The Sea Shell Girl (35 page)

Through the long hours of darkness, Merry kept a vigil beside her grandmother's bed. Although the doctor's draught had rendered the woman unconscious, she still cried out from time to time as if the terrible tragedy was invading her sleep. Merry heard Carey moving around downstairs, banking up the fire, tidying crockery away, but remained where she was. Thoughts of that last meeting with her mother went round and round her head. Was it her fault the woman had died? Had her mother been so upset at the thought of her not marrying Nicco and staying in the village that she'd … ?

Merry glanced at her grandmother. She seemed calmer now, her sleep deeper. Unable to be still, Merry moved over to the window. A pearly moon was paling against the grey light of dawn. Already she could hear the sounds of activity in the harbour. Everything seemed to be carrying on as usual. How could it when her whole world had changed? Oh, Mother, she sobbed, what were you doing out in the dead of night by yourself? What was so urgent you couldn't wait until my next visit? Turning away from the window, she saw her mother's nightdress neatly folded on her pillow and the tears flowed faster. Impulsively, she snatched it up and held it to her face. As she breathed in the scent that had been her mother, something clattered to the floor. She stared down at the little blue stone on its
golden chain and gasped. Her mother had worn her necklace at all times so if she'd taken it off that could only mean one thing, couldn't it?

Hearing her grandmother stir, she hastily stuffed the necklace in her pocket. Grozen was upset enough as it was.

‘Karenza, is it morning already?'

‘Hush, Grozen, it's only me,' Merry whispered, going over and stroking the woman's arm. ‘It's early, go back to sleep.'

To her relief her grandmother closed her eyes again and, leaving her to sleep, Merry slipped downstairs.

Carey was tending the fire but as soon as he saw her he jumped to his feet.

‘How are you?' he asked.

Merry shrugged.

‘I boiled some water – would you like a drink?' She nodded. Now Carey seemed more like a stranger than the man who'd recently proposed. Was that really only two days ago?

‘Thought I'd go to Logh and see how the aut … how the investigation is proceeding,' he said, pouring hot water into the teapot. ‘Can I get you something to eat before I go?'

Merry shook her head. How could he think of food at a time like this?

‘You need to eat to keep your strength up,' he added as if reading her thoughts.

‘I'll have something when Grozen wakes,' she whispered, holding her cold hands out towards the flame.

‘I'll go now then, shall I?'

She nodded again but still couldn't speak.

‘I'll be back as soon as I can.'

The morning dragged by. Merry felt an overwhelming need to go to the cliff top but knew she had to stay here with Grozen. Frustrated, she prowled around the tiny room like a caged animal but her thoughts continued to rage. Seeing vegetables on the shelf and realizing Carey was right when he said they needed to eat, she snatched them up and began chopping madly.

It was afternoon before her grandmother came downstairs. She looked as if she'd aged a generation overnight and Merry hurried to help her into her chair, then threw more sticks into the grate. Then she poured tea, cut a thick wedge of bread and handed it to the woman.

‘You must eat something, Grozen,' she said.

‘And have you? Eaten something, I mean?'

Merry shook her head. ‘I've made broth,' she said, pointing to the pot over the fire. ‘We'll all have some when Carey returns. He's gone to Logh.' Grozen nodded and sipped at her tea. They sat listening to the wood spitting and crackling, and after a while Merry was pleased to see some colour return to her grandmother's cheeks.

‘Do you think she did it on purpose, Grozen?' she burst out, unable to keep her thoughts to herself any longer.

‘What makes you think that?' Her grandmother eyed her sharply.

‘This fell out of Mother's nightdress,' she said, retrieving the necklace from her pocket and holding it up. ‘She never takes … took it off and …' Her voice tailed off and they watched as the necklace glittered in the light of the
fire. Then her grandmother reached out and took it, letting out a long sigh.

‘After you and Carey left on Sunday, I went upstairs to see how your mother was. I was just in time to see her hurl this across the room.'

‘But why?' Merry frowned. ‘I know she was upset because she wanted me to stay here and marry Nicco, but that didn't have anything to do with it, did it?'

‘Oh, Merry, I told Karenza she should have explained. She said she'd go straight away but I begged her to wait until the morning. After all, this has been hanging over her for eighteen years, so another week or so till you returned wouldn't make a halfpenny of difference. But you know your mother,' she sighed. ‘Once she decides something she has to do it immediately. Had to, I mean. Oh, it's all my fault she's dead,' the woman sobbed. ‘If I hadn't insisted she tell …' her voice trailed away and she stared into the fire.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. Merry hurried to open it to find the Reverend Mr Mabey on the doorstep.

