finger.

‘We are here, I imagine, yes here is the very place. While downstream, here, is the bustling city of Val’s Halla. When will we get there?’

I squinted at the scale and marked the distance with my thumb.
‘Could be there by midafternoon tomorrow, if we get an early start.’

His face broke into a smile so wide that his eyes were crinkled half shut. ‘Splendid, absolutely splendid. That will do very nicely indeed.’

‘What will?’

‘My plans. Which I shall keep to myself for the moment since there are details still to be worked out. When she returns you must agree with me, whatever I say, that is all
you have to do. Now, next order of business. Where do we sleep tonight?’

‘On the river’s bank,’ I said, heading below. ‘Our friend has all the money that I was carrying so I must get more from our stock. Then I’m going ashore to buy a tent, sleeping bags, all the gear for comfortable camping out.’

‘Capital. I shall man the fort and hone my plans until you return.’

I bought some steaks too,
along with a collection of fancy bottles of wine. We needed a major change from the Macswiney cuisine. When the sun was close to the horizon I tied the boat to the trees on the banks of a green meadow, where we could pitch our tent. The Bishop, after smacking his lips over the meat, announced that he would prepare dinner. While he did this, and Beth did her nails, I hammered stakes and got our beds
ready. The sun was a ball of orange on the horizon when we tucked into the meal. It was tremendous. No one talked until we were done. When the last morsel was gone The Bishop sighed, raised his glass and sipped, then sighed with repletion.

‘Though I cooked it myself, I must say that meal was a triumph.’

‘It does take the taste of porcuswine out of the mouth,’ I agreed.

‘I didn’t like the wine.
Nasty.’ Only her outline was visible in the darkness. Lacking the usual glorious physical accompaniment, her voice, as well as her words, left a very lot to be desired. Yet The Bishop’s deep basso was free of rancour when he spoke again.

‘Beth – I may call you Beth, mayn’t I? Thank you. Beth, we shall be in the city of Val’s Halla tomorrow, where I must go ashore and call into my bank. Our funds
are running low. You wouldn’t like our money to run out, would you?’

‘No I wouldn’t.’

‘Thought not. But would you like me to go to the bank and bring you back one-hundred-thousand bucks in small buck bills?’

I heard her gasp. Then she fumbled for the switch and the riding lights above the cockpit came on. She was frowning at The Bishop and, for the very first time, lost her cool.

‘Are you
trying to play games with me, old man?’

‘Not at all, young lady. I am simply paying for our safety. You know certain facts that are, shall we say, best left unspoken
aloud. I think that sum is a reasonable amount to pay for your continuing silence. Don’t you?’

She hesitated – then burst out laughing. ‘I sure do. Just let me see the colour of those bucks and I may even consider letting you boys
continue your journey without poor little me.’

‘Whatever you say my dear, whatever you say.’

Nor would he speak another word on the subject. We retired soon after that, for it had been a busy day for all of us. Beth took possession of the boat and we had the tent. When I returned from setting the alarms to make sure that the boat would still be there in the morning, The Bishop was already in
full snore. Before I slept myself I realised that, whatever he was planning, we had at least one more day of freedom before Beth would think of contacting the police. The lure of that money would insure her silence. As I dozed off I realised that The Bishop had undoubtedly planned it that way.

We were humming down the river an hour before dawn, despite Beth’s protests. She emerged later, but
her anger soon vanished beneath The Bishop’s monetary ministrations. He described the interest her invested bucks could earn without her spending any of her capital, touched lightly on the consumer goods she would soon purchase, and generally charmed her like a snake with a rabbit. I had no idea what his plans were but I enjoyed every moment of it.

By mid-afternoon I had tied up at the marina
on the canal that bisected Val’s Halla. The city centre was close to hand and The Bishop, beard combed and moustache twirled, was neatly turned out and businesslike.

‘This will not take long,’ he said, then left. Beth looked after him, already atwitch with anticipation.

‘He’s really the one they call The Bishop?’ she said when he had gone.

‘I wouldn’t know about that.’

‘Don’t give me that
old booshwah. I saw the films on 3V, how somebody got him out. A small guy with a moustache. It had to be you.’

‘Lot of moustaches in this world.’

‘I never thought, when I saw you around the school, you would ever end up like this.’

‘I though the same about you. I admired you from afar.’

