The Sheik's Arranged Marriage (8 page)

She opened her mouth to complain,
then
closed it. Her throat hurt too much for her to speak. That was the result of trying to talk in a sultry tone that was nothing like her regular voice. She’d strained her throat or her vocal cords or something.

Heidi sat up and adjusted the skinny strap of the dress she wore. She tried not to notice how the skirt fluttered around her thighs or the fact that a dishcloth had more fabric to it than she had in this entire dress. Did they really expect her to go out in public like this?

She blinked several more times and actually achieved something close to normal vision. She centered her attention on the queen so that when her contacts slipped again and she could no longer see, she would at least have her head pointed in the right direction.

“This isn’t going to work,” Heidi said miserably. “I’m not cut out to be a mistress. I hate the
clothes,
I can’t wear the shoes or the contacts. I won’t know what to say to him or how to act or anything like that.”

She fingered her shorter, layered hair. That was the only part of her transformation she liked. Even curling it wasn’t too much trouble. And with it all pulled back and up in a bun, no one could tell what she’d done.

Fatima
studied her. “We’ve come so far, Heidi. The hotel room is in place. Dora found out that Jamal is expecting a new Italian sports car on Thursday. We were going to intercept the shipment so that you can pretend it was sent to you by mistake. You have your new clothes, your contacts. Why would you want to stop now?”

Heidi struggled to her feet, where she maintained a slightly wobbly balance. Mercifully her eyes stayed clear enough for her to navigate her way across the room and slump down on the sofa.

“Look at me,” she said. “I’m a failure at this. I have yet to put on eyeliner straight. I’m not cut out for this kind of thing.”

It was true. While she appreciated everything Fatima and Dora had done, the plan was crazy. Even if it wasn’t, she wasn’t the right person to pull it off. Either she didn’t have the right raw material, or she needed way more training.

Fatima
nodded. “You must do what you think is best.”

“Thanks.” Heidi gave her a grateful smile. “I still want to make things work in my marriage, but I think that’s best done as myself. Not some mistress.”

“Of course.”

Heidi studied the other woman, but she didn’t seem upset. “You’re not mad?” she asked. “I really appreciate all you’ve done. I don’t want you to think I’m not grateful, because I am. But it’s so not me.”

“I thought that was the point,”
Fatima
said, then patted her hand. “I want you to be happy. I’ll do whatever you’d like to make that happen.”

“Thank you.” She slipped off her shoes and stood up. What a relief to be able to walk again. “If Jamal and I are going to make it, I have to win him as myself. As inept and feeble as the effort may be, at least it will be honest.
Right?”

“Whatever you say, child.”

That night Heidi tried to read yet another chapter in one of
Fatima
’s sex books. She still couldn’t believe all the different ways that people made love, or the things they did to each other’s bodies. She’d barely experienced her first French kiss, and here she was reading about kissing in other very intimate places.

She was halfway through a chapter called “The Delights of the Feather and Other Ways to Make Your Lover Shiver” when she heard the main door of the suite open. Jamal was back!

Heidi didn’t know where he’d gone for the evening. He hadn’t joined her for dinner, which was annoying, what with her new plan to try to fix the marriage on her own. But he was back now, so she could get started without delay.

She tossed the book onto the bed and hurried out into the main room. Jamal stood by the wet bar tucked into the corner of the living room. He’d already poured himself a drink.

“Hi,” she said, coming to a halt by the sofa. “How was your evening?”

Jamal turned at the sound of Heidi’s voice—then wished he hadn’t. She stood in the center of the living room, wearing one of her loose, unflattering dresses.
This one in a most unbecoming shade of light green.
Her hair hung down her back in a simple braid, and her feet were bare. She looked young and vulnerable. The questions in her eyes only added to his guilt. It was one thing to avoid her while they were both inside the palace walls; it was another for him to have left the palace this evening. Not only had he not invited her along, he hadn’t told her where he was going.

The guilt was an unfamiliar emotion. He didn’t recall ever feeling it with Yasmin. But then things had been different at the beginning of their marriage. Before he’d known the truth about his greedy first wife, he’d wanted to spend every minute at her side. He’d been taken in by a pair of welcoming eyes and a body that had always seemed too eager for his own.

In time…a very short time…she’d changed. Or rather she’d returned to her real self. Once that occurred, she wanted nothing to do with him, unless they were to attend an official function where she could shine as the royal princess. She’d begun resisting his advances in bed,
then
had quickly moved into the room Heidi now occupied, telling him how he repelled her and how she wanted nothing to do with him.

With Yasmin there had been no guilt.
Only shame and humiliation.
He’d been more than a fool. He’d been trapped in a hell with no escape. He hadn’t even been able to talk about his problem with anyone. He’d been too proud to share the truth with his father or his brothers.
Fatima
had guessed that Yasmin was more interested in shopping and appearances than Jamal, and she had shared her revelation with the king. But neither of them knew the deepest, darkest horror that had been his marriage.

Still, they had tried to be supportive. Eventually even his brothers had figured out his wife was not a gentle soul. By the time Yasmin had met her untimely death in a car accident, no one in the family had cared about her enough to truly mourn her passing.

And now he was married again. He told himself that Heidi was nothing like Yasmin. Heidi was more interested in preserving the history of El Bahar than in any jewels or public appearance. Her clothing made it apparent that she wasn’t going to spend her days shopping. But she shared one vital trait with Yasmin—Heidi didn’t want to share her husband’s bed, either.

“You’re not even speaking to me anymore,” she said, staring at him wide-eyed.