‘I'm so sorry to hear of your sad loss and have come in the hope of being able to offer a small measure of comfort to yourself and Mrs Dyer,' he explained, doffing his hat.

‘Please come in, sir,' she invited. ‘Can I get you some tea?'

‘That is very kind, but thank you, no. Please don't get up, Mrs Dyer,' he said, looking over to where Grozen was struggling to her feet. As if the effort of standing had been too much, the old woman sank back into her chair.

‘Karenza was a fine, upstanding woman and I offer my sincere condolences for your loss, Mrs Dyer.'

‘Thank you, sir. I'm sure I can count on you to say more wonderful things about her at her funer …' She broke off with a sob.

‘Of course. I understand an aut … ,' I mean, when you are in a position to discuss the date let me know.' He looked at Merry. ‘In the meantime, if there is anything I can do, please say.'

‘Thank you, sir,' she replied, seeing him to the door before returning to sit beside her grandmother.

‘You haven't told me what it was Mother needed to explain,' she said, anxious to hear before they were interrupted again.

‘My dear Merry, you need to prepare yourself for something of a shock. You already know that your mother left here to go into service?'

‘Yes, at a big house this side of the …'

Hearing the sound of the latch lifting, Merry looked up and almost screamed in frustration when she saw Carey standing in the doorway.

‘Is it all right to come in? I didn't like to knock in case your grandmother was still asleep.'

‘That's all right, lad, you come on in,' Grozen said, the strength returning to her voice. ‘Any news from Logh?'

‘The investigation has so far proved inconclusive,' he said carefully.

‘Come and sit by the fire and tell us what you've learned,' Grozen insisted. Carey looked at Merry, who sighed with impatience.

‘But I want to hear what you have to say first, Grozen,' she declared.

‘No, Merry, that can keep for a moment longer. First I need to know everything Carey's learned.'

‘Like I said, the outcome was inconclusive, Mrs Dyer,' he said, pulling up a seat beside them. ‘The injuries are consistent with a fall, but whether she slipped or …'

‘Jumped?' Merry sighed. ‘If she did, it was my fault for not staying in the village and marrying Ni …'

‘Don't torture yourself, Merry,' he cut in. ‘Apparently a squall blew up, making visibility that bad she could easily have missed her footing. They're releasing her body tomorrow. I've arranged for it … her to be transported back here. Oh, and I passed the vicar on the way and he said he can arrange the service for Friday.'

‘She were born on a Friday. A true Friday's child, loving and giving,' Grozen muttered. ‘Seems apt somehow for her to be buried on Friday.'

‘Grozen and I were in the middle of discussing something important, Carey. Do you think you could go up to the rectory and tell Mr Mabey Friday will be convenient?'

‘No!' Grozen's voice was so sharp they stared at her in surprise. ‘Stay where you are, lad. What I have to say concerns you too.'

Merry frowned. ‘But …'

‘Hush, child. The sooner this is brought into the open the better I'll feel. Then we can bury my girl with no secrets between us. Pour us all some tea, will you?' Impatient to hear what her grandmother had to tell them, Merry quickly did as she'd been bid.

‘Are you sure you're up to this, Mrs Dyer?' Carey asked. ‘You've had a terrible shock.'

‘Yes, lad, I shan't rest until I get this off my chest.' She waited until they were all seated with their tea, then took a deep breath.

‘Karenza left here to go into service …'

‘I know that already, Grozen,' Merry snapped.

‘But Carey needs to know the story from the beginning,' Grozen remonstrated. ‘Now, this is hard enough, so no more interruptions, please. Karenza fell deeply in love with a handsome man who promised her his undying love. As it turned out all he gave her was this trinket,' she said, holding up the necklace. Carey frowned and opened his mouth to say something but Grozen held up her hand. ‘In return she made him a knit frock with his initials, C M, under each arm.'

Hearing Carey's intake of breath, Merry turned to her grandmother. ‘Go on, Grozen,' she urged as her grandmother took a sip of her tea.

‘It was only when Karenza realized she was with child that she also realized she hadn't seen her love for a while. Plucking up courage, she went to see him at his home.' Merry and Carey stared at each other in surprise. ‘Yes, it was your father, Captain Clayton Meredith.'

