The Songwriter (4 page)

She looked around the warehouse and tried to imagine the stadium
s that they would perform in and felt her legs tremble. If she thought too closely on what she was about to do, her throat closed up and she felt ill. But if she just focused on the here and now… it was kind of fun. She had the best singing teacher money could buy and he was focused exclusively on her.

Someone cleared their throat and Gwen looked around and saw Angie standing with her arms folded on the stage
, crooking her finger. She tried to look aloof but inside she trembled as she ambled over. She waited for Angie to tell her this wasn’t going to work.

“
So,” Angie drawled. “Where the hell you been hiding that voice, girl?”

Gwen
went beet red. Angie was an all-around hard ass and that compliment from her meant the world. Gwen did a little bounce like a twelve year old.

“
Really?”

Angie chewed her bubble gum and popped a bubble before she answered.
“I thought he was nuts when he told me. He’s always had a thing for you. I never understood it but now that I’ve heard you together…” Another bubble pop. “I think I can do something with this.”

Gwen felt
her heart swell so big she couldn’t breathe. Angie held up one finger.

“
But there’s more to a show than finding someone to sing. You need presence, you need to command the audience and make them believe in the story you’re telling. You feel me?”

Trey texted
the crew to come back to the warehouse. Gwen shifted nervously as people filed back in. Alan, the bass player copied Angie below.

“
You can sing?” Alan asked.  

“
Sure as shit,” Angie drawled.

Trey called Gwen back to him
. While the crew and band gossiped about her, she squirmed and tried to look for a place to hide on the flat stage.

“
Okay, let’s take it from the top,” Trey said.

She kept forgetting to hold the microphone in the right
position and Trey corrected her several times throughout the song. When her attention strayed, Trey would invade her space and stroke his hand down her face or use bedroom eyes on her. That made her stumble a bit but she recovered quickly. They “took it from the top” so many times that Gwen lost count. Gwen wanted to bang her head against the wall and she forgot about the people milling around because she was so pissed off that she didn’t care if they watched.

“
I think I know the song, Trey, I kinda freaking wrote it!” she growled.

“
You wrote it and you can sing it, but you’ve never performed it, have you?”

She
was surprised she didn’t break the microphone in half. “That’s what I’m doing right now!”

“
No,” he corrected. “You’re standing in one place onstage and singing as if you’re singing about strangers.”

She glared balefully at him.
“Singing the song two hundred times with
feeling
would put me into a coma.”

“
You think you’re ready to perform?”

“
Yeah.”

Trey clapped his hands together and everyone
stopped.

“
Can everyone gather in front of the stage for a second?” Trey shouted.

Gwen
went rigid as people came out of the woodworks and clustered in front of the stage. Her hands began to sweat and her knees felt weak again. There was now around fifty people staring at her silently, waiting. Trey turned to her, bowed slightly and backed away. She cursed him, took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She remembered to raise the mic to her lips after the first verse. She didn’t want to “take it from the top” again so she sang the song with as much umph as she could on a huge white stage with a cluster of onlookers.

When she finished
, there was a horrible moment of silence. She opened her eyes and looked out over the crowd. She met Alan’s eyes as his mouth curved and he began to clap. Others joined until the crowd whistled and cheered. A blush crept over her cheeks and she wasn’t sure whether she should curtsy or give the Miss America wave. Before she could decide Trey came up beside her.

“
As you can see, we have a lot of work. Thanks, everybody, you can get back to work,” Trey said.

Gwen whirled on him.
“
What
?”

“
You think you can sing at the shows with your eyes closed?”

Gwen
had to restrain herself from pushing him off the stage. She groaned when he said what was becoming her least favorite phrase in the world.

“
From the top!”

“
Gwen, move around the stage!”

“
Gwen, open your eyes when you sing!”

“
You missed your mark!”

“
Where’s your mic?”

This was officially the longest three days of her life. It
was eight at night and they were the only ones still in the building which was becoming a habit Gwen wasn’t fond of. She scarfed down two sandwiches that Angie had ever so helpfully dropped off so she wouldn’t leave the building. Trey suspected Gwen might not come back and he was right.

Gwen scrolled through her messages and saw a
taunting picture from Natasha of her view of the ocean from her hotel room in Bora Bora. Bitch. Gwen struggled every day to walk onto this stage and be criticized and shoved out of her comfort zone because Natasha was throwing a bitch fit. Gwen furiously typed a nasty message and her finger hovered over the send button but Natasha was her biggest client and she didn’t want to burn bridges… Gwen glared at Trey as he talked on his cell. This might just be the best reason of all. If it wasn’t for Natasha’s selfish diva antics she wouldn’t be in this situation. She erased the text and fantasized about taking a picture onstage during a concert. She would stand in the middle of the stage with her hair blowing back, confident and defiant and she would send
that
picture to Natasha who thought she couldn’t sing.