“It’s not that,” he said. “I was lost in thought for a moment. I apologize.” He gave her a quick smile. “My evening was very pleasant. I had dinner with a friend from university. Nigel and I were at
Oxford
together. He’s in El Bahar on business and had an evening free.” He hesitated, dealing again with the unfamiliar guilt. “I thought of inviting you along, but as Nigel didn’t bring his wife, I was afraid it would have been boring for you. Two old friends talking about times and people you don’t know.”

She nodded slowly. “I understand. To be honest, I didn’t know you’d left the palace.”

He suspected she was trying to be kind and conciliatory, but her words only intensified his guilt.

“Do you want something?” he asked, touching one of the bottles on the bar.

“No thank you.”

He motioned to the sofa, inviting her to sit down,
then
he topped off his drink and joined her.

“Nigel has a position of some importance in the British government,” he said. “Although his interest is more general—all of the
Middle East
—he occasionally makes his way here. I told him that the next time he
comes,
he should bring the whole family. They could stay with us here in the palace. Then you could meet them.”

Her hazel eyes were wide behind her glasses. She gave him a brief smile that didn’t erase her serious expression. “I would like to meet your friend. By family, do you mean he has children?”

“Yes.
Two children.
Both boys.
He showed me pictures. They’re five and two.”

“I don’t know much about children, but those seem to be fun ages.
Although two boys.
That must be a lot of work.”

Their discussion was purely polite social chitchat, yet Jamal couldn’t help wondering what kind of mother Heidi would turn out to be. After the first month or so of marriage, Yasmin had made it very clear that she wasn’t interested in having children but that she would because it was expected of her. Still, she’d been insistent on full-time help so that she didn’t actually have to spend time alone with her offspring.

“As a princess, you would have help,” Jamal told her.
“A nurse and a nanny.”

“Not too much help,” Heidi said with her first flash of humor for the evening. “I would need to take care of my children sometimes. Otherwise what kind of mother would I be?”

It was the correct answer, he thought, yet he knew Heidi actually meant it. She wasn’t Yasmin, he told himself again. Maybe her fears and concerns about them being lovers came more from her inexperience than a desire to wound. Maybe she hadn’t been rejecting him as much as she’d been protecting herself.

She shifted until she was facing him with one leg tucked up under her. She smoothed a loose strand of hair behind her ear,
then
pushed her glasses into place. “Jamal, we have to talk. I know I’ve made a mess of things right from the beginning. You don’t know how much I want to go back in time to our wedding night and do things differently.”

Her honesty and sincerity were painful to watch. He stopped her with a shake of his head. “It’s not your fault,” he told her.

“Of course it is. I messed up completely.”

“I’d say we’re both responsible, then. You had your fears about something that was both unknown and frightening, while I was caught up in the past.”

She frowned. “You mean your marriage to Yasmin?”

“Yes.”

“How does that have anything to do with this?”

“It’s complicated,” he hedged. “I’m not sure I can explain it.”

Nor did he want to. There were many things he wanted to share with Heidi, but this wasn’t one of them. He could still remember how gentle he’d been with Yasmin on their wedding night. And his stunned surprise when she’d told him he need not bother. After all, she wasn’t a virgin, and she’d never much enjoyed sex. So he might as well just have at it and get it over with.

Later, when he’d discovered that she’d been telling the truth about disliking the intimate side of marriage, he’d asked what he could do so that he could please her. She’d dismissed his efforts. He’d even humiliated himself to inquire about other lovers, thinking they might have known about techniques he did not. She’d laughed then.
Laughed because he’d been too stupid to get it.
It wasn’t that he was doing it wrong, she’d told him. It was that he was doing it with her at all. She used sex to get what she wanted, but aside from that, it had no place in her life. Her parting shot had been for him not to take it so personally.

He’d hated her then. Worse, he’d hated himself for still wanting her. For despite everything, he’d allowed himself to fall in love with his shallow wife.

“You must have loved her very much,” Heidi whispered. “You still look very fierce when you talk about her.”

“Loving her was the worst of it,” he said honestly. “Even when I knew better, I still loved her.”

Heidi swallowed. “I understand.” Her voice was low and hoarse. “You wouldn’t want another relationship like that.”

“Exactly,” he said forcefully, thinking of all he’d had to endure. “It was hell. Days upon weeks of hell.”

“I see.”

He knew she didn’t. Lord only knew what she was thinking, but he wasn’t about to correct her misinterpretations of his relationship with Yasmin. No one would ever know the truth.

Heidi made a sniffling sound. He looked at her and was surprised to see she had tears in her eyes.

“What’s wrong? Why are you upset?”

“It’s nothing.” She faked a smile.

He would never understand women, he thought grimly. But he didn’t have to understand all of them.
Just his wife.
Once again he reminded himself she was nothing like Yasmin. Heidi deserved his attention, and they deserved a second chance.

He reached out and lightly touched the back of her hand. “You’re right about us taking things slowly,” he said. “Let’s do that. Let’s try to be friends and start over.”

“I’d like that,” she murmured as more tears slipped down her cheeks. “I’d like that v-very much. But I have to go now.”

Before he knew what had happened, Heidi had run out of the room and into the sanctuary of her bedroom. He thought about following her, but he wasn’t sure what he would say when he caught her. It was easier to just let her go.

He leaned back against the sofa and stared into his drink. Life had been much simpler before she’d shown up. Apparently he didn’t have much luck in the wife department. Was the problem them, or was it him?

He thought about the other women in his life. The part-time lovers and mistresses Heidi had asked him to give up. She’d wanted him to respect his wedding vows. Ironically, he had ended all those liaisons. It had been surprisingly easy to walk away from those women. He’d actually been eager to be faithful to his wife.