The Spirit Who Loved Me: Spirit Whispers Book One (18 page)

Chapter 22

The minute Spiral
and Saraphina deposited me to the confines of my bedroom, I was on my feet and running—out the door, down the front steps and into the driveway. I took quick inventory of my surroundings. The sun was breaking on the horizon, waves of gold rushing in from the East. I sprinted down the driveway, but I only made it quarter of a mile or so before I stumbled over my feet, forcing me to limp along, my bare feet screaming in protest. But I didn’t care. Giving up, or giving in, I finally sank down to my knees, the granite gravel of the driveway digging into my skin through my flimsy cotton pajama pants. I racked my fingers back and forth through the rock and into the dirt below so fiercely that a couple of my nails were pulled from their beds, covering me in a plume of dust. A low guttural sound seemed to spill forth from my gut, and I wrapped my arms around my self, rocking forward and back like crazy people I’d seen on TV. Unearthly bellows, which couldn’t possibly be from me, yet somehow were, erupted from my chest, as I cried out over and over, the only witness to my madness the trees. I lay myself down upon the rocks, taking strange comfort from them as they dug into my cheek like little daggers. I felt numb from the cold October morning and lifeless but pain meant I was still alive.

I indulged myself and lay there until I saw the sun rising higher in the sky. I sat up slowly, my body stiff from being still so long, knowing I’d best get a move on in case my mom, or worse yet, Bobby came barreling down the drive. I tiptoed gingerly to the edge of the driveway and began walking on the weedy surface back towards home. All too soon, I heard a car coming, and in embarrassment, causing adrenaline to coarse through my veins, high tailed it for a large oak right on the edge of the woods and hid behind it, the rough bark scratching at my arms. I peered around it, catching a quick glimpse of the tail lights on Bobby’s car, figuring he must be scheduled to work the morning shift at the auto parts store in Siler City.

Feeling more than a little foolish, yet knowing being seen covered in dirt and still being in my pajamas would definitely take some mighty good explaining, I leaned against the tree, pondering my predicament. Go home and hope I could sneak past the prying eyes of my mama?

I sighed deep and started walking back through the weeds next to the driveway. If we had a ride on tractor, I’d definitely cut the weeds down to size, which apparently missed the memo that it was now Fall, and they could stop growing. I decided I might just buy a tractor myself with my next allowance payment, and this time of year, I ought to be able to get one real reasonable. One thing was for sure though, I was going to have check myself thoroughly for ticks. Those blood suckers needed a wicked cold snap to knock ‘em out of commission.

I turned down the path through the woods towards granny’s house, even though it was technically mine now, I just couldn’t think of it any other way. I imagined when I was fifty, I’d still be calling it Granny’s, but my poor brain so emotionally exhausted I was unable to focus on anything for long, and honestly, I didn’t want to think anyway.

I gingerly stepped over various roots and rocks jutting from the dark Earth. I looked up into the canopy of pines, maples and oaks, watching the sunlight flitting down between the branches and through the bright leaves and needles of the pines, before continuing my slow progress. I paused, listening for cars, when I reached the spot where the path ended and my granny’s lush yard began. I knew you could see the homestead from the road, and the last thing I needed was for anyone to see me in such a poorly state, especially one of those old biddies on their way to church. I groaned. Church. It was Sunday morning, and I had all but forgotten--I was supposed to go to the services with my mom. Well, there was no way in heck I’d be able to make it today. The coast seemed clear, and digging up energy from deep within, I sprinted across the grass and up the back steps.

I pushed open the back door, the white paint peeling so badly in places that little strips hung blowing in the slight breeze I created by the action opening the ole thing. Great, something else to add to the list. Closing the door firmly behind me, I went straight to my grandmother’s bedroom.

For a moment I stood in front of her ancient dresser, ancient to me anyhow, and took a good look at myself in the antique mirror, mildly disgusted by my disarray. My face was swollen and smudged with dirt; my eyes were red and puffy. My hair stood up every which way, snarled with dead grass and leaves. Wincing, I pulled a twig from the tangles. As I began to turn away and head towards the comfort of bed, I spied something out of the corner of my eye. I looked back over my shoulder, a cry escaping my throat. I spun around and placed my palms against the coolness of the tarnishing mirror.

Abel, concern etched on his handsome features, gazed into my face, magically from inside of the mirror.
Portal
, a knowing popped into my thoughts. He reached for me, placing his fingertips, his palms against the mirror on his side, matching his hands with my own. I could feel the heat, his heat. He missed me. I could feel his aching need for me as strongly as I could feel my own need and longing for him. My heart soared at the sight of him as we spent quiet moments drinking up the images of one another. A look I couldn’t quite name crossed his face, and sighing, he looked over his shoulder as if he were being called by some unknown force I could not hear, before meeting my eyes once more. The phone rang, breaking our reverie, startling me. Furious, I glared in the direction of the kitchen and sent mental daggers to the unknown caller before I turned back to Abel.

