The Soldier's Daughter (29 page)

‘I wonder what will be on?’ she asked chirpily as they headed for the Savoy cinema.

Ernie grinned. ‘
Goodbye, Mr Chips
featurin’ Robert Donat and Greer Garson,’ he informed her. ‘I ’ad a look at the board outside before coming up to the ’ouse this morning. I’m afraid it’s a year out o’ date, but yer won’t mind, will yer?’

‘Not at all.’ Briony chuckled and to his delight she tucked her arm though his. ‘Howel warned me that we never get the new releases here, but anything beats sitting in the kitchen on my own with a pile of Grandmother’s old magazines again.’

There was that name again – Howel! Briony had mentioned him a number of times today and he found himself feeling jealous.

‘This Howel,’ he began cautiously. ‘Nice chap, is he?’

‘Oh yes, Howel is lovely,’ Briony told him. ‘He works so hard, bless him, but he always makes time to have a word with the children.’

‘Married is ’e, this paragon of virtue?’

Briony frowned at him. ‘No, he’s not married as it happens, but he does have a girlfriend in the village.’

‘Oh, right.’ Ernie felt ridiculously relieved and grinned again into the darkness. It wouldn’t do if someone were to come and pinch Briony right from under his nose now!

They enjoyed the film, and once it was over they strolled through the town to the harbour, strangely reluctant to end the evening. There had only been a handful of people in the cinema but Ernie and Briony didn’t much care, so long as they were together. The boats that were moored at the quay were dancing up and down on the choppy waves, and once they had left the shelter of the little fishing cottages behind, the wind blew colder, making Briony shudder and pull her coat collar up. Ernie placed his arm protectively about her shoulders and although a vision of Ruth suddenly floated in front of her eyes she didn’t shrug the arm away but leaned into the warmth of him. Every inch of her was tingling but she wasn’t sure if it was because of the chill mist blowing in off the sea or Ernie’s close proximity.

He turned to her, and tilting her chin, he looked down into her eyes. The moonlight made them appear to be almost black and a wave of tenderness swept through him.

‘I know yer don’t want me to say this,’ he muttered, ‘but it might be ages before we get to see each other again and I don’t want to go away without letting yer know how I feel about yer.’

‘Ernie . . . stop!’ She dragged herself out of his arms, suddenly feeling colder than she had ever been in her life. ‘We can’t do this. We have to think of Ruth. She loves you – she’s always loved you and I couldn’t bear to hurt her. She’s my best friend!’

He spread his hands helplessly. ‘I can’t ’elp ’ow she feels about me,’ he objected. ‘I think the world of her too, but only as a friend, and I’ve never led her to believe any other. It’s
you
I have feelings for. I can’t force meself to love her just because she thinks she ’as feelings fer me!’

‘Oh dear, what a mess!’ Briony’s shoulders sagged. Ernie was quite right, of course. It was hardly his fault if Ruth had fallen in love with him. But where did that leave her? She felt as if she was caught up in a no win situation. If she admitted to Ernie that she had feelings for him too, she would hurt Ruth. If she didn’t tell him how she felt, she would hurt him!

‘Look,’ she said eventually, ‘why don’t we just leave things as they are and see how we all feel when this damned war is over? Ruth might have met someone else by then. And even if she hasn’t . . . Well, none of us knows what’s going to happen, do we?’

‘I don’t suppose we do,’ he admitted, his mouth set in a grim line. No one knew better than he did the risk he was taking each time he climbed into the cockpit of his Spitfire and headed off into the blue yonder to fight the Jerries. ‘But couldn’t yer just give me a
glimmer
of hope to go away with?’

Making a sudden decision, she nodded. ‘All right then, I’ll say this: I
do
have feelings for you, and if at the end of the war we both feel the same, then we’ll have to admit it to Ruth and be honest with her. I just hope she’ll forgive us.’

Even in the darkness she saw his smile stretching from ear to ear and before she knew it he had grabbed her into his arms again.

‘That’ll do nicely fer now, so how about a kiss to keep me goin’? You wouldn’t begrudge me that, would yer?’ His face was bending towards her so she closed her eyes, and as his lips gently met hers she gave herself up to the sheer pleasure of the moment. Even through the thickness of their coats she could feel his heart pounding, and she just wished that they could stay that way forever.

