The Secrets Of Female Sexuality (2 page)

So, basically, it was all my fault! I had chosen poorly!

That's right. I had only married her because she was so smoking hot.

That was the first step to recovery. I assumed responsibility for my lot in life.

Because of what I had been through, I worked hard to devise a way to choose the correct women, which has since served me well.

At the same time, I realized what that Bad Boy was doing. He was preying on the insecurities of low self-esteem women.

“Women need constant doubt.” “Never let her think she has you.” That will certainly keep a low self-esteem woman on her toes. Low self-esteem women are always chasing what they can’t have. But a high self-esteem woman will tire of that. A high self-esteem woman

wants to get to the point where she can enjoy having her man. If she can’t, she’ll move on.

“She must always be jealous of you.” True for preying on the insecurities of low self-esteem women. Very bad for high self-esteem women. There are much better ways to have the occasional “healthy” jealousy that keeps a high quality woman sharp.

“Always remain interesting and challenging to her.” Agreed. But there are healthy ways to do this.

“Always keep strife in the relationship.” Wrong! That will attract low self-esteem women. It will repel high quality women.

“Be possessive of her. She must feel owned.” Very bad! High quality women do NOT want to be “owned.” I will later explain the correct “occasional” context in which this is actually a good thing, and very powerful.

“Never let her look at another man.” “Keep other men away from her.” Bad Boys are very insecure paranoid men who know that other Bad Boys are always trying to steal his woman away. But in actuality, such a mind-set will repel high quality women. And in reality, there is no need!

“Show her more excitement than any other man has.” “Sexually fulfill her, and then some.” Agreed. Most definitely. And I have gone MUCH further!

“Never let her feel she fully satisfies you.” WRONG! In fact, for high quality women, I will show you that in fact you want to show her just how MUCH she satisfies you, and why that is so powerful!

“Know her weaknesses and play them when needed.” That is just so fucking stupid! Typical of the low self-esteem Bad Boy.

I have devised much more rewarding ways to keep a high self- esteem woman excited about the relationship, and in fact, how to bring out her inner SLUT!

And since I was back in the dating scene again, I wanted to be a memorable lover for the women that I was meeting and I wanted to

enjoy the experiences myself to the maximum extent possible. So I read all the books about sexuality and being a better lover.

Unfortunately, they were somewhat disappointing.

On the weekends that the kids were at their mother's, I would go to the night clubs.

At the time I was 36, and felt old and used up. But I began to discover that some of the young women found me attractive. I started dating a 19-year-old woman who had gotten in the night club using a fake ID.

Unfortunately, she was not having orgasms. I was making love to her like I had made love to my wife for many years. I realized soon that that was not working on the new women.

Later she started dating a Bad Boy. One night she and I ran into each other and I asked her how things were going. She was happy to report that her new boyfriend had given her her first orgasm!

Damnit! A Bad Boy had beaten me again!

I decided that that would never happen again.

I read more books on sexuality and being a better lover. I purchased educational videos. I listened to audios. There may have been one paragraph in each book worth quoting, but otherwise they were all the same old stuff rehashed.

I decided to try stuff myself and figure out what really works.

I started dating a 22 year old woman. She also had never had an orgasm. She had only been with one man before. They had been together for a year, and no doubt he had tried everything on her.

So I just took my time finding what would feel good for her. With my middle finger I searched for her “G spot”, like all the sexuality books recommended, but I received no response from her.

Then I decided to slide my finger in as far along the front wall of her vagina as I could. I curled the tip of my finger and pressed hard against the front wall. She immediately responded to this.

After continuing this for a few minutes, I watched the face of this beautiful woman while she experienced her very first orgasm.

I decided that I was going to be my own sexuality teacher. I gave more women their first orgasm.

I converted women who had never masturbated in their life into masturbating maniacs.

I turned women who insisted that they could only have one orgasm into multi-orgasmic come machines.

And interestingly, I later came to realize that I had actually benefited most from the education I received when I was writing my masters thesis in Electrical Engineering on Artificial Neural Networks.

As computer engineers, we looked to the human brain as an alternative computing architecture. It did things seemingly effortlessly that we could not get computers to do.

We read papers by neurologists. They quoted papers by psychiatrists and psychologists. That got me very interested in psychology.

I also learned some neural physiology and was starting to form an understanding of how the brain processes sexuality.

So I started to look at the power in the psychology and neural physiology of female sexuality. That’s when things started getting very interesting...

After my divorce in 1992, I felt very defeated and alone. I had custody of our two small children, and thus in the evenings I was stuck at home. So, after I put the children to bed, I turned to the telephone.

There was a singles magazine in our area where people put in personal ads. You would read through the ads and decide which women to call. You would then call a 900 number and leave a message and your number. The ladies would then listen to their messages and decide who to call back.

That was back in the days before there was caller ID. The women could call and know that you had no way of knowing who they really were or where they lived. So there was that anonymity which gave them safety.

I picked women who were recently divorced and about thirty years old. So when they would call, the rapport would build quickly as we had much in common and much to talk about.

I would build common ground, based on our similar situations of having gone through a divorce. This allowed her to feel comfortable with me.

I also became very good at establishing an emotional connection with a woman on the telephone. This is critically important. Women are emotional creatures and they need to establish a connection before they can feel free to continue further.

Since she understood my situation, I would say to her, “I really enjoy talking to you. I feel like I can tell you anything, and you understand it and accept it.” She would reply, “Oh yes, I do!”

This served to make her feel that she could tell me anything as well and that I would fully understand it and accept it. Thus they would open up even further.

