The Scarecrow (Master of Malice Book 1) (10 page)

She took a steadying breath. “How … how did it happen?”

Taran was proud of her. In moments such as this, she could be much like Sullyan.

“He slit his wrists one night and then cast himself into the sea. He was seen at the last moment by one of the clerics, and a beacon was lit to attract a fishing boat from the coast. They searched for him as best they could at first light, but it was no good. He couldn’t have survived anyway, not with the cold of the sea and his wounds.”

“When was this?”

“Nearly three months ago. The clerics of the order did a search of the island and asked the fishermen to scour the coast for any signs of the Baron’s body. Once they were sure they weren’t going to find him, the Cleric Patrio wrote a report of his findings and sent it to the nearest garrison. There are no Artesans at that garrison, and so the report was sent by runner. That’s why it took so long. Patrio Ruvar thinks the body must have been swept farther out to sea—apparently the tides around there are very strong—and so they never stood a chance of recovering the Baron. He told Elias they conducted a Service of Passing for your uncle and that his possessions have been packaged in case you’d like to have them.”

Taran made no mention of the King’s disquiet over the Patrio’s message, or that he had summoned Sullyan to the capital to read the note for herself. The Adept had been strictly forbidden to voice any of their concerns in Jinny’s hearing. Elias knew how troubled she had been over Reen’s perfidy and he wouldn’t add to it.

The Baroness sighed. “So that’s that. I don’t know whether to be relieved or sorry. If he was so distressed by his imprisonment, then I suppose I’m glad he’s out of it. I know the King would never have pardoned him; he would have remained exiled until he died, however it happened. But I think a very small part of me was hoping he’d repent, offer to atone in some way. Then perhaps he could have been released to some easier place where he could have done some good with the rest of his life. Ah, well, it wasn’t to be. I hope he’s at rest now.

“So, what was the other thing you wanted to tell me?”

Taran’s heart sank.
I really must be the world’s worst coward
. He didn’t like to admit how much he had been hoping Jinny would be so upset over her uncle’s suicide she would forget what he’d said. Her distraction would have given him the perfect excuse not to mention the other matter. Now he had no choice.

He couldn’t sit still. He dropped her hands and stood, feeling her green eyes upon him. A frown creased her brows. “This is going to be difficult for me, Jinny, and you’re not going to like what you hear. I only hope you can forgive me and that you’ll try to understand why I did it.”

“What have you done, Taran? Tell me. I won’t be angry, I promise.”

Jinny made it sound as though she thought he was confessing to cleaning his own boots again. Her attempt to reassure him only made matters worse. He faced her as best he could.

“When we had our picnic at the castle a few weeks ago, you spoke to Sullyan. You told her you feared you were barren, and thought that was the reason I’d never asked you to marry me.”

Jinny’s face paled and then colored. “Yes, yes, I did.”

Taran sensed her guilt and despair, as if she thought she had done wrong by confiding in Sullyan and Taran might break off their relationship as a consequence.

“I’ve been so unfair to you,” he blurted, turning crimson himself. “I should have spoken to you long before this, but we sort of drifted into our present arrangement and we never formally made an agreement between us. At first I was waiting to see how it went and whether we were suited, and I suppose I was content to let things carry on as they were. But that’s no excuse.

“Jinny, there is no reason to think you might be barren.”

She opened her mouth to speak, but he held up his hand. “Hear me out, please. You can yell at me later if you want; I probably deserve it. The reason I’ve never mentioned marriage is because of the difference in our status. You are a Baroness and a very wealthy young woman. Regardless of my recent good fortune, I am no more than a peasant from an obscure little hamlet in the south of the province. No matter what you might feel for me, you can’t deny I’m no match for you. Because I was half-expecting you to realize this, I … took steps to prevent us from making a child. I didn’t want you to feel pressured into marrying me.”

Taran fell silent, watching Jinny’s face. A closed, hard expression settled over her features. “What do you mean, ‘took steps’?”

Taran ducked his head. Discussing such things always embarrassed him. “As an Artesan, I have control over my own … fertility.”

