The Seeker (24 page)

The paths were emptying as the houses swallowed up the Shakers. Only a few stragglers remained, and those walked with quick steps to keep from being late for whatever was to happen next in the village. The evening meal perhaps. The sun had disappeared below the horizon and twilight was gathering. Adam felt the grumble of his own stomach as he pushed away from the tree to head back to his assigned room where Elder Logan had said someone would bring his meal.

It seemed a strange life. Everything so ordered and serene. Elder Logan claimed all strife had been removed for those who dwelt there, but how could one live in a tranquil sea day in and day out? A man needed the water of his life stirred by breezes. Else he stayed in the doldrums and wasted away for lack of challenge. And yet here were all of these men and women seeking those doldrums. It was more than Adam could understand. And certainly nothing he could ever want.

He was so deep in thought that he didn’t notice the two sisters coming toward him on the pathway until the older sister put out a hand to stop the other, a young black woman, from passing too closely to him. He moved off the path to give way to them. The older sister stepped faster to move between him and the younger sister. In the fading light it was difficult to see the young sister’s black face under the white cap even though she didn’t duck her head away from him. Instead her eyes widened in surprise as she peeked around the older sister at him.

He stepped forward to get a better look at her face. “Do I know you?” he asked.

She seemed to want to stop, but the older sister didn’t allow it as she put an arm around the girl and hurried her past Adam. “Come, Sister Melana. It is not proper for us to speak with those of the world without first receiving permission from the elders and eldresses.”

“But I only wanted to ask if he’d come for her.”

“His business here is no concern of ours.”

“But . . .” The girl tried to look back at him, but the other sister tugged her along.

Adam watched them until they disappeared into the brick family house. Melana. Not a familiar name, but even so, something about the woman’s face tugged at his memory. If he could have gotten a better look at her, then he might place where he’d seen her. Perhaps she’d been a servant from one of the great houses he’d visited in Frankfort, and now she’d found freedom here with the Shakers.

But who in the world would she think he might have come for? He shook his head a little as he started back down the path. She must have mistaken him for someone else. He knew no one among the Shakers.

20

The day after Selena’s letter came, Charlotte got up at the sound of the rising bell. She knelt in pretense of prayer. She put on the Shaker dress and cap and went into their biting room where she forced food into her stomach. She listened to Dulcie’s chatter in the pressing room as she pushed the iron across the fabric. And she was glad for the toil that brought sweat to her face and made her shoulders ache, because it took some of her mind off the ache in her heart.

She had lost her home. Her life. She had nothing. She who had always planned and arranged and made things happen as she wished. Now there were no wishes left. Grayson would never be hers. She had nothing left but this shell of Charlotte Mayda Vance that the ones around her called Sister Charlotte. Her father had cut her off. In spite of Selena’s words to the contrary, Charlotte knew the woman would see that the wound never healed. She had outflanked Charlotte once more.

She couldn’t blame it all on Selena. She was the one who had let foolish pride set her feet on this strange path. She should 218 have stayed at Grayson and kept her place. They couldn’t have forced her to go to Virginia. Her father wouldn’t have pushed her out the door. But no, Charlotte had gone through that door herself. Had run out that door.

The thought tormented her as she pushed the heavy irons over the woven fabric of the sheets. She didn’t want to think. She closed her mind to everything but the task at hand. Pick up one iron and move it back and forth until it cooled and then pick up another one to do the same.

Dulcie touched her shoulder when it was time for the evening meal and led her out of the pressing room to where Gemma waited. Gemma was smiling, talking about a man drawing a staircase. Charlotte paid scant attention as she let Gemma’s words float on the surface of her mind like leaves on a still pond. If she started listening, really listening, her mind might awaken and she would have to think of losing Grayson again.

She sat at the evening meal and didn’t dip any food onto her plate even when Gemma edged the bowls of potatoes and beans closer to her. Sister Altha frowned at her across the table but could say nothing because speaking wasn’t allowed in the room where they ate. Each group of four Shakers had their own set of serving bowls in front of them so that no one had to ask for a bowl to be passed. The food was good and plentiful, but Gemma had greatly stressed that Charlotte must Shaker her plate, which meant she must eat every bite of whatever she might take from the bowls. Charlotte had forced down the morning meal and the meal at noon, but now she only stared at her empty plate and was glad no food was there. What was it Selena had written? That at least she would be well fed.