For many of these women, by the end of their marriage, they no longer felt sexual. They weren’t having orgasms, even by masturbating. They didn’t even fantasize. There was no point in it.

They had left their marriages for various reasons, but in all cases the sex had become boring. Their husbands were lousy lovers. I asked these women, “Was it because he had a small penis?” They would reply, “Well, actually, no.”

Many of them had affairs with exciting lovers. They talked about how much their lover turned them on. So I asked these women, “Was it because he had a big penis?” They would reply, “Well, actually, no.”

So it didn’t have anything to do with the size of the man’s penis.

The women were lonely. They were reaching out in the dark to talk to another human being, to have thoughtful human interaction.

For them it was therapeutic to share their secrets, even with an anonymous person. And because it was anonymous, they were completely open and honest. I became very good at getting them to open up and share.

I would ask them, “What do you really want in a man?” They would describe that, or at least try to describe it to the best of their ability. Often they didn’t really know themselves; they just knew what they wanted to feel. The important thing is that they started to feel those feelings while they were on the phone with me.

So I would then ask them, “How would that make you feel to be with such a man?” They would begin to describe that. In order to describe it, they had to imagine feeling it. This caused them to actually begin to feel those feelings and imagine that they were really with that man. And because they were talking to me, and had rapport with me, those feelings got associated to me on a subconscious level. They did not realize this on a conscious level.

Because I was genuinely interested in what they thought, and because I made it a point to demonstrate that I was a good listener, they opened up about what they would really like to have. In other words, what they fantasized about on an emotional and relationship basis.

When they were basking in a flood of good emotions and feelings, which were all connected to me, I would ramp that up. After having established an emotional connection with them that allowed them to

feel very close to me, I leveraged that to move the conversation in a romantic direction.

I would have them describe to me what they would do on the ideal “date.” They would describe some romantic night out consisting of dinner and dancing and walking on the beach. Of course, all of this would be described in detail. “Then we are seated at our table, which is adorned with a fine white linen tablecloth and one tall candle.”

Sometimes they would instead prefer that I describe the ideal date. If so, I would simply narrate the ideal date as described to me by previous women. Simple really. Give women what they have to have.

After they are basking in the flood of romantic feelings, all of which is linked to me, allowing them to feel romantic towards me, I would then covertly move things in a sexual direction.

I would say, "Do you ever feel alone?" They would affirm.

Then I would pose the question to them, “What would it feel like to be the opposite of alone? What word could be used to describe that?”

They would try to describe it and try to put a word to it. It served to remind them that they are alone and to remind them how much they yearn to feel close and connected.

Then I would say, “Yeah. Sometimes I feel alone. Especially at this time of night. I think about what it would be like to be with that someone special. What would we say? What would we do? How would we make each other feel?”

They would softly say, “Yeah...”

Then I would say, “I feel very close to you right now.” They would reply, “Yes, I feel very close to you too.”

Then I would softly say, “I wish I were there with you right now.” They would softly reply, “Yes...”

“If I were there right now, I would want to hold you so close.” They would softly reply, “Yeah...”

“And I would feel your soft skin against mine.” They would sigh. Here is the critical point...

“And I would ever so softly kiss the side of your neck.”

At this point, fully 80 percent of the women would simply stop talking and just sigh.

I would continue...

“And I would softly kiss the side of your neck all the way down to your shoulder.”

And I would slowly describe in detail everything I would do if I were there. Beginning with what I would kiss. Then what I would touch.

They would start moaning. Then what I would lick.

Within minutes, these women would be screaming in orgasmic ecstasy.

Fully 80% of these women, all attractive and educated, on the very first call, to a man they have never talked to before in their life, would engage in phone sex with me.

Have you ever heard of that before? Intelligent, educated, professional, successful, attractive women calling a strange man and having phone sex?

It’s usually the other way around, where men pay $4.99 a minute to call a woman to have phone sex. And that woman is actually an ugly old hag in a hair net smoking a cigarette with a monotonic foreign accent.

I continually adjusted and refined my phone sex techniques, making it progressively more realistic and effective. Just from my voice and the reality that I created in their mind with sensory rich descriptions and erotic words and eventually outright naughty vulgarity, women were having orgasms, then women were having multiple orgasms, then women were having orgasms without even touching themselves.

I became extremely good at giving phone sex. I was absolutely lethal. The phone would ring and I knew that within one hour another woman that I had never talked to before, would be screaming in orgasmic ecstasy.

It became routine. I had to work the next day, and I needed a freshly ironed shirt for work. So I'd be getting women off on the phone while I was ironing my shirts. I would literally be having phone sex while I did my laundry!

Picture this... I am looking down at my ironing board, holding the collar down of my white shirt with my left hand while with my right hand I press the iron across with the phone pinched between my right shoulder and chin while I say, “Keep coming for me Baby! I’m gonna come! Now! NOW Baby! Come harder!” while the woman is screaming at the top of her lungs right into my ear.

I was leading a private life in the evenings running a phone sex line for women. I started feeling like a sex industry worker. I should have been wearing a hair net and had a cigarette dangling from my mouth with a really long ash on it that’s about to fall off onto my shirt while I squint my eyes to avert the rising smoke.

And these women were well-educated professionals. Elementary school teachers, mid-level managers, emergency room nurses, stock brokers, sales directors, fast-rising corporate executives, you name it. They all had high self-esteem. They came from good homes. They were the farthest thing from sluts. But when I got on the phone with them and unlocked their pent-up sexual potential, they became total sluts.