The Sound of Consequence (Puget Sound ~ Alive With Love Book 1) (25 page)

“Thank you, Stacie, I know some of that must have been difficult.” Dr. Kam explained the extent of the trauma to her brain. “I can’t be sure if the swelling and bleeding are directly related. The bleeding could have started today when you collapsed or it could be a result of the swelling. That swelling is most likely the cause of your headaches and probably what caused your loss of inhibition and the impulsive behavior,” he continued.

Although that was a bit of a relief, she was still concerned that she’d been drawn to Owen because of the accident and not because of her heart. Just her luck. She finally decided to trust herself, and her brain got in the way.

The doctor continued to drawl on about swelling being common with head injuries, and that it can sometimes be delayed, which was why her doctor in Maine had scheduled the follow up CT scan.

“Unfortunately, surgery is the only way to relieve the swelling and to stop the bleeding,” Dr Kam was saying, just as she was beginning to tune him out.  “We need to do it soon to prevent further damage, but the good news is that it will immediately alleviate the other symptoms you’re experiencing.”

“How soon is soon?” she asked, surprised at how quickly things seemed to be moving.

“Well, the new symptoms are an indication that the damage is progressing. Dizziness and loss of consciousness are typically a prelude to seizures.” Dr. Kam said, dropping the matter-of-fact doctor tone and sounding more concerned.

“What about the nightmares?” Owen asked, wanting to know how they were related.

“That could be a result of memories of the accident surfacing. Nightmares are common with post-traumatic stress. After you recover from surgery, I recommend therapy to help cope with the emotional trauma of the accident.” Without missing a beat, he scratched something on her chart then looked at her. “I can schedule you for surgery tomorrow.”

That was a bit of a shock. Surgery tomorrow. Brain surgery. Tomorrow.

Stacie wanted the headaches to stop. The thought of her skull being cut open to alleviate swelling and stop the bleeding scared the bejeezes out of her. She had never even had her wisdom teeth removed. Now she was going to have brain surgery. Tomorrow.

“What are the risks?” she asked, trying to sound intelligent, but really just delaying her decision.

“Risks with the surgery are minimal compared to the risks associated with not having the surgery. Because it’s the frontal lobe, you could experience some memory loss. In most patients, any loss of memory is temporary. Only a small percentage have permanent memory loss.”

“And the crazy behavior will stop?” she asked, not really sure that she wanted it to.

“Yes. You should regain your normal behavior.”

Stacie recalled what her normal behavior was and shook her head. She couldn’t go back to letting everyone control her life and living up to everyone’s expectations. She was on the road to becoming her own person, living her dream, making her own decisions. Normal wasn’t where she wanted to be.

“And if I don’t have the surgery?”

“The swelling will cause damage to your brain, which will cause other functions of your body to shut down and eventually you’ll die.”

Wow, he really cut to the chase. Stacie paused for a long time, pondering everything Dr. Kam had just told her.

“Umm, can you give me a little time to think.”

“Of course, but I can’t hold the OR indefinitely, so you’ll need to make your decision soon if you choose to have the surgery tomorrow. And I do recommend that you have the surgery tomorrow. I’ll also respect your decision if you decide to seek a second opinion. After looking at the results of your CT, any reputable neurologist will recommend the surgery as soon as possible.” Dr. Kam swept his white coat aside as he turned to leave and Stacie wondered if he was a brilliant doctor or if he had a superhero complex. He probably had a great big S for Super Surgeon tattooed on his chest.

Jenny was the first to offer a second opinion. “Stace, I think you should have the surgery. This is serious. You don’t want to mess around with something like this. Harborview is a good hospital, very reputable doctors. I don’t think this guy is just trying to get you under his knife.”

Although Stacie recognized that Jenny was right, she was scared. What if she lost her memory? What if she couldn’t remember Owen? Or how to paint? Or why she had come to Seattle? What if she went back to her “normal” ways?

