The Sisters Weiss (43 page)
“So, you’ve given up on them.” Just like I did, Rose thought with sorrow. “It’s a terrible, terrible thing to lose your family. It was the biggest tragedy of my life.”
“I can’t stand to think about it that way. I think of it more like ‘not just yet.’ I have this dream that one day I’ll have this great job, and a nice home with nice furniture in a leafy place with a big backyard, and a handsome Jewish husband. Maybe then I could see inviting them over to meet my family.”
It was a modest dream, a very American dream. How far away was she from all that? Rose wondered. “Do you envision marrying this boy?”
She smiled, shaking her head. “Oh, he’s not up to that. No way. He’s like me. He’s got no education. He’s working as a dishwasher. But he also has dreams. He’d like to open up a store selling music discs. He loves music. He wants to be a famous Jewish rapper, like Matisyahu.”
At this, they both laughed.
“Is he kind to you?”
Rivka seemed genuinely moved by the question. “Yes,” she answered eagerly. “He is very kind. And he loves Or. And he wants me to be anything I want to be. And he is a big help. He … he gets it? You know? Gets everything you can’t explain in a million years because he’s lived through the same thing.”
Rose nodded. “I’m glad for you, Rivka, that you have someone like that in your life. It’s a blessing.”
“Now I have two blessings. And a few years ago, I felt I didn’t have any. That’s good, isn’t it?”
“Yes, very good. You know, Hannah is very concerned. She’d love to see you.”
“How is Hannah?”
“Flourishing. She’s working on her master’s degree, and she’s found a new boyfriend. He’s modern Orthodox.”
She smiled. “As my friend Malca would say, gevalt! Life is strange, isn’t it?” She was quiet, thinking, her head down, playing with the fringes of the couch cover, tangling and untangling them from their knots. “About Hannah, I don’t know what to say. I know she meant well, she really did, but she never really understood me. I was a ‘cause’ for her, not a person. And I … I wasn’t straight with her either, didn’t really trust her. I’m still very ashamed of myself for what happened when I was living with her. I know she was trying her best. But back then I was so … farshimmelt. The idea of facing her is not so … comfortable for me. But that’s more my fault than hers.” She lifted her head and looked at Rose with sudden hope. “Does she really want to see me?”
“I know she does! We’ve discussed it. Look, I have an idea. Why don’t I invite you over to my house for dinner this Friday night? Come with your boyfriend and the baby, and Hannah will come with her David.”
Rivka hesitated. “Aunt Rose, could we do it maybe on a Saturday night instead? And could I bring my own food, or maybe you could make vegetarian?”
“You are still observant, aren’t you? Wow!” She had expected many things, but not that. “I thought you were running away from all that?”
“Life isn’t so black-and-white, Aunt. Religious-secular, believer-nonbeliever. When you run, you can’t take heavy suitcases with you. So, some people just throw everything away. But I never did. I kept it all in this locker and always held on to the key. When Or was born, I made sure he had a bris. The Christian ladies weren’t much help, but a synagogue arranged it for me. There wasn’t a single person there I knew. But you know what? It still made me feel happy. I felt connected to the things that I still love and that I want to give to Or. When I moved into this place and started to think about what kind of home it was going to be for my son, I started remembering all the things I loved from my own childhood: oneg Shabbat games, and chulent, and songs on Friday night, and apples with honey…”
It was then Rose noticed for the first time the ceramic candlestick holders, the wine cup, and the menorah sitting on the bookshelf.
“I couldn’t find anything out there to take their place, and believe me I looked.”
“Yes,” Rose admitted to herself, opening up that locked room inside her and sitting there for the first time in a long, long time. “We’ll make it a Saturday-night dinner, then. And please bring your boyfriend…?”
“His name is Jerme, from Jeremiah. It’ll be so much trouble for you…”
“Hannah’s boyfriend will also need kosher food.” And so will his father, she thought, the idea of inviting Joseph filling her with a sudden warmth.
“And dishes and pots and silverware…”
“I know, I know. Believe me, I remember it all … I suppose I better get used to it. Those two seem serious!”