Eventually he walked her back through the cobbled streets past the picturesque thatched cottages to the bottom of the hill that led to her grandparents’ home, and once there she came to an abrupt stop.

‘There’s no need to come any further,’ she told him. ‘I’ll make my own way from here.’

‘You damned well
won’t!
’ he protested, but he had forgotten that Briony could be as stubborn as him.

‘I damned well
will!
’ Her chin lifted as she glared at him. ‘It will do your leg no good at all going all the way back up there, and I’m perfectly capable of getting myself back.’

He shrugged, knowing when he was beaten, but then pulled her into his arms again and kissed her gently on the forehead.

‘Can I come and see yer early in the mornin’ before I catch the train back?’

She nodded. ‘I’d like that.’ At least she would get to see him one more time, even if it was just for a short while.

She was surprised to find Howel waiting for her when she got back to the house. He was sitting in the chair at the side of the kitchen fire with his feet up on a stool reading the newspaper.

‘Had a good night, did you?’ he asked pleasantly.

‘Yes, thank you. But where’s your mum?’

‘Thought I’d come and take over from her a while ago to save her walking back too late.’

‘Oh!’ Briony instantly felt guilty, very aware of his eyes on her as she peeled off her coat. Mrs Dower worked so hard; it had been selfish of her to expect the woman to babysit.

‘Have they been good?’ she asked, cocking her head towards the ceiling.

‘Haven’t heard a peep out of them all night. They’ve been good as gold.’

He had never seen Briony dressed up before and he was amazed at how different she looked. He’d always regarded her as a child, but now he saw from the way the wool dress clung to her that she was very much a young woman. And a very pretty one at that.

‘How old are you?’ he asked suddenly, before he could stop himself.

‘I’m seventeen, although on some days I feel ninety.’ She thought it was rather a strange question to ask but decided she could do the same. ‘How old are you?’

‘Twenty-three next week.’

She was surprised. She had thought he was much older than that although now she came to think of it she seemed to recall Mrs Dower telling her how old he was when she and the children first arrived. An awkward silence followed then until she said, ‘Would you like a hot drink before you go?’

‘I wouldn’t say no.’ His eyes followed her as she put milk in a saucepan and fetched some cups and saucers from the dresser. He had always felt easy in her company, but for some strange reason he felt a little shy now.

‘I take it that was your boyfriend?’ As soon as the words had left his lips he groaned inwardly. His mouth seemed to be running away with itself tonight.

‘Not exactly.’ Briony sighed as she spooned cocoa powder into the pan. There was never a shortage of groceries here. Mrs Dower had told her Sebastian always got some for them all when he went to London.

‘What does “not exactly” mean? Either he is or he isn’t.’ Howel had no idea why it mattered, but suddenly it did.

Briony’s hands became still as she stared off into space before explaining, ‘It’s complicated. You see, Ernie, my best friend Ruth and me have all been best mates since we were children. We’ve always done everything together. But then as we got older, Ruth fell in love with him.’ She fiddled with the teaspoon before going on, ‘The trouble was, Ernie didn’t feel the same about her.’

‘Because he had feelings for you?’

Briony nodded miserably. ‘And now I feel as if I’m stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. Whatever I do I’m going to hurt one of them, so I’ve told Ernie that it’s best to leave things just as they are until after the war.’ But even as she said it she knew that things had subtly changed tonight, otherwise why would she have allowed Ernie to kiss her?

In truth, Howel knew exactly how she was feeling. He had been seeing Megan Brown from the village for the past two years on and off, and he knew that he had only to say the word and she’d be his for the taking. Until recently he’d been quite content and happy to let nature take its course. After all, Megan was a lovely girl, everyone said so; none better. She was pretty, fun to be with and he knew she’d make a good wife. But for some reason he suddenly couldn’t picture himself spending the rest of his life with her, and so recently he’d tried to keep their relationship on a casual footing. Problem was, it was getting harder. Megan was dropping hints about bottom drawers and engagement rings, and he didn’t quite know what to do about it. He wondered why everything had to be so complicated. In this neck of the woods it was expected that you would grow up, choose a wife from the local community and live happily ever after.