Only he had disappeared. In that split second of the phone breaking our connection, he had vanished. My heart, only moments ago soaring with feelings of love and hope, now felt as if it were being torn from chest and squeezed in a medieval vise. Tears I was unaware of ran down my face, and inhuman sounds, which could only be coming from me, broke the silence. I slammed my hands against the antique looking glass, two times, three times, and four.

“Abel, come back to me! Please come back to me!” I took my hands, brutally shoving at pictures, brushes, powders, everything crowding the surface of my grandmother’s dresser. The baby powder flew around the room, dusting everything within a ten foot radius, and I heard the distinct sound of breaking glass.

I threw myself on my grandmother’s old bed, the mattress sagging so badly it sank down in the middle. I kicked and I screamed into the pillows, only halfway registering the faint smell of her baby powder that had yet to fade away. Within minutes, exhaustion dragged me under, bringing with it blissful deep sleep.

“Krystal, are you okay?”

“Wh-wh-what?” My voice was heavy from sleep. I tried to open my right eye, but I was falling back asleep already. I felt some one shaking me gently but firmly, and I swatted at whoever it was that sounded remarkably like my mother. “Go away.”

I felt the blanket pulled from around me. “Krystal, what happened? Do you have any idea what time it is? You missed church too. Your friend was asking about you, and I had no idea what to even say.” When I didn’t answer, she continued. “Girl, you better get up and answer me, or it’s gonna be the hard way.”

I begrudgingly propped myself up on one elbow. “Mom, I couldn’t sleep last night.” I left out the specific reasons like mystical libraries. Maybe it was just me, but I had a feeling the truth wouldn’t go over too well. “So I came over early this morning, I was so desperate for some sleep.”

My mother eyed me warily from head to toe before meeting my eyes. “And the reason you‘re so filthy?”

I looked down sheepishly. “I kinda laid down in the middle of the drive way and watched the sun come up before I came over.” I half lied, adding for good measure, “It was real pretty.”

My mom closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay. So let me get this straight. You were just so exhausted you thought you’d sleep better over here? But you got so sidetracked by,” my mom said, her voice rose by higher octaves with every word. “The beautiful sunrise, that you decided to lay in the middle of the driveway? Well?” When I didn’t add anything, her voice harshened. “Krystal. Abigail. Haggart. I wasn’t born yesterday. You’ve never given us much trouble before, but I swear to God, if I ever find out you’ve been sneaking out of the house again, your ass is grass. Do we understand each other young lady?”

“Yes, ma’am,” I answered, even though saying the words was like vinegar to my stomach, but she’d never believe what really happened.

“Good. Now you get your butt in the truck.” She wrinkled her nose. “You really need a shower.”

I sat up, waiting for the room to stop spinning before attempting to stand. My head was throbbing to boot, which I attributed to my sobbing earlier. I rubbed my temples. “What friend was asking about me at church?”

My mother was looking out the window into the side yard, running the yellowed lace of the curtain through her fingers. “Tara,” she answered absentmindedly.

“She’s not my friend.” More like my arch enemy, I added silently.

“I thought she was.”

“Maybe, for like two minutes when we were five or something.”

“Hmmmmm,” She murmured. “Well, let’s get a move on.”

I followed behind her, grabbing onto to anything I could to stay steady, and in my tired stupor, I imagined this was what being drunk felt like. I settled into the old ford, not even bothering to buckle myself in since we were just going next door. I felt a nagging thought, seemingly in the background, as we bumped along our driveway about what in the heavens Tara could be up to, but I had no doubt that whatever it was, it had something to do with Jett.

“Great, just great,” I muttered.

“What was that honey?”

“Oh, nothing, Mom.”

Chapter 23

Chill was breathing
itself into air, the late afternoon light fading fast into twilight. My breath misted into fog, the first time since winter’s last, and I indulged myself by blowing my air in tiny gasps then long ones in a makeshift pattern of mistiness. I ran my fingers up and down the smooth wooden handle of the aged broom, the brown crunchy leaves forgotten at my feet, the reason I had finally talked my mom into letting me out of the trailer. I had desperately wanted to get away from her questioning stares and the strange looks she gave me when she didn’t think I was looking.

I leaned the broom against Granny’s house. And grabbing my old, holey, gray sweatshirt from the rocking chair, I pulled it on against the growing chill, shivering inside of it, aware it was more than the air making me feel so cold. I could feel it growing in my chest, wrapping around my heart as it squeezed the life force out of me, even as I built a wall around its beating mass, all of my own doing. The world around me was quiet, almost unnaturally still, causing my stomach to churn nervously.