Oh, Gatsby, and what about Audrey? Stacie wanted to do the right thing for her parents, and for her friend. “Jenny, I need to sign those papers that Audrey’s parents sent. Can you go back to the condo and get them? They’re on the desk in my room.”

Jenny nodded and left quickly, like there was a fire in the room. Or maybe she recognized Stacie’s ulterior motive, to talk to Owen. She hated to hurt him, but she could hardly expect a man she had only known for a couple weeks to stand beside her during brain surgery. It was incredibly selfish of her to want him there, so she had to do the right thing when it came to him too. It was only fair to give him an out.

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“Baby, you have nothing to be sorry about.” Owen kissed her temple and she felt that spark she always did when he touched her. There was such electricity between them, such passion. What if it was lost after they fixed her head?

“I know I screwed things up between us. And this,” she pointed at her head, “this isn’t what you need in your life.”

“Baby, you are exactly what I need in my life. If you’re trying to get rid of me, it’s not going to work. I’ll be here with you until you go into surgery and I’ll be here waiting for you when you come out.”

“You don’t have to.”

Owen caressed her cheek, the warmth from his touch offering a comfort that she didn’t want to let go of. “I want to,” he said.

Stacie relaxed as he stroked her cheek, her lids closing as she remembered their night on the beach. Then an image of that beautiful woman with the dark hair and stunning smile passed through her mind. Stacie’s eyes snapped open.

“Owen, I have to ask you something and no matter what the answer is, I need you to be honest.”

“What is it?”

“Were you with someone last night?”

“I was with my sister.”

Stacie laughed. His sister. Of course. Now that she thought about, the woman looked a lot like Owen.

“What’s so funny?” Owen asked.

“It’s silly.”

“Tell me,” he insisted.

Stacie had kept enough secrets from him. It was only fair to tell him what she’d assumed. “I saw her leave your place this morning and I just thought—” she couldn’t finish the sentence.

“You thought I’d slept with her.”

Stacie nodded, feeling bad about her assumption. She was relieved to know he hadn’t moved on so quickly.

“I don’t normally jump into bed so quickly with a woman. What we have, it’s a first for me.”

“For me too,” Stacie admitted, not just to the sex, but also to the way she felt about the man holding her hand.

“I’ve got some things to tell you. My past isn’t pretty. I want you to know. Everything.”

“OK,” Stacie said, unsure if she really wanted to know everything. There were things she definitely wanted to know, like about his daughter. She wasn’t sure she could handle the truth if it was something horrible. She would, however, give him the benefit of the doubt.

“When I was a senior in high school, I got my girlfriend pregnant.” His voice cracked with the emotion he was so obviously trying to control. “My dad was a bastard. He beat my mom. Threatened us kids. Never did a noble thing in his life. I refused to be like him. When Daphne got pregnant, I stepped up to be the man. I married her and joined the army.”

Owen explained that he’d been planning to join the army anyway, just to get out of Lafayette, but it seemed more urgent after Daphne got pregnant. His uncle was in the army and Owen had spent a summer with him at an army base in Arizona. Owen knew from his uncle how well families were taken care of. They were provided a home on or near the base and Owen would have a job with a steady paycheck and full medical coverage for the family.

“I was stationed in upstate New York, at Ft. Drum, and my unit deployed to Iraq for a year. When I got back, Daphne was pregnant again. Seven months pregnant. The baby wasn’t mine.” Owen shook his head, like he couldn’t believe the story he was telling. “I was humiliated. Angry. There were plenty of opportunities for me to be unfaithful in Iraq. I was married and I wanted to believe that we were happy, so I never cheated. Anyway, we fought. I left. Got drunk. Really drunk. Too drunk.”

Owen let go of Stacie and raked his hands through his hair, the pain of his ex-wife’s betrayal narrowing his eyes, making him roll his lips in as though he was biting back the pain. 

“When I got back, she begged me to forgive her. Not because she’d done anything wrong with the second pregnancy, but because it was all my fault. I’d gotten her pregnant, dragged her to three different states in as many years. She refused to raise two children on her own and if I wanted to see my daughter, I was going to have to be the understanding husband.”