When Rose got up to go, Rivka took a photo off the wall.
“Here, for you.”
It was Or, about two months old with a huge grin (probably gas) on his sweet little face. Such a beautiful baby! Rose felt tears sting her eyes. “Thank you, Rivka. I can’t wait to hold the real thing. I’ll call you?”
“I’d like that, Aunt.”
Rose gently put her arms around Rivka. She wasn’t a girl anymore, Rose realized, but a fine, strong woman, tempered and hardened by her trials. She released the young woman’s slim waist. She was, in her own way, truly heroic, Rose thought. It was easy to cut yourself off from the past, to reject everything. But Rivka had taken the harder way, digging deep inside herself and finding her real nature and desires, bravely keeping connected to all those things that were really important to her, instead of slamming doors like a spiteful, angry child. I could never admit the things I missed. It was too threatening, and I was too vulnerable.
I will find some way to help her make her dreams come true sooner rather than later, Rose promised herself. And then, maybe, in time, she will feel able to include Pearl and Zevulun and her siblings in her life. But only she could decide that, Rose thought sadly, wanting with all her heart to make that phone call to her sister and brother-in-law, to share this photo with them. Being denied that felt like a gut-wrenching physical pain.
But as she walked slowly down the old stairs to the street, she found that in her heart there was still hope, hope that Rivka and her family might someday find a way to crack open the concrete barriers set up between them now like the Berlin wall of old, allowing those imprisoned on either side to break free and cross over to meet again, without recriminations and without fear. A hope that she too could sneak through the opening and salvage what was left of her connections with all the good and valuable things she missed in the world she’d left behind.
She took out her phone and called Hannah, ready to tell her everything.
Epilogue
Excerpt from the master’s thesis of Mrs. Hannah Gordon-Adler, entitled Heaven Above, Heaven Below: Nineteenth-century Jewish Women and the Enlightenment, June 2012.
While the struggle of most nineteenth-century women for a place in the sun was doomed to failure and heartbreak, theirs was a heroic failure that tested itself against great odds before succumbing. Each individual woman, though she stumbled and fell, nevertheless added a stepping stone for other women in the decades that followed. Like the steady work of ants climbing out of their dark holes, women followed the path-blazers up and out, into the light.
On a personal note, I’d like to say this so-called progress is far from complete, and entirely reversible. In countries outside the West, the punishment for seeking heaven on earth is often fatal for women who dare to do so. We in the West should never forget that. Even today, the path-blazers pay a huge personal price for their stubborn resistance against oppression, and for their willful determination to assert their human rights to express themselves fully and creatively.
And the question remains, especially for religious women, why does it have to be a choice? Why should you have to give up heaven above when you seek out heaven below on earth? Why do religions force you to choose between them?
With a little patience, understanding, and love, children could be taught that the two were not mutually exclusive, and they in turn could teach this to their children. And the world will become a more heavenly place for everyone.
Acknowledgments
The Sisters Weiss, while purely the product of my imagination, is about women who can be found abundantly in the real world I grew up in, in both New York and Jerusalem. I continue to live among them. The stereotypes of women, in both the religious and secular worlds, do not do women justice, as the choices all women make are complex and often driven by forces beyond their control. I am grateful for a lifetime of friendship with such women, religious and secular, Jew, Christian, and Muslim, who have, despite societal pressures, carved out a unique space for themselves in advancing all that is good in the world. To all my women friends who have provided me with the example of their tireless inspiration, my thanks.
I thank Dr. Shmuel Feiner for our many invaluable discussions on the Jewish enlightenment and the lives of women intellectuals. I would like to offer him, and Dr. Tova Cohen, my congratulations and heartfelt thanks for their pioneering scholarship in this area, which has brought the work and the lives of these remarkable women the attention they have long merited but have not until now received. Similarly, I thank Professor Carole B. Balin for her inspiring books and wonderful scholarship in this area, and for her cooperation and friendship.
