The She-Hulk Diaries (37 page)

“You’ll never know, though, because you gave up after leaving one message.”

“Everyone gives up after leaving one message,” I said, and then I saw him smile. “Except you, Rene. You kept trying to get me to come back here.”

“I like a challenge, and you’re a challenge,” he said warmly. “You overcome resistance in your career, yet you relent so easily in your emotional life. How does She-Hulk feel about Ellis Tesla? Didn’t she kiss him at the Club Nice incident?”

“She thinks he’s sexy and dynamic.”

“
You
think he’s sexy and dynamic, Jen.”

“It’s different because he was interested in her, too. All men are interested in her. Even Victor von Doom has a sick fascination with her,” I said. “It’s more complicated anyway. Ellis is engaged to my heinous colleague, Amber Hammerhead. I don’t stand a chance.”

Rene stared at me for a long time while he tugged at his beard and then fiddled with his wooden prayer beads. There was a tapping at his door. “I think we’re getting more to the meat of the matter, and we need to continue this discussion, Jennifer, okay?”

“Next time.” And I don’t know why, but I hugged the crunchy little man before I left.

I went for a run in favorite neighborhoods to look for moving trucks and people vacating apartments. Saturdays are for couples, and that’s all I saw—couples holding hands, having drinks at window tables, pushing baby strollers together, carrying groceries… While I was looking into a flower shop window, an attractive couple bumped into me as they ran by in their matching gear.

They didn’t even say sorry, which meant that things were a little more normal in the city, but I was annoyed. I picked up my pace and passed
them easily. I could hear their footsteps behind me, trying to catch up to me, and I turned and ran backward. I smiled and waved at them before leaving them in the dust.

I’m usually not so petty and show-offy, but I feel like I’ve hit a wall with my resolutions. The prospect of an OMG! amazing boyfriend is not the same as the actuality of one on a Saturday night when everyone else is going out. Even amnesiac superhumans had better social lives than me. I know because Dahlia called to ask me if I thought it was okay for her to have dinner with Adam.

“Absolutely, but go somewhere low-key. He’s still got an enemy out there.”

“I’m going to his place and he’s cooking. Evidently that’s one of his talents.”

“Be careful, Dahlia, and you can always call me if there’s any problem.”

“What are you going to do tonight?”

“Work.”

“But it’s Saturday night.”

“I already took the afternoon off and had lots of fun.”

“Yes, because you’re a sparkling goddess of whimsy. What did you really do?”

“I went to an amazing salon and got a brand-new cut and went blond.”

“You didn’t! You couldn’t! How could you!”

“Kidding! Bye, and be careful, D.”

I will enjoy a worthwhile evening of important self-improvement tasks!

Yippee! Just got a call from Ruth, and I thought it was because I was the only one available for a Saturday night crisis because everyone else was out either saving the world or on a date or both. But she said, “Hi, Jen! Are you still looking for a new place?”

“Yes, I was looking today. Have you heard of something?”

“I have—so long as you don’t mind that there’s not a lot of natural light. Actually, there’s no natural light, but it’s totally bombproof. It’s huge, completely updated, with high ceilings, two full master suites, an office, a guest bedroom, and an additional bath. The best part is that it’s got OMG! amazing secret access to the entire city.”

“It sounds too good to be true. What’s the rent?”

“Take a seat because this is OMG! amazing! The cost is
nothing
! The apartment is in one of the old subway tunnels and it’s available only to superheroes. You can live there for a month or for years. It’s completely up to you.”

I was standing up and clutching the phone. “How come I haven’t heard of it before?”

“Hawkeye built it one of the times the Mansion was wrecked, and you know how he and Shulky are always at each other’s throats. It’s a fantastic place, fully furnished. I’m sending you pics now.”

Her photos showed a luxurious space with an expansive wall of windows and a skyline view. “It’s marvelous,” I said. “But I’m looking at a panoramic view.”

“The windows display time-accurate scenes with artificial sun so you can keep a sense of the day. The space can function as an emergency
bunker, and there’s a fully equipped personal gym. You can throw bodies around and no one will hear you.”

That cinched the deal.

“There’s just one thing,” Ruth said. “You’ve got to promise that Shulky won’t demolish it.”

“That’s no problem, because She-Hulk has turned a corner and matured. She’s got her wild personality completely under control.”