‘Actually, Mrs Dyer, he was my adoptive father,' Carey said. The old woman stared at Carey in horror as the full truth began to sink in. ‘I was adopted,' he added. ‘That was what I was trying to tell you on Sunday but …'

‘You didn't get a chance,' Grozen finished. ‘Oh lordy, what a mess,' she added, putting her head in her hands and sobbing again.

‘So my father wasn't a fisherman like you both said,' Merry gasped.

‘To be fair, we never actually said he was. “A man of the sea” was how your mother referred to him.'

‘Oh, yes,' Merry whispered. ‘But if Captain Meredith was my father why … what happened?' As Grozen took another sip of her tea, Merry almost cried out in exasperation.

‘A well-dressed woman was just entering the house. She was heavily pregnant …'

‘You mean Captain Meredith was already married?' Merry gasped.

Grozen nodded.

‘Heaven forbid,' Carey groaned, holding his head in his hands.

‘So that's why Saphira and I look similar?' Merry cried as the penny dropped.

‘I don't know who this Saphira is, but going back to my story, apparently the woman looked radiant and was so pleasant your mother didn't have the heart to upset her. Instead she bought a curtain ring and returned to the village. She told her father and me what had happened but let everyone else assume she'd been widowed and had reverted to using her maiden name.'

‘That's why you were both called Dyer then. I always wondered,' Merry said.

‘It were easier that way,' Grozen muttered.

‘I do think she should have told me.'

‘So do I, and that's what I told her in no uncertain terms on Sunday. So you see, Merry, if anyone is to blame for her death, it's me,' the old lady sighed, staring into the fire.

‘Not really, Grozen,' Merry whispered. ‘If I'd stayed
here and married Nicco, as she wanted, she wouldn't have had to make that journey.'

‘If I'd insisted she listened to me on Sunday, none of this would have happened. If anyone is to blame it must surely be me,' Carey sighed.

Lost in their own painful thoughts, they each lapsed into silence.

On the day of the funeral, the sun shone brightly from a clear blue sky yet Merry felt as if she was encased in a blanket of fog. She heard nothing of the service, just stood staring at the simple coffin before her, picturing her mother's body, battered and broken inside. Even Carey's hand on her arm felt cold as he led her outside. The knitting ladies lined the graveside, their pins bare of wool at their belts. Then as the coffin was lowered into the freshly dug hole, they solemnly crossed them over their chests in the time-honoured way of showing respect. However, Merry's eyes were fixed on the casket. All she could think of was her mother's crumpled and lifeless form.

Feeling a hand on her shoulder, she turned to see Nicco staring at her, his dark eyes full of sympathy.

‘I'm so sorry, Merry,' he said gently. ‘Your mother was a beautiful woman.'

‘Thank you,' she whispered.

‘You and your father will come back to the cottage?' Grozen invited.

Nicco glanced from Grozen to Carey standing beside her and raised an eyebrow.

‘Of course,' Merry muttered, knowing that was what her mother would have wanted.

‘I think it's time we were making our way,' Carey said, nodding at Nicco, then placing one arm around Merry
and another round her grandmother. With a last look at the grave that was already being filled with the turned soil, Merry let herself be led back to the cottage.

Carey helped her hand out the prepared food and drink to the villagers who'd come back with them for the wake. Despite his solicitous attention, Merry could hardly bring herself to acknowledge him. She felt distant from everything as she moved trancelike around the room, thanking people for coming, forcing herself to nod when they all said what a lovely woman her mother had been. Without exception they commented on Karenza's virtues of honesty and truthfulness, and it took all Merry's willpower not to demur.
If only you knew
, she wanted to scream.

‘Whilst Mr Hospitality there is busy charming all the women, may I ask how you are, Merry?' Nicco asked. ‘I mean, someone should be looking after you,' he added, glaring at Carey.

‘I think what my son means is that we are deeply saddened by your mother's passing and if there's anything we can do, you must say,' Mr Neaple said, squeezing her arm.

Merry nodded, a lump rising in her throat. ‘Thank you,' she whispered.

‘Are you all right?' Carey asked, appearing at her side and giving Nicco a wary look.

‘My son and I are just leaving,' Mr Neaple replied. ‘We merely wanted to bestow our condolences and offer our help. Thank you for your hospitality, Lieutenant,' he added, holding out his hand.

‘That is good of you, sir,' Carey responded, shaking it.

‘Miss Dyer, I just wanted to say how very sorry I am for
your loss. Your mother was a truly lovely lady and she will be very much missed, not least by our knitting industry.' Merry looked up to find Mr Fairbright by her side.

