The Shunning (8 page)

"Sadie, I am hoping that
Gott
has softened your heart," Martha said softly. "This harboring of anger is not
goot
."

"Mama, I feel misjudged. You and
Dat
refuse to acknowledge that I am grown and know my own mind. I did not do anything I am ashamed of. I took Samuel a basket and was at his farm less than fifteen minutes. Is it so wrong to be thoughtful and considerate?"

"When you have given your word not to spend time with Samuel until you are both baptized, yes, it is wrong." Martha was firm in her opinion.

"We were not spending time courting," Sadie said once again. "I was merely being thoughtful. If I had known there would be all of this upset over a basket I would have prepared it and given it to you and Mary to deliver. I am tired of discussing this matter and I have decided my headache is too bad to attend meeting today. I am going to go back to bed." Sadie turned on her heel and ran up the steps to the room she shared with Mary and threw herself down on her bed. She had no desire to be around people today, and she especially did not wish to see Samuel Hilty. He was as guilty as her parents.

Martha was saddened by Sadie's decision not to attend church services with them. Claiming to be ill and staying home from the worship service automatically meant she would not be permitted to go to the singing that evening, and, in effect, she was taking away the punishment her
Dat
gave her since she would not be permitted to go to the singing since she did not attend church. Martha knew that Levi would not be pleased with Sadie. She was not accepting responsibility for her actions.

Surprisingly, Levi had nothing to say on the matter. He encouraged all of them to eat and clear the table so they could be going. They took two buggies, as was normal, and arrived early. Martha and Mary went inside to offer their help to the hostess, and Levi made sure the horses were taken care of before going to the barn to discuss farming matters with the other men. The
kinner
ran around playing, and the adults thought it was a
goot
thing for the children to expend some energy before the long service began and they were expected to sit still for the next several hours.

Levi saw Samuel enter the barn and saw the worried expression on his face. He excused himself from the group and walked over to greet the young man. "
Gudermariye
, Samuel."

"Good morning, Mr. Miller," Samuel replied in kind. "I did not see Sadie in the kitchen and thought perhaps she was out here...?"

"Sadie chose to stay home this morning," Levi said quietly. He sighed. "My daughter is very unhappy with me; she feels I misjudged her intentions in bringing you a basket."

"I also told her she broke trust with you. She left my place crying and thinking me a terrible man because I told her she earned a
bletching
."

Levi looked at him in surprise and then he chuckled. "Samuel, it is not wise to promise a young woman a spanking after she has gone out of her way to make you a basket of food. I can only imagine how my Martha would feel if I scolded her for bringing me food when she thought she'd done a wondrous
goot
thing!"

"
Ja
, I understand, sir. But, I truly care about Sadie and I could not, in good conscience, let her think that coming to my home without your knowledge and permission was a
goot
thing. I hoped to discuss this with her today, but it will have to wait since she is not feeling well." He hoped his disappointment was not as obvious to Levi as he feared it was. Samuel looked forward to the Sundays that services and singings were held. Now it would be another two weeks before he had the right to see Sadie.

"My daughter is sulking and pouting because I forbade her to attend the singing tonight. That is why she chose to skip worship this morning; she means to show me she disagrees with me by taking away the punishment. In our home if you do not attend worship, then you do not go to a singing in the evening. She put staying home from the singing on another basis by refusing to come to services this morning."

"She is refusing to accept responsibility for her actions," Samuel said, his tone of voice filled with sadness.

"
Ja
. I have prayed about this matter, but Sadie remains stubborn."

"She needs a good
bletching
," Samuel said with conviction.

Levi nodded in agreement, but said, "I am no longer the right man to offer that correction, Samuel. Sadie's heart is with you and right now it is her need to be with you that is causing such stubbornness. In her heart, she feels she was doing nothing wrong to come to you with a basket, and my telling her differently only makes her angry. I have prayed that
Gott
would help her realize her choice was the wrong one, but Sadie can only think of you and her need to be with you. I fear that if you should choose not to be baptized she would follow you into the
Englisch
world without looking back."

"You need not fear that, sir. I give you my word as a man that I will be baptized into the faith and live an exemplary life within the community. I have found peace with my decision and was well into making this decision before I met Sadie. I would not break her heart, nor would I persuade her to leave the Amish life."

"If this is truly how you feel, then I would ask you to speak with my daughter and see if you can open her heart."

* * *

Sadie did not stay in her room very long after her family left for church. She was sad and out of sorts, and the feeling was a new one for her. Going to worship service was something she normally enjoyed. It was a spiritual renewal as well as a chance to see people she did not get to visit with during her normal week. Her job at the restaurant took much of her time, and while the money was welcome to her family, it left her with very little free time. She still had her chores to do, and with a family as large as hers, there was always work to be done. All of her family worked hard, and even little Katie had chores assigned to her. The Sundays they had their meetings was a real treat and by staying home she denied herself the privilege of seeing her friends, and most of all, it meant she would not see Samuel for another two weeks. In order to thwart her parents and prove she was an adult, Sadie denied herself the chance to speak with the man she loved and do her best to clear up the misunderstanding between them. Surely, if she explained herself to Samuel, he would understand that she was not defying her father. Did her intentions not count for anything?

