The Shocking Truth About Ramsey (11 page)

“I found out about Cassandra.  You covered yourself very well, Momma.  All the detective could uncover was Cassandra’s existence and where she lived.  He could not find out anything else about you,” Talmus said softly.  He didn’t want to break the fragile line of communication, but he knew it was now or never.  She had to open up to someone.  He was the one.  

Her admission of love was costing him.  Talmus was losing the ground he had built for himself over the years.  He had stopped being vulnerable years ago, but as he waited to hear his mother's story, old fears and feelings of inadequacy haunted him and crept up on him. Pam turned suddenly and put her right hand over his heart.  She let it lay there and said nothing.  They were cloaked in silence and there was a palpable tension pulling them closer instead of apart.  

Pam could feel her son's heart beating fast against her palm.  It gave her strength.  He was alive, he was before her and he was ready to listen.  That's all she needed.  It was her story to tell.  It was her mess to clean up.  It was her amends to make.  Listening ears and opened hearts were her chance.  She let her hand slide away and she lifted her eyes to his.  Talmus didn't blink or look away.  He still loved her and wanted her in his life.  That was enough.  That was success and it was everything. 

"Do you mind if your father comes in here?  I want him to hear what I have to say too.  He deserves to know the truth."

"I'll get him," Talmus said.  He hated to leave and was almost morbidly afraid that Pam would slip away.  She was completely here right now, in body, mind, and more importantly, heart.  He could feel it.  He wanted her to stay.  He needed her to stay.   He left the room sedately, but as soon as he was out of her sight, he ran.  He made it up the stairs in seconds and banged on Herby's door.  When Herby opened the door, Talmus was almost unintelligible in his attempt to quickly explain. 

"She's asking for you.  She wants to talk about it now!" 

Herby didn't need anymore explanation than that.  He didn't say a word as he followed Talmus down the stairs and into the sunroom.  Talmus didn't let his face show the relief he felt at finding her standing in the same spot, but he was weak with it.  He was surprised when Pam quickly took control of the room by speaking. 

"Let's all sit down.  Talmus do you have any brandy or something we could drink?" 

Herby didn't bother hiding his shock.  He had never seen Pam drink alcohol in his life.  He knew she must really have something heavy on her mind. Talmus uncorked a new bottle and poured a splash into each small glass.  He gave Pam hers first and then handed one to Herby, before picking up his own glass.  Everybody had a small glass of brandy in their hands and was sitting down when Pam began to talk.

"I killed my father," she said with very little emotion. 

"Okay," Herby said slowly. His hand gripped the small glass in reaction to his wife's confession.  He always knew Pam had some pretty dark secrets.  She was prone to nightmares and had said enough in her sleep to give him an idea of the real-life horrors she had lived through. 

"My mother helped me bury him.  We told everyone that he had left and never come back.  He was a bad man and so no one asked any questions.  That was just the end of it," she said.   Her shoulders raised and dropped in a peculiar shrug that was totally out of place with the wild story she was telling.  She tipped the glass of brandy to her lips and swallowed it all in one swig.  Talmus could swear he heard it land in her stomach.  The room was completely silent.  He was thankful for Herby's presence.  This was too much for him to handle alone.  His eyes slid from Pam to his father. 

"I had two babies by him.  I killed the first one. It was a boy.  I thought it would be easy," she stopped talking.  

Both men watched in painful silence as she broke down.  Her body shook with the violence of pent up dark emotions.  Like a sponge she shrank and then expanded over and over again as she sucked in and let out gut-wrenching sobs. 

"I...I..oh God, I couldn't kill the next one.  Sh... She  looked so much like me," she whispered.  "So, I gave her to momma.  Then..that man...he... he tried again and I was ready for him. I stabbed him. M..m...momma couldn't even tell it was him.  I mutilated him." She stopped talking again and just sat with her hands resting in her lap still wrapped around the empty glass.  Her head was bowed and she sobbed with tears running down her face, under her chin and down her neck.   

"Oh my God," Talmus wheezed.  He felt like he was going to be sick.  