Forcing herself to nod politely she said, ‘Thank you, Mr Fairbright. She would have appreciated your kind words.'

‘Not at all. Praise where praise is due. Now may I offer you a lift back to the store?'

Merry stared at him aghast. ‘I can't come back to Plymouth, Mr Fairbright. I must stay here with Grozen.'

‘I see,' he frowned. ‘Forgive me if I am being premature. You will be travelling with Lieutenant Meredith then?' he enquired.

‘Rest assured, I will see that Miss Dyer is returned to the store when she has had time to recover from her shock,' Carey said. ‘It is good of you to come, sir.' Merry watched as he led Mr Fairbright over to the door. Why didn't they all just go away and leave her alone? As if they'd heard her silent wishes, the villagers began leaving.

‘Don't worry, Merry, Mr Fairbright will be happy to grant you a month's leave of absence,' Carey said, reappearing by her side. ‘It won't be paid, of course, but I know you …'

‘You misunderstand,' Merry cried. ‘I have no intention of returning to Plymouth, ever. If I hadn't gone there in the first place Mother would still be alive. Besides, I need to care for Grozen,' she said, glancing towards her grandmother, who was staring into the fire.

‘Of course,' Carey said quickly. ‘Let me help you clear away and then I'm afraid I must return to Plymouth. I hate to leave you today of all days, but regrettably I cannot
extend my leave any longer for we sail on the tide tomorrow.'

Just go
, she wanted to shout as he stood there staring anxiously at her.

‘Then you must leave now, for you must have things to do,' she replied woodenly, ignoring the hurt that sparked in his eyes.

‘You've been a great help, lad,' Grozen said, hobbling over and looking at Merry for agreement. Unable to respond, she just stood there fiddling with the necklace around her neck. ‘Your mother would have been pleased to see you wearing her precious trinket on this day,' she added.

Grozen's comment seemed to shake Carey from his dejection. ‘I've been meaning to speak to you about that,' he said. ‘Do you have any idea what that stone is?'

‘Meant to resemble a sapphire, I think,' Grozen replied. ‘Ironic really, when you think those stones represent sincerity and faithfulness.' She gave a harsh laugh. ‘Still, I suppose it's fitting, a fake stone from a fake love.'

‘Except it isn't,' Carey said. ‘Fake, I mean. I have reason to believe it's the genuine thing.'

‘What?' Grozen gasped.

‘No?' Merry gasped, snatching the chain from her neck and staring at it.

‘Surely you must recognize it? It's identical to Saphira's.'

‘Goodness, I noticed how clean it came up when I gave it a polish but I can't believe I didn't spot the resemblance,' Merry frowned.

‘Will someone please explain?' Grozen cried.

‘Sorry, Mrs Dyer. You see, Grandfather Meredith
served on the merchant ships and he purchased these stones from South Africa and had them made into a ring and earrings for his wife. She lost one and turned the remaining one into a pendant. When my father – adoptive father – was going through her things after her death, he found the missing one and put it in his pocket. We'd heard he'd given it away but nobody knew to whom.'

‘And you think he gave it to my mother?' Merry whispered.

Carey nodded. ‘Of course, nobody realized the stones had any worth until Saphira inherited the pendant and had it valued.'

‘You really think this could be the lost one?' Grozen asked.

‘I only caught a glimpse of the heart-shaped stone before today, but you wearing it outside your blouse now, Merry, has given me the opportunity to study it. Of course, I'll have to get it verified but if my hunch is correct, far from being a trinket, it is worth a tidy sum.'

‘Then you can take it back with you,' Merry whispered, placing it in his hand.

‘There's no need …' he began.

‘And this,' she added, reaching inside the neck of her blouse and tugging off the silver chain with the heart charm he'd given her for Christmas.

‘No, Merry, please don't …' Carey began.

‘Thank you for your support today, Carey, but I have no desire to see you again.'

‘Merry,' Grozen gasped. ‘You don't mean that.'

‘You're in shock, sweetheart,' Carey murmured.

‘I am not and never will be your sweetheart. Please
leave, Lieutenant Meredith,' Merry said, turning away before his anguished look caused her to falter.

He looked at her sadly. ‘I regret I have to go anyway, but you can be assured I shall return. Hopefully by then the shock you are experiencing will have eased and you will see things more clearly. Good afternoon, Mrs Dyer,' he added, turning to the older woman.

‘Look after yourself, lad,' Grozen muttered, but no sooner had the door shut behind him than she turned to Merry.