Stacie reached out for his hand. He flinched at the contact, then seemed to relax a little as he accepted her hold. Riddled with guilt, Stacie wanted to tell him to stop, that he didn’t owe her an explanation, that he didn’t have to relive this pain. Somehow, she felt like he needed this, needed someone to understand what he’d been through.

“I’m not sure what happened, because I was drunk, but Daphne grabbed onto me and I pushed her back. She stumbled and fell over an ottoman.” Owen flexed his neck, his head falling back onto his shoulders. For the longest time he just stared straight up at the ceiling. “She didn’t get hurt, but the fall was traumatic enough that it sent her into labor, two months early.

“The medics arrived and before I could tell them what happened, Daphne spoke up, took full responsibility. Claimed she was so excited to see me that she lost her footing. And I let her lie for me. I’ve regretted it every day since.

“Fortunately, the baby was fine. So was Daph. She used the incident against me in the divorce. We weren’t happy. I don’t think either one of us wanted to get married. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time.”

Owen sighed, a huge push of air leaving his chest on a rush. “I was just a young, stupid kid, so I agreed to whatever she wanted in the divorce, just to protect myself. For a few years, I didn’t see Hailey at all. Then Daphne started letting me see her once a year. That’s all I get.”

Stacie squeezed his hand. “Owen, I’m so sorry.”

“There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. I should have told you. I just wasn’t sure how you’d handle two divorces and a kid. Most women hear that and run.”

“I have a lot to be sorry about,” Stacie continued. “I’ve betrayed your trust in so many ways. And I have no excuse. I’m just…I’m just so very sorry.”

“Baby,” he said, letting her hand go and pulling her off the bed and onto his lap. “You don’t need to apologize for anything.”

He was so strong and so sweet and Stacie had never felt safer. Her heart had never felt so much love.

“I haven’t been with a lot of women,” he said, pushing her back slightly so he could look into her eyes. “Before Daphne, there was one girl when I was sixteen. And between Daphne and Kristina, I was with one woman. There wasn’t anyone after Kristina until you. I’ve never slept with the server from the pub,” he chuckled. “I just eat there a lot.”

Stacie was too embarrassed to see the humor. She’d had no right to accuse him of anything.

He extended his thumb to her lips, brushing over them gently. A wave of heat moved through Stacie’s body. It was probably really inappropriate to want him the way she did, after he’d just poured his heart out, but all she could think about was his lips on hers, their bodies naked and moving so perfectly the way they always did.

“You’re not just a notch on my belt,” he said. Owen brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it softly.

“Stacie,” he said, pulling only slightly away from her mouth, “I need to say something, and I don’t want to scare you. Hell, if you’re brave enough to have brain surgery, I can be brave too.”

Stacie nodded. After a long pause, Owen brushed the hair back from her face and continued.

“I’ve always wanted a family. I thought I had that with Daphne, but it was just circumstances that kept us together. After Kristina cheated on me, I thought I was broken. What man gets cheated on like that twice? But when I got my feet back on the ground, I decided to give love another try. I wasn’t expecting it to happen quickly. Hell, I’m not even sure that I believed it would happen at all. But it did.”

He paused and kissed her, the kind of kiss that made her heart race with anticipation. “That day in the café, it was like being struck by lightning or Cupid’s arrow, I don’t know, it’s just something I can’t explain. But I can’t not tell you. Baby, I know this sounds crazy, but I am completely in love with you.”

Stacie laughed. Not the in your face you’re crazy kind of laugh, but the nervous, I don’t want to admit it but I felt it too kind of laugh. She was totally wrapped up in the craziness with him.

“Owen,” she said, pausing for a moment to gather her thoughts. “I thought if I didn’t tell you anything about me that I could ignore the way I feel about you. I was with Greg my entire adult life. It was really important that I try being alone for a while. I think what I need isn’t to be alone, it’s to be happy. And every second that I’m with you, I’m happy. I haven’t wanted to admit it, not even to myself.” She took a deep breath and let the words escape. “I love you, too.”