Sadie fixed herself some breakfast; a thick slice of bread covered with strawberry jam and a cup of coffee. Her head did hurt, but Sadie couldn't abide the thought of lying in bed all day and doing nothing. Once she finished her breakfast she went to the sewing room and sat down at her quilting frame, and started to make neat stitches to outline the pattern. The quilt was pieced with brightly colored fabrics and the pattern was called
Sunshine and Shadows
. Sadie was proud of her work, and this quilt was going in the chest her parents gave her when she turned fourteen. She'd helped with several quilts over the years, but this was the first quilt she'd made completely on her own. Sadie looked forward to putting it on her bed when she was married and in her own home. Thoughts of marriage brought a frown to her face. She couldn't help but wonder if Samuel was missing her this morning, and if he would feel guilty for threatening to spank her. She pictured a scenario in which he came to the door, hat in hand, and begged her forgiveness. Sadie decided to be forgiving, after he groveled long enough, and then he kissed her thoroughly.

The knock on the front door brought her out of her fantasy and she wondered who it could possibly be. Everyone she knew would be at the worship service. Thinking that perhaps a tourist got lost on the winding road, she made sure her
kapp
was properly covering her hair, and she opened the door, prepared to be gracious. To her surprise Samuel was standing there, looking handsome as ever, but he did not have his hat in hand. He didn't look particularly sorry, either. "I'm surprised to see you, Samuel."

"Your
Dat
gave me permission to come," he told her. He said he did not think you were truly ill."

"I do have a headache," Sadie defended herself. "I'm just not the type of person to stay in bed. Won't you come inside? I'll fix some
kaffi
for us."

Samuel took off his hat and hung it on one of the empty pegs beside the door before following her to the kitchen. He sat at the table and watched her bustle around the kitchen, making the coffee and putting some thick slices of zucchini bread on a plate. She sat a container of butter on the table. "Mama made this zucchini bread last night and it is very
goot
. Help yourself, Samuel."

"
Danki
. You needn't go to so much trouble if you are feeling unwell," he said, his blue eyes sparkling.

"It is no trouble." She filled two mugs with the hot brew and then sat down at the table. "Why are you here instead of at the meeting? I cannot believe that
Dat
was agreeable to your coming here."

"He is very frustrated and hoped that I could make you understand why what you did was wrong, Sadie. While I very much appreciated the thought you put into making a basket for me, I would have enjoyed it more if I'd known your
Dat
or
Mamm
gave you permission to bring it to my home. Doing something like that on your own is something a woman would do for a man who is courting her. While I hope that is true of us someday real soon, it isn't a reality yet, ain't so?" he asked quietly.

She shook her head in agreement, feeling very small.

"I think the reason you are so upset with your
Dat
is because you know you were wrong to come to my home without his blessing, and try as you might to justify it, you did break your promise. Am I right?"

"I did not do it deliberately, Samuel. I just wanted to see you and say hello and bring you a basket because I knew you were working hard. I should have asked
Dat
or
Mamm
if I could do this," she finally admitted.

"I agree. Making a basket for me was one of the nicest things that anyone has ever done for me, and I do appreciate it so much."

"Really?" she asked hopefully.

"Of course I do. What I regretted was the fact you broke trust with your
Dat
. I feared you would be punished, and I wondered if he would blame me, and then refuse to let me court you after we were both baptized. I have tried so hard to earn your
Dat's
trust."

"He did not blame you," Sadie said, shocked he would think such a thing.

"No, he did not. But he feels you are not accepting responsibility for your actions. Is this true?"

"I am grown, Samuel. I brought you a basket; I did not go riding in your buggy, or stay out half the night with you. I think he made too much of a simple thing."

"This simple thing was a break of trust. You forgot your promise to him."

"But, it wasn't a courting act, Samuel!"

"That is not what it looked like to me, or to your parents." When she said nothing, he continued, "Please put yourself in your
Dat's
shoes. If he made a promise not to see someone except at church services and the singings that followed, and then he went to their house... how would you feel?"

Sadie felt tears of shame fill her eyes. "I would feel betrayed," she replied.

"I think this anger you have been feeling is directed more at yourself than at your
Dat
. I believe you are feeling guilty, but do not know how to accept the consequences of your actions without feeling like a child who misbehaved. You refused to go to worship today because it would cancel going to the singing tonight, and you would not have to admit to me, or to anyone else, that you were being punished and could not come."

"It is embarrassing at my age!" Sadie admitted, tears running down her cheeks. She swiped at them with the back of her hand.

"Would you rather your
Dat
took you to the woodshed and gave you a
bletching
?" he asked.

"No! I feel too old to be spanked like a child!"

"Your
Dat
thinks you deserve a good spanking, but your
Mamm
feels you are too old for your
Dat
to spank." Sadie's face turned red and she squirmed on her chair. "As the man who hopes to marry you someday, I believe the job of spanking you falls to me. Are you ready to accept the consequences of your impulsive choice, Sadie? Are you grown up enough to admit you earned correction?"

"It is embarrassing to get a spanking at my age," she whispered.

"That is one of the reasons a spanking is effective. While I do think you are too old for your
Dat
to raise your skirts and give you a good spanking, I think it is a husband's duty to spank his wife when she earns a punishment. I am not yet your husband, but I do not think you want to live with the guilt eating at your conscience again this week... Am I right, Sadie?"

She nodded. Samuel was right. Her behavior the last few days was disrespectful to her parents, and she was out of sorts because of it. She wanted to be on good terms with her family once again... and Samuel could help her feel better. A
bletching
might be embarrassing as well as painful, but it was better than feeling anger each and every day.

"If you agree, then come and place yourself over my knee and we'll get started with this spanking. I won't be gentle with you Sadie. You are old enough to realize that your parents deserve your respect when they point out you are wrong about something. They have lived longer than you and they love you and want to keep you safe. Come here now."

Sadie did not want to go over Samuel's knee, but she realized she really had no choice in the matter. If she refused, he would leave... and she would probably never see him again. She bowed her head, praying for
Gott's
guidance.