The Sartious Mage (The Rhythm of Rivalry) (43 page)

His head lifted, his mouth drooping into a frown. “What we believe all this means, I’m afraid to say, is that there’s no cure to this. This is a battle between you and your body—one I know you can win. We may have potions that can assist you, perhaps make your body less likely to absorb SE, but ultimately it will be up to you to stop this altogether. Years of trial and error are in the journal.” He tapped the book. “Use her notes well.”

I was so overwhelmed I didn’t know what to think. No cure? How could I stop absorbing SE if my body did it on its own?

Then I remembered something that triggered a flicker of anger. “Why wasn’t this book mentioned earlier? I was in the throne room with you and the King, led to believe a cure was waiting for me somewhere in the palace.”

“Like you, we believed there was a cure to your darkness and that our team of chemists could find it. I hadn’t read enough of the journal to believe otherwise. It wasn’t my choice to mislead you, but I did agree with the King’s logic that no seventeen-year-old man could resist marrying a beautiful Princess.”

Micah laughed. “Bastial stars, I’m sure I couldn’t at your age. But we were wrong about you—not something that happens often. The idea was to clean you up, dress you in nice clothes, get you married, and then explain everything once you were calm and happy. Then we’d work on getting you cured and in a way that wouldn’t disrupt your ability to manipulate SE. Like I said, you were supposed to be the new King’s Mage.”

“Did Jessend know about this? It seems completely absurd for a girl to be forced into marriage with a man she’s never met.”

He smiled at me. “Oh, Jek, you have a lot to learn about nobility. Betrothing princesses to men they barely know happens more often than it doesn’t. Princesses learn this at a young age. Jessend wasn’t thrilled, but she seemed curious and excited. She and Lisanda saw you when you were brought into the palace the first time, and Jessend didn’t object.” He winked before continuing.

“Jessend and Lisanda had always wanted to be married on the same day, and Danvell Takary had already spent enough gold on the wedding to feed five hundred families for a year. The fate argument got the better of us: You were back on that very day and just in time. There were two Takary sisters who wanted to be married, but only one had agreed to marry the man set up for her. You—a powerful mage—needed something for your trouble, and we needed a new King’s Mage.”

He laughed, shaking his head subtly. “But just because everything seems like it’ll fit together perfectly doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to try. I’d like to think I’ve learned that now.”

I tried to imagine what I would’ve done in their position, and I found myself thinking the fate argument would’ve convinced me as well. Something that seems perfect is difficult to go against.

“What about the dressing room? Why’d you give me the idea to take Lisanda?”

“It just came to me, and I didn’t have enough time to weigh all the pros and cons. You were either going to end up dead or in prison. Lisanda was about to marry a man who clearly annoyed her. And now that we had Harwin to delay the war, the wealth of the Farro family wasn’t as necessary as it was before. I knew enough about you from your father to realize you wouldn’t hurt Lisanda. It seemed like the best idea, and I think it was. Don’t you agree?”

“I do.” I realized something. “I’ve wondered how you saw me behind the dresses. You sensed me with psyche, didn’t you?”

He smiled, his eyes wide in pleasant surprise. “You know more about psyche than most.”

I decided not to admit that all my knowledge came from songs. Neither did I mention that I’d thought it didn’t exist until today. I made a mental note to go over every song that had even a line about psyche when I had the time.

There was one last thing…and the most important of all. “The King isn’t keen on letting me see Lisanda after she wakes, but I would very much like to do so.”

Micah’s mouth twisted as confusion caused his eyes to squint. Then he seemed to figure something out, for his eyes grew wide and his mouth fell open.

“This I didn’t expect!” He shook my shoulder excitedly and laughed. “You’ve developed feelings for her.”

I felt blood rushing to my cheeks.

