The Space Between Us (30 page)

   The rose
s were all different shades of yellow – light yellow like you might find in a baby’s nursery, buttery yellow, darker shades that remind me of sunlight; they were all beautiful.  I spotted a card mixed in with the flowers and pulled it out.

  
Dear Charlie,

Despite everything that’s happened between us, I cannot forget that at first, in the very beginning, we were friends.  Best friends. 
Yellow roses signify friendship and I very much still want to be friends with you.  Please don’t push me away. 

My mom and dad are having a dinner tonight and
I would like for you to come.  Reeve and her family will be there.  My mom would love to see you, as would I. Please consider coming.  Six pm.  You know the place.

~Asher

   Perhaps it was the full night’s sleep or the fact that, in the end, I could always use a true friend, but I found myself softening to his invitation.  I could be friends with him, couldn’t I?  Besides the appeal of having him back in my life, in any capacity, the idea of seeing his parents, especially his mother, made my heart clench a little.  I could use a little Mrs. Carmichael love at the moment.

   I grabbed my cell phone and called Reeve. 

   “Hey, how are you?”  She answered.  I could hear her children in the background, her house filled with sounds of happy and loud kids.

   “Better, thanks.”  I pause
d, wondering how to best broach the topic.  “So you spoke with Asher?”

   “Yeah.  A few times.  He is worried about you.  We all are.”

   “Are you going to dinner at the Carmichael’s tonight?”

  
“Are you?”  She retorted.

   “I want to.  But I don’t think I can go alone.”

  “Well, you won’t have to.  Riley, the kids, and I will be there.”

   I smiled hearing that, glad that I hadn’t pushed Reeve so far away that she was completely out of reach.

   “What are you going to wear?  I didn’t bring anything that doesn’t scream “I’m in mourning”.

   “Sounds like you need to go shopping.  I’ll be there in an hour!”  I heard the line go dead and I knew that in sixty minutes or less Reeve would be here to help me.  I smiled, my mood lightened by how even though things were so drastically different than they were in college, some things were s
till the same.  It was remarkably comforting.

Chapter Ten

Charlie

   Reeve and I sifted through a few racks at a boutique downtown.  Turns out that Reeve’s husband, Riley, was home on vacation and Reeve was looking for the perfect reason to get out of her house.  Who’d have thought that being home with your husband and children could be
stressful?  She showed up to my dad’s house with two coffee drinks, a smile, and an excitement she attributed to being “child-free” and given a valid reason to shop.  I was more than happy to supply her a reason to escape her house.

   “So what’s it like living the exciting life in New York City?”  Reeve asked with sparkling eyes. 

   I shrugged my shoulders.  “It’s different.  Exciting.  Fast.  But it’s also normal and boring.  I don’t know; you get used to it I suppose.”

   “Do you see many famous people?”

   “I spend a lot of time in my studio, drawing.  But a few smaller celebrities have come to my shows before.  No one huge though.”  I found it funny that she was so enraptured by my life.  To me, my life back in NYC was a bandage.  Something I used to cover up my painful past.  I didn’t really enjoy being there, but it was better than being here.  Well, it used to be, anyway.

   “That’s really great that you’ve been able to do your art in New York.  You are so talented.  Once I graduated from college I just took the first job I was offered.” She shrugged her shoulders, like it was something she’d thought about before but decided it wasn’t worth
the effort to worry about it.

   “Where do you work?”  I asked, casually flipping through some dresses, trying to hide my shame that I didn’t even know what Reeve did for a living, let alone what she’d ended up ge
tting her degree in.  I was a terrible friend.

   “Well, I started working for a PR firm.  You know, started at the bottom and was trying to work my way up when I met Riley.  We dated for three years before we got married and when I had Chey, I decided to be a stay-at-home mom.”

   “Chey?  That’s an interesting name.”