T
rey hung up his phone. “Okay, let’s do
Touch Me
.”

Gwen got to her feet and took the microphone which was actually beginning t
o feel comfortable in her hands. On the first and second day, she tried to step off the stage whenever she took a break but Trey put a stop to that. He made her spend at least eight to ten hours on the stage and she was finally beginning to feel as comfortable here as she was in her apartment in New York. She now knew the dimensions of the stage with her eyes closed which would be valuable when she walked on when the lights were off. She was so far out of her comfort zone that she had an anxiety attack every morning and had to be forced into the warehouse, which is why Trey was staying at the same hotel as her and dogging her every step. She didn’t appreciate it because they were followed by paparazzi.

Trey was taking over her life and she kept wondering how she got herself into this mess. He came to her hotel room every morning with coffee and chattered easily while she tried to delay going to the warehouse. He would hustle her into the car and
they would rehearse until her head began to pound and she resented her own songs. He would drive her back to the hotel, see her to her door and begin the ritual the next day. He never got angry and was her own personal cheerleader/motivator. It was both touching and irritating at the same time.

Trey faced her across the stage. He was coming into a beard that she actually
thought looked good on him. Despite the late hours and dozens of other things he had to take care of on top of coaching her, he looked surprisingly alert. She knew why. Trey lived for this and it gave him boundless energy that she envied. She took a deep breath and began to sing.

Your touch makes me feel invincible

Your touch makes me see the stars

You touch can make me do anything

“Walk,” he commanded.

She kept her face relaxed when she wanted to
stick her tongue at him and strolled in her sneakers to the edge of the stage and stepped on her marker.

I just wish

you
didn’t see me as a friend

Your platonic touch

kills me with each brush of your hand

She nearly jumped when he came up behind her and ran his hand down the whole length of her arm. Her eyes went wide and she saw a devilish glint in his eye but he didn’t smile.

What I’d give

for you to touch me

Just once, look at me and see

the woman who’s been waiting

Touch me the way I’ve dreamed

Touch me

“Invite me,” he said.

Gwen
blinked. “What?”

“
You want me to touch you.”

She
almost dropped her mic. “No. I don’t.”

He grabbed her arms and squeezed. They were both tired and Trey’s
blood pressure must be dangerously high though he didn’t show it.

“
This isn’t
just
a song, Gwen. It’s a story about you and me. Each song we sing is about us. I want you to look at me and I want to see in your eyes that you want me to touch you. We’re not selling the song, we’re selling each other and people have to believe it. Got it?”

She
nodded.

“
Right. From the top.”

She began the song again and he stopped her halfway through.

“I’m not feeling it Gwen. I need more. You’re holding back. You wrote this song. I shouldn’t be explaining how you should feel when you sing it.”

She clenched her teeth and closed her eyes for
a minute. It was late. She wanted her bed at the hotel and she wanted to be alone, but she knew Trey wasn’t trying to frustrate her… it was what the fans expected. She had to learn she couldn’t always have the quiet she needed to center herself. She needed to learn to reach for the right emotion at a moment’s notice.

Trey watched Gwen for two minutes without saying a word. She had circles under her eyes and he felt like a bastard for pushing her so hard
, but they didn’t have time and he knew she could do it. She could sing through a whole song perfectly if it was just them, but put her with an audience and her stage fright came back full force. On top of that, they still had to work onstage presence. Some people were born with it but Trey was convinced it could be taught. It was part confidence, part vulnerability-bearing yourself emotionally to the world. For Gwen, who liked being in the background, it would be a huge stretch for her. When she opened her eyes, he was relieved to see that Gwen’s eyes were fathomless and soft. He wasn’t sure who she was thinking about; but, when she opened her mouth to sing, the words vibrated with emotion and the hairs on his arms stood up.

What I’d give

for
you to touch me

Just once, look at me and see

the woman who’s been waiting

Touch me the way I’ve dreamed

Touch me

Trey wasn’t even aware that he took a step forward until he had his hands on her. She didn’t move back from him. She rested her hand on his chest. He sucked in a breath as she leaned into him and continued to sing, seducing every fiber in him. When she stopped, it was his turn to realize he’d forgotten his lines.

“
That was good,” he said and his voice was lower than normal. “I think we should call it a night.”

Gwen nodded
and set the mic down and grabbed her bag. “I don’t know how you do this.”

“
I love it.”

She sighed.
“I know you do, but you’re stripping down in front of millions and they can reject you.”