His laugh grew louder, only making my embarrassment worse. “No reason to be embarrassed,” he managed to get out between deep giggles. Then his laughter subsided, and he culminated it with a long sigh. “Unfortunately, I have little power over you seeing Lisanda. It’s mostly up to Lisanda and her father.” He leaned toward me and whispered, “Mostly her father. If I were you, I wouldn’t hold on to the expectation of being able to visit her.”

My heart sank. Not knowing what else to say, I told him, “Thank you, anyway.”

“Come, Harwin will improve your mood. He certainly does for everyone else. The boy’s been pampered since he got here. A few lonely people in the palace have fallen into a silly competition of seeing who can become the lad’s favorite. They bring him gifts, read him stories, teach him whatever he wants to learn that they can offer. He’s been quite entertained.”

At the thought of Harwin not crying himself to sleep as I’d imagined, immense relief flowed through me, pushing the tightness from my chest and turning my mouth into a grin.

Chapter 34: It’s Time

“Jek!” Harwin ran to me. I knelt down and wrapped my arms around the little Prince. Micah Vail was right—as soon as I saw his smile, joy surged through me.

“Look what I learned!” He ran to the other side of the room to retrieve a wand. His bright face became serious, his lips pressing tightly together. His hand started to shake and then his arm with it. Harwin grunted and moaned.

Giving up, he lowered his arm, now breathing heavily.

I walked toward him. “What are you trying to cast?”

“Wait, I can do it.” Determination made his eyes squint as he let out another grunt. His hand started to shake once more. To my surprise, the tip of the wand started to glow.

“Amazing!” I yelled, completely serious. To accomplish that, he must’ve been practicing for hours each day since I’d left. At just seven years old, it was clear he had a gift for magic.

“A Bastial mage has been teaching me!” Harwin offered his wand to me. “Show me how to control Sartious Energy.”

I smiled at his innocence.

I stayed with Harwin for an hour. I answered all his questions as best I could, and I would like to think he understood at least a little more about SE by the end of it. He told me he was excited to see his father again and wanted me to be there.

I gave an innocent lie by telling him I wished I could. The whole time we spoke, I wondered what Harwin would make of this experience when he was older and understood what really had happened. I felt sadness tugging on my heart, knowing his father most likely would describe me as a villain. The little boy’s mind was easily turned, and I imagined his father had more sway than anyone.

When Micah Vail came to take me away, I knelt down one last time for a hug.

“Bye, Harwin. I’m sure we’ll see each other again.” Though, it might be when we’re on opposing sides, I realized with dismay.

“Bye, Jek.” I’d forgotten how strong he was until he was squeezing me as hard as he could.

Then words I hadn’t planned came out of me, almost as if he’d squeezed them out: “No matter what people tell you about me, make sure you remember I would’ve never let harm come to you.” I looked into his eyes. “Will you remember that?”

He seemed confused, but he didn’t shy away from my stare. Nodding solemnly, he muttered, “I will.”

Micah took me to the entrance through the outskirts of the palace. It was an attempt to avoid running into others, and I welcomed the idea. I’d already received dubious stares from those we’d passed on the way to see Harwin. I figured each of them would require some sort of explanation, and the last thing I wanted to do was cause more trouble.

“We’ll send a messenger when you’re allowed to come back and begin your training as the King’s Mage,” Micah told me. “But give us some time, a few weeks at most. There are other matters that need to be dealt with first.”

He lowered his voice as he continued. “If Lisanda voices any discontent with you being free when she wakes, then I’m afraid the guards will come after you. That’s not likely to happen, is it?”

If this had ended after the first day I’d taken Lisanda, she would’ve wanted my head on a spike. Luckily, I knew that wasn’t the case anymore.

“No.”

“I didn’t think so.”

“Must I wait to be summoned before I can come by to see about visiting Lisanda?” It just came out.

