The Seacrest (21 page)

Jenna looked depressed. “Look what I’ve done,” she moaned. “I didn’t think…”

“Yeah. They seem to be hitting it off.”

“You wanna go somewhere else?” she asked suddenly.

I nodded. “Absolutely.” It was just too much to take.

Without further deliberations, we ambled toward the exit door and slid away from the noise and ridiculous, hormone-laced happiness.

Chapter 47

July 20th, 2013

10:30 P.M.

L
ibby lay on my chest, her hair tousled and spread across my bare skin, drawing circles on my chest with her forefinger.

“Careful,” I said. “You’ll get me going again.”

“Is that a threat?” Her laugh was throaty.

“A promise,” I said, reaching for her back, running my hands down her spine to the soft curve of her buttocks.

She raised one leg over mine. “Three times in two hours?”

I smiled. “No big deal. With you around, I could go all night.”

“Ian wasn’t like that.”

I sat up and noticed her smile fading.

I rubbed the back of my hand against her face. “I’m sorry.”

“He’d want to have makeup sex after we fought. Usually after he hit or kicked me.”

“Holy crap, Lib.”

“I know. Like I said before, I was terribly relieved when his unit called and said he was MIA. Isn’t that shameful?”

We sat quietly for a few minutes.

“No. Not shameful. Understandable. What did they say when they called?”

She paused. “They aren’t sure. They think he was blown up in the car bomb that happened nearby. He’s officially MIA. His buddies all are pretty sure he was killed, though.”

“So they never found his body?”

“No.”

“How long has it been?”

“Three years.”

“That’s right, you already told me that. Chances are, he really did die in the bombing, then.”

“I know. I’ve pretty much assumed it. And to tell you the truth, as terrible as it sounds, I’m glad. I don’t know how I’d handle it if he showed up alive all of a sudden.”

“That’s only natural. You’ve had time to think about what he did to you, time to feel outraged.” I leaned down to kiss her lips. “He hurt you. You felt trapped. Now you’re free.”

She covered her face. “But I feel so awful. How can I be glad someone’s dead? It’s unthinkable.”

I took her hands and lowered them from her face. “No. It’s totally okay.”

She looked at me. “What about Cora? How does this,” she gestured to our naked bodies entwined on the sand, “make you feel?”

I sat up and leaned against the cliff walls, feeling sand in places it didn’t belong. We’d have to run down to wash off in the sea before we dressed.

“I feel conflicted, of course.”

I pulled her to me, and she sat on my lap with her hand stroking my chest again.

“Do you feel guilty?” she said.

“Not so much anymore. Since I found out Cora and Jax were having an affair, I sort of feel…um…justified. I’m still sad she died, you know, it’s hard to live with someone for all those years and suddenly, they’re gone.” I kissed the top of Libby’s head and she snuggled closer. “But she lied to me. Constantly. And that sense of betrayal is so strong. I feel…”

“What?” she mumbled against my skin.

“Angry.”

She looked up at me. “Sure you do. Who wouldn’t?”

“I shouted at them at the cemetery. And it felt good.”

“Venting’s important. Or so my shrink says.”

“Really?” I hadn’t known she was seeing a therapist. “Who do you see?”

She mentioned a woman in the village I’d never heard of. “You like her?”

“She’s pretty good.”

“Does it help, Lib?”

“Yeah. I started going when I heard Ian was reported as MIA. I needed to deal with my feelings of guilt.”

“For being glad he was gone?” I said.

“Yeah. And for being too weak to fight him. Too weak to tell anyone. I was such a coward.”

I pulled her tighter to me. “I’ve never thought of you as a coward. I think you’re a strong, bright woman. I admire you.”

“Not so strong,” she whispered. “I let him beat me. I kept thinking we could work it out. That I could fix him, somehow.”

“It’s all in the past, now, hon. Now we need to deal with you and me. We need to look forward, both of us.”

“I know. Maybe you could come to therapy with me sometime? We could talk about our past and all the misunderstandings.”

“Sure,” I said. It sounded like a good idea to me.

She sat up. “Really? You wouldn’t mind?”

“Why would I mind?”

She looked lost again. “Ian wouldn’t go. He said it was for wimps and weaklings who liked to snivel about their problems.”