I pulled my old mp3 player from out of my pocket, loaded with tunes courtesy of Tammy, and put the ear buds in my ears, powering it to life, ready to get the job of sweeping done and head home. The music of Christina Perri flooded my ears, and I stiffened, straight as a board, literally just like the silly game: light as a feather, stiff as a board, flitting in my mind. My body shook with my effort to hold back the tears threatening to overflow. No, not again, I promised myself. I was done with the sobbing and all that fanfare. But the irony of the lyrics from “A Thousand Years” couldn’t escape me, and I reached down to skip it, yet found myself unable to do so. I took one shaky breath, then two, as a single tear escaped from my tightly closed eye lids.

I felt the brush of fingertips along my smooth cheek, capturing the lonely drop, startling me. I opened my eyes, my vision blurry from unshed tears waiting to spill, to see a watercolor vision of Abel standing before me.

We reached for one another exactly in the same moment, molding one into the other, and I felt a wholeness only being with him could bring. I could feel the pressure as he embraced me, the warmth. He kissed the crown of my head over and over, as if he couldn’t get enough, and I obliged him. He looked down into my face, wiping away each tear as it fell, and we danced, pressing into the other. I barked out a laugh as I imagined what a passer-by would see from the road—a lone girl swaying along as if in a daydream. A questioning glance passed over his face then understanding dawned on his features, and he smiled.

Since when did you start caring what others think? Hmmm?
And he swept me round and round across the front porch, my hair swaying behind me.

I have always loved you with every ounce of my being, with all of my soul. And I always will. There is no force in all of Heaven, nor in all of Earth, that could keep me from you.

The song ended, and we paused in our dance. He cupped my face in his, rubbing one of his thumbs across my bottom lip and leaned in, kissing me fully and utterly, so completely, I was filled with a sensation of his becoming one with my body.

My breath was long and drawn out as I inhaled all of Abel, my chest lifting upwards from the invisible force. My back arched as I dangled, head thrown wildly back. My toes barely touched the wooden planks as I levitated, my hair tickling at the backs of my thighs.

And I knew with certainty it was true, if only for this moment, we were meshed as one. My soul, and I knew it was greater than any human wanting, was soaring, such was my joy, my utter delight, and if there was only this, this feeling of wholeness, I would have been content to stay in our state of oneness forever.

Ever slowly, I could feel his reemergence from my body as we separated, and my body slumped to the floor boards. Already my soul was mourning his loss. As Twin Flames, it was a curse, I decided in. We could only truly be happy as one; separate, we longed so for the other so much it bordered on suffering. I wondered if the soul from which we had been spilt in two would chose to do this again if given the chance. I knew I wouldn’t, but I had a different perspective since I was actually living out this choice.

Sometimes, I don’t know if I would want to do it again either. But then I look at you, and your vision takes my breath away. And I know that even in my deepest and darkest of recesses, I would always choose you and this path.

I rolled my eyes. “Listening in again I see.”

Just can’t help myself,
he winked.

“What are you doing back here, anyway? I thought you were like expelled or something.”

After last night, Spiral was terribly concerned about your well-being, so he appealed to Metatron on your behalf, as did Saraphina. Abigail is not,
he paused in his thoughts.
Abigail is not pleased right now.
He looked to me.
Let’s leave it at that.

“That was, um, awful nice of Spiral to do.”

He absolutely adores you. Before the time our soul split, we were what is popularly termed as soul mates.

“What? That doesn’t make any sense,” I said, curling my lip in mild disgust.

I would liken it to what you call “peas in a pod.” Like your relationship with Tammy, for example. A soul mate could be anyone: a father or mother, a best friend or sibling.

“Ew, that’s gross,” I interrupted.

I know the popular belief refers to soul mates as lovers. Allow yourself to be more open. When you are with a soul mate, you feel perfectly at ease and content. You are on the same wavelength. It really is like a soul’s best friend, but most souls have more than one.

“This is starting to make my head spin.” I knocked my knuckles on the porch, unsure of my words. “I think you should know in case Spiral didn’t tell you, but I have decided not to do this, whatever this is called, anymore?” My statement ended up sounding more like a question by the time I got to the end of it. Abel watched me, his silence enveloping me.

“Well? Aren’t you going to say anything?”

Abel placed his head in his hands, and I knew whatever he was going to say, when he finally got around to it, wouldn’t be sunshine and roses.

I wasn’t planning on letting you know this, at least not yet, but when Spiral and Saraphina went before Metatron, they asked to have you released from this contract. Spiral knows you met a breaking point last night. However, Abigail argued strongly in opposition, and in the end, they were unable to convince Metatron to break or change your contract. Through their insistence, Metatron did agree to reinstate me as your Master Guide.

