The Space Between Us (20 page)

  
“Oh, God!” I screamed as my legs came to wrap around his head.  He never wavered, just kept working me while my orgasm rolled through me, wreaking havoc on my body.  My legs compressed around his head, my hands gripped his hair, and I lost all sense of self as I used his body to bring pleasure to mine.

   Eventually my body calmed and yet he still kissed and nuzzled my sex.  “I’ve been waiting for a month to watch you come apart, Bit.”  He said, placing one last tender kiss again my core. 
“That was a fucking awesome front row seat.”  He moved up my body, trailing kisses up between my breasts.  He leaned in to place a kiss on my mouth and I turned, offering him my cheek instead.  “What’s the matter?”  He asked, pulling away to see my face.

   “Nothing,”
I said as I ran my hands through his hair, trying to distract him.

   “You don’t want me to kiss you?”  He sounded hurt.

   “No!  I do.  You’re just all…” I motioned with my hand and waved it in front of his face.  “Covered in me.”

   “You don’t want to taste yourself?”  He asked, curiously.  I tried very hard to keep my face from wrinkling up.

   “No, thank you.”

   “You taste amazing,” he said with a smile.  I appreciated what he said, but I didn’t necessarily believe him.  And I didn’t want to find out if he was telling the truth.

   “I’m sorry.  I can’t.”

   “I get it,” he said, shrugging.  “But honestly, one day, I would really like to see you try it.  For me.”
  I gave an awkward smile, slightly uncomfortable with the whole idea.

   “You think it would do something for you to watch me taste myself?”
  I said as I tried not to let my feelings show through my face.  He pushed a lock of my hair that came loose behind my ear and gave me a lopsided grin.  He shrugged his shoulders.  “Why?”  I was honestly curious at this point.  Thinking about the roles being reverse, having him taste himself, did nothing for me, besides gross me out a little.

   “I don’t know, Babe.  It just would.  I don’t want to think about it if it’s not gonna happen.”

   “Ok,” I said. 

   “Tell you what,” he said as he cupped my face.  I could see him resisting the urge to lean forward and kiss me.  “Why don’t you go fill that tub up, pour in something girly, an
d I will brush my teeth and then come join you.”  I didn’t feel right to walk away from him at that moment.  Something was off between us.  After the spectacularly intimate moment we had just shared, an invisible wall had just as quickly been built between us.  He wanted something that I couldn’t give him, or rather, wouldn’t.

   I moved forward to wrap my arms around his neck and kissed him behind his ear.  “I’m sorry,” I whispered.
  He groaned and pulled away.

   “Don’t.  Don’t apologize.  You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.”

   “I’m not sorry for not kissing you.  I’m sorry for the way we feel right now.  How it feels in this room.  I’ve never said no to you before.  I don’t like the way it’s making me feel.”

   “How do you feel?”  He stepped away from me fully.  The two feet between us felt like twenty to me.

   “I feel like I want to make you happy.  I want to please you,” I said, ending on a whisper.

  
“You do make me happy.  You do please me.”

   “I want to
do
things for you,” I said, trying to imply meaning.

   “Stop dancing around your feelings, Bit.  Tell me.”

   “If there’s something you want,
sexually
, I want to give it to you.  I want to be enough for you.” 

   “Babe, you’re more than enough for me.  I don’t need anything else from you.  Forget I said anything.  I had never even thought about it until just now.  Kissin
g you after going down on you is not a deal breaker, it’s just something that crossed my mind as sexy.  Don’t let it bother you.  Besides, we’re both going to have boundaries.  You can’t give me something you’re not comfortable with because you’re afraid of disappointing me.  I don’t want it then.  I want whatever you’re comfortable giving me.”

   “I don’t like this,” I said, looking down at my feet.

   “What?”

   “This!” I motion
ed between us, at the distance.  “I don’t like feeling like there’s this
thing
between us.  I’ve never felt this before.  I don’t want anything to come between us.”  I watched as he stripped his pants and boxer briefs off, now naked in front of me.  He walked towards me and pulled me into his arms, wrapping himself so fully and so completely around me, I found it a little difficult to take a full breath.