‘So did every other pubescent boy in the school. Don’t think I didn’t know it. We used to laugh about it,
him being a teacher and all that …’

She shut up and glowered at me and I smiled sweetly and went
below to wash the dinner and breakfast dishes that she had so carefully ignored. I was just finishing when there was a hail from the shore.

‘Boat ahoy! Permission to come aboard?’

The Bishop stood on the dockside, beaming and splendid. His new suit must have cost a small fortune. The suitcase that
he held up appeared to be made of real animal skin of some kind, with fittings of glowing gold. Beth’s eyes were as wide as saucers. The Bishop climbed aboard and treated us to a conspiratorial wink.

‘Best to get below before I show you what’s in this case. It is not for the world to see.’

Beth led the way and he held the case to his chest until I had closed and locked the door. Then he swept
the papers from the table to the deck, placed the case in its centre, and with tantalising precision unlocked and opened the case.

Even I was impressed. There was far more than the hundred-thousand here. Beth stared at it – then reached out and tugged a bundle of thousand buck bills free.

‘Real? Is it real?’ she asked.

‘Guaranteed right from the mint. I saw to that myself.’ With her attention
on the money he turned to me. ‘Now, Jim, would you mind doing me a favour. Would you find some rope or twine, I’m sure that you will know what you will need. I want absolute silence as well when you tie this girl up so she cannot move.’

I was expecting something – she was not. Her mouth was just opening to scream when I seized that precious neck and pressed hard just below the ears.

With savage glee I cut one of the blankets into strips and bound those delicate wrists and trim ankles. I was just putting sticking tape over her mouth when she came to and tried to scream. It came out as a muffled mewl.

‘Can she breathe all right like that?’ The Bishop asked.

‘Perfectly. See the glare in her eye and the angry heaving of that magnificent chest? She is breathing
through her nostrils just fine. Now – will you tell me what this is all about?’

‘On deck, if you please.’

He waited until the door was closed behind us before he spoke, rubbing his hands together with joy.

‘Our troubles are over, my boy. I knew that as soon as I looked at the map. There are two things about this fine city that assure me of that. One is the bank, a branch of Galactic Trust with
which I have an account – sizeable as you have seen. The second fact of interest is that there is a spaceport here.’

I puzzled over this for a few seconds as my sluggish brain slowly added two and two. Then my jaw gaped so hard I could barely speak.

‘You mean that, us, we … we are going offplanet?’

He nodded and grinned. ‘Precisely. This little world has become, shall we say, a little too warm
for us. It will be even warmer when our female friend is freed. By that time we shall have shaken the dust of Bit O’Heaven from our boots and we will be lightyears away. You did tell me that you wanted to travel?’

‘I did, of course, but aren’t there controls, inspections, police, things like that?’

‘There are. But customs and immigration can be circumvented if you know how. I know how. And I
did check on which ships were here before taking this drastic step. I am sorry that I had no opportunity to warn you – but I was certain that your magnificent reflexes would resolve the matter with ease. When I left here I did not know that this would be the day to put the plan into operation. I intended just to get the money to string the girl along. While keeping track of spacer operations. But
the fates are on our side. There is a freighter here from Venia taking on cargo – and leaving in the early hours of the morning. Isn’t that wonderful!’

‘I’m sure that it is. But I would be a lot surer if I knew why.’

‘Jim, your education has been sorely neglected. I thought every schoolboy knew how venal the Venians were? They are the despair of the League polimetricians. Incorrigible. The motto
on Venia is
La regloj
iam
ansili
as
. Which may be freely translated as ‘There are no Fixed Rules’. That is to say there are laws about everything – but bribery can change anything. It is not so much that they are a world of criminals, but rather a planet of twisters.’

‘Sounds nice,’ I agreed. ‘Then what
have you arranged?’

‘Nothing yet. But I am positive that opportunity will arrive at the spaceport.’

‘Yes, sure.’ I was far from enthusiastic. The plan had all the hallmarks of improvisation and crossed fingers. But I had little choice. ‘What about the girl?’

‘We’ll leave a message for the police with the electronic post, to be delivered after we are gone, telling them the place where she can
be found.’

‘That place can’t be here – too public. There is an automated marina farther downstream. I could tie up there, at one of the outer berths.’

‘The perfect solution. If you will give me instructions how to find it I will hie myself to the spaceport to make the arrangements. Shall we meet there at 2300 hours?’