He heard her sharp intake of breath. When she finally spoke, her voice was brittle, with an edge of real distress.

“Are you telling me that since we’ve been together … every time we’ve made love—
all
those times—you were holding back? Deceiving me? But how could you
do
that, Taran? How could you feign all that passion? How could you lie to me? I thought you
loved
me!” Her voice spiraled higher as she spoke, her last words delivered on a note of angry hysteria.

Tears came into Taran’s eyes. He couldn’t bear to see her so distraught, especially as she had misconstrued his meaning.

“I
do
love you, Jinny,” he said, starting toward her. “I didn’t mean I’d … I give you my word, I never feigned anything. My feelings are real, the passion is real. It was only that I was so sure … I mean, I never let myself believe you would want to actually
marry
me. I thought we were just enjoying ourselves; that you were only waiting until someone more suitable came along. I never lied to you, I swear. My only deception was that I never told you there was no possibility of a child. That was my fault, I’ll admit. That you might think you were barren never entered my head.”

“It never entered your head.” Jinny’s tone was devoid of emotion.

She sat straight-backed, regarding him coldly. Her hard expression was a mask. He could sense her inner feelings were in turmoil. She seemed to be caught between two warring emotions: bitter anger and reluctant understanding. In trepidation, he watched the conflict. What could he do to put things right?

He spoke softly into her silent fury. “I was only trying to protect you, love. Please forgive me. My honor would let me do no less.”

She slowly raised her face, her countenance white. Two spots of color flamed high on her cheekbones, a febrile glitter in her emerald-green eyes. Taran went cold.

“Well, damn you, Taran Elijah,” she hissed. “And damn your bloody honor.”

Shocked, he spread his hands. “Jinny—”

“Shall I tell you something, my honorable lover?” she continued as if she hadn’t heard him. “I was only waiting for one thing before I broached the subject of marriage between us. I knew you’d never do it and I understood why, even though I’ve told you I don’t care about your background. I’ve been convinced for months now that even if the most handsome Duke or Prince in the entire realm should come seeking my hand, he could never touch my heart as you have. I knew I would never feel as deeply for anyone else as I do for you, and that if you refused me, I would never wed another. All I was waiting for was that magical moment when I could tell you I was carrying your child. The thought of the look in your eyes when you heard you were going to be a father:
that’s
what I was waiting for. I’ve seen how you love little Morgan, and how good you are with Eadan. I knew a child would make you complete.”

She inhaled deeply, shakily.

“But all this time you’ve been … when I think of what I went through … blaming myself, worrying myself sick, desperate not to lose you … and all this time all you’ve been worrying about is your
damned honor
!”

Jinella surged to her feet. Fearful, Taran backed away from her fury. He had expected her to be upset, but this? “Jinny, I’m—”

“Don’t you dare!” she yelled, her temper alight. “Don’t you
dare
say you’re sorry! It’s too late for sorry, Taran. What am I going to do now? How can I ever trust you again after this? Do I even want to?”

He stared unhappily, only now realizing what a terrible and fundamental mistake he’d made. What had seemed to him like protection, consideration, had seemed to her a betrayal. He had misjudged her feelings and the depths of her commitment and had, albeit unwittingly, belittled what she had offered him in their relationship. He wouldn’t blame her if she could never recover from this, could never rekindle the closeness they’d shared. And that made him very sad. For he did indeed love her. He had known it for months, but he just hadn’t allowed himself to believe she could feel the same way about him.

Well, he knew now. Probably too late.

“I
am
sorry, love,” he said, his eyes misting as she turned abruptly from him, her hand cutting the air in disgust. “None of this is your fault. I’ve been stupid, I’ve been blind. I should have confided in you, shared my concerns, and I should never—ever—have deceived you. I can only tell you that I do love you, and that I want to share the rest of my life with you. You can pour scorn on my honor if you wish”—her snort was loud and emphatic—“but I couldn’t tell you how honored I’d be if you could find it in your heart to forgive me. All I can say is that I deeply regret the hurt I’ve caused you, and if I’ve done irreparable damage to the love and trust we shared, then I will spend the rest of my life trying to atone for it. I don’t suppose you want me to stay around tonight, not after what I’ve done, so I’ll go back to the castle and leave you in peace. But I’ll wait to hear from you. If you need me, you only have to send for me.