   “There,” he said quietly.  “Now there’s nothing between us except for a little bit of residual sweat from ou
r earlier exploits,” he whispered in my ear, trying to make me smile.  I let myself feel him pressed against me and I tried to let the tension go.  I tried to
feel
him, remind myself who we were together, tried to convince myself that this wasn’t a big deal.  And really, it wasn’t.  I was not totally concerned that he didn’t get to kiss me.  I was really hung up on the idea of something coming between us.  The idea of anything coming between us, that scared me.  “I love you.”  I knew he loved me.  I could always feel his love.

  
“I love you too,” I responded honestly.

   “Can we take a bath now?”

   “Yes,” I said with a small laugh.  And we did.  We bathed for hours, refilling the tub when the water got cold.  We ordered room service and talked, covering all the details emails and phone calls forced us to leave out.   We made love and I tried so hard to be everything he needed.

Chapter Six

   “Happy birthday, Bit.”  I hear
d the words in my ear and felt his hands roaming my naked body as I lay in bed next to him.  Asher.  I was with Asher on my birthday.  This never happened before.  We were always separated and I’ve had to accept just hearing his voice over the phone wishing me a happy birthday.  I opened my eyes and saw his face laying on my pillow, facing me, just inches away.

   “Hi,” I squeak
ed, still sleepy.

   “How does it feel to be nineteen?”

   “It feels early,” I said as I stretched. 

   “We’ve got a lot to do today.  So, you take a shower and I’ll order breakfast.”

   “We have to get up?”

  
“Busy day,” he said and swatted my naked butt.

  
He wasn’t kidding either.  We ran from one activity to another and he made sure to include my favorites along the way:  I got my coffee, he took me to an art supply store and let me browse as long as I wanted, and he even took me to a book store.  Towards the end of the day we walked down the street hand-in-hand when he stopped in front of a door and motioned for me to go in.  I looked up and saw the word TATTOO painted on the window.

   “Tattoos?”  I asked, panicked. 

  “Well, you don’t have to get one, but I’m going to.”

   “Really?”

   “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it ever since I turned eighteen.”

   “I don’t get it.  This is supposed to be my birthday, why are we getting you a tattoo?”

   He kissed me quickly and pulled away smiling.  “Because my tattoo is going to be your name.”  My eyebrows shot up and I shook my head.

   “Asher, no.  No, no no, no, no, no.  You can’t.  No.”  My head
shook quickly back and forth, my hair flailing around behind me and I unconsciously took a few steps backwards.

   “Yes.  Listen, I
’ve given this a lot of thought and I want to do it.  You can either come in here and keep me company or you can take a cab back to the hotel, but I really want you with me.”  I looked back and forth between Asher and the door to the tattoo parlor.

   “Can you get something else besides my name?”

   “No.”

   “Is there anything I can say to change your mind?  This is a little crazy.”

   “What’s crazy about it?”

   “It’s permanent, Asher.”

   “So are we.”

   There was nothing else to say. Even if I didn’t think it was a good idea, I couldn’t argue with that.  Didn’t want to.
  I was impressed, however, with how prepared he was.  It did seem like he’d spent a lot of time thinking about the decision.  He had a drawing with him that outlined exactly what he wanted, he knew where he wanted it, and there was no talking him out of it.

  
I watched as they prepped his arm, the spot right below his elbow on the backside.  I watched as they placed the stencil and he stood up to look in the mirror, approving its placement.  He showed it to me and asked, “How’s it look?”  He was so excited.  All I could do was smile.  I watched as he flinched when the needle dug into his skin, moving so quickly in and out you couldn’t see it move, just heard the incessant buzzing.  He put on a brave face, but I could tell at some points it really hurt him.  It took about an hour and a half, but when all was said and done “Bit” was scrawled down his arm in a masculine yet flowery script.

   “I love it,” he said, moving in front of the mirror to examine it from all angles.  I stood behind him and when he lowered his arm naturally, I could see my name, clear as day, etched permanently on his skin.

   “You’re crazy,” I said under my breath.  He heard me, of course, and we smiled at each other.

   “You don’t think you’d ever get my name tattooed on you?”

   I shook my head.  “No, probably not.”

   “Why?”