I thank Morris Rosenthal for his help and for translating Sarah Foner’s work into English and for allowing me access,
A big thanks to my editor, Jennifer Weis, for her ever-sharp eye and ear and good advice, and to my agent, Mel Berger, for his encouragement and good counsel. As always, my dear husband of over forty years continues to be my sounding board, most influential critic, and dearest friend. Thanks again, Alex.
Glossary of Hebrew and Yiddish Words and Expressions
al pi taharas hakodesh according to the strict, holy way assur forbidden
Baruch Hashem “God be blessed”
bas zekunim the youngest daughter born when a parent is already advanced in age bitul Torah time wasted that could be spent on studying Torah and self-improvement bli neder a formula used to prevent a person from swearing in vain bochur young man
broocha on your keppeleh “a blessing on your head”
chesed a deed of compassion and charity choson groom
chulent a dish of meat, beans, and potatoes left to cook overnight Friday night to be eaten hot on the Sabbath, when all reheating and cooking is forbidden Chumash the five books of Moses
chutzpadika impudent, impertinent, brazen, someone showing chutzpah chutzpah brazenness, gutsiness, audacity Daas Torah a Torah scholar’s personal opinion on all matters, which is considered by some to be more accurate than the opinion of others, even though the scholar might know nothing about the subject dafka something done out of spite or something that is said to “actually” or “in fact” occur: “She dafka used the sports section, which I read religiously, to clean the windows.” Or: “She’s a liar, but this time she was dafka telling the truth.”
daven to pray
Eibeisha God
eidle refined, trustworthy, respectable eshes chayil a woman of valor, a virtuous wife and mother, also the name of a song traditionally sung Friday nights by husbands to their wives beginning with those words farmisht confused, befuddled, dysfunctional farshimmelt similar to farmisht Farshteist? Do you understand?
frum strictly observant of all Jewish laws and customs gai go
gartel the belt in traditional Hassidic garb that separates the upper and lower halves of the body gemach a free-loan society that distributes a wide variety of goods and services as a good deed gevalt “Oh, no! Woe is me!”
Hashem literally, “the name,” meaning God hechsher rabbinical stamp of approval, usually concerning the kosher status of food Ich farshteist? “Do you understand?”
imyertza Hashem “God willing”
kallah moide a young girl ready for marriage kashrut food permissible to eat under Jewish law kavanah sincere intentions
Kavod HaRav the Honored Rabbi
kiddush the prayer over wine said on Sabbath and at festivals kollel Talmudic academies of higher learning for men out of high school, usually married men maideleh a young girl
Mameh Mommy
Mincha the afternoon prayer
moisar a despicable person who hands over a Jew for punishment to the Gentile authorities narishkeit childish foolishness
nuch “What can you do?”
posek a respected religious authority who decides religious law prust low-class, vulgar
Rashi a medieval commentator on the Bible Rebbitzin honorific for a rabbi’s wife Rebono shel Olam “King of the Universe”
Satmar fanatical religious Jewish sect who reject Israel and modernity shaine lovely, beautiful
shidduch (sg.), shidduchim (pl.) marriage arrangement shmurah matzah ritual Passover bread in which leavening is forbidden, made from wheat watched in the fields and in storage to ascertain it is not moistened and thus leavened before being baked into matzah; this is a stringency shmutz literally “dirt” but used to mean dirty dealings, gossip shvitzing sweating profusely, working hard, or filled with pride Tateh Daddy
tenaim formal engagement contract teshuva repentance
tuchus behind
tzadakis a female saint
tzadik a male saint
tzimmis literally, a pot of fruits, vegetables, and meat; used to describe a commotion, a big to-do (usually about nothing) vilde chayas wild animals
Vus? Vus is dus? “What?” “What is this?”
Vus mere vilstah? “What do you want?”
yichoos family connections, prideful lineage
Also by Naomi Ragen
Sotah
Jephte’s Daughter
The Sacrifice of Tamar
The Ghost of Hannah Mendes
Chains Around the Grass
The Covenant
The Saturday Wife
The Tenth Song
Women’s Minyan (a play)
About the Author
