The Second Ring of Power (14 page)

That day I drove for hours inside the structure, giving my body a chance
to store the memory of that ticklish sensation.

I faced the two girls and wanted to tell them that I had just found out
where they lived. I
desisted. There was no way of describing to them that the ticklish
sensation had made me
remember a casual
remark that don Juan had once made as we passed a house on our way to
Pablito's place. He had pointed out an unusual
feature in the surroundings and said that that house
was an ideal place for quietness but was not a
place to rest. I drove them there.

Their house was rather big. It was also an adobe structure with a tile
roof like dona Soledad's.
It had one long room in the front, a
roofed, open-air kitchen in back of the house, a huge patio
next
to the kitchen and an area for chickens beyond the patio. The most important
part of their house, however, was a closed room with two doors, one opening to
the front room and the other to the back. Lidia said that they had built it
themselves. I wanted to see it, but both of them said
that it was
not the appropriate time because Josefina and la Gorda were not present to show
me
the parts of the room that belonged to them.

In the corner of the front room there was a sizable, built-in brick
platform. It was about
eighteen inches high and had been
constructed like a bed with one end against the wall. Lidia put some thick
straw mats on its flat top and urged me to lie down and sleep while they
watched over
me.

Rosa
had lit a lantern and hung it on a nail above the bed.
There was enough light to write. I
explained to them that writing
eased my tension and asked if it bothered them.

"Why do you have to ask?" Lidia retorted. "Just do
it!"

In the vein of a perfunctory explanation I told them that I had always
done some things, such
as taking notes, which were strange
even to don Juan and don Genaro and would perforce be
strange to
them.

"We all do strange things," Lidia said dryly.

I sat down on the bed under the lantern, with my back against the wall.
They lay down next to
me, one on each side. Rosa covered herself with a blanket and went to sleep as if all she needed to
do
was to lie down. Lidia said that then was the appropriate time and place for us
to talk, although she would prefer that I turn off the light because it made
her sleepy.

Our conversation in the darkness centered around the whereabouts of the
other two girls. She
said that she could not even imagine
where la Gorda was, but that Josefina was undoubtedly in
the
mountains, still looking for Nestor, even though it was dark. She explained
that Josefina was
the most capable one to take care of herself in
eventualities such as being in a deserted place in
the dark. That
was the reason why la Gorda had selected her to run that errand.

I mentioned that in listening to them talk about la Gorda I had formed
the opinion that she was
the boss. Lidia replied that la Gorda
was indeed in charge, and that the Nagual himself had put her in command. She
added that even if he had not done so, la Gorda would have taken over,
sooner
or later, because she was the best.

I was compelled at that point to light the lantern in order to write.
Lidia complained that the
light made it impossible to stay awake,
but I prevailed.

"What makes la Gorda the best?" I asked.

"She has more personal power," she said. "She knows
everything. Besides, the Nagual taught
her how to
control people."

"Do you envy la Gorda for being the best?"

"I used to, but not now."

"Why did you change?"

"I finally accepted my fate, as the Nagual told me."

"And what is your fate?"

"My fate. . . my fate is to be the breeze. To be a dreamer. My
fate is to be a warrior." "Do Rosa or Josefina envy la Gorda?"

"No, they don't. All of us have accepted our fates. The Nagual said
that power comes only
after we accept our fate without
recriminations. I used to complain a lot and feel terrible because I
liked
the Nagual. I thought I was a woman. But he showed me that I was not. He showed
me that
I was a warrior. My life had ended before I met him. This
body that you see here is new. The same thing happened to all of us. Perhaps
you were not like us, but to us the Nagual was a new
life.

"When he told us that he was going to leave, because he had to do
other things, we thought we
would die. But look at us now. We're
alive, and do you know why? Because the Nagual showed
us that we were
himself. He's here with us. He'll always be here. We are his body and his
spirit."

"Do all four of you feel the same way?"

"We are not four. We are one. That is our fate. We have to carry
each other. And you are the
same. All of us are the same. Even Soledad is the same, although she goes in a different
direction."

"And Pablito, Nestor and Benigno? Where do they fit?"

"We don't know. We don't like them. Especially Pablito. He's a
coward. He has not accepted his fate and wants to wriggle out of it. He even
wants to chuck his chances as a sorcerer and live
an ordinary
life. That'll be great for Soledad. But the Nagual gave us orders to help him.
We are
getting tired of helping him, though. Maybe one of these
days la Gorda will push him out of the
way
forever."

"Can she do that?"

"Can she do that! Of course she can. She's got more of the Nagual
than the rest of us. Perhaps
even more than you."

"Why do you think the Nagual never told me that you were his
apprentices?"

"Because you're empty."

"Did he say that I was empty?"

"Everyone knows you're empty. It is written on your body."

"How can you tell that?"

"There is a hole in the middle."

"In the middle of my body? Where?"

She very gently touched a spot on the right side of my stomach. She drew
a circle with her
finger as if she were following the edges of an
invisible hole four or five inches in diameter.
"Are you
empty yourself, Lidia?"

"Are you kidding? I am complete. Can't you see?"