After the meal was over, they once again knelt in silent prayer before filing out of the biting room to retire to their rooms for a time of rest and meditation.

Sister Altha stopped Charlotte in the hallway. “Are you unwell, Sister Charlotte?” There was no hint of sympathy in her voice.

“Nay,” Charlotte answered.

“You did not eat.”

“I felt no appetite.”

“A Believer must take care of her body in order to maintain proper health and strength for her duties.”

“Yea, so you have told me. I will eat tomorrow.” Charlotte said the words she thought Sister Altha wished to hear. She just wanted the woman to go away so she could return to her dark box and shut away all thought.

But Sister Altha was not satisfied with Charlotte’s answer. “Is there some wrong you have need to confess? Sin can fester in one’s soul and lead to blackness of the mind. But with proper confession, Mother Ann can bring your spirit back into harmony.”

“Yea, so you have told me.”

Sister Altha stood unmoving in front of her waiting for Charlotte to say more. When Charlotte didn’t speak, Sister Altha’s face tightened with disapproval before she said, “I fear, my sister, that you seek the blackness of sin and that your presence here is nothing but a farce.”

“Nay, Sister Altha. I want to learn the Shaker way.” What other choice did she have now? She had no place to go. She would become Sister Charlotte. She would learn to dance in worship. She would work with her hands. She would never again stand and let a servant dress her in a ball gown she could not button or unbutton. That Charlotte was gone, lost to her own foolishness.

That didn’t mean she would never see Grayson again. She would. Somehow. Some way. But until she figured out that new way, she’d bide her time here among these strange people where, as Selena had written, she would be safe and well fed. The war that was threatening the country seemed far removed from this place where peace was sought by all true Believers. And sometimes found. Edwin claimed to have found it. Gemma wore it like a crown of light. Eldress Sadie preached it. Sister Martha knew it. Sister Altha demanded it.

Peace. If it was all around her, then surely some of it would wear off on her no matter what else was happening at Grayson or in the country. She had told Adam Wade she was going to do the unexpected. But she had not expected the road she chose to be so full of crooks and turns that even she had not foreseen.

She remembered Mellie’s words as they rode into the village a few weeks earlier. How she’d said they were being swallowed by a whale just as Jonah had been in the Bible story. The village seemed that different and strange. But the three days in the belly of Jonah’s whale was long past, and here she remained with no hope of being spit out for a second chance for many more days.

All she could do was bend her spirit, wipe away her thoughts, and search for the right words to pray when she knelt in obedience to the Shaker rules. They did not order her to silently pray any special words. The prayer was to be from her heart. Perhaps she could discover the proper words to convince the Lord to let her be spit out of the belly of the whale the same as Jonah was once he prayed with a reformed heart.

Mellie. At least that was one thing that had gone right with her plan. Mellie was as safe and well fed as she was.

Charlotte was glad when Sister Altha ceased speaking and left her alone in the hallway. She was relieved when Gemma didn’t think it necessary to accompany her to the outhouse. She welcomed the cool dark air that made her feel even more invisible. She wanted to walk into the shadows and dwell there for a while. Perhaps forever.

“Miss Lottie.” The whisper came from the corner of the building. “Over here, Miss Lottie.”

Charlotte moved toward the sound of Mellie’s voice, but couldn’t see her. A hand reached out and pulled her to the side of the building. Even with Mellie directly in front of her, Charlotte could barely make out her shape in the darkness. Her cap was gone, along with the large white collar and apron from her dress, and her black face melted into the night.

Mellie snatched off Charlotte’s cap and turned her toward the building. “Here,” she said as she handed the cap to Charlotte. “We won’t be as easy to spot with the white hidden.”

“What are you doing, Mellie?”