   “I don’t think I need a reason for
not
getting a tattoo.  I still think you need a reason for the tattoo you just got.”

   “Why is it so hard for you to understand?  This tattoo?  It will last for as long as I live.  When I die, this tattoo will still be on my skin, still be a part of me.  But eventually, I will be gone, the
tattoo will be gone, and you will be gone too.  But, us? 
We
will never be gone.  We’re forever.  Infinite.  So whether I get your name tattooed on me or not, it makes no difference.  This ink, it’s permanent, but it’s nothing compared to how I feel about you.”

  
I pulled him to me so that our lips were almost touching.  “I think you’re crazy for doing this, but I love you.”

   “That’s all I need, Bit.  I love you too.”

   The next two days went by too quickly.  I met Asher’s grandparents when we went to the farm and, although they were nice, they weren’t much company.  While Asher was out working the fields, or whatever he did the entire day he was gone, I spent a lot of time trying to draw the landscape around me.  Thank goodness Reeve had thought to pack my drawing supplies.  I wasn’t a city girl, but I wasn’t used to being in such a rural setting either.  I tried perfecting my trees, worked on getting the shading of the wheat fields just right.

   The last
night of my visit Asher found me in the hay loft of the barn, where I had befriended the barn cat.  This beastly cat must have made many meals of mice because he was massive.  I couldn’t even fathom how he’d made it up to the second story of the barn. He rubbed vigorously against my ankle, his pink, wet nose seeking out any part of me that he could accost.

   “Bit, you up there?”

   “Yeah.  I’m hanging out with the cat.”

   I saw Asher’s face appear as he climbed up the ladder to sit next to me.
“Ah ha, you’ve met Sir Mouse-A-Lot.”  I giggled loudly.

   “That’s not really his name.”

   “Indeed.  He is the best mouser in these parts.  That’s why he’s so fat.”

   “How was your day?”  I asked, looking over at him.  His cheeks were pink as if he’d been in the sun too long.  I looked over the rest of him and it seemed like his cheeks took the brunt of the sunlight.

   “Long.  I just kept thinking about how you’re leaving tomorrow.”

   I scooted closer to him and rested my head on his shoulder.  “Thank you for flying me out here.  I had a really good time.  Best birthday ever.”

   “I wish you could stay.”

   I sighed.  “Honestly, I’d love to spend the summer with you, Asher.  But there’s nothing for me to do here.”

   “You could draw.”

   I looked over at him and took a moment to think about what he was saying.  Asher had his moments of insecurity, just like any guy, and sometimes he
just wanted me near him, especially when it felt like it wasn’t an option.  “I could draw, but eventually I would get tired of drawing.  My dad would miss me and I feel like Reeve still needs someone around to keep her spirits up.”  I reached over and wrapped my hand around the back of his neck, urging him to look at me.  “We’ve spent every summer apart, and even though I miss you like crazy, the best part of the summer is always the day you come back.”  I started playing with the hair on the back of his neck, liking the way it was still damp from sweat.

   “I guess you’re right,” he said, wiping his hands over his face.  He stopped and looked over at me, his gray eyes dim and a little bit sad.  “But I’m still going to miss you.”

   “I’m going to miss you too, Asher.  But I’m here right now.”  In that moment I think we both realized that we had only hours left together and that there were ways to show each other how much the other would be missed.  I pulled his mouth to mine and climbed over his lap to straddle him.  His hands came to rest on my backside and I trailed my hands up and down his chest, pouring everything into our kiss.  I used my teeth to gently tug his bottom lip and won a low and rumbling groan from him, making my heart beat faster.

   “I want you, Bit.  Right here.”

   “I’m all yours, Babe.”  He wrapped one arm around my waist and rolled so I was under him.  His mouth nibbled on my neck as his hands moved to unbutton my jean shorts.  I pulled up on the back of his shirt, yanking it over his head.  His mouth returned to my neck, but made its way down my body swiftly.  He pulled down my shorts and panties and I lifted my hips to allow him to remove them completely.  I quickly sat up and took my shirt and bra off, watching as he removed his pants. 