‘I hope you know what you're doing, girl. That Carey is a good man and …'

‘If I hadn't met him, Mother would be alive,' she whispered as once more the swirling fog descended and wrapped itself around her.

Next morning at first light, Merry headed for the cliff top where her mother had met her fate. She hardly noticed the boats bobbing on the water, the fishermen hauling their long lines, as the need to find out what had happened burned away inside her.

‘Did you jump, Mother, or was it a terrible accident?' she cried, but only the gulls replied. ‘Please, please, let me know,' she screamed. As if in a trance she stared down the cliff face but apart from a few dislodged boulders everything looked as it always had. Even the beach had been washed clean by the tide. ‘How can I go on living if I'm to blame? You must tell me what happened, Mother,' she begged. But her words were snatched away on the breeze and the only answer was the roar of the waves, the screech
of gulls. ‘I'll come back every day until you answer me, Mother,' she cried.

Despite her grandmother's pleas that she stay at home and recover, each day Merry returned to the cliff top. Each time she asked the same questions, hopeful her mother would respond, but there was never any answer and she would return to the cottage more despondent than ever.

Neighbours and friends rallied round, calling each day with dishes of freshly made broth or casserole, staying to talk about the fine woman Karenza had been. Whilst her grandmother seemed to draw comfort from their visits, Merry resented the intrusion. She didn't want to speak to anyone. Stealing upstairs, she wrapped herself in her mother's nightdress then lay on her mattress, staring up at the ceiling. Twice her grandmother ventured up the stairs to tell her Nicco wanted to speak with her but she told her to send him away.

‘Nothing can bring her back, Merry. I only wish it could. You lying here like this won't change things so why not go out for a walk with Nicco?' she urged, when he called yet again.

‘I don't want to see anyone, Grozen,' she whispered. ‘Besides, I walked up to the cliff top earlier.'

Her grandmother sighed and shook her head. ‘You can't carry on like this, girl.'

‘Just because you've forgotten her, Grozen, doesn't mean I can,' Merry snapped.

‘Oh, Merry, is that what you really think?' the woman sighed, sinking herself down on the bed beside her. ‘I
may not go around moping but that doesn't mean I'm not hurting. Your mother was the best thing that ever happened to me, along with you and your grandfather, of course. When he died I wanted to lie down beside him, close my eyes and never get up again but I soon learned it was better to keep busy.'

‘But I need to know what happened, Grozen, and until I do I can't rest,' she cried, staring up at the woman as if she could provide the answer. Her grandmother shook her head, then took herself down the stairs. Hearing the door slam moments later, Merry gave a sigh of relief. Seeing Nicco would only compound her feelings of guilt.

Although she continued her daily pilgrimage to the cliff top it didn't bring any comfort or the answer she desperately sought. Life seemed unreal. It was as if she was looking in through a window. After yet another futile journey, she returned heavy hearted to the cottage to find Grozen waiting for her at the door.

‘There's someone to see you, Merry.'

‘I told you I don't want to see Nicco,' she muttered, instinctively making for the stairs.

‘'Tis been a long time since I've been mistaken for a handsome, dark-haired follower,' a male voice chuckled.

Merry stared at the snowy-haired old man perched on the stool beside the fire like a little Cornish pisky.

‘Cador called in to see how we are doing,' Grozen said quickly, snatching up her basket. ‘Now, we've relied upon our neighbours' generosity for long enough so I'm off to get some fish for our luncheon. Will you stay and join us, Cador?'

‘Thank you, but no,' he replied.

‘Don't get anything for me, I'll not be eating,' Merry muttered. Her grandmother pursed her lips.

‘You make sure you get two nice fish,' Cador said firmly. ‘Whilst you're out, Merry and I will have a chat.'

Grozen nodded, and as soon as the door had shut behind her Cador smiled gently at Merry. Again she experienced that strange feeling, as if those piercing jade eyes were seeing into her very soul. ‘I'll not ask how you are, my dear, for I can see you are in turmoil. It was a sad thing to have happened to your mother and …'

‘But that's it,' Merry cried. ‘I don't know what did happen.'

‘Would it change anything if you did?' Cador said in his soothing voice.

‘Well, yes. You see, if it was an accident that would be bad enough because she was on her way to tell me about my father … well, who he was. Obviously it was something she should have told me long ago, especially as she always said telling the truth was important even if you knew the consequences would be unfavourable, but she lied …' She stuttered to a halt as Cador reached out and took her hand. Immediately she felt warmth penetrate the cold fog that had surrounded her since she'd heard about her mother, and the tears began to fall.