Her answers to my questions were taking a turn that I had not expected.
I did not want to
antagonize her with my ignorance. I shook my head
affirmatively.

"Why do you think I have a hole here that makes me empty?" I
asked after deliberating what the most innocent question would be.

She did not answer. She turned her back to me and complained that the
light of the lantern
bothered her eyes. I insisted on a
response. She faced me defiantly.

"I don't want to talk to you anymore," she said. "You
are stupid. Not even Pablito is that stupid
and he's the
worst."

I did not want to end up in another blind alley by pretending that I
knew what she was talking
about, so I asked her again what
caused my emptiness. I coaxed her to talk, giving her ample
assurances
that don Juan had never explained that topic to me. He had said time and time
again
that I
was empty and I understood him the way any Western man would understand that
statement. I thought he meant that I was somehow
void of determination, will, purpose or even
intelligence. He had never spoken to me about a hole in my body.

"There is a hole there on the right side," she said
matter-of-factly. "A hole that a woman made
when she
emptied you."

"Would you know who the woman is?"

"Only you can tell that. The Nagual said that men, most of the
time, cannot tell who had
emptied them. Women are more fortunate;
they know for a fact who emptied them."

"Are your sisters empty, like me?"

"Don't be stupid. How can they be empty?"

"Dona Soledad said that she was empty. Does she look like me?"

"No. The hole in her stomach was enormous. It was on both sides,
which meant that a man
and a woman emptied her."

"What did dona Soledad do with a man and a woman?"

"She gave her completeness to them."

I vacillated for a moment before asking the next question. I wanted to
assess all the
implications of her statement.

"La Gorda was even worse than Soledad," Lidia went on.
"Two women emptied her. The hole
in her stomach was like a cavern.
But now she has closed it. She is complete again."

"Tell me about those two women."

"I just can't tell you anything more," she said in a most
imperative tone. "Only la Gorda can
speak to you
about this matter. Wait until she comes."

"Why only la Gorda?"

"Because she knows everything."

"Is she the only one who knows everything?"

"The Witness knows as much, maybe even more, but he is Genaro
himself and that makes him
very difficult to handle. We don't like
him."

"Why don't you like him?"

"Those three bums are awful. They are crazy like Genaro. Well, they
are Genaro himself.
They are always fighting us because they were
afraid of the Nagual and now they are taking their
revenge on us.
That's what la Gorda says anyway."

"And what makes la Gorda say that?"

"The Nagual told her things he didn't tell the rest of us. She
sees
.
The Nagual said that you
also
see
.
Josefina, Rosa and I don't
see
, and yet all
five of us are the same. We are the same."

The phrase "we are the same," which dona Soledad had used the
night before, brought on an
avalanche of thoughts and fears. I put
my writing pad away. I looked around. I was in a strange
world
lying in a strange bed in between two young women I did not know. And yet I
felt at ease
there. My body experienced abandon and indifference. I
trusted them.

"Are you going to sleep here?" I asked.

"Where else?"

"How about your own room?"

"We can't leave you alone. We feel the same way you do; you are a
stranger, except that we are bound to help you. La Gorda said that no matter
how stupid you are, we have to look after
you. She said
we have to sleep in the same bed with you as if you were the Nagual
himself."

Lidia turned off the lantern. I remained sitting with my back against
the wall. I closed my eyes to think and I fell asleep instantly.

Lidia, Rosa and I had been sitting on a flat area just outside the
front door for nearly two
hours, since eight o'clock in the
morning. I had tried to steer them into a conversation but they
had
refused to talk. They seemed to be very relaxed, almost asleep. Their mood of
abandonment
was not contagious, however. Sitting there in that
forced silence had put me into a mood of my
own. Their
house sat on top of a small hill; the front door faced the east. From where I
sat I could see almost the entire narrow valley that ran from east to west. I
could not see the town but I could
see the green areas of
cultivated fields on the floor of the valley. On the other side and flanking
the valley in every
direction, there were gigantic, round, eroded hills. There were no high
mountains in the vicinity of the valley, only
those enormous, eroded, round hills, the sight of
which created in me the most intense feeling of
oppression. I had the sensation that those hills
were about to transport me to another time.

Lidia spoke to me all of a sudden and her voice disrupted my reverie.
She pulled my sleeve.
"Here comes Josefina," she
said.

I looked at the winding trail that led from the valley to the house. I
saw a woman walking
slowly up the trail, perhaps fifty yards away. I
noticed immediately the remarkable difference in
age between
Lidia and Rosa and the approaching woman. I looked at her again. I would never
have
thought Josefina to be that old. Judging by her slow gait and the posture of
her body, she
seemed to be a woman in her midfifties. She was thin,
wore a long, dark skirt and was carrying a
load of
firewood on her back. She had a bundle tied around her waist; it looked as
though she had a bundled-up child riding on her left hip. She seemed to be
breast-feeding it as she walked. Her steps were almost feeble. She could barely
make the last steep slope before reaching the house.
When she
finally stood in front of us, a few yards away, she was panting so heavily that
I attempted to help her sit down. She made a gesture that seemed to say that
she was all right.