I tucked my finger under her chin and raised her eyes to mine. “That’s because he thought your therapist would find out what a monster he was. It was just an excuse to keep your awful secret.”

“I guess you’re right,” she said, running her hand up and down my arm.

“Of course I am. Now, change of subject. Will you help me move my stuff to the farm tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” A flicker of worry crossed her face.

“No worries. I’ve decided it’s time. But I’ll see you all the time. Every day. And you can stay there with me at night if you want. Or all day long. Or whatever you’re comfortable with.”

She gave a tentative smile. “Okay.”

She backed off my lap and leaned down to kiss me between my legs. My body jumped to attention, eager and ready to perform again. I groaned. “Oh, Lib.”

“One more time, okay?” she asked, as if I wouldn’t agree to one hundred and one times.

I moaned with pleasure. “Libby, you’re killing me. But don’t stop…”

“Shush up, now. I’m concentrating here.”

“Okay, love.” I let her take over my body and soul, happier than I’d been in sixteen years, wondering what I did to deserve this level of bliss. “I surrender.”

Chapter 48

May 15th, 1998

Prom Night, 11:00 P.M.

I
ended up driving toward Paine’s Creek Beach—whether out of habit, or because I yearned for Libby so much—I wasn’t sure.

Jenna was all for it. She tossed her high heels into the back of my Mustang, unpinned her purple flower, stripped off her pantyhose, and shucked out of the petticoat that had fluffed up the dress, running toward the beach in her bare feet.

I undid the laces on my black dress shoes, took off my socks, and rolled up my pant legs, shedding the jacket and shirt as well. With a lighter heart, I followed her to the shore.

“Now you look more presentable, Mr. McGraw,” she laughed.

“I feel more like myself this way, that’s for sure.”

We walked in the surf, talking about love and loss and finally, about her attraction to women.

“That’s cool,” I said. “I hope you find someone soon.”

“It’s not so cool in high school. I don’t think there’s one gay kid in our class.”

“Really? There probably is, but they’re just as nervous about coming out as you are.”

“I guess. Maybe. I kind of wondered about Robby Bolson.”

“He could be.”

“I’m still nervous to approach anyone. Our school is so small. Even though this is 1998 and we should all be okay with it.”

“I’d back you up. We can hang out, if you want. I’ll support you all the way.”

She turned to me with a genuine smile, her eyes awash with gratitude. “Thanks, Finn. I appreciate it.”

I picked up a rock and chucked it into the water. “Have you ever had a girlfriend?”

“No. I went to Provincetown once to hang out, but I was too nervous to approach anyone. And too young to get into any of the clubs.” She paused and looked toward the sea. “It’ll probably happen in college, like I said. That’s where you get to be yourself, let yourself just go free.”

“Have you told your parents yet?”

“Just my dad. He’s cool with it. But my mom is too country-club, if you know what I mean.” She danced in the surf, twirling around and nearly falling. “Ha. You’d think I’d been drinking all night.”

“The kids from the prom will be drinking like crazy tonight, that’s for sure.”

“Wish we had some beer or wine,” she mused. “But it’s no big deal.”

“We have the moon and stars,” I said, gesturing to the black velvet sky pinpricked with white lights. I stopped, shook my head. “Boy, that was a pretty nerdy thing to say.”

“No it wasn’t. You’re a romantic, Finn. A rare bird, to tell the truth. I can’t believe your girlfriend left you. It’s her loss, that’s for sure.”

We started walking again. I tried to explain how it had happened, almost overnight, and she helped me wonder what might have driven Libby to leave me without giving me a chance to explain myself.

“Somebody had to have said something to her. Or she heard about something, and assumed they were talking about you.”

“Yeah. I guess. It had to be really bad, though. Like I murdered someone. Or something like that.”

“Yeah. Or maybe she thought you were an alien, come to take over her brain.”

I laughed, kicking in the surf. “Yeah. Or…” The cove came into view and I stopped, staring. “Oh, crud.”

She slipped an arm through mine. “What’s wrong?”

I stared at the spot that had been so magical for Libby and me. “That’s where we used to go. To be alone. Where we first…”

She looked toward the cove with interest. “Wow. Was it absolutely amazing?”

My voice dropped to a gravely whisper. “The most wonderful experience of my life. Too hard to put into words. Like flying, or seeing God.”

