The SILENCE of WINTER (8 page)

As if in some faraway fog, the man thought he heard voices. What were the people saying? Were they speaking to him?

He struggled to open his eyes but couldn’t manage to pry them open. It felt as though something heavy rested on top of his head.

Where am I? Who am I? Why can’t I wake up? Am I dreaming? Could I be dead?

He tried once more to open his eyes, but it was in vain.

I hurt everywhere, and I’m scared. Why won’t someone tell me what’s causing this pain? Will somebody please tell me my name?

The more the man fought to climb to the surface, the more the pain seemed to engulf him. It was like his body was sending out a warning, and the pain was telling him to stay right where he was, oblivious to everything else. Thinking was exhausting, and it made him hurt even more, yet he yearned for something—anything that was familiar. But it just wouldn’t come.

As he fell back into his safe little cocoon, the pain seemed to go someplace else, and it was easy not to struggle anymore. He felt safe, insulated and protected in this little shell where he didn’t have to think about anything at all. Slowly, as he gave up trying to figure out answers, the pain ebbed into some faraway place.

M
eredith put the mop away in the utility room and stopped to rub a sore spot on her lower back. She’d been home from Sadie and Elam’s for nearly a week and had been working hard from the time she got up until she went to bed each night. She’d convinced herself that she needed to keep busy so she wouldn’t have any spare time on her hands. Spare time gave way to too much thinking. Every night Meredith made a mental note of what she wanted to accomplish the next day. As long as she did that, she felt like she had a reason to get out of bed each morning. She realized that if she concentrated on her tasks and wore herself out, by the end of the day, when her head hit the pillow, she’d be out like a light. So far, she’d been able to do that. Pure exhaustion took over by nightfall, and she could barely stay awake long enough to fix herself something for supper.

She had put Fritz in his dog run this morning and would keep him there all day, because whenever he was in the house he always seemed to be underfoot. The other day, Meredith had nearly tripped on the dog when he’d been following her from room to room. As much as she enjoyed the pup’s company, she couldn’t have him inside all of the time, keeping her from getting things done. Besides, whenever Fritz approached something that had been Luke’s—like his favorite chair—he would sit next to it and whine. This only made Meredith miss Luke even more.

To keep her thoughts at bay, she’d kept busy this morning, cleaning the house. The windows were spotless, and the woodwork in the living room and dining room glistened like polished stone. Meredith had cleaned it so well that the wood grain stood out, making it even more beautiful than it had been before. Luke would have been pleased with how nice it looked. Oh, if he could just be here to see it right now, the way he had been in the dream she’d had last night.

She’d dreamed that she’d had the baby, and the baby was giggling as Luke made funny noises and faces. He’d held the baby so tenderly, while looking lovingly at Meredith with his beautiful turquoise eyes. No wonder she’d awakened feeling rested for the first time since his death. It had been so real, like they’d truly been together. Meredith had actually giggled out loud in her sleep, and that’s what had awakened her. If only it hadn’t been a dream. Meredith had heard it said that time heals all wounds, but she didn’t think any amount of time would heal the sorrow she felt over losing her husband.

Forcing her thoughts aside before she gave in to tears, Meredith gathered up the throw rugs in the living room and had just opened the door to shake them out when she heard Fritz carrying on from his kennel. Looking out into the yard, she spotted her friend Dorine’s horse and buggy coming up the lane.

After Dorine secured her horse to the hitching rail by the barn, she hurried up to the house and gave Meredith a hug. “How are you doing?” she asked.

“I’ve been trying to get through this,” Meredith answered truthfully, struggling not to cry. “I’m trying hard to be strong.”

“You don’t have to be strong,” Dorine said with a shake of her head. “Your family and friends want to help, which is why I stopped by—to see if there’s anything I can do for you or anything you might need.”

“Seth came by a few days ago to take Luke’s horse out for a run, and I don’t really need anything else right now.”
Except for Luke. I need my husband back in my life.
Meredith couldn’t trust herself to keep talking about Luke, so she asked, “Where’s the rest of your family?”

“Seth is working at the Shoe and Boot store today, and Merle and Cathy are with my mamm.

I had some shopping to do, so Mom offered to take the kinner for the day so it would be a little easier.” Dorine leaned on the porch railing. “I love my children, but shopping with a one-year-old and a three-year-old can be a bit daunting.”

Meredith nodded. When she’d been living at home before marrying Luke, she’d taken her younger siblings shopping a few times, and it had been tiring. “I appreciate you coming by, Dorine. Sometimes, with only Fritz for company, it can get kind of lonely. I do all the talking, and the poor pup just lies around looking as sad as I feel.”

“I can only imagine. If animals could talk to us and share their feelings, it might help them and us to understand things better,” Dorine said, glancing at her horse, who had chosen that moment to whinny. “I’m surprised you aren’t still with Luke’s parents,” she added, looking back at Meredith. “I would think it would help to have their support.”

“In some ways it did help to be there, but it was time for me to come home and get back into a routine.” Meredith opened the door and motioned for Dorine to come inside. “Let’s go into the kitchen where it’s warmer. We can have a cup of tea and some banana bread.”

Dorine smiled. “That sounds nice.”

Once Dorine had removed her shawl and outer bonnet, and they’d been seated at the table with their tea and a plate of banana bread, Meredith realized how badly she needed to take a break. She was not only tired but a bit nauseous, and the aromatic mint tea helped to settle her queasy stomach.

“This is sure good bread,” Dorine said after she’d taken her first bite.

“I’m afraid I can’t take the credit for it. Luke’s mamm gave it to me when she dropped by yesterday.”

“How’s Sadie doing?”

“She’s still grieving pretty hard, just as I am, but on the day of Luke’s memorial service, I gave her and Elam some news and it seemed to cheer them up a bit.”

