The Stainless Steel Rat eBook Collection (112 page)

The first robot entered another serviceway and I staggered after them until, after what felt like a two day walk, I entered this
haven of relative safety. It was a coolish day but I was sweating heavily: I leaned against the wall to recover while my robots emptied the bins. More cars were still appearing in the street I had so recently left and a flight of jets thundered by overhead. My, but they certainly were missing me.

What next? A good question. Very soon now, when no trace of the fugitive alien could be found, someone
would remember the one witness to his escape. And they would want to talk to the robot pusher again. Before that moment came I would have to be elsewhere – but where? My assets were very limited; a collection of garbage collecting robots, now industriously clanking away at their trade, two uniforms – one worn over the other – either of which made me a marked man, and an electronic whip. Good
only for whipping robots; the feeble current it generated was just enough to close a relay to cancel a previous order or action. What to do?

There was a grating noise close behind me and I jumped aside as a rusty iron door slid upwards. A fat man in a white hat poked his head out.

‘I got another barrel in here
for you, Slobodan,’ he said, then looked suspiciously at me. ‘You ain’t Slobodan.’

‘You’re right. Slobodan is someone else. And he is somewhere else. In the hospital. Having a hernia removed. They’re putting in a new one.’

Was opportunity tapping? I talked fast and thought even faster. There was still plenty of rushing about in the street I had so recently crossed but no one was looking into the serviceway. I cracked my whip across the gearbox of the nearest robot and ordered
him to me.

‘Follow that man,’ I said, snapping my whip in the right direction. White hat popped back inside, the robot followed him and I followed the robot.

Into a kitchen. A big one, a restaurant kitchen obviously. And there was no one else in sight.

‘What time do you open?’ I asked. ‘I’m getting quite an appetite on this job.’

‘Not until tonight – hey! Tell this robot to stop following
me and get that garbage out of here.’

The cook was backing around the room with the robot trundling faithfully after him. They made a fine pair.

‘Robot,’ I said, and cracked the whip. ‘Do not follow that man any more. Just reach out your implacable little robot hands and grab him by the arms so he cannot get away.’

The robot’s reflexes, being electronic, were faster than the cook’s. The steel
hands closed, the cook opened his mouth to complain – and I stuffed his hat into it. He chewed it angrily and made muffled noises deep in his throat. He kept this up all the time I was tying him into a chair with a fine assortment of towels, securing the gag in place as well. No one else had appeared and my luck was still running strong.

‘Out,’ I ordered the robot, cracking it across the patient
metal back. The others were still working away and I laid about like a happy flagellant
until they were all quivering for orders.

‘Return. To the place from whence you came this morning. Go now.’

Like well trained troops they turned and started away. Thankfully, in the direction away from the street we had just crossed. I popped back into the kitchen and locked the door. Safe for the moment.
They would trace me to the robot rubbish men sooner or later, but would have no idea where or when I had left the convoy. Things were working out just fine.

The captive cook had managed to knock the chair over and was wriggling, chair and all, towards the exit.

‘Naughty,’ I said, and took the largest cleaver from the rack. He stopped at once and rolled his eyes at me. I put the cleaver and the
whip where they could be reached quickly and looked about. For a little while at least I could breathe easy and make some definite plans. It had all been rush and improvise so far. There was a sudden knocking in the distance and the sharp ringing of a bell. I sighed and picked up the cleaver again. Rush and improvise was the motto of this operation.

‘What is that?’ I asked the cook, slipping
the hat from his mouth for the moment.

‘The front door. Someone there,’ he said hoarsely, his eyes on the cleaver I held ready over his head. I restored the gag and sidled to the swinging door on the far wall and opened it enough to peek through.

The dining room beyond was dark and empty. The banging and ringing came from the entrance on the far side. No one else had appeared to answer this
noisy summons so I felt safe in assuming that the cook and I were alone for the moment. Now to see what it was all about. With the cleaver at the ready I went to the front entrance, slid back the bolt and opened the door a crack.

‘Whaddayawant?’ I asked, aiming for
the same rudimentary grammar and low accent voiced by the cook.