   “It’s short for Cheyanne,” she said with a smile, thinking fondly of her oldest.  It was a dreamy look that obviously alluded to the deep and immeasurable love Reeve had for her.
  “Cheyanne is three and Ryder, my son, is just one.”

   “Well, I’ll be really glad to meet them tonight,” I said.  My thoughts drifted to the children I would have had by now.  My twins would be almost old enough to babysit Reeve’s children.  If I had a daughter she would be here, shopping with us, looking through these racks with an
eagerness only a preteen could muster.  Would the twins have been it?  Would there have been more?  If Asher and I had stayed together, would there be more children?

   “Hey,
Charlie, we don’t have to talk about kids,” Reeve said with concern lacing her voice.

   I exhaled loudly, both glad and sorry that Reeve could read my thoughts.  There was no reason she needed to worry about me and she definitely shouldn’t feel bad for talking about her children.

   “I’m sorry.  Honestly, I try really hard not to think about kids.  But being here, in Willow Falls, it sometimes sneaks up on me.”

   “That’s understandable.  Being around Asher probably makes you think about a lot of things you’ve tried hard to forget.”  I looked up at her, meeting her eyes, and tried to remember a time when she had been this insightful.  Reeve was a great friend all through school, and had always been able to see things that I couldn’t or didn’t want to.  I don’t know why I was so surprised now.

   I nodded, not sure what words would be suitable at that moment.

   “You don’t have to pretend to be ok with me, Charlie. I feel like you’ve spent a lot of time in the last decade trying to act like everything was fine.  And if you continue to do that, I’ll let you.  But you don’t have to with me.  I understand.”  I looked up at her again and she was wearing a sad smile.  Not full of pity or sorrow, but like she wanted so badly for me to reach out to her.  “Don’t forget
, Charlie, there was a time in my life where I felt so very alone and if you hadn’t been there for me I don’t know if I would have gotten through it.  Please don’t push me away anymore.”

   I took in her words, knowing they were true and heartfelt. 
I pushed everyone away and in that process I lost my father long before he died.  If I hadn’t been so distant, if I had let other people in on my sadness, let other people help me, I might have been able to really have a relationship with him before he passed.  That was the truth of the matter.  I wasn’t a nineteen-year-old girl anymore.  It was time to stop shutting people out, because soon enough, I would be more alone than I could imagine.

   “My kids would have
called you Auntie Reeve,” I said as I looked back down at a dress on the rack.  “Sometimes, like now, I wonder if I would have had a girl if she would have liked shopping.  I wonder if she would have been here with us, right now, looking at dresses and jewelry, asking me if she could get every cute thing she encountered.”

   “She probably would be more like you,” Reeve replied.  “A healthy and balanced girl who likes art, boys, playing in creeks and her parents.”  The smile on Reeve’s face was warm and sincere.

   “Perhaps,” was all I said in response.  I felt like there was nothing left to say.  I liked the picture we had painted of my angel baby.

   “Oh, Charlie, this dress is perfect.  Not too dressy, cute, but totally sexy.”  She held up a cotton maxi dress, a coral color with an empire waist with a turquoise belt.  She turned the hanger around and I caught the ‘sexy’ part.  The
back of the dress from the waist up was a sheer and delicate lace.  I could easily cover it with a jacket if I wanted to, but it was very feminine and pretty.  “Let’s try it on,” she said and walked back towards the dressing rooms. 

  
I came out of the dressing room and Reeve’s eyes lit up.

   “Yes, Charlie
.  You have to buy this.  It’s gorgeous.  The coral color is really pretty against your tan skin and dark hair.  It’s beautiful.”

   I turn
ed to show her the back which was my favorite part.  “I’ll need a strapless bra,” I said.  Reeve flipped her hand in the air as if to say, ‘No problem’.  “It is really pretty though.”

  
“Asher will love it,” Reeve said, not looking me in the eye anymore.

   “I’m not trying to impress Asher.”