She stood beside me, as if imagining it. “Cool.”

We were quiet for a while, and finally she asked, “Is she pretty?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Long brown hair. Big, dark eyes. Heart-shaped face.” I sighed. “So lovely. Sort of reminded me of a ballerina, in a way.”

She let out a long breath. “Oh, she sounds wonderful.”

“I met her here on the beach, in the daytime. She was with her dad, and I was with my grandfather. We played with a beach ball.” I pointed down the beach. “Just over there. She was a riot. I nicknamed her Sassy, and it fit her so well. You would have liked her, Jenna. She didn’t put up with crap from anyone. And she didn’t use her position to flaunt it over everyone, you know? Actually, she was kind of embarrassed about having money.”

It was at that moment I revealed Libby’s name.

Jenna’s jaw dropped. “Whoa. Elizabeth
Vanderhorn
? Seriously?”

“Yep.” I started to walk back toward the car. “Seriously.”

She whistled long and low. “That does complicate things.”

I turned to her, confused. “Why?”

Very gently, she said, “You’re from two different worlds, Finn. Completely different worlds.”

“So?”

“I’m not saying you couldn’t make it work. But, man. Her father is like…like royalty around here.”

“I know. He hates my guts.”

She flashed a wry smile. “My point, exactly.”

We headed back to the car, my heart heavier than before, and my hopes of ever getting Libby back dimming with every step.

Chapter 49

July 21th, 2013

9:05 A.M.

I
backed the U-Haul trailer up to the farmhouse.

“A little more,” Libby shouted, motioning with her hands for me to keep going. “About two more feet.”

I followed her directions and braked when she held up a hand for me to stop.

“That’s it, stop there.” She put one hand on her hip and smiled at me in the side mirrors. “Nice job.”

Ace and I jumped out of the rental truck cab. I strolled around to the back of the truck and slid up the back door. I really hadn’t needed so much space. After realizing I didn’t need any of the cottage furniture Cora and I had bought at estate sales over the years (where would I put it?), I’d decided to donate most the furnishings to my yet-to-be chosen replacement stable hand/gardener at The Seacrest, and had packed up my books and old records; easel, brushes, and paints; sheets and towels, clothes and shoes; and all of Ace’s toys. My brand new king-sized bed had already been delivered and set up in the room I’d chosen as my new bedroom. After thinking about it, I couldn’t imagine sleeping in the same bed that Jax had used to seduce Cora, or the bed she and I had shared.

Ace’s oversized sheepskin bed was tucked in the corner of the truck bed, and he promptly jumped up to sniff it.

“Don’t worry, boy. That’s the first thing we’ll set up.”

Libby laughed, lacing her fingers through mine. “He’s pretty excited.”

I hugged her sideways. “Yeah. He seems to feel right at home here.”

We each carried boxes into the house, and she helped me figure out where to store them. We put Ace’s bed in my room, though I figured he’d probably end up with me on my bed, as usual, at least when Libby wasn’t sharing it with me. In turn, I boxed up some of Jax’s things I no longer wanted to see laying around the house, like his collection of X-rated movies and magazines and his car models he’d built as a child. By the time the day was nearly over, we’d piled seventeen boxes of Jax’s clothes and belongings in the attic.

I didn’t have the gumption to throw them away or donate them yet, so they’d stay in the attic for a while. Maybe forever.

I’d gone through the office that used to be my parents’ bedroom, setting up my own computer next to Jax’s. His hardware was much newer, and I planned to transfer my files to his laptop, then save my old PC as a backup.

Libby came up behind me. “I made up your new bed with fresh linens.”

“Thanks. Should we try it out?” I shot her a lascivious smile.

She grabbed my face between her hands and kissed me. “Oh, Finn. You’re hopeless! Pizza. Then showers. Then bed.”

I frowned. “I guess I can wait. But it won’t be easy.”

“I’ll call Fritzi and my father to break the news to them.”

“Think he’ll mind that we’re…er…together?”

“I don’t care if he does. I’m spending the night, and there’s nothing more to discuss.”

Desire rose through me suddenly, rocking me in my seat. It shocked me with its intensity, draining every ounce of control and transforming me into a surging sexual animal. “Why not shower, pizza, then bed?” I said, my voice husky. “We can shower together.”