The Scandalous Love of a Duke (37 page)

The truth could not be more obvious, Katherine had won over his siblings’ hearts already, while
that
was the effect he had on them. He scared them.
As you were terrified of your grandfather
.
It is your own fault. You choose to be like him
.

But he did not want his son or daughter running from him like that.

Sighing, he moved to see how else he could help Katherine, but before he reached her side there was a rap on the open sitting room door.

“Kate?”

Edward.

John turned.

“Phillip is here, he is waiting in the hall. He’s brought your father to see you.” Edward hesitated, as though he sensed some undercurrent. “I wasn’t certain you’d wish me to send them up.”

When John turned back to her, she was looking at him and she lifted her hand.

He caught it in reassurance. “Do you wish to see him?”

“You’ll stay?” Her eyes were wide with insecurity. This was not going to be an easy meeting. She had not seen her father since the day they’d married, when she had run to John.

Squeezing her hand, he answered, “Of course.” Then he looked at Edward. “Send them up,” before glancing at his mother. “Can you send for that tea too, but leave us. I think this conversation would be better private.”

As his family drifted away, John fetched Katherine a footstool.

When Phillip and her father arrived, the tea tray was on their heels. John bid the maid pour, and asked Phillip, and Katherine’s father, to sit.

Neither man did. Instead they hovered on their feet, her father’s hands clasping behind his back, while Phillip’s clutched his gloves.

John remained on his feet too, watching them, trying to gauge what was going on.

The maid passed a cup to Katherine. The other cups were left on the tray, none of them accepted.

After bobbing a deep curtsy, her eyes looking to the floor, the maid disappeared.

As soon as she was gone, Phillip spoke. “Father has something to say to you, Katherine.” His words were terse. John looked to Mr Spencer as she did. He straightened defensively, but the look he gave to Katherine was apologetic.

“I am sorry, Kate. I should have told you this long ago, but I could not find either the words or the moment. Phillip said Mr Wareham told you he was your father. He is not. I know, because, I am.”

The china in her hand wobbled, rattling, and John moved, hurriedly bending to take the cup and saucer from her fingers. He set them aside.

The little colour she’d regained had faded.

He set a hand on her shoulder, though he was as shocked as she was. He’d had no idea.

Her father pressed on, his eyes darting between Katherine and John. “Your mother was not my choice. Our marriage was arranged. We were no happier then than now. It is no excuse, I know.” He glanced at Phillip, and then back at Katherine. “I was fond of your mother, Katherine.”

“She took her own life,” Katherine breathed.

“She had lost her position, she was—”

“Alone, Papa, you had left her alone.” Katherine sounded horrified by the revelation. John pressed his hand more firmly on her shoulder.

“What could I have done, I was married, Kate. I gave her money…”

“You could have not touched her,” Phillip growled.

“Hindsight is no good.” Her father threw at Phillip. Then he turned back to Katherine. “I cannot change what happened. But your mother and I took you in, and I raised you as my daughter.”

“
I am your daughter
and you never told me.”

“I’m sorry.”

This man had left her suffering and he’d known how isolated she’d felt.

Spencer blushed.

John looked at Phillip. “You knew?” He felt angry with Phillip too. It seemed everyone in Katherine’s life had let her down. John would not do so again. She deserved better than this.

Phillip’s gaze met John’s. “Since I was fifteen. I worked it out, challenged him, and he confessed.” He looked at Katherine. “I’ve always wished you to know, but it was not my place to speak. I couldn’t hurt you.”

“At least I know why Mama hates me, now,” Katherine whispered.

“She does not hate you. She hates what you came from,” her father answered. “Phillip has pressed me to speak of this to you for years, but I have never had the courage. I was your father anyway. Was I wrong?”

“Yes, you were wrong.” Katherine stood, with a clear urge to express her disappointment, but something held her back, probably her dignity. She had a lot of that, more than any of them in the room. “You let her treat me like I am nothing, when I am yours… I want nothing more to do with her. She has never been like a mother to me. I wish to see Jenny again, but I will never call on you, or invite Mama to visit us… Unless she is willing to come to me and say that she is sorry.”