   Once we were both naked he dove back to me, laying me down on the hay.  Any other time of my life I would have complained about the scratchy hay underneath my bare skin, but in this moment I simply did not care.  All th
at mattered was the connection we were trying to make with one another.

   He covered my body with his own, blanketing me with his skin still warm from all the hard work he’d done that day.
  His made trails of kisses along my skin, moving from my mouth, to my neck, to my shoulder and back again.  His hand moved to cup my sex, his fingers parting me and slipping inside.  My back arched off the floor and I whimpered into his mouth as his fingers worked me.

   “I love the way you respond to me, Bit.”  He lowered his mouth to my breast and the combination of his mouth teasing my nipple and his fingers stroking me from the inside did nothing to calm the storm raging inside me.  He was adding fuel to the fire.  I heard his voice, but he sounded far away; I was lost in a new reality where all that mattered were our bodies and
how we made each other feel.  “I know every button to push and how to push it.  I’ve mastered your body and there’s not another person on the planet who could play you like I can.”

   I reached between us and felt him, hot and throbbing, between us.  I ran my hand up and down along his shaft and watched as he lost his concentration.  His mouth fell from my breast and his fingers eased their ministrations.  He wasn’t the only one who could bring pleasure.  I loved watching him give in to the sensations, dropping all pretense and just
feeling
.  His face fell to rest in the crook of my neck and I kissed along his shoulder while I worked him between my legs.

   “I love you, Asher.  And I love how turne
d on you get when I touch you.”  He groaned as I used my thumb to swirl the tip of his head, spreading around the drop of pre-cum that had accumulated.

   “Please,” he rasped.  “I want to be inside you.”  I tilted my hips up and guided his tip into me.  Then I felt his instincts kick in and he took control.
  At first he took long and slow drags through me, tilting his hips, fully burying himself into me with every stroke.  I matched his rhythm and opened up for him, giving him access to the deepest parts of me. His thrusts matched his kisses and our bodies fell into a kind of synchronicity that made every fiber of my soul fall even deeper into love with him.  This was so much more than just a physical connection.  Every touch he gifted me with was one of love.

   Eventually, he manipulated my body so that my legs were both folded to the side, and the new angle of penetration left me gasping for air, and grasping his arms, praying for the release that was
hiding just out of reach.  “Oh god, Asher,” I moaned.  This position brought his body closer to mine, and the way I was twisted at my stomach intensified every thrust and I feared I might explode.  I’d never been this high before, never felt this kind of pressure.  “Please.”  I didn’t know what I was asking for.  Relief?  More?  An End?  I was at the mercy of my body and him.

   “Tell me,” he said.  I was confused.  Tell him what?  “Tell me that you’ll always be mine.  Say it.  I
need to hear it.”  He moved faster and I felt my impending orgasm inching closer.  I was afraid of what would happen when I finally reached that point, afraid I couldn’t handle the kind of pleasure I was building towards.

   “We belong to each other, Asher.  I’ll never be anyone’s but yours.  And you’ll always be mine.”

   He moved me again so that my knees were bent and my feet were resting on his chest.  He surged forward and I cried out as my release pounded through me.  He continued to thrust as I came around him, my core clenching deliciously around his cock, everything inside of me liquefying.  I’d never felt this kind of physical release.  His movements just prolonged my orgasm and I struggled to breathe through it.  My hands were in my hair, my back arched, every other part of me trembling.

   “I can feel you, Bit.  I can feel you coming
.  It’s amazing.  It’s so... oh my God…”  He thrust a few more times and I heard him finally give into his pleasure.  I was still reeling and I feared I might never return to normal.  I was altered.  Moved.  Split apart and put back together differently.

   He finally collapsed on top of me, our sweaty bodies sticking to each other, o
ur breathing rapid and intense.  It took a few minutes before I was ready to come back to my senses.  I realized I was lightly grazing my fingers along his spine, content to just be in the moment with him.  I felt him pull away from me and saw his eyes come to rest right in front of mine, his face just inches away.

   “That was
amazing,” he whispered.  I bit down on my bottom lip and nodded in agreement.  “You’re amazing.”  He pressed his lips against mine and we melted together.  There was no urgency or lust in this kiss.  It was simply loving.  “I’m going to miss you.”