“I don’t understand. If I don’t want to do something, then I’m not gonna do it. End of story.”

Abel took my hands, holding them tightly within his own.
I need you to fully understand this, but if you insist on exerting your free will in this case, and you can, this incarnation will come to an end in the near future. Your soul will take a period of rest and will allow itself to be reborn to conquer what your soul will see as a failure to learn a particular lesson important to its growth in your current life.

“Are you saying that if I don’t do what Abigail wants me to do, then ya’ll are gonna kill me off?” I laughed, snorting through my nose. “That’s freaking ridiculous.”

Abel sighed.
It is more what your soul wants to do. This was Abigail’s argument, that it was you, your soul that begged to go on this journey. In fact, you were most enthusiastic about taking this journey, if I do remember. Despite my own misgivings, I might add.

“I saw. You didn’t look too happy in the round table meeting room when I took a sneak peek.

Indeed.
He kneeled in front of me, his eyes pleading.
You’re already here. Please, let me help you. Let us all help you. Me, Saraphina, Spiral, and your grandmother. Let us help you get through this. We’ll be with you every step of the way, and you won’t have to come back to this again. Please, Krystal.

“Why would I want to? And for goodness sakes, the last person I really want to see right now is my grandmother.”

She only has your best interests at heart, just because she is not in agreement with your angel and Spiral, doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you. She is trying to be true to your soul’s desires as opposed to the desires of your human ego.

I rose to my feet and walked over to the railing, gripping it tightly in my hands. “What about me? Don’t I matter?” My questions came out as barely there whispers, and I could feel him behind me and the heat he threw off as his arms wrapped around me. I looked down only seeing nothing and sighed, wary. “I would never choose this, Abel.” I motioned with my hands. “I want to be loved, truly, wholly, fully. Real, honest to God, love.” I looked down to where I could feel the gentle touch of his arms. “A love that I can see.” I thought for a moment. “All the time.”

Ah, but can you really? Love is like God, always present, yet intangible all the same.

“Oh, stop talking in riddles. You know what I mean, I know you do. I want to have a chance at a real life with someone.” I turned around and looked up where I thought his face should be. “And how can I do that when I love you? My soul may have said once it didn’t care about families and romantic entanglements, or whatever, but I do care.”

Ever slowly, his face appeared in front of me, seemingly solid and he held my face in his hands.
Krystal, I will not stand in your way to love others. That’s the magnanimous state of love, there is always enough to go around.

“What? You’re giving me your blessing to screw around with other guys?” My voice was incredulous. “That’s just wrong!”

Jealously is a human emotion and one of lower level entities. I have risen above jealously lifetimes ago as have you. In fact, if it makes you feel any better, you used to practically throw women my way when you were my guide.

My mouth fell open, but nothing would come out. The world began to spin and suddenly the late October chill overwhelmed me. I staggered over to the closest rocking chair and fell into it, rocking precariously forward and back. I took in the ever fading light around me.

“I’ve gotta get home. Gotta get home,” I mumbled in my state of overload. What was I was supposed to do again? I tried to force my brain to remember. The leaves, oh yeah.

Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it.
Abel breathed deeply and released his air, and it whooshed all around me.

I watched as leaves and dirt flew from the old porch. I felt so disconnected from my surroundings, as if I were watching a movie on T.V. “Um. Thanks.”

Abel furrowed his brow.
Can you walk to your car?

“Huh?” I glanced over to the driveway. The white Buick sat smack in the center. I must have driven over.

I stumbled out of the rocking chair and probably would have fallen down the front steps if Abel hadn’t been steadying me. He opened the car door and dutifully I sat in the driver’s seat waiting.

Hmmmmm. I think it would be safer for me to drive.

I started to scoot over to the passenger seat.

No, no. Just stay where you are.

The key turned in the ignition and the white beast roared to life. I watched in childlike fascination as the wheel turned as we did a three point turn. We rolled down the gravel drive. Slowly. I looked out the windows.

Can you face forward so it at least looks like you’re driving?

Within moments, we were turning down my mom’s driveway next door. I checked the speedometer. We were trucking away at little over 5 Mph. “Oh, you speed demon,” I laughed, the giggles becoming close to hysterical in my current mental state.

Forgive me,
his sarcasm bleeding through.
It’s been quite a while since I’ve driven.

Now listen carefully to me
, he said as we pulled in front of the sagging trailer.
Don’t speak to me while your mother is present. If you need to, send me your thoughts instead. Your mom is looking out of the kitchen window, and has been waiting for you to come home.
He was silent as I gathered my phone and wallet.
You should probably tell her you’re not feeling well. Eat if you can, you need the grounding.

I opened the car door, slamming it behind me. “Oopsey,” I giggled when it was much louder than I expected.