“What news was that?”

“I’m expecting a boppli. It’ll be born in July.”

A wide smile stretched across Dorine’s oval face. “Oh, Meredith, I’m so happy for you! Having the baby will not only give you some comfort, but you’ll be kept plenty busy as well.”

Meredith nodded. “I’m really looking forward to becoming a mudder.”

Dorine took a sip of tea. “My two kinner can be a handful sometimes, but I wouldn’t trade motherhood for anything. Just think, my little Merle will only be a year and half when your boppli is born. I’ll bet they will become good friends once they get to know each other, just like the two of us have been for so many years.”

Meredith sat silently, staring into her cup, giving no acknowledgment of what her friend had just said.

“Is there something bothering you that you’d like to talk about?” Dorine asked, gently touching Meredith’s arm.

Meredith sighed deeply. “There isn’t a lot left in my savings account, and I need to find something to do soon that will bring in some money before taxes come due in April.”

Dorine’s eyes brightened. “Why don’t you make women’s head coverings to sell? After all, you’ve been making your own since we were teenagers, and you do such a good job. A lot of women don’t like to make their own coverings because it’s such tedious sewing, so I’m sure you’d get plenty of orders.”

Meredith pondered her friend’s suggestion. “Hmm … I might just give that a try. It probably won’t bring in a lot of money, but at least it would be something to help out until the boppli comes and I’m able to look for a full-time job.”

“You’re right, and once you are ready to get started sewing, I’ll help spread the word.”

“
Danki
, I appreciate that.”

Their conversation turned to the weather then and how they couldn’t wait for winter to be over so they could begin planting their gardens.

“With the boppli coming in the middle of summer, I may not get as much gardening done this year as I would like,” Meredith said, taking her empty cup to the sink.

“I’d be happy to come over and help out anytime you like. I’m sure my mamm would watch my little ones for me.”

Meredith smiled. “Working in the garden will be a lot more fun if we can do it together.” She appreciated having such a good friend.

“Changing the subject,” Dorine said, “when Seth was at the buggy shop last week getting new wheels for his rig, Raymond Miller mentioned that his son, Jonah, would be moving here from Sugarcreek, Ohio, and will be working in the buggy shop with him. You don’t suppose it could be the same Jonah Miller you met in Sarasota when you worked there as a teenager one summer?”

Meredith touched her cheeks. “Oh, my, I haven’t seen Jonah in such a long time; I’d almost forgotten that he lived in Sugarcreek.”

“So you think it’s him, then?”

“Jah, I sure do. In the last letter I received from Jonah, before Luke and I got married, he said he was working for his daed in his buggy shop. Until now, though, I hadn’t even thought that Jonah could be Raymond and Sarah Miller’s son.”

“I wonder if he’s married, with a family of his own,” Dorine said, finishing the last of her tea.

Meredith shrugged. “I don’t know. Like I said, I haven’t heard from Jonah in a long while, and since I didn’t know Raymond and Sarah Miller were his folks, I wouldn’t have thought to ask.”

“I guess we’ll know soon enough, because from what I heard, Jonah was supposed to have arrived at his folks’ place sometime yesterday.” Dorine pushed her chair away from the table. “As nice as this has been, I really should head out now and get my shopping done before it starts snowing again.” She gave Meredith a hug. “Be sure to let us know if there’s anything either Seth or I can do for you.”

Meredith nodded. “Jah, I will.”

Jonah Miller removed the last of his clothes from his suitcase and put them away in the closet; then he placed the suitcase on the floor at the back of the closet. It was good to be unpacked. It was even better to be here now with his folks. He’d had no problem pulling up stakes and moving to Pennsylvania to partner with Dad. After all, it was just him, so making the move was a lot easier than if he had a wife and children to consider. It would be great working alongside Dad again—just like he’d done since he was a teenager, when Dad first taught him how to make and repair Amish and other types of buggies. Jonah and his dad not only had a close father-son relationship, but they were linked in a working relationship, too, and both took their work seriously. From what Dad had said, his business was growing here in Lancaster County, so Jonah figured with the two of them working together they could get a lot more done and make a good living.

For now, Jonah would live with his folks, but someday he planned to have a home of his own. He would need that if he ever found the right woman and decided to get married. He sure couldn’t stay living with Mom and Dad forever, and he didn’t wish to remain single indefinitely.

Jonah glanced around the bedroom he’d chosen. Just like their home in Ohio, all the rooms in Mom and Dad’s new house felt homey. Maybe he’d be lucky enough to find a wife some day and have the same type of relationship that his folks had with each other. He dreamed of a spouse who would fill their home with love—a place where Jonah knew he belonged as soon as he walked through the door. His mom had a way of putting her heart into every room in her house, and anyone entering could actually feel the welcome. Even though this new home looked pretty good, he had seen a few things that ought to be done and was anxious to help Dad, not just at the buggy shop but with some of the jobs that needed to be completed here at the house.

While Jonah and his folks had been eating supper last night, he’d learned that Meredith Stoltzfus had lost her husband in a tragic accident and that she was expecting a baby. It didn’t take Jonah long to realize this was the same young woman he used to know. He was stunned by the news of her sad loss, and his heart went out to her. So today, he planned to visit Meredith and offer his condolences. He hoped this would be a good time for him to drop by, because he wanted to let Meredith know how bad he felt about her situation and see if there was anything he could do to help out. After all, they’d been close friends a long time ago.

Ever since Jonah was a boy, he’d been sensitive to others, especially when they needed help in any way. He’d had an experience long ago that had embedded kindness into his soul and actually changed his attitude about people and life. Because of that, he’d helped his twin sister, Jean, as much as he could when she’d lost her first husband. Maybe he could help Meredith, as well.