“I am sorry, Katherine. For us both. But the wrong is mine.”

“Yet Mama judged me for it…”

John had kept apologising to her, too,
but sorry was not good enough
, John saw it in her eyes. Putting things right, treating her as she deserved, that was what should be done. She was the sort of person who just kept giving while people took. John was going to give back to her now.

He moved forwards.

“I think you have said enough for today.”

Spencer’s gaze flew to John’s face.

John looked at Katherine. It was her choice. She nodded.

“Let me show you out.”

“But—”

“You may call again tomorrow, when Katherine has had a chance to think and decide if she wishes to maintain any connection with you.”

“Your Grace—”

“No complaints. Let Katherine rest.”

“I will speak with you again tomorrow, Papa, if you stay in town.” Again, Katherine gave. She always would, because compassion was embedded in her soul.

He looked back at her. “You may have some time to speak with Phillip, while I show your father out.”

Their journey downstairs was littered with warnings, as John made it clear Spencer was to recognise Katherine openly, and as John spoke he heard the words himself and knew he must do the same. He had built up the courage to marry her, but not the courage to show the world he loved her. He would show them now.

~

The room was dark, almost black, the day had been grey and the sky beyond the closed curtains must still be cloudy, hiding the moon. It was chilly too, the fire having burned itself out long ago, but John’s presence warmed Katherine.

He lay behind her, his body moulded to hers, one arm across her waist. His other arm lay above his head.

She felt his breath stir her hair.

He’d spent the day with her again. It was two weeks since her abduction, and he’d been present ever since.

He’d only leave her if she bid him go, and he never left the house.

He had changed. The looks from his family suggested it too. His aunts and uncles all smiled when they saw John hovering at her elbow. He even carried out his business at home and mostly in the same room as her so he needn’t leave her.

She snuggled back against him.

What was happening was wonderful but… She was terrified of what would happen outside the house. He’d always been attentive here, but outside…?

She’d grown too used to this John. It might break her heart if she faced his ducal reserve again. A tear streaked down her cheek. Her shoulder still hurt, but her heart ached more, unsure whether it dare beat or not. Phillip, her father, everyone she thought had cared had hurt her… A sob escaped her throat.

John’s hand pressed against her stomach. “What is it?”

Katherine rolled onto her back, and looked over as though she might see him. She couldn’t, it was too dark. “I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

“Of everything and nothing, John. I am just in a blue mood.”

“Why?”

She began crying again and he kissed her cheek. She felt his love, but it only made her cry more.

“Hush, Katherine, what is it?”

Her fingers gripped in his hair, holding him close. “I am afraid of losing this. With my father I… I just cannot… I cannot go back to how things were, John.”

“Your father—”

“Not my father,
you
, I do not wish to lose you.”

“You shall not.”

“But you cannot always stay here, we cannot keep hiding here forever, and when… You are all I have.”

“And you are all I have, and you are going to have to trust me. We understand each other, Katherine, like no one else can.”

He kissed the tip of her nose and then her lips.

“Your aunt Penny asked if I wished to attend her at home tomorrow afternoon, your uncle will be there.”

“And you wish me to accompany you.”

“Yes.”

She felt like crying again, because she had been so terrified of asking.

“We will go then.”

He brushed another kiss on her lips.

They’d not made love once since her abduction. But now his fingers slid to her hip and began sliding up her nightgown. “Do you wish to…”

She nodded. She did. It would ease her fear to have this physical connection again. She had always felt closer to him when they were united like that.

“Do not be afraid, Katherine, I swear to you I will be different now.”

~

It was another two weeks later that John’s new demeanour was put fully to the test.

Katherine had attended three separate afternoon entertainments in his company, during which he had sat silently beside her most of the time, smiling, but in a way which still seemed to say nothing of what was on his mind.