Gently grabbing my shoulder, Micah turned me toward him. “I’m not sure what happened between you and Lisanda, but as I said, you shouldn’t keep your hopes high about anything happening between you two again. The only reason you’re not in prison right now is because of what the King witnessed with you and Exo. He doesn’t feel comfortable with you and Lisanda being around each other, especially after the poison attempt. He expects you to have at least some sense of revenge.”

“I don’t,” I said, accidentally letting frustration slip out with my words.

He squeezed my shoulder. “You’ve been through a lot, Jek. It may take some time for you to really understand how you’re feeling.” He took his hand off and continued forward. “I’m going to send you back to the farm with some of the King’s men. They’ll bring back the bodies of the fallen for proper burial. Keep yourself distracted with the journal as you wait for our summons. This is the best advice I can give right now. We’ll talk again when you’re brought here for training.”

I tried to convince him to speak to Danvell about letting me visit Lisanda, but he simply said that he’d do what he could and I should try not to think about it.

In all my frustration, though, at least I did remember to thank him for everything he’d done. Without Micah Vail, who knows what would’ve happened to me.

Suddenly I was eager to return to the farm. I needed to be there before Sannil and Kalli. Otherwise, they would be horrified by all the charred bodies, especially not knowing if I was one of them.

Luckily, the men charged with bringing back the dead were just as eager to get there. The thought of leaving their comrades abandoned and baking in the sun contorted their faces with desperation. We sped through the city.

The sun had set behind the forest by the time I got there. Sannil and Kalli already were inside the farmhouse. They wept with joy upon the sight of me, and the three of us shared a hug. I wanted to give them more than just an explanation and gratitude. They’d done so much for me, eagerly putting their lives at risk for me, but all I could offer were promises never to do that to them again.

It seemed so inadequate. Guilt felt like a cage around my heart, squeezing tighter the more I tried to apologize. My stomach coiled into a knot, and then the tears came. I wasn’t even sure what specifically had made me cry, but I was weeping furiously.

Kalli shushed me lovingly and held me as I cried on her shoulder. Was this sudden outburst purely from guilt? From seeing my family cry? Perhaps from killing Exo? Was it from all the death I’d witnessed? Was it because I might never get to hold Lisanda again? Was it coming to terms with there being no cure for my darkness?

My thoughts cycled through one after the other so quickly it made me dizzy. I figured it was everything…that Micah Vail was right—a lot had happened to me, and my mind hadn’t had time to process it all.

The next few days were incredibly tough on me. I read the nameless woman’s journal in every spare moment. Not wanting to make marks within it, I started my own journal with notes I wanted to remember and experiments I needed to try.

A couple of her trials felt adequate enough just reading about them without reproduction. Numerous times, she’d tried cutting herself before sleeping, each time describing the length and depth of the cut. The Sartious Energy seemed more likely to direct itself out of her open wound the longer and deeper her cut was. I wasn’t sure how this helped, however, so I didn’t feel the need to try it myself.

She found that if she consumed enough alcohol to produce vomiting and unconsciousness, she wouldn’t have the nightmares or the cuts. Her theory was that her body was unable to draw in a poisonous amount of SE after being so intoxicated with alcohol. Again, I didn’t feel the need to try it myself. My darkness was bad, but not that bad.

Her focus in the latter parts of the journal switched to meditation habits—something mages learned early on. It was the easiest way to regain energy without sleeping or eating. Meditation was about opening up our bodies to take in energy while in a relaxed state to rest our minds during the process.

With enough practice, eventually our bodies learned to draw in the energy on their own. She believed there was a method of what she called “dis-meditation” or “dismed” for short. Essentially, it was teaching our bodies to block energy on their own using the opposite idea as regular meditation.

The problem was its difficulty. Our bodies naturally contain both Bastial and Sartious Energy. To force energy out of me and then keep it out was like blowing out air and then holding my breath—simple so far, I just had to focus on the task. But her idea was to have our bodies naturally reject the energy without using our minds to focus on doing it. This would allow us to fall asleep while still preventing SE from entering our bodies.