“
Or love you,” he said with a smile as he put an arm around her and they walked out of the warehouse.

“
You have a huge ego,” she muttered as she got into the passenger side of his SUV. “Am I improving at all?”

He glanced at her
as he drove. “You’re getting better. We just have to get our act down. I want people to believe it.”

She knew why he wanted it to be believable but it made her wary. When
she put her walls down and sang
Touch Me
to Trey, it affected her. Was it because she was an amateur that when she sang to him, the emotion was honest? She felt so strange. Maybe exhaustion caused her to drop her emotional boundaries, allowing her to sing the song with the vulnerability and desire she wrote it with. Translating her emotions into song stripped her, but singing it to Trey and remembering why she wrote the song was devastating. How did other singer/songwriters do it? Was this why Trey and Natasha kept being drawn back to one another? The intimacy of stripping yourself and singing to Trey across the stage, trusting him to keep you safe when you made eye contact was a bond not easily broken.

“
What happened with Natasha?”

He didn’t answer for a minute and then,
“The picture of us fighting in that restaurant was on the cover of every magazine two weeks ago.”

“
It sure was.”

She didn’t
mention the fact that
The Duet
was on most magazines daily. Trey and Natasha were the power couple people couldn’t get enough of. Natasha played it up for all it was worth, whether it was a forced PDA or blowing up at Trey or some other poor soul to show how much of a diva-bitch she was.

“
Natasha is obsessed with her image. She’s upping her costs for appearances, collaborations, concerts, everything! She wants more money, more fame.”

“
How much more can she have?”

He snor
ted. “She wants it all and I’ve tried to keep the peace between us for work but I can’t anymore. I kept making excuses not to be in the same city as her. When we started planning the tour, she wanted more money than ever and she wanted everything done her way.
I’m
the headline for this tour, not her, but everyone expects us together when I go on tour.”

His hands tightened on the wheel and she patted his arm sympathetically.
“I know.”

“
Well, you know how she is. I took her out to lunch and she was a bitch to everybody. I cut line right there. She threw her cocktail in my face, slapped me and walked out.”

Gwen blew out a breath.
“That’s Natasha alright.”

She could feel his agitation and temper and wished she hadn’t brought it up.

“I don’t know why I stayed with her so long. We make great music together, but I lost my love for music because of business and I want to go back to enjoying it. I stayed with Natasha for the fans and money. I can’t do anything about her fans and I don’t need the money, so why stay in a relationship I don’t want to be in?”

He parked the car a little more abruptly than was needed. They got out of the car and Gwen
put her arm around him as they walked into the hotel.

“
Well, I’m glad you’re not with her and I’m glad you’re doing this because you want to, not because you have to,” she said.

“
Yeah, having you come on tour is part of doing what I want and Angie supports me. People are going to bitch but that’s okay. I make my own rules and you’re going to blow everybody out of the water.”

She tried to smile when her stomach pitched.
“Sure. I don’t know how this is going to pan out but for what it’s worth, I think you did the right thing.”

His eyes moved over her face.
“I think so too.”

He stopped in front of her hotel room and she tried to shake off the
odd feelings in the air. It was making her nervous and she didn’t need that with Trey. She kissed his cheek and unlocked her door.

“
Gwen?”

She looked back.
“Yeah?”

“
Thanks.”

“
Don’t you look pretty,” Barbie gushed as she finished Gwen’s hair.

Gwen stood in front of a full length mirror and smoothed
her hands over the beautiful, dreamy gown she was trying on. She had four songs and two wardrobe changes. Gwen had to admit, she loved the dress and she liked the way Cassie and Barbie did her hair and makeup.

Angie eyed her up and down critically. Because she had no manager, Angie
took it upon herself to help Gwen create an image for herself. It didn’t help that Angie and Gwen were on opposite ends of the spectrum on fashion, taste and personality.

“
I think it’s drab. She’s not a teenage starlet,” Angie said, tapping a neon heel.

“Well, I’m not going to wear a bikini like Natasha,” Gwen said defensively.

Angie shrugged as she smoked a cigarette. “She knew how to make an entrance, I’ll give her that.”

Gwen’s
phone chimed and she glanced at the screen and rolled her eyes and texted Trey:
5 more min
.

“
Trey wants her comfortable,” Barbie said in Gwen’s defense.

It was clear that
all three women thought the dress was pretty but not concert worthy. Gwen just wanted to be comfortable and the dress length, although old-fashioned, suited her better.

“
I don’t know how Trey manages to pull this stuff off,” Cassie chattered. “I mean, you’ve never sang in public and now you’re lead singer on the Trey Phoenix tour.”