‘Refrigerator service. You called you got trouble. What kind of
trouble?’

‘Big trouble!’ My heart bounded with unexpected joy. ‘Come in and bring biggest toolbox you got.’

It was a fair sized toolbox and I let him in, closed the door behind, and tapped him smartly on the back of the head with the flat of the cleaver blade. He folded nicely. His uniform was a utilitarian dark green, a great improvement on wasp, white or garbage, my only choice up to this
moment. I stripped him quickly and tied him to a chair next to the cook where they commiserated in silence with each other. For the first time I was ahead of my pursuers. With luck it would be some hours before my captives were discovered and connected with my flight. I put the green uniform on, prepared a large number of sandwiches, picked up the toolbox, tipped my uniform cap to the captives in
the kitchen, and slipped out the front door.

A large riding robot was standing there, another toolbox hanging from one hand, humming quietly to itself. Painted on its metallic chest was the same crest of the service company that now adorned my own chest.

‘We travel in comfort,’ I said. ‘Take this.’ I got my fingers out of the way just in time as it reached for the toolbox.

During my rapid trips
through the city I had seen a number of these riding robots from a distance, but had never been close to one before. There was a sort of saddle arrangement on their backs where the operator rode, but I hadn’t the slightest idea of how to get into the seat. Did the thing kneel to be mounted or drop down a ladder or what? Cars and other robots were going by in this street and a squad of soldiers
was approaching at a good clip. I found myself sweating again.

‘I wish to leave. Now.’

Nothing happened. Except
that the soldiers were that much closer. The robot stood as stolid as a statue. There was no help here. I didn’t know if it was the orthodox manner or not, I had to do something, so I put one foot on the thing’s hip socket, grabbed a riding light up near its shoulder blade and swarmed
up its side. Hidden motors hummed louder as it shifted balance to accommodate my added weight. I slipped into the saddle just as the squad of soldiers trotted by. They ignored me completely.

The seat was comfortable. I had a good view, with my head at least three meters above the ground, and I hadn’t the slightest idea what to do next. Though leaving this vicinity would make fine openers. A compact
control panel was set into the top of the robot’s head and I pressed the button labeled
WALK
. I felt the grinding vibration of internal gears being engaged and it began to mark time in place. A good beginning. A rapid search found the button marked
FORWARD
. It lurched ahead and broke into an easy trot. I soon left the police and all the excitement behind.

A plan was needed. I rode my mechanical
mount through the heart of the city and considered my position. One man against a world. Very poetic and possibly disconcerting except for the fact that I had been in this position before while they had not. All of the security arrangements meant that aliens were few and far between on Cliaand and always kept under close surveillance. Perhaps they had never lost track of one before and this was
sure to be a great annoyance. Heads would roll. Fine. As long as one of them wasn’t mine. In a sense I had the advantage. Other than my cover identity they knew nothing about me. If I could lose myself in the depths of their depressing culture I would be impossible to find. As long as I stayed submerged. Positive action would come later. Right now I had to save my valuable hide and plan for the future.

One of the city exits
was ahead and an unusually large number of uniformed individuals were involved in examining and searching everyone attempting to leave. A touch on the
LEFT
button started my mount down another street away from this danger. When I wanted to leave the city I would. That time had not yet arrived.

By midafternoon I had a working knowledge of the layout of the city and was developing
calluses on my bottom. The robot was going slower and evidently in need of a recharge from some handy wall socket. I needed a recharge from the sandwiches in the toolbox. We both needed a rest. And the chances were good that my prisoners had been found in the kitchen and that the new alarm was going out. Using the more vacant side streets I worked the robot back to the manufacturing district
that I had noted earlier and looked for a place to hole up. I had seen some factories and warehouses with a distinctly deserted air that would fit my needs.

One did. Cobwebs on the windows and rust on the hinges of the front door. No one in sight and a lock that I could have opened in the dark with my fingernails. The door creaked open, not a soul was in sight. We slipped in and the bolt clicked
behind us. Security. The place was deserted, dusty and for the most part empty. A great ancient piece of machinery brooded in one corner, as featureless and mysterious as a lost jungle idol, with sacrifices of discarded cartons about its feet. Perfect. I lunched, relaxed, searched the building, found an interior room with no windows, brought in the flashlight and a pencil from the toolbox and
one of the sacrificial cartons. Time for the next step.