Herby saw the question in Talmus eyes and shook his head," no."  He had never known this part of Pam's history.  If he ever doubted his love for her before, he now knew it for what it was.  He loved her.  He felt rage, disgust, and hate toward the man who had done this to her.  Even though it had been her father, the man whose seed had given her life, Herby cursed that very seed.  Better she had not been born than to come into the world to be abused to the point that she had to kill.  

"Leave us alone, Talmus," Herby said. 

"What?" Talmus did not want to leave Pam in the state she was in. Plus, they had to discuss Cassandra.  He wondered if Herby knew about Cassandra. He was about to ask him, when Herby looked him in the eyes. 

"Leave the house, Talmus.  This is not just a simple confession.  This is much more.  She’s unraveling. One step at a time, son.  Once Pam and I talk it out, we will be ready to talk to you and Ramsey.  Give us a few days.  I will call you, but for right now get what you need and GET OUT.  Do it NOW not LATER!"

Talmus jumped out of his chair.  His body was shaking.  He could see clearly what Pam's confession had done to Herby.  There was more to his father than he had yet given him credit for.  The man's eyes were glazed over with tears.  He had healed fast from the gunshot, but Talmus knew that a man who really loved a woman couldn't be whole while she was broken.  Herby was in just as much pain as Pam.  Talmus felt his heart breaking for them both.  Together their stories were so sad and tragic.  He nodded and walked over to his mother and picked her bodily up out of the chair.  He tried to give her all of his love in one hug.  She sobbed into his neck and held on to him and then patted his shoulder to let him know he could put her down.  He sat her back in her chair and looked at Herby for a second or two before he bent down and put a hand on both of his father's shoulders.  

"I will pray like I have never prayed before in my life.  I will pray," he said and left the room. 

When they were finally alone, Talmus stood up and walked over to where Pam sat.  He got down on his knees before her and put his big hands around hers.  She stiffened at his touch, but did not recoil or move away.  

"Pam, look at me."  Talmus voice was a soft plea and held a load of emotion. 

Pam couldn't look up.  She didn't want his or anyone's pity, but least of all his.  She just wanted these people she loved to know the whole truth about her.  She wanted her secrets out and bare before them.  She wanted them to understand why she was so dysfunctional.  She didn't want pity.  She wanted the truth.  If her children and this loving man kneeling before her had her truth, then they could move on and know that it was never them, but always her.  They were all each and every one of them perfect, but she wasn't.  If she had made them feel less than human and inadequate, she had committed a crime.  They deserved so much better.  As these thoughts tumbled around in her head, she became even more tearful.  She could not stop the gulping sobs.

Talmus was being torn apart.  This was the one and only woman he had given his heart to.  She was the mother of his children.  He had left her without finding out what was behind all of her anger.  He had an idea all along that something terrible and dark was below the surface, but he had not been man enough to stick around to find out.  The minute things got ugly for him, he had left.  He had rationalized his guilt away by paying her bills and giving money, when this woman needed his soul.  Had he not made a vow before God that he would protect her, cherish her, and love her as his own body?  She was just a woman after all; not a monster; not an eater of men; and not strong.  She had needed him and he had abandoned her.  

"Pam, look at me," he begged again. 

Pam looked up and what she saw in his eyes was not pity.  She saw guilt. 

"What I can do to help you?  What can we do to help the kids, Pam?  I'm here now and I won't be going anywhere ever again.  It won't matter how mad you get or what you say.  I understand now.  I'm here.  I still love you.  I never stopped loving you, Pam."

She looked into the eyes of the only man she had ever trusted and just stared silently.  He had never really abandoned her.  There had been no divorce.  His money had always been hers.  He had never paraded another woman before her.  He had left her in peace when she had struck out like a wild cat.  She had hurt him, but he had stayed strong in the only way he knew how.  He was a man then and he was a mighty man now.  His warm hands held hers and she felt strong.  She felt like she could carry on as long as Talmus loved her.  There was nothing wrong with finding strength this way.  It was so empowering that only God could have created such a thing and she thanked Him for this man who had watched over her from a distance all these years.  She had always known that Talmus was waiting and ready to help her.  This was love and real love was a long and far-reaching thing.  It stood the test of time and trial.  He was here and he wanted to know how to help their children.   Maybe, with his help, they could all begin to heal. 

"Tell me about the other child, Pam," Herby said softly.  

Pam opened up.  She opened up in every way she knew how. 