“Same as you. I told them I had to relieve myself, and then I hid out here hopin’ and prayin’ you’d come along without your guard before they come huntin’ for me. I prayed strong as I could, and praises be, he give me the answer I wanted. The one I had to have. Thank the good Lord above.” She kept her voice low, just above a whisper. “That’s one thing these Shaker folks has got right. All the prayin’ time. But they done messed up on a bunch of other things.”

Charlotte grabbed Mellie’s shoulders. “Slow down and tell me what’s going on.”

“I guess I better. They liable to show up after us any minute and there is a lot to tell.” She rushed out the words. “Has he come for you?”

“Who?” The black sadness filled her heart. “Not Father. He . . .” She hesitated and then pushed the words out around the lump that wanted to form in her throat. She hadn’t cried when she read the letter or since, but now with Mellie there beside her, the tears wanted to break free. “He says I’m no longer his daughter.”

“Who says? Massah Charles?” Mellie’s voice carried disbelief. “That can’t be right.”

“I got a letter.”

“Well, that woman must’ve made him write it. She got your daddy under some kind of devil spell.”

“I’ve not only lost Father to her, Mellie. I’ve lost Grayson.” Charlotte choked back a sob.

“You’ll figure somethin’ out, Miss Lottie. Don’t you always.” Mellie put her arms around her and pulled her close. “Didn’t you figure out a way to keep that woman from sellin’ me down the river? And that wasn’t no easy thing.”

“I’m glad I did that much right.” This time Charlotte couldn’t hold the sob in.

Mellie leaned back from her and shook her a little. “Now don’t you go cryin’ on me or I’ll never get what needs sayin’ said.”

Charlotte swallowed hard and peered at Mellie’s face, but her expression was hidden in the shadowy darkness. “All right. What needs saying?”

Mellie didn’t speak right away, as if now that she had the chance to talk, she didn’t know which words to say. Charlotte didn’t think her heart could grow any heavier, but she was wrong. Even before Mellie spoke the words, Charlotte knew what they were going to be.

“I don’t know if I ought to tell you this or not, but I’s always trusted you, Miss Lottie. Nate’s runnin’ away. Goin’ north.” Again she hesitated before she pushed out the rest of her words. “I’m goin’ with him, Miss Lottie.”

“No, you can’t do that. It won’t be safe. He might get caught, and if he gets caught and you’re with him, then no telling what might happen.” Charlotte grabbed Mellie’s arms and held onto her as though she’d never let go.

Mellie didn’t try to pull away. “I has to, Miss Lottie. I love him.” Her voice sounded sad, excited, and frightened all at the same time.

Charlotte loosened her hold and pulled in a deep breath. She didn’t know what to say.

Mellie put her hands over Charlotte’s and pulled them away from her arms. She held her hands softly as she went on. “I loves you too, Miss Lottie. You knows I do. And Mammy. Can’t nobody love their mother more than I love Mammy, but we’s already apart. Her there cookin’ for Massah Charles ’til you figure out a way to get her free. And me here.” She squeezed Charlotte’s hands a little before she turned them loose. “I don’t know as how I can explain, but this way I feel for Nate, it’s different love. I has to go with him. Even if I die, I has to ’cause I’ll die in my heart if I don’t.”

“Wait and get the Shakers to take you across the river. They take trips to their other villages in the north. Tell them you want to live at one of them.” Charlotte’s mind was racing, trying to think of a better way. “Then you can run away from there to meet up with Nate.”

“You always has good plans, but I’s already decided. The’ ain’t no turnin’ back. I’m goin’ tonight. Now. I got my papers.” She touched her bosom and Charlotte heard a rustle of paper. “They give them to me to keep. So I’d feel free, they said. I want to feel free, Miss Lottie. Really free and not just stuck here with these folks who has a funny idea of free with all their rules and watchin’ eyes. You don’t really want to be here either, do you?”

“I don’t know. I can’t go home. So where else could I go?” Charlotte said.

“What about him? Has he come for you?”

“Has who come for me? What in the world are you talking about?” Charlotte frowned at her.

“That artist gentleman.”

“Adam Wade?” Charlotte stared at Mellie with disbelief. She couldn’t really be meaning that Adam was there at Harmony Hill.

“Right. The artist man. He was on the path when me and Sister Cora come back from the washhouse after our workin’ time.”