Pencil in hand, the blank square before me illuminated by the light, I spoke aloud.

‘Now hear this. Memory is about to begin. The count will start at ten. I will become tired during the progression and by the time zero
is reached I will be asleep. The memory is keyed to the word … Xanadu!’

‘Ten,’ I said, feeling fine. Then ‘Nine’ and I
yawned. By the time I hit five my eyelids were drooping and I have no memory at all of ever getting to zero.

I
AWOKE TO FIND MY FINGERS STIFF
, my arm
cramped, my eyes sore. And the great square of cardboard covered with a complex wiring diagram. The subconscious is a fine place to hide things unknown to the conscious mind. I not only had the diagram but suddenly realized that I now knew just how to use it. The plan was a dazzlingly simple one and I was instantly jealous of whoever dreamed
it up. It also required a bit of time, a lot of electronic wiring and equipment. All of which would have to be stolen. I sighed and stretched my cramped muscles. It had been a tiring day and my sleep during the hypnotic trance had been no sleep at all. Tomorrow would be another day, the pace of pursuit should have died down.

Tomorrow and tomorrow were nothing but work. I was a stainless steel
rat gone to ground and there was much scuttling about to be done. The city continued in its business around me, and I’m sure the search for me went on unabated although it never came near my cozy retreat. I soldered and wired, stole food and other items of comfort and luxury in an almost offhand way. Cliaand seemed to have a very low level of crime because almost no precautions appeared to have been
taken to prevent the sort of burglary I indulged in. Either the criminal class had all been killed off or they now ran the government. Which could very likely be the case. My solitary period would end soon and I would abandon my passive role and indulge in the espionage that I had been sent here to do.

Leaving the city was far simpler than I had imagined. By adroit loitering in the area of the
checkpoint I saw that the military were in charge of the operation which appeared to proceed in a very simpleminded and military way. A certain amount of saluting and ordering, examining of papers and rubber stamping, a quick search and away. I hoped it would work that easily for me. To make the entire operation military I stole an army truck at dusk, stopping it by planting my robot in the road
in front of it. The truck vibrated to a stop and the driver put his head out and cursed fluently. Most of the words had not been in my language lessons and I filed them for future use. He seemed to be alone, which was a blessing.

‘And the same to you,’ I told him. ‘That is no way to talk to civilians. This is emergency.’

‘What emergency?’ Suspiciously.

‘This emergency.’ Enthusiastically.

The needle slammed home in the side of his neck and he slumped. I had also made a raid on a chemical supply house. I pushed him aside, put on his uniform cap, ordered the robot into the back of the truck and returned to the warehouse for my wares. They stowed neatly behind the crates of dehydrated meals, forms in triplicate, cans of boot polish and other essential military items in the truck. Dressed
in the soldier’s red uniform, he dozing nicely in my green, I said good-bye to the robot, my only friend on this inhospitable planet. He answered nothing in return which did not hurt me. I left.

My papers and identification were accepted with military taciturnity, examined and approved, and I was free. I sped merrily out into the night and phase two of my plan. Physically this involved a lot
of rushing about, stealing various vehicles to confuse my trail, and a long trek through the central desert to a certain landmark. This was a great lump of stone standing very much by itself in the sea of sand. It was shaped very much like a pot and was called
lonac
in the Cliaand
language. Which means
pot
and gives you some idea of the great scope of their imagination. The camouflage net covered
the stolen groundcar, and I worked most industriously here for seven full days before I was satisfied with the results. What I had built, with my own two little hands and the help of an excavation robot, was a completely self-contained underground shelter no more than 100 meters from Pot rock. This was the last and final bit of preparation for phase three. That night I initiated this phase. My
little home-wired transmitter was tuned and ready to go, the antenna pointed straight up at the zenith. Exactly at midnight I turned it on and the narrow, highly directional signal blasted up into space. I kept it going for exactly thirty seconds, then shut it off.