Talmus and Ramsey sat opposite one another at Chili's on Goodman Road.  Ramsey could understand everything he was telling her, but she couldn't believe it.  

"Momma, murdered her father and killed her firstborn child?" 

"Yes, Ramsey and I told you why," Talmus said patiently.  He couldn't read the expression on her face, but he knew she wasn't taking it well.  He looked around and thought maybe he had not made the best decision to bring her to a public place to talk about this. 

"Do we need to leave, Ramsey?  You don't look too good." 

"How am I supposed to look, Talmus?  My God!  Poor daddy and momma." She covered her mouth with one hand and pressed the other hand against her stomach.  She felt sick.  "Yes. Let's get out of here." 

Once they were down the road a ways and Ramsey's breathing had returned to normal, Talmus continued talking.

"There's something else, Ramsey." 

"Oh, no.  I don't think I can take much more, Talmus."  

"We have a sister.  Her name is Cassandra.  She...she came from the rape too, but she is wonderful.  I met her years ago after finding her birth certificate practically stuck to yours.  I wasn't snooping.  I was looking for my own birth certificate," he said quickly.

"A sister?"  Ramsey's mind raced with thoughts and possibilities.  "What does she look like?" 

"She looks a lot like you, Ramsey.  It spooked me when I first saw her.  She looks like you." 

"Take me to see her," Ramsey demanded. 

"Okay," he said.  

Ramsey fell silent as Talmus drove.  It didn't bother him.  He knew she had to process the information he had just given her.  He had not gone to her straight away after leaving his parents.  He had needed some time alone to get his thoughts straight.  Instead he had gotten a hotel and hidden away in his room with only room service for a couple of days.  Herby had called and said he and Pam were going back to his house.  Talmus didn't know which, 'his house', he had been talking about and hadn't asked.  So, he didn't know if they were at his mother's house or at Talmus house, but he did know that both houses belonged to Talmus.   He shook his head.  His parents were two of the most interesting people he knew.  

# 

Jackson had a lot to think about.  He and Ramsey had had a very strange conversation after she had finished examining Maximus.  She had basically apologized for attacking him and had promised that it wouldn't happen again.  He was confused as to where she had gotten the idea that a man like him needed an apology when a beautiful woman who was sexy as Hades clawed his clothes off of him.  He wanted more not a frigging apology.  Then she had nearly poleaxed him by saying that she had decided she would refrain from sex until she was married.  That's when he had plopped down on a chair and stared up at her with his mouth open.  He hadn't heard much of the conversation after that.  

A week had passed and he hadn't heard much from her.  She had called once to say that she had revised Maximus' medication list and had ordered him to throw away the other seventeen bottles of pills.  She had cut his medication regimen down to only four pills.  Maximus had thanked the Lord and sang Ramsey's praises for days after that.  It had nearly driven Jackson insane.  He was trying to forget her because he sure as heck wasn't about to marry her just to have her in his bed and he couldn't think of any other reason to marry someone he hadn't seen for thirteen years.  Well, he did consider the fact that he had taken her virginity twice. That did count for something.  He also had known her all of his life.  Their lives had been apart for thirteen years, but had always been intertwined in some form or fashion.  

The thing that scared Jackson the most was how much time he was spending trying to talk himself out of marrying her.  The idea should be too ludicrous to contemplate, but he was doing a heck of a lot of contemplating. 

#

Talmus and Ramsey were on a wild goose chase. Cassandra was not at the assisted living facility where she lived.  She had been removed by two people who fit the description of Herby and Pamela.  They were not at the house on Maple Cove either.  So, Ramsey had to give Talmus the directions to Herby's house.  By the time they got there, it was dark outside.  Ramsey was exhausted both physically and emotionally.  She was missing Jackson and wanting to bury herself beneath him and hide away from her family.   She wanted to be in his arms and in his world, not the world she was about the face.  She was already regretting the ultimatum she had given him, but in light of everything she had found out about her mother, father, Cassandra, and even Talmus, she knew she had made the right decision.   She needed order in her life not more chaos.   She needed to know precisely where she and Jackson's relationship was going.   Passionate, uninhibited sex could not be the objective.  There had to be more.  She and Jackson, both, deserved more.