More than ever, Howel Dower wished that he had never been granted a dispensation from joining up because he was a farmer. He would have happily gone to fight for his country, but there was nothing he could do about it now. People needed feeding! The Frasiers and his family relied on him heavily and he knew that without him, his grandfather would never have managed to keep the two places going on his own. It took the pair of them all their time as it was, and sometimes he worried about his grandmother. Annik never seemed to have a moment to herself but she never complained and was totally devoted to William and now to Briony and the children. Things wouldn’t have been so bad if Master Seb had been prepared to pull his weight but he was about as much use as a chocolate teapot, always off on some spree or another. He was gut selfish into the bargain too, but then his grandmother had always said that Marion Frasier had made him that way. And to think that when anything happened to his parents, the whole lot would belong to Sebastian. It didn’t seem fair – but then life rarely was.

He waited while the cocoa was heated, and once Briony had poured them each a cup and opened the biscuit barrel he sat at the kitchen table with her. They had both lapsed into silence, each locked in their own thoughts, so once he had drained his cup he stood up and pulled his coat on.

‘I’ll be off then,’ he announced.

‘What? Oh yes . . . of course. And thank you, Howel – for keeping your ear out for the children, I mean.’ She had been miles away and felt awful when she realised she had almost forgotten that he was even there. He nodded, rammed his cap on and left, and once he had gone she fingered her lips, remembering how it had felt when Ernie had kissed her.

*

As usual, Howel was there bright and early the next morning. The children had scampered off to let the hens out of their coops, a job they had adopted, and now they were scouting round for eggs for breakfast.

He had just entered the kitchen when Ernie followed him in. The two men eyed each other warily.

‘You must be Ernie. How do.’ Howel held his hand out and Ernie shook it.

‘You both timed that well. I’ve just put the kettle on,’ Briony said brightly, detecting a slight atmosphere. She and Howel usually enjoyed a cup of tea together in the morning, but today he shook his head.

‘No, I won’t stay. I’ve got a sick sheep back at the farm and I’m waiting for the vet to come out, so I’d best get back.’ He dumped the day’s supplies on the table then strode back towards the door, adding, ‘I’ll be back later to chop some logs.’ Nodding towards Ernie he left without another word and Briony wondered if he had got out of bed the wrong side. He was usually so cheerful in the morning.

However, she was so keen to spend every second she could with Ernie that she didn’t give it much thought. He had breakfast with the children and then walked them all to school with her. They were halfway back when he glanced at his watch and said, ‘I’m afraid I shall ’ave to get back to collect me things from the B&B now. Me train leaves in an hour an’ if I miss that one there ain’t another till tomorrow mornin’.’

Briony secretly hoped that he would miss it, but not wishing to be selfish she told him, ‘I’ll walk down with you then. I’d like to see you off at the station.’

He didn’t object. He was wishing that they could have had a little more time together and wondering how long it might be before they saw each other again.

In no time at all, they were standing on the platform next to the train.

‘Right then, I’d best be off.’ Ernie swung his kitbag onto his shoulder and placed his cap on as Briony stared up at him. She didn’t want him to go; he was a link to home as much as anything, but of course she knew that he must leave.

‘You will write, won’t you?’ she asked as her lip trembled.

‘Of course I will, when I’m able to,’ he said. ‘But don’t get worryin’ if you don’t ’ear anythin’ for a while. You know what the post’s like.’

‘And you will give my love to Mum and Ruth and your mum for me?’

‘Of course. And don’t you let that grandma of yours get bullying you,’ he said sternly.

Already the guard was walking along holding his green flag and slamming the carriage doors, so Ernie bent quickly and pecked her on the lips before hopping aboard. He then pulled the brown leather strap to let the window down and leaned out as the guard blew his whistle and waved his flag.

‘Till next time,’ he said and she nodded mutely, too full to speak. The train was chugging into life and before they knew it the platform was engulfed in steam and smoke – and it drew away.

Loneliness engulfed Briony as she headed for the exit. She would have given anything to be on that train with him, but she had to think of the children – and the war seemed a very long way from being over yet.