   “Of course not, but it never hurts to look good around your ex-boyfriend.”  I shot her a glare.  I wasn’t sure how I liked the idea of Asher being my ex-boyfriend.  I didn’t like that title for him.  He was so much more than just a boyfriend back then.  He was the love of my life, the person I was supposed to spend forever with.  And even so, now he wasn’t just an ex, now he wanted to be my friend.  That trumped the ex-boyfriend status anyway.  “Are you ever planning on telling him what you saw that day?”

   H
er question caught me off-guard, it made my heart pump furiously in my chest.

   “No.” 

   “Why not?”

   “What difference would it make?  What happened, happened.  There isn’t anything we can do to change things, Reeve.  Bringing up the past, throwing that in his face, it wouldn’t help anyone.”

   “Talking to him about it might make
you
feel better.  I’m not worried about him.  I think talking about it would help you.”

   “No.  It’s not worth it.  It would just cause problems.”

   “I asked him about it,” Reeve stated.  She calmly just dropped a bomb, like she’d confessed to eating the last piece of pizza or something.

   “Please tell me you didn’t,” I begged.  I knew she had though.  Sh
e always prodded and poked and made people uncomfortable, even if she was just trying to help and do what she thought was right.

   “I d
idn’t tell him you’d seen him.  He doesn’t know anything about it.  I just asked him if he was with anyone while you were pregnant, if he’d cheated on you.”

  
I froze.  I couldn’t understand why she would have asked him that, especially since all of us knew the answer to the question.  I turned quickly and went back into the dressing room, peeling the dress off my body, trying to get it off of me so I could get dressed and leave.  I wasn’t comfortable talking about this.  I hadn’t anticipated this conversation and I wasn’t prepared to have it here, with her.

   “Charlie, I’m sorry,” she said from the other side of the thin drape separating us.  “I was so mad at him for what he did to you back then.  I’ve been angry at him for years.  For abandoning you, for screwing that other girl, for not being ther
e for you through everything, for taking my best friend from me.”  She went silent and I stood there, staring at my feet, contemplating her words.

  
She’d lost a lot that day too. I had to take that into consideration.  I put on my clothes and opened the drape.  I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me.

   “I’m sorry I’ve been gone for so long,” I whispered into her hair.  “I’m sorry I’ve been absent
, that I’ve been a terrible friend.  I can’t apologize enough.”

   “You’re forgiven, as long as you promise not to leave me again.”  She pulled away and wiped a tear from her cheek, laughing a little as she exhaled.  “There’s something else, Charlie.”

   Of course there was. 

   “What is it?”  I asked hesitantly.

   “He said he didn’t do it.”

   “What do you mean?”

   “I mean, I asked him if he’d slept with anyone and he said no.  He was actually a little offended that I even asked him.  He seemed really sincere.”

   “Reeve, I
saw
him with her.”  Instantly my mind flashed the image of that girl on top of him.  I closed my eyes, trying to block it out, but it’s impossible to escape your own mind.  “It doesn’t matter what he said, I saw him with her.  You can’t argue with that.”

   “Why would he lie to me about it?”

   “Why not!  He probably feels like shit for what he did, knowing what happened.  Anyone would lie about that.  He doesn’t know I saw him, Reeve.  He doesn’t know about any of it.  Please, promise me you won’t say anything else to him about it.”

  
“I won’t.  I promise.  But I still think you should say something to him.  Talk to him about it.  It might help you.”

  
My lungs started to constrict, my chest squeezing me too tight.  I couldn’t have that conversation with him.  I didn’t want to listen to him justify sleeping with her, telling me why I wasn’t enough.  I couldn’t.  There was no need.  I could imagine everything he would say and that was torture enough for me.

   “Can we just buy this dress and then look for a bra?”  I pleaded with her silently to let the topic drop.  She looked right into my eyes for a few moments, seemingly trying to figure out how much she wanted to push me.  Eventually, the corners of her mouth turned up slightly and I could tell she was letting it drop.

   “Sure.  I know the perfect place.”