“I really am terribly sorry.”

He turned and walked to the door, hoping she would call him back and hold out her arms to him. But there was no sound from her and he left the room despondently. He made his way back to the stables, apologizing to young Matty for undoing all his hard work on Bucyrus’s harness as the lad readied his mount.

He glanced up to the windows as he mounted and rode away. Was that her outline, watching him behind closed drapes? Or was it just his desperate heart, hoping against hope she’d forgive him?

“W
ho will you take to the island?”

Brynne Sullyan considered her general’s query. It couldn’t be Robin; he had duties of his own at the Manor, and there was also Morgan to think of. One of them was always at the Manor to care for their son. She would, however, need another Artesan to stand for her. This was a given rule as well as a sensible precaution to take. Now that there were more Artesans at the Manor, it was easier to do. Yet of the four she could choose from, only two fitted her requirements. Bull, who would once have been her natural choice, was currently engaged in training the new College students. Besides, his weakened heart meant he rarely participated in strenuous duties these days. Jay’el was still very new to his powers and was there purely to learn, not to accompany Sullyan on missions for the King.

“I shall take Cal and Tad,” she said finally, and the general nodded. “I have informed Taran of my intention to leave this morning, and he has passed this on to the King. All I need now is the location of the nearest garrison, if you would be so good?”

Though the agreement between Pharikian and Elias concerning travel through the Veils made reaching far-flung portions of the realm a much simpler matter for those on their monarch’s business, it was still necessary for the Artesan concerned to know where they were going. It was not enough to know a place was in the north or south of the land. There had to be physical knowledge of the terrain and intended destination or the transfer couldn’t work.

Sullyan had never visited this particular garrison, but Mathias Blaine had, albeit many years ago. He could pass her an image of where she must go, and so he accepted her tacit request to mesh psyches and held the location of the remote outpost in his mind. Neither of them had ever been to the island where the Baron had spent his exile, so this garrison was the nearest point to which she could transfer. The soldiers stationed there would give her directions to the fishing village which served the clerics on the island. Once there, she could request the use of a boat to reach the island itself.

Fixing the image of the garrison firmly in her mind, she thanked the general and assured him of her swift return once she had satisfied herself as to the truth of the Baron’s demise. Blaine shared her opinion that the circumstances should be examined very carefully indeed. He was under no illusions as to the Baron’s feelings where Elias and Sullyan were concerned, let alone Artesans in general. If he yet lived and was free to work his schemes, the consequences could be catastrophic.

“Be careful,” he admonished.

Once all was in readiness, she made her way to the horse lines. Tad was waiting alongside three harnessed stallions, three packs at his feet. Cal was also there, giving Elisse one last hug, and Sullyan suddenly found herself enveloped by the arms of a small boy. She smiled down at her much-loved son and swung him up into her arms.

“Take care of Papa while I am away, and see that he gets some rest,” she told the giggling boy. “When I return, I want to hear how well you have behaved. Now, run along and find Uncle Bull. I believe it is time for your lessons.”

Elisse grabbed Morgan’s hand as Sullyan set him down and they raced off in the direction of the College, laughing and dodging the stallions’ legs. The horses turned their heads in mild curiosity as the shrieking children passed.

Cal fixed his pack to his saddle. “Poor Bull. I sometimes wonder whether he regrets volunteering to train those two hellions.”

Tad snorted. “Bull’s more than a match for either of them. You want to sneak up on them one day and watch him. He knows how to impress them into submission. If he can cope with a barracks full of cocky cadets, he can cope with two three-year-olds.”

The young man leaped into the saddle of his liver chestnut. Tad was the proud owner of one of Drum’s first colts, but the dark bay was too young yet to ride on a mission such as this. He was still being trained under the watchful eyes of both Sullyan and Stablemaster Solet.