Yet he had not been cold, and at times he had participated in conversations, but most of the other guests had been members of his family.

This was their first ball.

It was the Earl of Gladstone’s Christmas ball and the weather had kindly deemed to dress the evening in a seasonal fall of snow. It coated the pavements, roofs and cobbled streets. They’d had to wait in the carriage for an age, watching the large white star-like flakes falling and she knew John was looking at it longing for it to cease, no matter how beautiful it looked. Tomorrow the family were to travel to Pembroke Place, to celebrate the yuletide there. John was longing to retreat there, he had admitted as much last night.

Her fingers were clasped beneath her fur-lined cloak, and John’s gloved hand clutched her waist as they were admitted into the warmth of the grand hall. Katherine glanced up at his face, his lips were tight and his expression was not set, but neither were his features mobile. If his face set in its old mask when they had been out previously, she’d lifted her eyebrows when she’d caught his attention and smiled. Then he’d smile in return, forcing his features to relax. It was like sharing a secret with him as she’d see his eyes glint with understanding.

His family were wary of the fragile changes in him too. They often commented to her on how different John was, but no one said it to him, and his mother watched him with a look of happiness and fear.

Once, Katherine had seen his mother standing outside the nursery silent and looking in. Then Katherine had heard John. She’d walked up and looked past his mother to see John on the floor with his young brothers. They had been playing with an army of lead soldiers. Something had caught hard about her heart when she saw him smiling at the boys.

Soon, this would be John with their son, or daughter.

It was like he was discovering himself again. He had started going out again, to his club and the House of Lords, and to meet his businessman. But when he came home he talked about where he had been and what he’d done, and he did not stay out all day. He’d even taken her with him to visit his man of business, where Phillip now worked, on two occasions. Once, they’d called on one of John’s peers too, so John might discuss some bill, while Katherine had sat with the man’s wife. She
was
a part of his life now, but tonight was the final test.

John was nervous, she knew, and uncomfortable. He’d been silent over dinner and on the journey here. She unclasped her hands and caught his as it slipped from her waist. He looked down and smiled as a footman stepped forwards to take their outdoor clothing.

Afterwards, they were offered warm punch. Its sweet scent filled the hall.

“Ready,” John asked once she’d had a drink.

She shivered in her sleeveless dress. “This fashion is not suited to winter.”

He laughed, and then his white-gloved fingers briefly rubbed her arms to warm them, careful not to hurt her shoulder, which was still terribly sore. “We’ll get you dancing then. That will warm you up.”

She nodded. Though with her arm braced in a velvet band hung from her neck to hold her shoulder steady, the only dance she was probably capable of was a waltz.

“Come on.” His fingers gently gripped her arm and he led her to the receiving line.

Katherine glanced up at his profile. He was so ridiculously handsome.

He looked down and smiled.

“I love you,” she whispered.

He bent to her ear. “I love you too.”

“Pembroke, you look pleased with yourself. Marital harmony, I suppose?” They were Lord Gladstone’s opening words.

“Damn, I am rumbled,” John stated. She knew the Earl was a close acquaintance of John’s. “Pray, do not out me.”

“Too late old chap, you’ve done that yourself, the word’s already loose. Everyone knows she’s broken you. The smile you bestow on your wife says you’re smitten.”

John scoffed, his expression turning to a look of self-disgust, but he did not raise his mask. “Am I that obvious?”

“Yes.” The Earl laughed.

John laughed too, “God help me then, I’ll not deny it.”

The Earl’s arm lifted, and his hand patted John’s shoulder. “Never mind Pembroke, I’d rather be in your shoes than some others. Your Grace.” He bowed to Katherine and then she and John moved on.

“That is it then, my reputation is in shreds,” John whispered into her ear. But his voice was light and humorous.

She glanced up. “Does it upset you?”

His pale blue gaze held hers, sparkling and open. “No, Katherine, let them gossip. Your smile is worth my reputation.”

“I prefer Lord Gladstone’s view of it anyway.”